I remember reading a NDE, where the person was recalling a conversation with an entity they perceived as God or Jesus. I think the person was complaining about how hard their life was. The entity basically said, I never said it would be easy. I think on that sometimes. I still say the lesson you are learning applies to everyone. We are all at different spots in our education if you will. This is the time you perhaps chose to grasp it. If you hadn't had the previous experiences, would you be in the place to learn what you are learning? Most likely not. Self awareness, especially a high level of self awareness is not a pleasant thing. Especially, when you find yourself lacking. Personally, I see things I need to change, but I really don't know if I can. Then I wonder is it because I am not capable of changing or if I just don't want to. I have never been in the military this life. I know this sounds really strange, but I miss it. I sometimes wish I had done it. I seriously considered West Point at one point. It's in my blood so to speak. I don't relish the idea of being someone else's instrument, though. I also couldn't be a reinactor of any of the time periods I am interested in. LoL I think I'd be too into it. One thing I have thought of though is this. The conflicts I have experienced in this life were non life threatening. So as I see some of the crappier aspects of human nature, I am able to survive it and ruminate on it in the present. In the past you were probably just dead. Also, Jim, if you hadn't lived your life the way you did as Brian Boru, I wouldn't be here. He was a direct ancestor of mine. So there's that for you.