Petrichor
Senior Member
There's probably a thread somewhere about something similar but I recently had an experience that was heart-breaking, in a way, even though it was something that seems rather harmless and innocent.
Ever since I remembered one of my past lives as a teen, I had been wanting to go to a place where I know I lived some of that past life. I swore that I wouldn't look at any pictures of that area because I wanted to be there to see it for the first time in this life. However, I'm still rather young and haven't had the financial means to travel there. At one point I gave up on the whole idea, because I got it in my head that I would have to get rid of the influence of my past, and decided that dwelling in a memory of a place that wouldn't be like I remember it anyway, wouldn't do me any good. (The sad thing is that I had one chance to go abroad when I graduated uni and had some of my student loan left but because of that stupid resolve I spent it on a trip elsewhere instead.)
Soo, after something triggered my past life memories again and I couldn't push them away any longer I sort of cracked and went to look at pictures of my old hometown, and was even able to find exactly where I had lived, on Google Maps. At first my attention was captured by what was and wasn't there before, but then...
I realized that ever since I had moved on my own in this life, I had subconsciously tried to recreate the living environment, from the location to the tiniest details that I loved from that old place, like windowsills.
Somehow it felt heart-breaking. That while I was consciously trying to turn away from the memory of that place, I was still subconsciously so tied to it that all of the places I lived in during my university years and after that as well, have resembled it in small but so deliberate ways, when I really looked at things, and whenever I've been asked where I would want to live or what kind of house I would built the resemblance was even more blatant.
So... I guess my point is that I'm glad I was reminded in such a gentle way that running away from unresolved past feelings just plain doesn't work.
Ever since I remembered one of my past lives as a teen, I had been wanting to go to a place where I know I lived some of that past life. I swore that I wouldn't look at any pictures of that area because I wanted to be there to see it for the first time in this life. However, I'm still rather young and haven't had the financial means to travel there. At one point I gave up on the whole idea, because I got it in my head that I would have to get rid of the influence of my past, and decided that dwelling in a memory of a place that wouldn't be like I remember it anyway, wouldn't do me any good. (The sad thing is that I had one chance to go abroad when I graduated uni and had some of my student loan left but because of that stupid resolve I spent it on a trip elsewhere instead.)
Soo, after something triggered my past life memories again and I couldn't push them away any longer I sort of cracked and went to look at pictures of my old hometown, and was even able to find exactly where I had lived, on Google Maps. At first my attention was captured by what was and wasn't there before, but then...
I realized that ever since I had moved on my own in this life, I had subconsciously tried to recreate the living environment, from the location to the tiniest details that I loved from that old place, like windowsills.
Somehow it felt heart-breaking. That while I was consciously trying to turn away from the memory of that place, I was still subconsciously so tied to it that all of the places I lived in during my university years and after that as well, have resembled it in small but so deliberate ways, when I really looked at things, and whenever I've been asked where I would want to live or what kind of house I would built the resemblance was even more blatant.
So... I guess my point is that I'm glad I was reminded in such a gentle way that running away from unresolved past feelings just plain doesn't work.