Few lives I had children, most I didn't. In this life, I was rather blah about it, although I am extremely grateful for my children. I have ran into the idea that you find moksha when you are usually childless so I can see where the idea is implanted.
Since I was a small child, I have told people I am on my last leg. Maybe one more, maybe two. This "feeling" never changed, even with children. What did change was a responsibility to THIS life to make sure that all my obligations are met before I can move on.
At one time I was suicidal, without throwing a pity party, my ex was abusive and mentally ill and took everything out on me, and then I moved in with my family where I was the favorite target of a psychopath (was diagnosed, not me being flippant). I had the method, as sure fire as I could get it, plans, date...everything. I also had an 8 year old. While he would have been taken care of, and things would have been ok for him...I could never shake that responsibility to actually do it. I was not finished here, I had a weight on me that I had to wait until my son was an adult before I could go. Ultimately, that was the whole reason for not doing it. Then I had another child (and things got a lot better...perm solution to temp problem and all that). I got the flu, almost died from it and fought harder to live then anything I had ever done. Because I wasn't finished here. I had a responsibility. (My son was an adult, my daughter 4). Same reason why I can't really be terrified of covid, I take the precautions and have faith that I will not die from it because I'm not done with my responsibilities.
I still feel like I am on my last lives. I still feel like I have one or two more left.