• Thank you to Carol and Steve Bowman, the forum owners, for our new upgrade!

Emily won't take a bath

Blueheart

Senior Member
I am hoping some parents here will have some suggestions for us.

My youngest child, Emily, just turned 2 in November. She used to love bath time, turning it into an elaborate ritual, choosing what toys to throw in, ripping off her socks, trying to get in before the rest of her clothes were off and so on. Then just a few weeks ago she developed an absolute fear of her bath. Or perhaps TERROR is a better word. The resulting tears, screaming, and scrambling to get out of the tub has been quite an ordeal for all of us.

We have tried switching bath time, letting her Dad give the bath, sponge baths on the counter near the sink, letting the water run without filling the tub, (great for water conservation, I know, but this was an emergency!) and holding her in the shower. I got huge scratches on my back for that last one.

I have, of course, reassured her that I will not let anything happen to her. I tried to remind her how much she loved her baths, and when it was all over, I asked her if she was OK, and she said she was fine. Her comments have only been that it is “scary,” that she doesn’t like “Mommy’s bath” but this Mommy doesn’t seem to be me, and my personal favorite, “Don’t want baths ANYMORE!”
 
hug3.gifhug3.gif


You are not alone! I can sure relate to that. My youngest son has been utterly terrified of baths of any shape or form since the minute he was born.


He will do those same things, screaming, crying, trying to get out of the tub. He calls for me when his dad bathes him, but when I come he, he just wants me to get him out of there. When I bathe him, he doesn't call for his dad, but he doesn't behave any less terrified.


Sinks, bathtubs, showers...nothing makes a difference. He is especially terrified of water on his head and face. I also don't like it, and neither does my mom.


I too have tried all the common reassurances. I'm debating working with him in his sleep or as he falls asleep to try and ingrain that baths are safe now.


One thing that helps a LITTLE :laugh: is to let my son hold the washcloth when I'm cleaning his hair/face. He believes he has control over it, and that helps him.


Last month, he had a procedure done involving sticking things up into his sinuses. He cried and squirmed and the doctor felt SO bad and was apologizing. I told him "That's nothing. You should see bathtime." :laugh::laugh:
 
Hi Blueheart, welcome to the forum - :)


It's strange how Emily went from loving her bath to fearing it so much. You said that she doesn't like "Mommy's bath", is there any particular reason why you feel that you are not the "Mommy" that she is referring to here? Has she said anything else to indicate this?


Have you tried climbing into the bath with her and holding on to her? Maybe that would make her feel a bit more secure. You're certainly doing the right thing by reassuring her that you'll let no harm come to her, let's hope it's just a phase that she'll come through on her own.


Sorry I can't give you any advice, maybe some of the other members here have had a similar experience and can help you.


Chris
 
Hi Blueheart.


Welcome to the forum.

I have, of course, reassured her that I will not let anything happen to her. I tried to remind her how much she loved her baths, and when it was all over, I asked her if she was OK, and she said she was fine. Her comments have only been that it is “scary,” that she doesn’t like “Mommy’s bath” but this Mommy doesn’t seem to be me, and my personal favorite, “Don’t want baths ANYMORE!”
This is a tricky one. Many children will take a sudden dislike to bathing about this age. It's not always easy to understand why this is. It may be to do with some past life trauma related to water or drowning or it might be as simple as having got soap in her eyes at some point.


Children can suddenly become very willful at this age in any number of ways, where once they were perfectly sweet and amenable babies. They don't call it 'the terrible twos' for no reason! They will suddenly decide they won't wear shoes or get into the car or have anyone brush their hair. They will find all sorts of ways to try out the wonderful new word 'No!'. It is all part of developing their own personality and learning how to assert themselves in the world (and can be very trying for their parents!). They will also tend to grow out of it before long, but in the meantime I understand how upsetting it can be for everyone.


Just a bit of common sense parental advice for starters before we get into anything esoteric! I have two children and went through similar stuff with both of them. You are not alone!


It is not really much use talking to most two-year-olds with logical agruments or appealing to their sense of reason ("But you used to like your bath!"). Little children tend to think in very concrete terms and are only really concerned with the present and the very immediate future. You don't have to 'talk down' to them, but you do need to keep it simple.


In a case like this I would try simple bribery for starters. Promise (and deliver) a much loved reward to immediately follow 'tolerable' bath behaviour - such as a special story or game, or a favourite movie and a big cuddle from Daddy (or similar). Don't use food or sweets, as this sets a bad precedent.


Start off small, with a sponge bath in ankle deep water and as Alaskandaughter suggests, let her hold the wash cloth and do her own face. Under no circumstances get any water on the child's head or in her eyes. If her hair is unwashed or she's a bit grubby round the edges for a couple of days it's not that big a deal in the scheme of things. If she refuses to take a bath or is very naughty at bath time - take away the reward and put her straight to bed without ceremony instead. Studiously ignore any tantrums which may ensue. Attention is what children this age crave above all else. Make sure she gets all sorts of positive attention when she behaves well and minimal attention when she is naughty. You will only have to do this a couple of times and she will work it out! But you will have to be firm and very consistent. Little children this age actually tend to feel better and more secure when they understand 'the rules'.


However, all that said, once you have tried this for a couple of weeks if things don't settle down (especially if they get any worse) and you think this is more than normal two-year-old willfullness, maybe there will be a need to dig deeper. When you say 'Mommy doesn't seem to be me' - what do you mean? Is there something she has said, or the tone of voice or...? It is possible some past life memory is surfacing, as they can do at this age, and she associates the bath with some unpleasantness from the past.


Maybe when she is in a calm mood (in the back seat of the car while driving is good) you can ask her why she doesn't like "Mommy's bath"?
 
That is out of the ordinary to switch patterns now. I wouldn't push it as she does sound terrified.. Give her a sponge bath instead for a few days and then get back this time asking her if she thinks it would be better to be all nice and clean with a real bath.. Although too young to really understand.. Mmmm??? You have to find something positive to find around being in water. How is she in a pool.. Is it just baths or is it water??


There is the emotionally triggered event geared to age.. I had one at age 16 when I did not want to live.. I had no idea why but later remembered the experience in a past life. This related to my age at a severely traumatic event in my past life. My feeling came and went quickly, so to speak and i did not continue to feel so outwardly depressed .. ie I did not continue to say that to myself , but I did have to return to that trigger later on in life when I started regression therapy.
 
Hi Blueheart!


Oh, boy, I have two kids myself too and they are full of surprises allright! The youngest has not reached the terrible twos yet, but I remember my oldest at two years old VERY well :laugh:!


You have very good suggestions in here already, I think. Something came to my mind, though: try letting her bathe YOU. Take her to the bathroom, get yourself in the tub and hand her the sponge. Let her do it fully clothed and with perfect knowledge that this is your bathtime, not hers, and don't try to bathe her right afterwards. It's ok if she gets all wet (as Tanguerra said, it is not very important in the scheme of things :thumbsup:), just make sure you both have fun!


Maybe it's a crazy idea, but I would try it! :)
 
Welcome to the forum, Blueheart. :)


Thanks for sharing about Emily. My daughter, Stella, is exactly her age (turned 2 in November) and although she usually likes to take showers, she's a very strong-willed little girl, and I definitely feel for you. :eek:


I'm also interested in why you think she's talking about another Mommy than you? I do think her change of behaviour and such strong reactions are something that could stem from past lives, but on the other hand children at this age are so tricky you never know.


Does Emily have a doll or a toy she could and might like to give a bath to? Sometimes when Stella is tired in the morning and throws a tantrum about getting up and going to the shower with one of us, we let her choose from the toys she can bathe there while in the shower, and she usually gets excited about the idea. :)


Karoliina
 
Hi Blueheart,


Welcome to the forum :)


My friend's son went through a similar bath-time phase not too long ago. He loves to color, so she finally went out and bought some of the crayola bath products for him to use - only in the tub.


The first time they used them, his Daddy got in the tub with them and used the finger paint and crayons - he wanted to play, too, but his Mom and Dad said, "These are only for bathtime. Only kids who have a bath can play with them."


The next night they went through a little ritual about making the water in the tub a different color with bubbles - and the little guy was so excited he climbed right in! His reward - he got to use the bath crayons.


You may want to try something similar with your daughter. My niece, who is 2, loves to use the crayons. :)


You can take a look at some of the crayola products here.


I agree with the others - kids this age can be a bit tricky and go from loving something to disliking it without a really good reason. I'd concentrate on finding a way to get her to like it again - and if the behavior continues, maybe look to other reasons for the behavior.


Good luck!


Aili
 
Thank you all for your responses! You’ve given me some good ideas to try next time, but I can see that I need to explain the situation a little better. Emily is our second child and I have two much younger brothers, so I am not unfamiliar with the ‘terrible twos’. This reaction, while similar in some ways to a tantrum, was markedly different.


One day, Emily was throwing her toys in the bath, pretending they were in a boat, or splashing around. In short, having a grand-old-time in the tub. The following day was her sister’s turn and Emily was in and out of the bathroom during the procedure, and other than the fact that she did not ask to get into the tub with her sister, which was normally what she would do, she seemed fine with it. The next day, however, something changed.


The pre-bath time routine proceeded as usual, but when I plugged the tub and turned on the water she froze for a moment, watching the water start to fill the tub, and then her face just crumpled and she backed up into the corner. Knowing that she is a two year old and can be willful I braced myself for the tantrum that seemed to be eminent. I told her that we would make it a quick bath, picked her up and placed her in the tub. And that’s when she started screaming. Most of you are mothers, so you probably know what I am talking about when I say this was a scream I‘ve never heard before. It was not stubbornness, over-stimulation, anger, fatigue, etc. It was terror, plain and simple. And not of the I-just-saw-a-bug-so-I’m-hiding-behind-Mommy variety. This was a scream that raised the hair on the back of my neck. Then she clung onto me for dear life while I tried to get her out of there as fast as I could. Afterwards, instead of pouting, holding a grudge, or telling me to go away as she normally would post-tantrum, she needed lots of hugs and reassurance that I loved her.


And this has been going on for several weeks now. The bath after the first one, she went from trying to scramble over my shoulder and out of the tub to hanging on to me with one hand while she frantically fished her plastic lion out with the other hand. It had fallen from her hand into the tub and she started screaming, “Lion! Lion!” after it as if she had to save it from drowning.


Incidentally, her sister’s swimming lessons have started up again after the winter break, and Emily was just as eager as ever to go with her to the pool. She also washes her face and hands in the sink with no problems. It seems to be the bathtub that she is avoiding now.


The Mommy comment was something her Dad overheard, so I’m not really clear on it myself. He said she was sort-of moaning and mumbling as she calmed herself down after a bath, and that is how he understood it.
 
I would think as long as you are aware of it something will come along for you to help her .. Keeping your eyes out like you are doing is great. It is when a child has a fear go unnoticed that damage can be done.


Since this is a reincarnation forum,, here is my water phobia story.. My dad since growing up did not like the water. He would go in up to his tummy , but no way any further. At one point when he got older he just got plain phobic about it.. running out of the rain in fear, not taking baths nor showers { just bird baths.}


I recently had a memory of him being with me as a freind , we being both males. I had convinced him to join me on a ship voyage as a hand deck. Well the ship went down and we both drowned. This guilt has always affected my relationship with him , as well as another life.


So maybe watch to see if she is reacting to anybody in the family... It sounds like you are a good investigator.. Good luck...


soulfreindly
 
Blueheart, your description of your daughter's reaction sounds JUST LIKE my son, except my son has done this since birth. Those screams of terror just break my heart. :( Unfortunately, I don't have a good solution for you since we haven't found a solution yet for my son. LOL


I would like to try the bath crayons and letting him bathe something else, so thanks for those ideas WA and Aili. :)


I am going to try talking to my son as he falls asleep, and maybe you can try that also.
 
Thanks for the other post, Blueheart. You are her mother and know better than the rest of us here, when something is out of the ordinary.


I think Alaskanlaughter's suggestion of talking to her, reassuring her while she's asleep, is a good one. Let us know how things will develop!


Karoliina
 
Well, to be honest it is quite common for a child of that age to become senselessly terrified of taking a bath. I had one that did it and it ended just as fast and suddenly as it started. I still have no idea why she didn't like it. Luckily, she did out grow the fear after a few months but those were some of the mosts difficult for us as a family. Anyway, I don't know what to tell you other than perhaps bathe her in a pan of water away from the bathroom. That is what I did and it calmed her fears long enough for me to at least get her clean. Then one day I was bathing her little sister in the bathtub and she took off her clothes and hopped in and started playing. I don't know what caused it but I am told it is quite common.


I know you said it was like a terror kind of fear and yes my daughter did that too. I didn't make her bath in the bath tub. I couldnt stand that she was so frightened of it. So I just bathed her in one of those bucket like pans in the living room. You know like one of those you get from the hospital.


I hope your daughter feels better soon.


Lania
 
The pre-bath time routine proceeded as usual, but when I plugged the tub and turned on the water she froze for a moment, watching the water start to fill the tub, and then her face just crumpled and she backed up into the corner...
Ah I see! So, her reaction seems to be much more than just a 'normal' two-year-old bit of willfulness. All of the above advice is still good, and I would still try out some of these 'basic' things that people have suggested. But on top of this, about this age (between two and three) is when many small children will start to have 'flashbacks' of past-lives, although they may not fully understand what is going on themselves. I had such things when I was little and I didn't really know what it was either - I just had all this 'stuff' in my head, although I don't remember being particularly distressed by it - although I used to have nightmares about 'murder' quite a lot which used to upset me. Now I interpret these as past life memories, but back then I didn't know what it was all about.


As you say, she was tossing her toys into the bath and pretending it was a boat a bit before all the fuss started and she seemed to react as if the lion might drown. Children often use this kind of imaginary play to 'act things out'. Perhaps she is recalling some kind of boat-related past life tragedy when she or someone she knew drowned? Maybe she would feel better if she could articulate the fear more clearly and get it off her chest?


One way to determine exactly what is the matter is to observe her playing, or even ask her to show you with her toys why she is afraid of the bath (but maybe in a bucket of water if the bath is too scary). Or you could make her a little 'boat' out of a cardboard box or something and ask her to tell you a 'story' about it or just casually watch her playing out of the corner of your eye. She is probably too little to draw yet, but that can be another way of helping little kids to express what is troubling them.


Has she been having any nightmares - particularly anything about boats or water? This can sometimes also be a sign of something turbulent coming up.


In the meantime, lots of cuddles and reassurances that she is safe now is the way to go. Hopefully this will all just disappear as suddenly as it emerged.
 
Hello Blueheart,


The first thought I had when I read your first post was....This is going to sound terrible....that your child may have been drown by her mother in her past life. The feeling was so strong that I googled to get some information and was amazed at how many poor little children have met that fate at the hands of their mother in a bath tub.


Gosh...I sincerely hope I'm wrong and just being dramatic..but it was my immediate thought when I read your daughters extreme reaction and her mumbling that she didn't like her mommies bath.


To make scratch marks on her mothers shoulder is not just the terrible two's. The terrible two's is just learning how to say NO...(people have been telling THEM no for two years) It is not about being terrified...


As a suggestion..all I can offer is to have her father give her a bath for a while....Take the mother figure out of the picture...and see if that helps...
 
I had the same first thought as Florence, especially because of your daughter's comment about "mommy's bath". I wouldn't necessarily take the scratching as more than terrible two's, though. My nephews have been known to kick and bite and punch sometimes when they had a tantrum. Kids that age can be surprisingly strong too.
 
Hi again, everyone! I wish I had something more to report, but not much has changed. Emily does seem to be working it through her psyche, though.


One night Emily came in to the bathroom when her sister was getting a bath. I asked her if she wanted to help bathe her but Emily said,"No, thanks." When her sister was drying off, Emily ran up to her and hugged her and asked, "You OK? You OK?"


Then a few days later she was playing with her house and I overheard her give the little girl a bath. Normally, she would have the girl eat and go to bed, so that was definately a change.
 
I am glad Emily may be on the road to working it out.. how lovely for her that she has such a supportive mom... Good going.. :thumbsup:


Keep us posted..


soulfreindly
 
Oh yes, Blueheart, these are good news! I hope Emily keeps on working through her issues, and I think you are both doing a great job! :)
 
I have an Emily update.


Two months ago my Mom was visiting us. She noticed that right after one of Emily’s quick baths, Emily took her ‘Dora’ doll and smashed her over and over again on top of ‘Boots’. This Boots toy is laying back, face up, in an inner tube. The posture is similar to, while admittedly not exactly like, an infant in a baby bath. After this one incident, I have never seen her repeat this kind-of violent play, with Dora or with any other toy.


Then, just a few nights ago, Emily stood up in the middle of dinner and announced that, “I like baths!”


“You do?”


“Yes! Come on. Let’s Go!”


So my Husband and I humored her. We started the water running, and Emily had a good time throwing in her toys, getting undressed, and playing in the tub, just like she used to do. She even stretched out in the water and pretended to swim. Weird, huh?
 
Hei Blueheart!


Thanks for the update - I have more than once wondered how little Emily would be doing!


I'm so happy to know that she is doing so much better!


It's a peculiar thing - the doll incident. She probably "acted out" her feelings that way, so that she can put whatever may have happened behind her.


I am aware that most kids come out of phases "just like that". One day they hate something, the next they just love it. :rolleyes: But in your case, I do feel that there may be more to it - that it may very well be past life related.


Anyway, I was really glad to hear such good news!! :thumbsup:
 
Thanks for the update Blueheart, I'm glad Emily is enjoying bathtime again :D
 
This is for Blueheart~


It really sounds like your daughter Emily had a pastlife flashback of a violent bath scene with her former mother. The doll smashing that grandma witnessed is the clencher; this is what Emily experienced in her PL. Then asking her sister if she was "okay" after a bath is another sign of probable pastlife abuse.


As she grows up I think she may begin to relate more of this lifetime if she continues to remember it. Keep the love and communication open and reassure her that she is safe and loved. You could even say; "The bad mommy will NEVER give you a bath again"! That might resolve it immediately. I'm glad she is taking baths again! :thumbsup:


Thanks for the update!


~Zengirl
 
Just a quick update . . .


Emily has been taking baths now for quite some time. Sometimes with enthusiasm, but sometimes with a lot of anxiety, although not nearly as bad as when she was terrified of 'Mommy's bath.' I've been wondering if her fear went a little deeper, so after one of her anxious baths I asked her why she was afraid of the water. Her answer: "because of the body bog."
 
HI Blueheart,


I did a quick search for body bog - and this is what came up:-

Bog bodies, also known as bog people, are preserved human bodies found in sphagnum bogs in Northern Europe, Great Britain and Ireland. Unlike most ancient human remains, bog bodies have retained their skin and internal organs due to the unusual conditions of the surrounding area. These conditions include highly acidic water, cold temperature, and a lack of oxygen, combining to preserve but severely tan their skin.
Very intriguing addition. I think you're on to something. :D
 
Hi Blueheart,


I too agree with some others here that your daughter's reactions to baths seem unusual. I was a foster carer for 20 years and it was my experience that most children of this age love bathtime. Indeed, the problem can be getting them out of one! My own son used to stuff the wash cloth in the plug hole and sit on it to stop the water going out when I pulled the plug!

Angelcat :)
 
Hi Blueheart! Thanks so much for the update! I'm glad to know that Emily is having less trouble with her baths now!


The body bog reference is quite intriguing though - wow. I wonder what she experienced.... it must have been traumatic and frightening, poor thing! Did she ever say anything else that may be related to this?


Angelcat, I was amazed by your memories of the marsh and the dead girl - and they are a great input here!


Let us know if anything new comes up, will you?


Thank you!


Love


Welsh
 
Thanks, Angelcat. That thread was interesting.


At 2 1/2 I was really surprised that she came up with the word "bog," much less "body bog." :eek: My husband and I are both history buffs, but I'm certain she would not have seen anything like that at home.
 
Back
Top