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Family not understanding beliefs.

indigobutterfly

New Member
*sigh* So, it's been a long time since I've been on here! Life got busy I guess.

Well, my son and I were going to go to San Diego to visit my sister next week. I got an email yesterday saying that she doesn't want me to visit, because I believe in reincarnation. That, and the signature on the bottom of my emails "drive her crazy." (He is able who thinks he is able~Buddha) She said that she doesn't want me around her 3 y.o. daughter because of the reincarnation thing. She said she remembers my son telling her that he remembered his past lives in Egypt and Japan, and that concerns her. My sister is a Christian. She thinks that everyone who is not a Christian is going to burn in hell. I just wrote to her and told her that I won't argue my belief system because I believe that we all have free will as to what we believe. It's pretty sad, though, that she thinks my beliefs are so bad that she won't let me be around her daughter. She had a new baby in April, and I wanted to meet her. :( This makes me so sad. SO SAD.

Anyway, do any of you have issues like this? My friends who also believe in reincarnation, and have family member who don't, said that their families just agree to not talk about their beliefs around each other. That's what I usually do when I'm around my sister...avoid the topic. So, I guess this was a total shocker to me.

icon_cry.gif
 
Maybe you could ask your sister why Jesus didn't get all upset when they asked him: "Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?" (John 9:2)


...Or what Jesus meant when by verses Matthew 17: 12-13:


[12 But I say unto you, That Elias is come already, and they knew him not, but have done unto him whatsoever they listed. Likewise shall also the Son of man suffer of them.


13 Then the disciples understood that he spake unto them of John the Baptist.]
 
((((Indigobutterfly)))))) hug2.gif


Advising others on what to believe and what not to believe is never a good idea. Bad move on your sisters part. :rolleyes: Perhaps the best approach would be to stay focused on the here and now.


Too bad really - what is lost by her reaction is the LOVE that should be between you two and the children. Nothing else matters.
 
Indigobutterfly...


Sorry no ideas of how to change your sisters viewpoint.


Your sister's beliefs and her advice for you not to have yours, puts you in a box... And a butterfly cannot survive in a box... You need to fly..


Sad... as a sister is hard one to part with.. hug3.gif


If it continues and your niece is of age for an email address you could try and keep in touch with the children via email . at least keeping it open to having them in their life.


soulfreindly
 
Aww, thanks everyone for helping me digest what's happened. And thanks for the cyber hugs! Right now that's the best kind (I crashed on my bicycle Friday and ended up w/concussion and road rash. My helmet is dented! My angels were watching out for me).


Jody~Thanks for the exact verses in the Bible. I couldn't remember where that was. I just told her that I won't argue my beliefs, but that if she studied the Bible and Jesus more, she'd see that he DID teach about reincarnation. Thank you for showing me where that was. :)


Deborah~I agree completely. I love my nieces so much (haven't met Miss Ashley yet). It hurt so much that she would deprive her kiddos from love from their auntie because auntie is a 'wack a doo.' I don't preach my beliefs and I wish she wouldn't judge me for them.


Thanks, Soulfriendly. Yeah, I hope that my nieces will want to have a relationship with me. I have a ways to wait for email. :) They're only 3 and 2 months old. I can only send them my love and hope that their mom changes her tune. My sister and I never were very close, but as adults I've tried to reach out to her. I know we chose to be in this family this time around...and that this is all for growth. But, it sucks. :rolleyes:


Thanks again, everyone. It means a lot to me that you helped me out on this. My son and I will just have to focus on OUR beaches, not San Diego's. ;)
 
Hi indigobutterfly, I'm sorry to hear about your accident, I hope you wasn't hurt too badly and that you are all fixed up now.


It makes me really sad when I hear things like that about your sister. For me personally, in my life, and with no disrespect to any of our religious members reading this, I've seen the bad side of religion outweigh the good. As stardis said recently in another thread, a lot of things in life we have to put down to faith. Your sister is very lucky that you don't share the same attitude as she does, and that you allow her the freedom to believe in whatever she chooses to believe in, it's a pity that she can't do likewise for you. I can only imagine that she must feel slightly uncomfortable with her own faith if she's so scared of yours. I hope that she will one day see sense and allow you to see your niece. Here's another cyber-hug for you hug2.gif


Chris
 
Dear Indigobutterfly,


I've had a couple relatives in life who sound much like your sister, and for the sake of the children I'm sorry to hear of the problem. As adults we can live through things like this, but the children are irrepairably harmed because they don't have the insite to understand.


One particular cousin has alienated everybody in the family. If it were just he and I then I would look to myself for resolution. But, it's everybody... So, he and I will live our lives as strangers to one another.


While I'm sure you could go for the visit and "shelve" your beliefs for the sake of the family, that your sister does not want you there tells me your presence causes her to question her own faith. I had an uncle who lived life as a Christian, went to church and even taught Sunday School yet he did not believe in God. Now figure that one out!


While emotionally painful for you and your kids, ultimately her kids are going to start asking questions. Or, something will happen in her life that will shake her core values and she will seek the answers. I can tell you in my past: I was a non-believer until the day I read the book "The Third Eye". When I closed that book I was a believer, and my life turned around for me.


Everything happens for a reason and that 'thing' has not yet happened for her. Give it the moment. The change is not that far away. But, its something that must happen to her and she must deal with it; nobody else can do it for her.


Carl
 
Hello IndigoB... I was sad to read your post. I'm so sorry you've encountered this problem. Others have given wonderful thoughts and advice. I've found that in difficult, misunderstood situations like this a heart-filled letter sometimes does the trick. There you can compose your thoughts in a kind and loving way, free from the emotions. This hand written, sincere composition will rest in her hands. I wouldn't try to discuss your beliefs (nor deny them!) but merely express your love for her and her children. Your kindness and compassion hopefully will speak to her purported faith.


For me there is one lesson greater than most in reincarnation and that is it has opened my eyes to the value of everyones beliefs and doctrine. I believe in God and I know with some certainty now, that This Creator has manifested Him/Herself in many ways. It just makes such perfect sense. And when one looks at all of the belief systems out there you can kinda see the pattern. THE greatest hindrance to humanity, IMO, is fundamentalism. It is a suffocating weakness. The spirit of the great teacher Jesus is probably not too proud of those who cannot "see" His love and compassion in their everyday lives. As a Christian and a Reincarnationist, I believe it is my responsibility to live the lessons Jesus taught and the greatest is love-compassion-acceptance. To shun, to push aside, to hurt, to perpetuate discord and to deny is to deny the very principles Christ taught.


Be strong Indi...and accept these lessons with an open heart and mind. Offer light and prayers to your sister..they'll get to her also.


In peace


~Tman
 
Family Issues.


I can relate with the family issues in regards to your beliefs. My Dad died about 12 years ago. Six years later when my daughters were 11 and 16 my Father-in-law told them that their other Grandpa went to hell when he died because he believed in reincarnation.


I thank God that the girls were smart enough, and secure enough to not believe what he had told them.


At first I was furious that he would tell them that, then I realized he was trying to scare them so they would convert to his way of thinking. In his mind he was trying to save them. He never even realized that all it did was drive a wedge between him and them.


Over the years my oldest daughter would listen to him preach his religous ideas which mostly boiled down to fear God, hate gays, and others who were different, and God smites those who don't obey him. She didn't argue with him, but would ask (as if she were trying to understand herself) several logical questions that would force him to think. She wasn't trying to convert him to her beliefs, she was just trying to get him to think.


He would usually resolve the issue by saying it was only for God to understand, but he did seem to mellow out a bit. I pity him more than anything now, because he's had to live his life with the constant fear of eternal damnation if he didn't appease the God he created in his own image.
 
Really sorry, Butterfly,


When I was a little kid my dad made war on his brother over his brother committing adultery and leaving his wife for a long term mistress. My father is not even a Christian, really. He is a scientist and sort of Agnostic, by persuasion. Just damned judgemental, and as the older brother he felt he could preach.


I only have 3 cousins, and 2 of them were his brothers children. I have never seen them since. That happened when I was about 8. I am now 48.


I do think the advice here, try to write a very gentle letter, turn away anger. Let the children still see each other, if possible is correct.


I am really having a lot of difficulty of late, with this American Christian downer on Reincarnation beliefs. I am not American. I am a Brit who has lived a lot in Canada.


I went to one of Henry Bolduc's courses in the States and all the maids in this hotel believed the most unreal things about us all. As we were on a reincarnation course. They got up an idea that we thought our relatives came back as pets, cause some people had pics of their pets on their bedside tables. They were leaving the Evangelist Christian TV channels on in all our rooms. Slowly, over the course of over a week we were finding out what these maids - Evangelic Christians - THOUGHT we believed. It was damned scary! No wonder people got burnt at stakes!


We DID try to educate them, but I am not sure we got anywhere. I felt like they felt we were all Devil worshippers.


Wow is this really 2009? That was 2007 or so, but it seems to me it gets WORSE. Sad.
 
As with everyone else, I'm saddened to hear about your sister.


My immediate family is Christian so I can sympathise. My sister knows a little of my beliefs towards recincarnation even if she doesn't believe herself or fully understand. My mother, on the other hand would be horrified if she knew and would be certain that I'd burn in hell for it and that I was being "deceived by Satan". Were I to explain that I believe in God as in the creator of the universe (who is a being of uncoditional love) and not the God of westernised, Romanised Christianity (a being of seething, unending wrath and vengeance whose love is conditional and exclusive), I know it would get me absolutely nowhere. To her mind, everyone who is not a Christian "belongs to the devil".


Anyway, you might want to show your sister this. It also has a nice section on Christianity and reincarnation which should address all her issues. The funny thing with a lot of Christians (as pointed out by the poster above) they do not actually know or understand anything about reincarnation yet are so rabid in their condemnation of it.


Anyway, I hope your sister one day finds the courage to step out of her theological straitjacket. It's such a shame that one would let religion divide an otherwise happy family.
 
Wrath


Speaking of unending wrath, my daughter asked her Grandpa, "If wrath is one of the seven deadly sins, and the bible speaks of Gods wrath, doesn't that mean that God sins?" This question caused him some discomfort, but he resolved it by saying that God is above all that, and can do what he wants.
 
Ah yes, the old double standard. That's stumped a lot of Christians hung up on a belief in a God of wrath. But the Bible also says God is "slow to anger..." and also says God is love and lists, amongst love's many attributes patience and kindness (and what would be kind about torturing people in hell for all eternity?).


As you say, Val the answer you'll get is "God is Sovereign and his standards and judgements are higher than ours" and told you're applying human reasoning to divine actions. To that I tend to respond that it is they who are doing this by anthromporphising (-sp?) God.


All of this makes sense once it becomes accepted that the Bible was written and assembled by flesh and blood human beings and not God.


The thing is, when I was growing up I used to ask lots of "deep" questions about life in general. My mother believed Christianity and the Bible would give me answers, but it mainly left me with more questions as some of the fixed, dogmatic principles of the religion just didn't seem to gel with the real world or what I felt in my heart. It was the rediscovery of reincarnation (something I actually believed to be true from very young before having it wiped away by religion) that answered those questions.
 
Ah, sisters!


I’m sorry to say that, unlike others who have responded to your post, I had to laugh. Yes, I’m sorry for the troubles between you and your sister, but this reminded me of a long time ago when two of my sisters didn’t speak to each other for something like 12 years. If I remember right (and I may be mistaken) the problem originated at a family gathering. Sister A’s child spilled something and Sister B got upset. It escalated from there. One thing led to another…


They finally made up.


Matters of religion and belief are much more difficult to resolve. I am Christian and fairly religious, but I believe in reincarnation, though it’s against my church’s beliefs. Regardless what dogma teaches, I know what I’ve been shown and I can’t deny that. Of course, I may be misinterpreting what I’ve learned, but I can only put words to it from what I’ve been able to understand. Maybe it’s my imagination. Maybe it’s ancestral memory. I don’t know; but I do know what I’ve been shown; what I’ve been given.


Your sister may come around one day to an understanding, or at least a tolerance, of your beliefs, or she may not. With my family, I try to just keep my beliefs to myself, to avoid problems. My best suggestion for you is to honor her wishes, write the letter suggested above, and pray for your sister. And I don’t mean pray that you will be able to convert her to your way of thinking. (No need to proselytize.) She has her own path to follow. Just pray that she will be blessed with whatever she needs in her life. Then forgive her, and yourself, and try not to harbor ill feelings. THAT will be the hard part. Remember, she is doing the best she can with what she understands at this time of her life. She obviously feels threatened by your beliefs and feels she is protecting her children. I know that seems silly to you and me, but if you try to understand her and her motivations it might help in forgiving her.


I have learned that forgiveness is the most important thing we need to do here. If you, or your sister, continue to have ill feelings toward one another, you will carry that with you, again, and again, and again, until you and she can learn whatever it is you need to learn from this. Maybe you have already been working on this in the past. Only you can find that, and find the actual issue. It doesn’t matter what she does, now or later, but forgiveness must start somewhere, and that means it must start with you, because it sure doesn’t sound like she is in a forgiving frame of mind.
 
Calla Lilly said:
Regardless what dogma teaches, I know what I’ve been shown and I can’t deny that. Of course, I may be misinterpreting what I’ve learned, but I can only put words to it from what I’ve been able to understand. Maybe it’s my imagination. Maybe it’s ancestral memory. I don’t know; but I do know what I’ve been shown; what I’ve been given.
I just wanted to say I really like what you said. :) I think it's true for a lot of us.


Indigo, I'm sorry about your sister. Perhaps you can try and explain that you're not trying to convince her to believe what you believe?


I think it's sad that people believe God would want us to be torn apart by faith, of all things. :(
 
Hiya Indigo :)


I just wanted to add a 'cyber hug' and let you know that I was truly sorry to read your post.
 
I find the descriptions in Genesis of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and the tree of life very interesting as they may relate to past lives.


I think this line is very interesting: "Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever.


We are not suppose to know our true origins. However, a good friend told me once that when a person dies, he or she becomes the tree.


I think that we are here, on earth, to learn lessons. These could be lessons about anything. God sends us back, time and time again, until we get the lesson he is teaching us. Only then, can we join him in heaven. However, we must first eat from the tree of life. ;)
 
Thanks, everyone!


Hello, Friends~


I've felt nudged to check back here, and finally did. :) My concussion really has thrown me for a loop. I've been a bit depressed all week. My MRI is tomorrow. I just want to feel back to normal--to ME again.


Thanks for all the hugs and well-wishes. Thank you all for sharing your experiences, and taking the time to help. I did send an email, and was very loving in it. She received it, but instead sent an even more raging email. I never thought about what someone said...that the way she's reacting could be because she is questioning her own beliefs. That's really interesting to think about that. I'm just giving my sister time. And I have been sending her love, and light. I was laughing about it with some friends, too. I guess that's a good sign. When I was able to step back from it, it is sad. But, it is also funny, because it's so ridiculous. You know? I mean, she paid for my father's airfare to visit her last summer, and he abused all of us kids. So, I just shake my head when I think about how my beliefs are more threatening than a person who abused her while growing up. What has also helped me, aside from wonderful, supportive friends, is knowing that we chose to be sisters. So, I chew on that. :)


I just want to thank all of you! You each, in your own way, have all helped me in this. It warmed my heart tonight to read these posts. Thank you so much.


And now, to take some painkillers, and try to sleep. :)


Blessings to you all~~


Indi )*(
 
I hope you feel better soon, Indigobutterfly !


In reading about your experience with your sister, I could only feel sad. Indeed, as others said, it shows more about her insecurity than about your beliefs/point of view.


I can sense that you would like to keep in touch with your sis, and since she at least responded to your mail (although not in a friendly way), I think you can keep contact this way. I think the best move now would be to write her about ordinary things, some friendly chitchat, to show her that, despite the 'extraordinary' beliefs you have in her opinion, you lead a NORMAL life ! I would leave it to her to bring the reincarnation topic on again, if ever. I would not react to any 'accusations' or anything she made in her mail, or might make in the future. Just show that you can be a loving sister who's life is in the NOW. And hopefully one day she will accept you as who you are.


Best wishes!


Eevee
 
Hi, Eevee~


Thanks for your help. That's a good idea about emailing her about everyday things. That's what I had been doing for the last several years since she's known about my beliefs. I guess I'll try that again. I haven't tried to contact her since this started. We would be there right now. Oh, well.


I am blessed to have LOTS of friends whom I can be myself with. What would we do without our friends? ;)


Have a good weekend!!


)*(
 
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