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Change in gender-wish PL related?

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newstartonlife

New Member
I did a search and couldn't find anything on this, but has anyone else had trouble adjusting to their new gender? I still feel like a girl, it's hard for me to get it in my head that I'm not one anymore. I still see the world through a girl's eyes. I try acting like a guy but it comes across as just so unnatural. I feel like this is oppressing my ability to live this life to the fullest. Has anyone felt this way?
 
Hi newstartonlife,


I'm sorry you feel that way about your gender, and no, you're certainly not alone. Having remebered mostly female lives, I also find it difficult to adjust to being a male in this life, and yes it can have a big impact on your life when you constantly feel that you don't 'fit in', that your whole life just feels like one big lie, and that everything you do that is gender specific feels like you're learning how to do it for the first time. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it except make the best of what you have, and hope that you don't make the wrong choice next time. But I do understand what it's like and you have my sympathy.


Chris :)
 
I'm sorry that you are not comfortable with your gender right now. I, too, was a girl in my last life, and I remember other female lives as well. There are many times that I feel closer to the female gender, and sometimes I feel like being a guy I am acting a part rather than being the real me. It may feel like a mistake for you to be living as a male. Perhaps there is something to be learned from the experience.
 
YES!! Oh my God, that's exactly how I feel! Like I don't fit in, like I'm just an actor.


But it's not so much that I wish I were female; rather, it's that I wish I felt like a male on the inside to match my outside.


Thank you guys.


And thanks for the link, Deborah. For some reason my search didn't turn up that one. But I think that person's problem is not quite the same as mine.
 
If it's true that we often choose the circumstances of our next lives, as I suspect; your past life identity could have to do with the feeling that being a woman was not challenging enough. If so, I can tell you that being a man is really much easier. I believe it's the women who have the greatest challenges in life. When you consider how women have been disenfranchised, abused and taken for granted; being one is very hard for me to wrap my mind around. Most, but not all women are vulnerable in their circumstance, and often experience a short life while going through the pain of giving birth. And, if women are more sensitive than men, it may follow, that being sensitive carries with it the greater pain and heartbreak.


I would venture to say that most men have the best part of life, in spite of the dangers. They don't have to worry about traveling light and quick with very little luggage. They just point their noses and go. Nature is a convenient bathroom and they don't have to worry about hurting each others feelings. They don't have to waste a lot of time expressing themselves, and they don't have to worry about monthly mood swings. They could care less, if their underwear is a month old in the field, and rarely worry about how they look. They can also practice their warped sense of humor by leaving the toilet seat up.


So, why wouldn't you want to be a man? Chauvinism is very underrated. I agree that baseball and basketball are boring, but any excuse to meet with the guys can be a special event.


In all sincerity, Newstart, just go with it, and don't worry about what people think. You can acquire an interest in "guy" stuff without leaving art and fashion aside. I've discovered, through this Forum, that many people have seen the need to come into this world as a different sex, because they needed to experience life from a completely different view. If what people say is true, you've probably been a guy dozens of times. So, it shouldn't be that hard to reacclimate to this life. It's like riding a bike. So, enjoy!


-Nightrain
 
I don't hate my gender, in fact I'm getting comfortable with it, but all of my past lives (that I remember, that is, there may have been ones where this wasn't the case) have been male, and I am female in this life. I have often felt that, since I hadn't had the time to have more than one female life that I remembered yet, I was a 'beginner' at being female, so to speak.


It can certainly have a big influence on your life. I do think that there is something to be learned from the experience, however. I believe that I am a girl in this life because in all my previous lives, as a male, I was involved very heavily in wartime, conflict, and the military. That's not to say that as a female, I couldn't still do that, but I think that possibly being a female has dissuaded me from that path slightly.


Maybe you came into this life as a male so that you could experience life from a different viewpoint. I think that has happened to a lot of us.
 
Hello everybody,


I've never been regressed so I don't know wether I was male or female in my last life, but when I was little I had trouble adjusting to my sex.


I've always been a tomboy, always wanted my hair cut really short, never wore a skirt until I was elven/twelve, and I always liked boys toys and outdoor games. I never wanted a doll and I only played with cars or building blocks and I loved riding my bike, skating and practice any kind of sports. When I was four or five my parents tried and gave me a doll for christmas... I felt hurt, angry and desperate as if they couldn't see me for what I really was. I have a brother and a sister but I always preferred playing with my brother and sharing toys with him. I also had mainly male friends in primary school, because I really couldn't stand girls' games.


When I had to pick a costume for "carnival" ( like halloween in the US) I would always choose a cowboy one, or pirate or spiderman, etc...


It all lasted until the start of puberty when I finally surrendered to my body. I'm now happy to be a woman, but I always felt weird, like I didn't know how to behave or what was expected from me as a girl. I'm still "masculine", but more in my temperament than my looks.


I still love boys' stuff and my friends tease me about my taste in food, my resistance to alcohol and my love for hard rock music!!! :D


I'd love to hear if anyone else having a new gender in this life ever had these likes/dislikes behaviour.


purple
 
I have always been a girly-girl, right from when I was small. And especially considering my taste in clothes now (a Japanese fashion called gothic lolita) it's pretty obvious that my tastes haven't changed much.


However, my sister reminds me a lot of what you were describing, purple. In fact, a lot of what you said was very true for my sister. And it wasn't until she became a teenager that she became more "girly" so to speak, though you would still rarely catch her in a skirt or a dress.


I just always found it interesting considering how different we were. I remember one year for her a birthday, a friend got her a doll, while a guy friend got her this truck thing, and she spent hours with that, while I eventually inherited the doll. xD
 
It sounds like you've had one or two male lives purple ;)


I know that there's a lot more to it than girls liking boy stuff and boys to like girls' stuff, but I think it's a much harder issue for a boy to deal with than it is for a girl. For example, purple, you say you never wore a skirt until you were 11 or 12, so, you wore pants instead because wearing them made you feel more like 'yourself'? However, a boy can't wear a skirt if he doesn't feel right in pants, he can't be 'seen' to be enjoying pink, or girly toys, because that is totally unacceptable in society. Therefore, a man has to 'bottle up' these feelings, leading to a negative impact in other areas of his life, whereas a woman is free to express herself in any way she chooses, she can dress as a man, she can enjoy sports, fast cars, all the things that are traditionally 'male', there are no boundaries. So in that aspect, I think women find it much easier to live with gender issues than men do, and why so many more men want to take steps to become women than vice versa.
 
Hi newstartonlife,


Something else to think about: In the book Old Souls - the author gives an example of one of Ian Stevenson's case studies. On page 120, Tom Schoder reflects on Burma Children who remember being Japanese soldiers in 1945. The Burma HATE the Japanese. He even goes so far as to say that some of these children have even been killed for believing they were once Japanese.


When we hate something - a culture, a race, a religion, a gender, it is possible to be drawn to it. Some research shows that thoughts, feelings and emotions (consciousness) leads us to the next life.
 
When I was little I played with with my friends like any other boy would. We played sports all the time, played a lot of games that included fighting battles and things like that - all pretty standard. My dad was/is big into sport and he was going to make sure I was a sports fan too. To this day it's all we really talk about. However, I had a sister and it was not abnormal for me to play with her toys too. She had a lot of Barbie stuff and we played with her Barbies together many times. We laugh about it today, but it seemed perfectly natural at the time.


I know people who hunt, fish, build things, fix things, like cars, trucks, motorcycles, all the things that would be classified as guy stuff. Aside from sports, I never really found much interest in doing them. Where I live hunting is common. Other guys are always suprised to hear that I've never been hunting before, or I've only been fishing a few times. They always say, "Well, we're gonna have to get you out there then." I do love sports. I love the adrenaline rush that comes with competing. However, in my day-to-day life I still feel like I'm learning how to be a man. It doesn't feel like it comes naturally. I feel like I need to make a conscious effort at it.


A couple weeks ago, my friend and I thought it would be fun to rank our top 40 favorite songs and share them. As we were revealing, it became very obvious that my list was much softer than his. He had a lot of heavy metal music and I had none. I had several female performers represented that just made him role his eyes and shake his head. Honestly, his reactions made me laugh.


I unapologetically like the color purple. Pink, not so much, but purple's a good looking color. There are several sports team who use purple in their color scheme so it's OK. :D In fact, the school I'm attending has purple as it's primary color. :laugh:
 
You're absolutely right ChrisR!!


It must be really hard when it's the other way around! I can't really imagine how hard it could have been for me to grow up without being able to choose how to dress, play or behave!


The only hard part came when I started dating,because boys wouldn' easily accept my very strong/masculine nature,they used to get scared or they would try and "change" me.


I guess all this is just the obvious proof that our body really is nothing more than a shell for our soul. Sometimes we like it, sometimes we wish we had a different one.


I'm sorry to hear that so many people feels this way about their current gender (I checked out the old gender thread), but I admit that I felt less lonely sharing this with all you forum members.


A little digression now.... ;)


I love how people so different for nationality, culture, sex or age can just "sit" here and discuss all these philosophical matters because they need to learn more, or because they wanna be helpful or just for the mere pleasure of it.


Thanks everybody


purple
 
I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself, nestartonlife.


If it's any consolation, when I was a very small child (around 4-5ish) I had a similar conflict in that at school, I preferred playing with girls instead of boys and wanted to be one myself. I eventually grew out of this, but it was not until I started investigating past life phenomena that I understood what had happened to me.


Even so, I am still somewhat in touch with my feminine side (it tends to express itself through my artwork and music, for the most part, and I'm often told I'm a sensitive soul...), but I am very much a red blooded heterosexual male. :)


So my advice to you is to try and adjust; it's all you can really do. If it is true that we choose our current lives, then you chose to be male this time for a reason, so the worst thing you could do is betray your very purpose for being here. Just a bit of food for thought!
 
Thanks guys. I refuse to believe that guys don't care about each other's feelings. But I do miss the feeling of having an emotional support system that I had when I was a woman. People are much more eager to support you through your rough patches instead of just assuming that you can handle it on your own (which I can't).


How am I to adjust? I have been trying for years and have made little progress. I. Hate. This. I feel like I should emerse myself in this life and gender and experience life as a male, but I still don't feel like one.
 
Hi again, Newstart...


In spite of the apparent indifference that men show each other, I can tell you that they can be very emotional. The feelings are there -- they just keep them hidden. Humor is one of the wonderful ways that they interact, and sometimes the humor gets pretty grim. When you're all in the same situation, nothing much gets said about how they feel until after it's over. And, when it is over most guys just look at each other and laugh so hard that their bellies hurt. It's a good stress release. When you're the new guy, however, they won't give you the time of day until you've either proven yourself, or you've shared a moment of fear together. They will often make the new guy's life miserable, just to see if he crumbles or laughs it off.


As far as fear is concerned, they can be just as scared as anyone, but it's a waste of time when they need to work together. Then, you have the emotions of pride and oneupmanship with a considerable need to control. Sometimes, a man's emotion of anger will seem that they're ready to come to blows of attack from behind. If they just come to blows, however, many become the strongest of friends. Attacking from behind, however, by words or actions can be the greatest mistake that a man can make. It's all about respect. Standing up for oneself is absolutely necessary. And, standing up for someone else is honorable.


Now, we talk about love, which is difficult for men to deal with, because it's much more different than the way a woman usually loves. The guy's love gets tangled up with insecurity, fear and control; and it may seem that all he cares about is ownership. Their emotions can become very difficult to deal with, and guys will often break down and confide in another male friend over it.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that men definitely have all the emotions in the list, and they do care about each other as well as everyone else. They just do it differently. Life teaches them to keep those emotions hidden, which can become very upsetting to the women who love them.


Obviously, there is more to this than can be explained, but it really isn't as complicated as one would think, once you get comfortable in those boots. I don't claim to be an expert, but I know what men are expected to do. Of course, there are men, who don't act quite like men, so they are often shunned, only because men who have the survival instinct rely on each other so heavily, they feel that lesser men are unreliable and therefore dangerous. I've gone out on a limb by painting some people with a very wide brush. Of course, this isn't right, but I warned you that there is a whole lot more to this. It's often understood that some guys just didn't have proper role models, so those guys often are tucked safely under the wings of a more experienced male.


As Infanta posted before, you just have to accept that you came into this life as a male for a reason. You can still enjoy whatever interests you choose. All one needs to do is just do it like a man, and don't fear criticism. Stand up to it.


Forgive me, if I appear to be preaching. I only mean to help, even though I am not qualified to counsel anyone. I just know that you can be strong but gentle; understanding but resolute; and forthright but quiet -- without giving up your essential self.


-Nightrain
 
I wanted to be a male but now after reading some of these posts about men... if they are true, I just want to be a girl again. They sound very disturbed and sick-minded. Forcing someone to prove themselves before being their friend? Whatever happened to being friends with people for who they are, because you actually like them? It all seems so immature, like the cool clique at some middle school. I don't think I'd even want to be friends with people who wanted me to prove myself to them first, especially if to them that meant making my life miserable just because I'm new.


And keeping your emotions bottled up like this (and I understand why they do, because society intimidates them into doing it and I keep my emotions bottled up too and I hate it) cannot be healthy.


I miss being a girl so much. People took care of me, when I wanted something I got it. I was protected. I didn't have to work for every little thing. Then again, and this is just based on feelings, I think I was one of the prettier ones in my last life, which put me in a bit of a privileged role in that I could pretty much speak my mind and throw a tantrum and people would still want to be around me just for how I looked. Who wouldn't miss that kind of freedom?


I didn't have to stand up for myself because people stood up for me. Now that I'm a guy they don't do that anymore and instead walk all over me and use me. I hate it. And I always see what I should have done after the fact, and hate myself for not having done it, but it's so different when you're actually there than when you're thinking about how you should have handled it.
 
Hi newstartonlife.


I would say to you, just be yourself. You know yourself pretty well - better than anybody else does and I encourage you to accept your unique personality as a gift from God. I truly believe that our Creator is experiencing the unfolding of the universe through us - what a wonderful concept! You aren't meant to be miserable or unhappy but, instead, you are meant to realize your fullest potential to love. Love for our Creator, love for creation, love for others and love for yourself.


I believe that for myself, knowing that I have lived before may be a gift from God. It is like God (whoever "she" is) has said "here is a little help so that you don't make the same mistakes again". I know that what I give will come back to me somehow and so I try to project an aura of love. I can see a difference when I practice that consistently or have a "chance" meeting with a stranger. However, I don't let people walk over or take advantage of me - I move away from abusive or scary people and toward those that are accepting of my personality.


Here is a little glimpse into my personality. On the outside, I am a big tough guy and when I get on an airplane the young women all hope that I don't sit next to them (so I don't). However, on the inside, I am a very gentle androgynous personality. I like the opera, chamber music concerts, flower and quilt shows, have a weaving loom at home and absolutely love kittens. Yesterday a co-worker at lunch asked if I like country & western music and NASCAR because that was on the television and I wasn't afraid to say that I did not and would rather listen to Tony Bennett and k.d Lang singing together. He may have laughed a little but he accepts me for who I am because we are friends and if were weren't friends then we wouldn't be having lunch together. I am an older person and learned when I was younger to stay away from people who ridicule or taunt me - their loss.


One thing that I think about is what Deborah says about the following:

Deborah said:
Hi newstartonlife,
When we hate something - a culture, a race, a religion, a gender, it is possible to be drawn to it. Some research shows that thoughts, feelings and emotions (consciousness) leads us to the next life.
Click to expand...
It is a gift to us to realize what hate can do to us. Believe me, I am trying to not hate anybody or anything. I know that I won't accomplish that perfectly. I have even made peace with and gotten to "make up" with people that I absolutely hated years ago. I don't want to take hatred into the the next life with me - especially hatred of myself.
 
Hi Newstart!


Your reply to my "theories" about males, clearly points out the degree to which my ideas can't possibly be correct for everyone. What I wrote above was filtered through my own sunglasses, and should not be expected to apply to everyone of the male gender. Perhaps, it is myself, who doesn't understand the unique position you are faced with. Lacking such knowledge probably indicates that I should probably wear the slippers in my next life, in order to understand more completely. The thought of doing so strikes me with absolute fear, though. I'm so fully indoctrinated in wearing combat boots, that I want to fit everyone with their own pair.


What I wrote above were the things that not only appeal to me as a guy; but, I admit that I am attracted to the same properties in women for some reason. During the 39 years that I've known my wife, for example; she has transformed from a meek and quiet doormat into an almost self-sufficient and self-assured woman, who is capable of scaring the wits out of any attacker, if she must. In fact, she encountered a peeping Tom one night, years ago, and quickly grabbed a spontoon (lance) from the corner of the room and went after him. He jumped three stories and broke his ankle just to get away from her. In retrospect I realize that what she has learned was necessary for her in this life. And she has managed to change me to a large extent.


I recognize that I may be the one, who needs to adjust to a less extreme model of gender. There is, indeed, a need for people, who are balanced between their male and female experiences. I have to accept that you are in a difficult circumstance, and whatever I suggest may seem easy, when, in fact, it isn't. Certainly, the wisdom offered by Stardis and others is very much worth taking to heart.


I realize, now; that, when I first discovered this Forum, I came with a certain amount of baggage, which I can say is now somewhat in retreat. I find that I do care about your welfare, and would not wish to leave you feeling abandoned by society and betrayed by God. In this instance, I really do empathize with those two emotions, because I can say that I've been there. So, with deepest sincerity, I wish you a much easier path than the one you've been given. I very much look forward to watching your progress and hope that you will continue with this Forum for a long time to come.


-Nightrain
 
Hello Newstart.


I can definitely sympathize with your position, as I have also dealt with issues regarding being a female in my current lifetime. (Out of the many lifetimes that I've recollected this is only the second one that has been spent as a female. ;) )


However, as Chris has already pointed out, within the vast majority of society it is much easier for us females to deal with such issues than it is for males.


Based on what you have said regarding your last female lifetime I would venture to say that you were meant to have the path that you are on now for a very good reason....to experience life without being so pampered, spoiled, & looked after. We all need to experience everything that life has to offer afterall. ;)


That being the case, you certainly do not have to spend this lifetime in misery. Misery is not meant for any of us. You simply need to learn to love yourself as you are, regardless of whether or not other people share that sentiment with you. God loves you & made you as you should be. He does not make mistakes, so why should you hate yourself or your gender?


Men certainly are not all cold, distant, & domineering. As displayed here, there are others who share your experience & have found like-minded individuals within their lives who accept them as they are too. Perhaps you will have to step out of your comfort zone regarding the people that you interact with in order to find that common ground with others. I obviously don't know what type of people you surround yourself with, & I am certainly not making any condemnation about any certain groups either, but if you step "out of the mainstream" in regards to others you will often be surprised at the level of open-mindedness & understanding that others have. :thumbsup:


Sincerely,


Laurasia
 
Change in gender-wish PL related?


Something that I wondered about... how can the wish of a change in gender (via operation) be seen in the light of the soul or a PL?


The most common explanation people change gender is because of 'being in the wrong body'. But there are several successive PL's where change in gender has occured without any problems. So why do certain people get stuck?


Any ideas?
 
This is a good question. According to Michael Newton in his work, he has found that even though the soul is genderless, most souls favor one gender over the other. They will incarnate as that gender, on average, about 75% of the time. If the soul is used to one gender and incarnates as the other, on the surface, it seems it would explain things like homosexuality, gender confusion, and people who feel like they were born the wrong sex. However, there are people all over the planet who are reincarnating from one sex to the other with little or no trouble. So, I don't know why some have more trouble than others, or if there is even a correlation there at all. :confused:


Perhaps some souls struggle more than others. Perhaps it's not the soul at all. Maybe it's the body itself. Maybe some body's brains are more prone to struggle, like some brains' chemistry is more prone to (for example) depression.
 
Overseas said:
Something that I wondered about... how can the wish of a change in gender (via operation) be seen in the light of the soul or a PL?
The most common explanation people change gender is because of 'being in the wrong body'. But there are several successive PL's where change in gender has occured without any problems. So why do certain people get stuck?


Any ideas?
Click to expand...
Hi Overseas!


Thanks for the topic.


Although I can't possibly know the proper answer to your questions, I would like to offer an opinion on the matter, which is, by no means without sympathy for those who are having a hard time with their gender.


If, as we have read, we stand before the big board of choices for our next incarnations; we must have made those choices for a reason. Of course, there may be such a thing as "buyer's remorse" or regret after making certain choices, but is it wise to question our "higher selves"? Wouldn't doing so deny ourselves the opportunity of spiritual growth? Wouldn't the same apply, if our life choices had been made by someone else?


Our present life opportunities are still earth-bound, materialistic ones, and are not necessarily in line with our spiritual opportunities, and goals. Our earth-bound choices are thought to be the ones that determine each succeeding life; and, if we wish to repeat each one like a broken record, we have the right to do so.


Those, who complain that they are "trapped" within the wrong body, are thinking about minor issues; when compared to those who have been born with far more serious issues. Consider those, who share their very body with their twin. Consider some of the abnormalities that condemn people to short, painful and very handicapped lives. Consider this very inspiring young man, Nick Vujicic, who was born with absolutely no arms and no legs.


This is not to say that modern medical science and biology shouldn't be applied wherever possible. But, considering the expense, pain, and collective effort needed to be cut up; wouldn't all that be better spent on behalf of someone else, who needs it more?


-Nightrain
 
I have no doubt that homosexuality can have a spiritual or even karmic background. Even in Spirit, a Spiritual Entity will still usually prefer one gender rather than another. I know that I, personally, have been reincarnating as male for many incarnations. I also once read that a homosexual man now may even have been someone who abused of women in the past, and has reincarnated with homosexual tendencies to "experience" being also sometimes the object of abuse.


Personally I have some homosexual friends who are very happy and well resolved with themselves, others who are not... Again I think it breaks down to how we conduct ourselves in each lifetime with that which "nature" or even "destiny" has given us...


:) :thumbsup:
 
Michael Newton's on top of my reading wish list, just still busy with some other books, but it seems like he might have some answers for me.


Preference of the soul seems a logic and valuable explanation to me Truthseeker. Although there might be some other elements involved, stated here, reasons of spiritual growth and karma ...

Nightrain1 said:
This is not to say that modern medical science and biology shouldn't be applied wherever possible. But, considering the expense, pain, and collective effort needed to be cut up; wouldn't all that be better spent on behalf of someone else, who needs it more?
Click to expand...
But who is to say who needs it more? You can look at that from a materialistic pov and a spiritual one. From what I've read and heard all the people who've had a gender changing operation feel that's the right decision. And despite of the often occuring pain no one that had the operation done regrets the decision, at least not that I know of. They're relieved afterwards.


I just acknowledge that people who are in the wrong body have serious problems with that, so there's a problem here that needs to be solved. If there's no possibility of gender operation these people can end up in psychiatry which is also a huge cost for society and even bigger on long term.


I think in the end the material should come in line with the spiritual.


...and shall :thumbsup:
 
I'm not sure I believe that souls have a preference for a particular gender, but then again, it's not unreasonable to think so. To refer to an analogy I've used before, the whole process of "choosing bodies" pre-incarnation reminds me of choosing a character to play in a video game. Thus, in such a scenario, it's not uncommon for people to prefer certain types of characters (e.g. somebody may prefer quicker but weaker characters in fighting games over slower, stronger ones).


Either way, I think homosexuality may be part of that choice, which is to say some people choose to incarnate as homosexuals for the purpose of learning and growth. It makes the most sense to me at least.
 
Overseas said:
But who is to say who needs it more? You can look at that from a materialistic pov and a spiritual one. From what I've read and heard all the people who've had a gender changing operation feel that's the right decision. And despite of the often occuring pain no one that had the operation done regrets the decision, at least not that I know of. They're relieved afterwards.
I just acknowledge that people who are in the wrong body have serious problems with that, so there's a problem here that needs to be solved. If there's no possibility of gender operation these people can end up in psychiatry which is also a huge cost for society and even bigger on long term.


I think in the end the material should come in line with the spiritual.
Click to expand...
Hi Overseas!


I can certainly empathize with anyone who is troubled by what nature did or didn't give a person. And I don't wish to pass judgment on anyone for deciding to change things that are within the capability of medical science. On the other hand, I'm sure that most of us have known people that are unhappy for reasons of vanity, pride, and self-involvement. In fact, all of us have been there from time to time, ourselves. But, I tend to be a little impatient with some complaints for reasons I hope to express here.


When I returned from Vietnam in '68, my head and face looked like something from one of Hollywood's special effects departments. During my first stay at Tripler General Hospital in Oahu, Hawaii, I awoke one day to find someone in the bed next to me pulling himself up by two handles that were suspended over his bed. I thought he was exercising through a hole in his mattress or something, until I realized that half of his body was missing from the waist down.


He smiled and made small talk as I laid there, too stunned to say anything back to him. I found out that he was a very happy jewelry maker, who lived in Honolulu with his wife. Later that day, she came with an armful of tropical flowers and a beautiful uplifting smile. In fact, she was one of the most stunning women I had ever seen. It was very clear that they were both very happy and positive people. He introduced us, then chatted with her, as if I was a member of their family, trying to include me in their private conversation. After a week of this he went home with her, and I missed them both terribly. But that time with him carried me through some bad times.


I never forgot that experience; and I told my sister about it, while I was living with her a couple of years later. And she remembered that story as well. So, whenever I was self-absorbed and down in the mouth around her, she would sharply remind me of those beautiful people at the hospital. Since then, I've spent a lot of time in Veterans' Hospitals, mostly as a visitor; and I've seen some pretty depressing situations. Whenever someone complains that they're in the wrong body, I would like to show them some of the people I have known, who are in much tougher situations. Yet, many of them don't complain at all.


After 42 years my visible scars are difficult to notice. And I've grown more patient with people who don't know how good they've got it. So, when somebody cries out that they "need" elective surgery for any reason, I try very hard to understand. And I can certainly feel some compassion for their situation; because it is clear, that they are hurting deep down in their souls; and I want to do what I can for them. But I also believe that many people would feel less anguish, if they would look beyond their own difficulties, and observe the rest of the world. Isn't that the essence of karma and reincarnation? To reach beyond our own little universe and rise above the problems that plague us?


-Nightrain
 
Overseas - It's easy for me to reference Dr. Newton because the bookstore here has all of his stuff. If you find the time to read any of it, you will not regret it. :thumbsup:


Inphanta - It's funny you should mention homosexuality possibly being part of the body choice. If I remember right, In one of Dr. Newton's books he mentions coming across cases of homosexuality in which the soul knew before the life began that being homosexual was going to be part of the challenge. This suggests that it is not the soul, but rather the body itself that has the biggest influence in sexual orientation.


Nightrain - You bring up some very good points. I think we've all been guilty of taking things for granted, and not knowing just how good we've got it. We often become self-absorbed in our own thoughts and frustrations to the point where we can no longer see the forest through the trees.


That being said, getting over it is easier said than done. In the past when I had some bouts with depression, and ended up seeking professional help, simply being told to feel better, or that I had nothing to be depressed about did not accomplish anything. It's not that simple to change that way you feel inside.


I have a hard time imagining someone feeling so strongly about something that they are willing to perminently and dramatically change their body to such a degree. I guess it goes to show you how strong the feeling is if they are willing to go to such extremes to satisify it.


I guess it goes back to the original question. What causes these feelings to be so strong in certain people? Is it really just a case of "buyer's remorse"?
 
'Those, who complain that they are "trapped" within the wrong body, are thinking about minor issues; when compared to those who have been born with far more serious issues. Consider those, who share their very body with their twin. Consider some of the abnormalities that condemn people to short, painful and very handicapped lives. Consider this very inspiring young man, Nick Vujicic, who was born with absolutely no arms and no legs'. ~ Nighttrain.
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With respects, I think you are trivialising the suffering that the gender confused endure. In so commenting I do not wish to trivilise the suffering of for example a person born without arms or legs.


Beauty, like stress and pain is all in the eye of the beholder, and I do not think that any of us have a right to trivialise the suffering of one over another.


I have had a number of clients who have been gender confused who have undergone reassignment treatment. Believe me, this 'therapy' is not something that one would consider lightly, involving a series of expensive, painful and invasive treatments and is only something one would contemplate after years of suffering.


How do you measure the suffering of a child whose inclination is to behave as the opposite gender- right down to queing outside the wrong toilets at school- with resultant torment, ridicule and bullying? and most people born into the wrong body endure years of such difficulty and prejudice before having the possible opportunity of surgical intervention.
 
Lawyer Daggett said:
With respects, I think you are trivialising the suffering that the gender confused endure. In so commenting I do not wish to trivilise the suffering of for example a person born without arms or legs.
Beauty, like stress and pain is all in the eye of the beholder, and I do not think that any of us have a right to trivialise the suffering of one over another.


I have had a number of clients who have been gender confused who have undergone reassignment treatment. Believe me, this 'therapy' is not something that one would consider lightly, involving a series of expensive, painful and invasive treatments and is only something one would contemplate after years of suffering.


How do you measure the suffering of a child whose inclination is to behave as the opposite gender- right down to queing outside the wrong toilets at school- with resultant torment, ridicule and bullying? and most people born into the wrong body endure years of such difficulty and prejudice before having the possible opportunity of surgical intervention.
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Your clients are very fortunate to have you representing them. The fact that you direct your attention so strongly on their behalf is a testament to your dedication and expertise in your area. Does it mean that you place greater importance on their plight? Of course it does. That's what makes you good at what you do.


In like manner, I often dedicate my writing skills to the needs of Veterans, who are too often overlooked and scorned by what you and I would agree is a frivolous, materialistic culture. We each have our purpose in life. And, although we each are acting in the interest of different types of sufferers, we, hopefully share a mutual respect for the each others work. But, in all honesty, we each feel a greater sympathy for those we represent. You can't be expected to fully appreciate what my Vets are going through, any more than I can be expected to appreciate what your clients are going through. Thus, hopefully, we agree to disagree.


I still believe very strongly that people should work with the cards they have been dealt, and that they should take pride in doing so. That goes for everyone, no matter what interest group they belong to -- men and women, gay and straight, amputee and everyone, who has been short changed at birth.


I think you would agree that our culture tends to be a bit spoiled, and that most members of our culture get all wrapped up in their own problems without appreciating what they already have. Your clients and others in their circumstances aren't the only people that have been bullied, picked on, attacked and traumatized. But tolerance and understanding are at issue in such cases, not surgery. However, if a person wishes to be surgically altered, they have every right to make that decision. But I will not be as compassionate toward them as I am toward the Vets, who are still being ignored and undertreated after already having sacrificed their own health and happiness on behalf of their respective countrymen.


Does that constitute trivializing the plight of others? I believe, rather, that it helps to put my fellow Vets on a more even playing field, where they can finally get the attention that has been long overdue.


Now, let's sit down and have a drink!


-Nightrain
 
As part of my practice I have represented war Veteran's since 1991, often assisting them on a 'pro bono' basis- (un-paid).


I share your sense of compassion toward our vets. They have given so much to our community- a community that often does not appreciate the sacrifices that they have made.


My point was that I do not think that we should trivialise one group- and treat other groups as more needy or more deserving when it comes to recognition of their suffering.


A child with gender issues does not any more 'deserve' the depression that their condition may bring, any more so than a war veteran 'deserves' the suffering that their service has wrought upon him or her, or for that matter anyone else deserves their suffering.


The gender issue is far more than being 'about sex' it is something that strikes very much at the core of an individuals sense of being, and I do not think many people in society today appreciate, unless they have spent time with the afflicted, the all pervasive nature of gender disability.


Interestingly, soldiers behind the lines often exhibit higher levels of stress and disability than actual combatants do. Is this grounds to trivialise or reject their suffering?


There are some in the community who view any mental disability as being somewhat 'selfish' or 'self indulgent' irrespective of what its cause.


We know now that all servicemen will evidence signs of psychiatric illness if they spend sufficient time in danger and under circumstances where they are not in control of their destiny ( unless they have a psychotic personality) and that is I think the same for people under many different intensely stressful circumstances other than combat.


I do not, in the context of seeking to see this suffering reduced, view gender reassignment therapy as self indulgent any more than one can reject as a matter of course a claim by a servicemen who served in the rear echelons in for example SVN.
 
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