China

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by tanguerra, Apr 16, 2010.

  1. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    This is another life that I have remembered bits and pieces of over recent years, but have not written about much before. But I am trying to get some of my 'lives' into some kind of order and I think it is quite an interesting story in its own way so worth writing down here.

    The first time I thought of this one was to do with a friend of mine I met about five or six years ago. He is a rather tragic person in this life. He was an actual 'rocket scientist' in real life (yes really) before he had a terrible accident and suffered brain damage as a consequence. These days, although he is physically OK, because of a head injury he can't do anything more than basic high school mathematics (except in strange brief bursts when he can write out one of those long and complicated mathematical formulas and understand it all perfectly, then maddeningly, it's gone again). He has frequent short term memory loss, has trouble figuring out things like working his mobile phone and the TV remote. He can still play Chopin expertly on the piano and talk endlessly about Russian literature though!

    Sadly, these days, he struggles with a bit of a drinking problem and quite serious (although fairly understandable) depression. Other than all that, he is a delightful fellow, very kind and sweet and always thoughtful and interesting to talk to and I'm very fond of him. Before you get any funny ideas about him and me, he's gay!

    When we first met he was a very lonely and sad man with few friends - having left his old life behind him after the accident, now unemployed and feeliing very down about everything. Although he can speak about five languages pretty fluently his English has a rather thick accent and he is fairly shy with a soft voice (and he drinks too much which doesn't help him in making himself understood sometimes!). He also has a bit of a 'superior' attitude in general and so, he has trouble making new friends.

    Anyway, he was introduced to me at a party by a friend. I immediately kind of noticed and liked him and was drawn to him a little. I could not help but notice how quiet and sad and withdrawn he seemed sitting on his own in a corner, so I deliberately made an effort to talk to him. I am pretty good with accents and soon was having a very interesting conversation with him. I could see how delighted he was that someone took the trouble to talk to him and before long he was smiling and happy and telling me various stories (much to the astonishment of his friend).

    Anyway, some time went by and I became pals with him and one day I was sitting in his rather humble home at the kitchen table drinking tea. He was sitting with his back to the window, maybe it was some trick of the light, but suddenly there was something about his facial expression - a certain seriousness and dignity - that led me to 'see' him from a previous life.

    In that particular instant I could see him sitting up on a dais in magnificent robes. He was the head of our 'school'. He was our 'Master'. It was China many centuries ago. There were hundreds of little boys there in a large and impressive hall, all dressed in bright yellow robes. It was our graduation day. I had various flashbacks of martial arts training over the years and him teaching us, all in an instant, and I knew that this was some kind of school for boys in the Imperial Court where they trained the body guards (private army) for the Emperor. I remembered - and felt at the same time - an overwhelming feeling of respect, admiration and love for him all of a sudden. He was in a bit of a bad way at the time, and was feeling very sorry for himself, and I immediately knew that no matter what I had to not only help him, but lift him up into the level of self-respect and dignity he had had at that time. I knew I owed him something special, and it was not right to see him in such humbling circumstances, and this was my chance to do something about it...
     
  2. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    So, time went by. Over the years I have helped him make new friends, included him in social gatherings, cheered him up when he was down, admonished him about his drinking and so on. It's quite mutual. He looks out for me and supports me too when I'm having a bad day or whatever. He is one of my best friends. Then one evening, I think I was drifting off to sleep after he had been over for a visit and I was thinking about him and I remembered something else from that life very clearly.


    I was just a little boy, maybe three or four years old and I had been sold to the school by my parents - such was life back then. Big healthy boys were sold to the 'palace' for this type of training for a good price back then by poor parents with too many mouths to feed. I was lying in a dormitory with all the other little boys, crying inconsolably for my mother. [ waaa! waaa! I want my mother! I want my mother! Long after the other little boys had gone to sleep]


    He came in and knelt down [martial arts style] beside my mattress, or pallet, or whatever. He did not touch me, or stroke my head or anything, but just knelt, still and silently, patiently looking at me until I stopped blubbering for a bit.


    Realising that this was a very important man (I don't think he was the 'head master' at that time, but I think he was in charge of our 'section') I looked up at him with a mixture of fear and trepidation. I remember him looking down at me with a strange mixture of kindness and sterness - an odd expression which he still has these days sometimes. He said something like: 'Your old life is over. This is your new life. There is nothing you can do about it. If you work hard you can make this a good life. It's up to you. Never cry again.'


    That was it. Not very comforting perhaps, but at the time anything at all seemed comforting I guess. I had various flashes of him being a very tough, but nonetheless kind and fair teacher all throughout my boyhood. Sometimes we would get 'whacked' or punished, but only when we did things wrong or messed up in some way. It was all just part of the training. I guess he was the closest thing I had to a father that life, and somehow it was enough.


    Some time after all that - in this life - he was feeling very sorry for himself one day and was actually in tears (he was drunk!) and was lamenting the life he left behind when he used to be successful and brilliant and everybody's favourite, with money and a bright future ahead of him and everything, and comparing it to his life now where things are not quite so rosy, he is on a pension and so on.


    Strangely, I heard the same words came out of my mouth as 'he' had said to 'me' then: 'That was your life then. That life is over. This is your new life. It's not such a bad life. Things could be a lot worse. If you learn to accept it and make an effort you can make it a good life...'


    As the words were coming out of my mouth I got a feeling of deja vu, but it felt very right at the time.
     
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  3. Eternal Light

    Eternal Light New Member

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    I found your past life memories here so profound, and he sounds like a delightful entity, your friend. I do believe that in the scheme of things that what goes around comes around, and that was a very good example of karma in your story.


    I think you seem to work perfectly together as friends and I believe that you were meant to meet at that gathering. He obviously needed, and is benefitting from your help and friendship.


    Thank you for sharing such lovely memories of that time.
     
  4. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks Eternal Light. He is a 'delightful entity'. I have been away from home the past 8 months or so and he has fallen into a bit of a hole while I've been away (more than usual).


    I was just speaking to him on the phone this evening, telling him I'm coming home soon, which brought this story back to the front of my mind. He is overjoyed I am coming home and I'm glad to be going home, not least to see him (among other special people in my life ;) ).


    Then, after writing this just now, I was just messing around thinking, yellow robes? Are you sure? Seems a bit odd?


    Yup, definitely I remember a sea of boys, all in yellow (and red pants?). This was our graduation, and a special occasion - we didn't wear those clothes every day, but I had the feeling there was something special and 'traditional' about the outfits (which we had to give back afterwards). Those sorts of details can help with dating memories. So I googled: "China imperial body guard yellow"


    This is what I found:


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_yellow_jacket

    So, special yellow jackets were only allowed to be worn by certain members of the Emperor's personal bodyguard during the Qing dynasty (1644-1912). I found various other references to yellow being the special colour of the Emperor going back more than a thousand years! We were just graduates, not officers, even though this was a special occasion, so who knows if it was Qing dynasty or earlier? Let alone what century it might have been? It's hard to tell with China. Things did not change very quickly back then!


    Still, it's interesting. What did we ever do before the internet?
     
  5. Eternal Light

    Eternal Light New Member

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    tanguerra, whatever indeed would we do without the internet. It's a fascinating fact that you remembered the yellow robes, and then looked it up on google, only to find that your memory was perfectly correct... google, imo, is another indispensible commodity, lol. Altho, to date, it hasn't helped me in a particular search of my own, for a certain type of 'go-chair' and a particular style of babywear, that I've been searching for, from a past life memory of my own... perhaps I should start a thread and ask folk here about it.


    But in any event I wish I was as committed and as orderly as you in doing such research. This Imperial Guard memory of yours is extremely interesting. I was deeply moved by the desolation of the little boy, crying for his Mother, and the rather distant but obviously well-intentioned section head who sat on his bed and spoke to him. I truly believe that it is profound emotions such as these which make it possible for us to remember such moments forever, and perhaps teaches us lessons, so that we can evolve to higher levels. When I say 'higher levels' I do not mean in the religious sense of the expression. I am not all religious and don't believe in any God; I'm talking about the spiritual side of the soul, and it's growth.


    I know exactly how you feel about coming home after being away so long... I too travel a lot, when I'm either out of town, or out of the country. In 2005 I was away from home for almost 10 months, due to circumstances beyond my control, and I'd actually only gone away for the Christmas/New Year vacation. lol


    Ordinarily I would not have as much time to spend online, but I have not been well recently and so am relaxing and taking things easy for a while, and that is the sole reason for me finding this very therapeutical forum here... There are no co-incidences in life. :)
     
  6. ChrisR

    ChrisR Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I really enjoyed reading your memories of China, tanguerra. Thanks for sharing :thumbsup:
     
  7. Totoro

    Totoro Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    tanguerra, have you had any more memories about this? I had some experience with the late Qing dynasty and I'd love to hear if you had any more memories.
     
  8. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Hi Totoro.


    I had a flash a while back about the Emperor's men coming to our village (riding on horseback - it was an impressive sight at the time) and the parents all bringing out their boys into the street to be selected. [The street was mud. The horse's hoofs and the people's feet sinking into it. Small wooden houses. Not poor, but not rich either. I have the feeling a small village of farmers in a hillside area for what it's worth. The Emperors' men wore fairly fine clothes, but travelling clothes, not court clothes].


    It was considered quite an honour to be chosen I suppose (and an opportunity to make some cash). They had a stick that they used to measure the tallest boys. Only the big, strong boys were chosen to go to the palace.[They looked at our teeth, checked our chests...] I remembered getting into a cart with the other boys. That's about all. I don't think it really dawned on me what was happening until that night when I was going to sleep and crying for my mother. As I say I was only very young.


    My friend and I are still good friends and see each other quite often. I'm very fond of him. Sometimes little things he does or certain facial expressions conjure up that time. Despite his rather humble circumstances he is very, very proud and a bit of a snob to tell the truth!


    My sense is that the lesson he's learning this life is humility (and the value of friendship).
     
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  9. Ignotus

    Ignotus Senior Registered

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    Yes, being chosen by the Emperor as a soldier was a very honorable thing in the past. They train as little kids so they can be very experienced when they're an adult. As honour is everything in ancient China, and their family gets the gold and recognition. Well, that's what I learned from stories my grandparents tell me, but I'm not sure whether they're accurate...
     
  10. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Well, that tallies with what I remember Ignotus. My parents were certainly very keen that I should be chosen, that's for sure!


    [i remember quite clearly my father (maybe mother, not sure) pushing me to the front to be chosen]
     
  11. ~Ophelia~

    ~Ophelia~ New Member

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    I loved reading this Tanguerra. And the way you tie together your friendship now and the past. Very interesting observations and validations. No Doubt~~~.
     
  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Putting the pieces (back) together.... (2006)

     
  13. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    My dear friend came over for a visit this afternoon and we had a wonderful time writing a 'love letter' together (long (private) story). He is a bit 'up and down' at the moment and we had a lovely, soulful, visit. He told me (for the first time) about when he was an orphan (in this life) and about four years old and crying for his father ... We talked for a while as we do and before long I cheered him up by reminding him of the new 'pretend' family he has now (I'm his 'big sister'. My son is his 'nephew'. My friend D is his 'big brother'.... he has many friends... ) and how he is no longer alone and has no need to be sad any more.


    Goes around. Comes around. Love works in mysterious ways.
     
  14. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Senior Registered

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    Beautiful! This brings tears to my eyes for the symmetry of your relationship then and now. I'm so thankful you are awake to such moments to be there for him.
     
  15. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    As if I don't have enough 'woe' in my life at the moment, 'China' is dying. Oh very dear. He was given six months to live about 18 months ago, but now it looks like things are really getting serious. Most likely he won't be around by Christmas (but he's tougher than he looks, so you never know).


    As he is an orphan in this life, quite literally, and has no family and only a few friends it is my honour and my duty to be his 'big sister' and a shoulder to lean on and someone to not only talk to, but rely on, in this difficult time in his life. I am happy to be there for him and I love to be able to do it. Despite our ups and downs over the years, what with one thing and another, it makes no difference to how I feel about him. He feels like family to me. He is my 'little brother' and of course, I will be there to the very end. Whatever he needs. We've already had two birthday dinners for him that we thought we might not have. I told him, the third one (if he makes it) will be on him. :)


    Soul family I suppose. In my world, those bonds are unbreakable. That's how I roll.


    But, oh dear! It seems all my 'pretend brothers' are leaving. What shall I do without them?
     
  16. lutenist

    lutenist New Member

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    Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. Maybe the symmetrical lessons you brought him were what he needed before his next move. How fortunate you both are.
     
  17. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks lutenist.


    He is very, very ill at the moment and may not have much time left. I think he has certainly learned a lot this life (I hope so anyway). He can be pretty difficult, but I just adore him. I am glad I can support him in whatever way I can. We talked a bit the other day about how being an orphan this life has shaped him in many ways.
     
  18. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

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    Geeze. Another one? How are you holding up?
     
  19. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Senior Registered

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    {{{hug}}} I'm glad you can be there for him. I know the richness of the connection is worth the reality of walking without his tangible presence for a few years, but ... oh, this is hard. My thoughts are with you.
     
  20. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks. Yes. Another one. I wrote somewhere else, with reference to either X or D or both, that all my 'pretend brothers' are flying away like swans in a fairy tale.


    It's pretty tough, but, you get through it. Thank heavens me ol' China has me to be in his corner with him anyway. That's something. It's my honour and much more than a duty to do it. It's a pleasure but yes, it's sad too.
     
  21. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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