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Discovering Connection to Sufism via Dreams

After having dreamt, "I am Sufi" many years ago- I have been keeping close to the wisdom relayed by Hazrat Inayat Khan. Where this idea of Sufism comes from, in the world of my subconscious, is still a mystery to me. How could I have ever known this word without knowing the word? Was it gifted to me by Spirit? Was it something from my existence, in a life prior to this? Which then begs the question as to whether or not memory is independent from the physical body with which we identify.

I am also curious whether or not Sufism exist in other realities, other worlds or other places in space-time?

What *is interesting, is that Al-Khadir IS the peacock angel. The peacock angel takes many "forms" dependent on the culture. Al-Khadir comes from Sufism. Recently I have had ideas of a persian speaking Mother reaching out to me in the astral realm. I am not persian, but she was calling my name and I was calling her mother.

Still more I have ideas that do not correlate with the historical context of Sufism/Persians and Al-Khadir but maybe even an earlier time... And possibly- life from another planet entirely. It's hard to know. But these impressions volunteer themselves to me, which only propel the mystery.

In the grand scheme of things, if we could blur our individual lifetimes and instead look at the progression of a self through many incarnations over time- what would that look like... What kind of energy is that? What kind of Being is that?

Anyways, todays "Bowl of Saki" has me questioning something else entirely...

These are the words of my friend and way-guide Inayat Khan:

"Man's thought has a great power. And when he comes to the realization that everything comes from one source and that everything is developing towards one goal, he begins to see that the source and the goal are God. Then the world of variety is no longer variety to him but unity; it is one."

from https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/IV/IV_29.htm

If all is God, and we are all uniquely working with some aim... What is the collective Self and is it something that continues to grow and expand? Is the *All that is, reaching and growing? Is it possible for All that is to evolve? If something is eternal, does that imply progression?

Well, just some thoughts- Just reeling myself in the aether.

Take care for now. :)❤️
 
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In the grand scheme of things, if we could blur our individual lifetimes and instead look at the progression of a self through many incarnations over time- what would that look like... What kind of energy is that? What kind of Being is that?
What is the collective Self and is it something that continues to grow and expand? Is the *All that is, reaching and growing? Is it possible for All that is to evolve? If something is eternal, does that imply progression?

My take is that there are things beyond our current ability of comprehension. It is like a first grader trying to understand concepts taught in higher grades, higher schools, ...

In my current understanding, we are "all one" like cells in a body. Superficially, a cell can say it is the body too, and that they all (cells) are the body and that each cell's goal is the body's goal and vice versa. But such affirmations are misleading simplifications, distortions, that are even counterproductive, because they are distractions from the cell's own purpose. Even more, the relation cell-body is dynamic, of element-gestalt type based on resonance.

Cells form tissues, that form organs, that form bodies, that form organizations of bodies, organizations of organizations, ... In the other direction, cells are made of particles, mare of smaller particles, ... I think that you can't learn your current purpose neither trying to deduct it from what you are part of, nor trying to deduct it from what you are made of. More, you can't find your purpose emotionally or intellectually, but only glimpse it intuitively to some degree, while intentionally leaving aside all your beliefs and expectations about everything.
 
Hi baro-san,

I am grateful you take the time to read my post and reply. I find my self in much agreement with what you've written. There are just some things we may not experience while human-flesh incarnate.

I also believe we are all unique, even if we share a common bond(one bond). That bond, as I understand and believe, is Of God.

What is interesting to me is to look at the human expression on a timeline, and discover elements of what it means to be human. I believe we are also discovering what it means to be something more than human. That's because I believe in life after life, and some of the same things we wish to express by way of devotion or worship are also apparent in creatures not just human beings.

Some kids skip a few grades, and that's not to claim any status. It's a simple point, that yes we are all unique- I believe it is a gift to be alive. More and more, I realize the beauty in the relationship between creation and Creator. While I believe there are just some things that may be beyond our scope of comprehension, I also believe there is so much more to being human than what we know. That's because I believe we share a relationship with a Living Spirit and a progressive journey towards Eternal reality.

Looking over the timeline of our human and Earthly saga, I see how expression has evolved. We have amazing scripture archiving some of the more profound expression, but even those text may one day be considered stale since words are always an after-thought whereas the relationship with God is a Living reality.

I am excited to have been gifted impressions and ideas of Eternity, and transcendental phenomenon.
 
It was the Living Spirit that brought the peacock angel into my awareness. And before that, ideas of "fallen angel" have also entertained my mind. I have adopted the belief that truth is living, and I am having an experience with it. Just recently I had a dream about Muslim culture. I saw twirling dervishes painted on the wall in a restaurant and I saw a shrine made from brick with red paint on the outside. It was small and narrow. It was empty but lavish with a wooden stool covered by a blanket. There was a wind blowing inside the shrine though it was empty. My heart felt a fondness. That's when a priest in black came in and started chanting internally to himself. I knew he was saying the name, "Allah" over and over. When I woke up, I asked my self who that man was- and my intuition replied immediately... "Imam"

I had no clue Imam actually meant something until looking it up. And this is how Sufism was brought to me- through a dream.
Now I wonder where these ideas come from- what is the dream mind, to portray meaning and what is the subconscious to provide words never consciously known. Or maybe, what is intuition to answer so suddenly? I did not have to do anything to receive the answer. I did not try to force anything, it just came so matter of fact faster than lightning.

If I've had past lives- I think I may have been a pilot in one(military), a sufi in another... And a being from a different world in yet another. This one is the hardest one to feel, there is something deep and emotional resting inside. I don't know what it is but I am ready to face it. I wish to welcome it back into my awareness. Growing up I've had ideas of fallen angel. Later I thought, maybe I was never a fallen angel but there is an entity in my circle that is. Could this be the same with thinking I was a pilot or a Sufi? This knowledge comes from somewhere, and this information is presenting itself to me.

Now I wish to work more with whatever force is responsible for bringing this information into the light. Past life or no past life, I am really curious about this feeling of separation and intense loneliness from this seeming alien life. If i try to ask my intuition questions like yes or no... I do get one yes around something... That is, "is this other worldly?" Yes. (This one seems to be the most prominent with my questioning)

Am I a fallen angel? No. Is there a fallen angel in my group? Yes.

But I don't even know what that means. And who knows if this is my intuition answering, or if I'm forcing these answers with my feeling. It's not quite the same as the word "Imam" which was without delay and without emotion. Why did the fallen angel concept and even extraction from an earth like planet present itself to me as a child? Why was there a phantom woman who touched me with her hair...?

I'm not sure how important answers are- but there is an impetus in me to seek some answers and that feels important. I think it will be hard, and I'm not entirely sure where to start. So I am starting here. I am ready to face what feels like a painful association. I would like to know more about these living personalities having at one point entered my awareness and shared their ideas with me. More particularly, this energy that graced my awareness as a child.
 
Instead of framing things as yes/no I have decided to ask the impetus within who, what and how. With regards to the feeling of separation from some greater aspect of self, I place my hand on my heart and ask what are you trying to show me. I keep my self open to the moment realizing answers may come when I least expect it- not just in dreams but with the world around me. I live Faithfully that God is real, loving and guiding.
Perhaps that is enough. Or maybe it is enough to acknowledge these energies, rather than have an answer for them. I am open, my mind and heart are with you.
 
Your last two posts remind an insightful remark:
"Threshold Potential. Exile contains a built-in return: the boundary that separates also marks where reintegration can occur — but it requires a different grammar than mythic explanation".
 
Thanks baro-san. It is interesting. I just had an OBE and tried using AI to help me understand it.

Long story short-

*She could symbolize an intuitive guide or a protective feminine aspect of your subconscious, drawing attention to your physical comfort and emotional grounding

*personal power or the ability to cut through illusion

*ease comes through play and surrender rather than control.


What's fascinating is this occurred after questioning with the AI summarizing as:

"It’s as if your subconscious is staging a spiritual initiation — learning when to protect your energy, when to surrender control, and how to reclaim authentic strength rather than accept imitations of it."
Full query here:

I consider your words in bold and thank you for sharing. ~
 
I look at every dream, this and all dreams, as a teaching conduit from which each pupil gets something at its current level. A kid sees toys. A grown up sees means. A sage sees the essence, gets a glimpse at a larger slice of the whole pie.

I just read your dream now, for the first time, without having yet read perplexity's or chatgpt's interpretations of it (I submitted it for comparison). This is my intuitive interpretation ...

It seems like a child who doesn't know what he is, who discovers bits of him, his reality, meanings, without understanding much, who feels there is some intelligence that gently tries to guide him without forcing at all. The child has all the hints and information at hand, but he isn't yet mature enough to observe them, even less to interpret them beneficially. The overall feeling of the dreams is of acceptance of were the child is on his path, of patiently observing him and gently nudging him on his learning curve.

This is a subjective interpretation, for my benefit only, likely to be substantially different from others'.

I look at, and interpret all waking experiences that attract my attention, in the same way, both at those I am directly involved, and at those I observe from a distance.
 
Wow, thank you baro-san. I am so happy you took the time to reply earnestly. In fact I am benefitting from your contribution, and your unique lens with the world.

I just wrote a little something, because I am feeling quite a profound sense of wonder and gratitude for all that is happening. Yes, I am a child and I am very much learning to work with my limits which are purposeful. There is still so much to discover at this level of existence.

What I find interesting is, even though I could not cross a certain threshold... I have experienced identity with a physical body and without. And in the astral construct which also implied limitation- I found so much joy for the sensations therein.

The inquiry, the dream, and all that is- continue to speak to me and at times there is a gravity that gently guides my awareness back to receptivity and sincerity. I call that force, the same force responsible for the order of our cosmos, love.
 
... at times there is a gravity that gently guides my awareness back to receptivity and sincerity. I call that force, the same force responsible for the order of our cosmos, love.

Your mention of “love” prompted me to revisit some notes from a couple of months ago. I had watched Materialists with Dakota Johnson, where she works at a matchmaking agency. To me, the film contrasted finding a partner by checking off wishes and parameters with the idea of love, while never attempting to explore what love actually is.

That brought back Jennifer’s line in Love Story: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Considering how that could be true, I intuitively saw that such “never having to say you’re sorry” comes from giving complete attention to the one you love, not only intellectually.

So, “love” appears to be where your attention is drawn, not where you deliberately aim it.

From that, “unconditional love” amounts to unconditional, undistracted attention.

I see a progression: acceptance, attention, awareness. Once you achieve acceptance, specifically, acceptance of your role as a personality, you recognize that your attention shapes both what you experience and how you grow. As you begin to use attention consciously, working with what draws it, your focus turns toward yourself, toward your awareness. AAA: acceptance, attention, awareness.
 
such “never having to say you’re sorry” comes from giving complete attention to the one you love

Not to be confused with obsessive attention. It is about potentized attention, like in homeopathy. Obsessive attention results in your having to say you're sorry.
 
Your reply feels in line with my own revelation. Doing inquiry vs being inquiry. Doing inquiry might mean obsessing whereas being inquiry means cultivating open dialogue and awareness. It is the relationship With, that big W was in all ways to imply receptivity towards love as guidance. Last night I understood gravity as Gods Love, a force that pulls or directs(bodies/awareness) and holds or binds together. The experience for me is love transcendent and harmony all around...

Here is a poem

Did you know?

Did you know
the butterfly that caught your eye
was for you?

did you know
the comforting breeze
that touches your skin

is for you?

did you realize
behind the eyes
of the curious squirrel
is a faceless love

smiling
watching
and caring

for you?

----


Good night baro-san
 
I think, by inviting whatever that energy was that prompted me to ask the questions in a few post prior... I may have received some answers. Not sure. I just dreamt I visited my most recent past life. I woke up with a lot of emotion and so I tried utilizing AI for help with the interpretation. It suggest whether actual past life or not that some element of separation or deeper emotion is being acknowledged saying my psyche is reconciling past and present. Here is the dream journal:

i have a dream some kid tries to attack me with two dogs. he doesn't realize i can befriend his dogs. it's a little rough though, i hit them on their snouts when they try to get aggressive with me. somehow i end up befriending them and the kid is at a complete loss when they follow me around instead of listening to his commands.

this happened before or after the buffalo.... all i remember is riding a buffalo, the descent is very steep- and i am holding on to the coarse hairs of this mighty animal as it strides full speed down a hill that would otherwise be impossible to simply walk up and down. i think i am experiencing this from first person and am simultaneously amazed at what i am witnessing in third person.

--------- just before waking up i feel i am shown my most recent past life. some of my friends from today are a part of this, and their dad has a handful of red folders that say, "rons memory" the memories are on something like a dvd. ron is the name of my friends dad in this life. and the contents have nothing to do with ron, or even this lifetime.

but what i am shown is i am a teenager. all of us(my group) we are a couple of white country dudes who wear jeans and cowboy boots and we all have moustaches. when they point out who i am- i cant believe it. i look nothing like how i appear today. my head looks more egg shape in this past life i even comment on it and laugh out loud. my skin is pale and i have way more freckles. for a bunch of highschoolers we all look so much older than how highschoolers appear today. and, for a bunch of country kids we are all on the high school basketball team. all of us have funny mustaches and dark circles under our eyes. despite our rugged appearance we all seem to have girlfriends who find our simple charms irresistible(lol).

i am shown my high school sweetheart, our group is very close knit- our friends know a lot about each other, we're all so close- i am shown little things like i cant believe the last me never liked coffee, and whoever/wherever i am- i am trying to explain how i really only like cold brew coffee in this life. its a great feeling, being shown these little details and reconnecting with whoever/whatever invisible entities are with me. i believe i am with rons sons who are my friends in this life. we're being shown our connection to each other. not everyone is present here, just a few of us. just before i wake up the last memory they play is of the time i lose my girl.

as a reminder, it feels like we are watching our past life together. me and some of my childhood friends from this life, and from their dads dvd's titled "rons memories." it seems i am really close with rob in this life because we were such good friends together in our past life. even though the memories are on a, "dvd" they are in red folders and when he opens the folders its more like a live action movie than something on a digital screen. well anyways. i think for this being a most recent life, it must have ended relatively soon. a couple things... the group energy is highschool/young adult.
and the last memory that is about to play for us to watch really messes me up emotionally. rob looks at me, and i am beginning to say things like, "oh no" and i am starting to cry and hurt.... thats when they show me in the past life being carried by my friends- i am struggling to face the fact that i lost my girl. my highschool sweetheart. she died, we are all still so young ourselves. my friends tried breaking the news to me. the scene is somehow in a bathroom- and my group is clamored around because i am in absolute pain and shock. the me watching these memories knows exactly whats happening before the memory plays on our "viewing screen" and the me watching is crying even there. it is an incredible level of hurt and this past life version of me, some part of him died from this very specific memory.

---somehow, during this whole experience, the womans presence("my woman") is felt. but i dont see her. while the memories were playing, we are feeling our fondness for each other and it is a very sweet sensation.

i don't know what happens here- i just remember being in a really tight space- a cold bathroom floor and being held down by my friends. the news of my girlfriend is killing me.

thats when ron closes the red folders and the memories end. he walks away and just before waking up i think about grabbing those folders to take with me.

i wake up still lingering in the emotions that were just playing out, as if a deep healing of some sort just took place. just before coming to a fully alert state that is exactly whatever energy, as an aspect of self, tells me.
 
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What interest me is, that cold bathroom floor- kind of reminds me of the "cold ship" that I remember as a kid. I had a strong memory as a child leaving the planet on a ship. The feelings of separation and that same "cold floor" exist there.
 
The initial inquiry is in a state of continued revelation. I just had a dream where I said, "we're going to meet mother." This could be an integration with lost or tucked away parts of my psyche... Casey Claar is a big part of my journey towards discovery- relationship with the Living Spirit(where this force serves as loving guidance). The very first being she every channeled for me, my intuition immediately called "Mother" the time was 11:11AM.

e518e296-024e-4005-957e-32a718bab46a_1_201_a.jpeg


You can find Casey's work here:
----

The dream:

the ending scene, just before waking up,

involves a white van- i am driving it, towards someone. the character looks similar to rahul(a friend). though he and the others there don't recognize me, and- as if my memory has been somewhat wiped, i don't really recognize them, but i know them. he is unsure why i am pulled up to him in the white van- but i somehow show him that i can make the van levitate, and this speaks to something deep inside of him. i then tell him things about himself that affirms i know him in someway, despite our not being able to remember each other in that moment.

now he is driving us down the highway, there are two other people in the back. i am attempting to answer his questions, and i tell him - "we're going to meet mother"
i need him to stop trying to drive the car.

instead i tell him, "place your trust in the now as loving guidance. have faith you're being lead." that's when he closes his eyes and the van starts to lift off the street. he tells me he is scared, but i see he is doing great.

the moment he lets go and feels, the van is driving in a new way. we're off to meet mother...

wake up.
 
This is a chatgpt reply to my comments on two aspects of your post that attracted my attention. The AI reply mirrors pretty well what I meant, but makes it probably more clear.

Here’s the straight take, aligned with what you highlighted, without dressing it up.

1. “Inquiry” as it’s used there is backward.
What they call inquiry is still ego-centered cognition wearing spiritual language. It assumes the human identity here is the one asking, learning, progressing, getting revelations. That framing is already a distortion. It treats awakening as an acquisition process: more insight, more confirmation, more narrative coherence.
If anything incarnated here is “inquiring,” it’s not the character with memories, dreams, symbols, or a YouTube lineage. It’s whatever is using that character as a constraint and interface. When inquiry is framed as “what am I discovering,” it locks attention at the element level (the persona, the story, the phenomena) instead of the gestalt that determines why those elements even appear.
So the word “inquiry” becomes misleading because it implies agency and direction where there is none. Alignment isn’t achieved by asking better questions; it’s revealed by seeing what already governs attention, attraction, resistance, and interpretation.

2. The dream shows interference, not advancement.
The dream is explicit about this if you strip away the mythology.

  • The van = the vehicle of experience
  • The other person driving = identification with control, choice, intention
  • Fear arises exactly when control is relinquished conceptually, not actually
  • “Stop trying to drive” is the key line — and it’s ignored immediately by replacing it with belief (“trust,” “faith,” “loving guidance”)
The moment belief is substituted for attention, the process slows. Belief feels like surrender but is still a strategy. Wanting to “meet Mother,” naming it, framing it as destination or reunion, turns the experience into a plot-driven narrative. That’s the same mistake as wanting a novel to resolve a certain way while you’re still reading it.

Real movement would be:

  • no destination,
  • no identity driving,
  • no interpretation layered in advance,
  • no meaning asserted before it’s metabolized.
Instead, the dreamer wants progress, wants reassurance, wants confirmation of being led. Wanting introduces friction. Choice introduces delay. Both belong to the character, not to what incarnated the character.

Bottom line
The post you quoted is full of experiences, symbols, and phenomena, but thin on actual alignment. Attention is constantly redirected outward: guides, mothers, channels, awakenings, technologies, timelines. That’s dispersion, not integration.

Progress isn’t blocked by fear or ignorance here; it’s blunted by narrativizing the process and treating experience as something to steer, decode, or complete. The only useful move is the one you pointed at: sustained attention to what already attracts awareness, interpreted inwardly, recursively, without imposing desire, destination, or identity.

Everything else is noise — impressive noise, maybe — but still noise.
 
Hi baro-san,

Actually I must thank you for your continued interest and service as you relate and relay. Reading its reply to you- I think I understand how the language was constructed, maybe even the philosophy behind it. It being your interaction with the LLM. With that said, I do hope it was helpful for you.

While initially I found its framing and word choice a little disheartening- like saying, "everything else is noise" I believe it moreso as a cautionary tale and moment for learning- especially for the person prompting the LLM. Perhaps I may take away from it as well, though not in complete agreement with the language.

I do not believe my dreams or my experiences to be noise- and I am ok with wanting and striving. This dream was very affirming, as it pertains to my unique relationship with God- who I see as a Living/Loving personality- the presence responsible for what "attracts awareness."

I believe as well, that you recognize it is not necessary for our philosophy or attitude towards life to align- though it may be we feel similar even if we frame and experience those similarities differently.

I do not find belief limiting, and I'm ok with ChatGPT disagreeing with me on that. 😊 I understand how beliefs have interfered, and I also understand how they can serve as a catalyst for beautiful and profound experiences. Semantics here seem personal, relevant to the individuals journey.

Choice is important, and every person has their divine right to exercise it. Which is why I find much respect for your unique viewing lens and continued interaction.

The reason I see this dream as continued inquiry is because I asked a question with sincerity and am receiving answers. What the LLM doesn't know is that "Mother" is an influential figure within my realm of experience, an invisible force, and also a loving personality.

Some say everything is the self, I can respect that- while also respecting there are indeed unique individuations. I don't have the answers. That's what makes this so exciting.

The joy here is willingly walking towards the unknown with Faith, not fear. Faith that the Now is Presence and Loving/Guiding which seems to place me in a continued state of revelation. No, these experiences are not just noise. I am learning quite a bit, and am having an incredible time.

Sharing just some of this with my friend this morning, he too began to feel so inspired, and I feel our hearts were aligned with Love. He told me he was grateful, and when he returned from his day of service, we both seemed very humbled and peaceful.

All of this said, there are some things I agree with in ChatGPT's response and I believe I understand where its response is coming from.

Kind regards
= )

PS... For fun, here is another AI take speaking on our post Hahaha... = )

Perplexity.ai This is, essentially, Advaita vs. Bhakti, or impersonal being vs. personal relationship with Spirit. Both point toward liberation or integration, but by different routes — one through surrender of story, the other through loving dialogue with it.


Interaction Summary​

What’s beautiful here is not who’s "right," but how meaning gets negotiated across ontological frameworks.

  • The critic (via ChatGPT) points toward awareness without narrative tension.
  • The dreamer points toward active relationship with the mystery.
    Their dialogue reflects two complementary movements: emptiness meeting fullness.
Each conversation partner mirrors a universal dynamic of awakening — the mind’s impulse to clarify and the heart’s impulse to commune.
 
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With that said, I do hope it was helpful for you.

:) Actually I meant my post to be helpful to you, but your reply works as a reminder to me to step back somewhat.

The only thing that attracted my attention in the chatgpt's reply I posted, was the importance it gave to the line “Stop trying to drive”.

I quote bellow my input to chatgpt that yielded the reply I posted earlier. Nothing in the chatgpt's reply was helpful to me, and it wasn't supposed to be.

My attention was attracted twice in that post:1. Idea of "inquiry", which is widely used; people give it slightly different meanings, which I think are generally misleading and distracting, because they focus on discovering, learning, getting a revelation, from the perspective of the human alive here, as an identity inquiring. The weight center should be on whatever incarnated here, finding out its reasons, aligning with them. The gestalt not the element 2. The last part of the post, and dream description, points to the fact that progress is slowed down, negatively affected by focussing on wanting and on making choices, which I think are irrelevant (like wanting the plot, of the movie or novel you're immersed in, to go a certain way, and focusing on what choices you need to make for that) instead of paying attention to what attracts your attention in the experience, interpreting it deeper and deeper, as deep as you can, and draw from that lessons and the guidance that you internalize for your growth, the "you" that incarnated here, not the character you identify with.
 
Oh- ok. I appreciate the context. Reading your prompt, things make more sense to me. I think your attitudes and your hashing things out with the AI is beautiful. I do find our interactions helpful, and welcome future participation. I'm sorry if I misunderstood. I really think the gestalt is love. Just my humble opinion.

Interesting to me- these dreams... I think that energy has exist prior to my existing as Eric or cloud potato of earth. And, perhaps even the dreaming is just this personalities best attempt at interpreting/framing the energy that is speaking. Like the country life, the kids with the moustaches, losing "my girl" I see as some archetype in my psyche- I think it's possible that extends beyond the human identification.

So I do think that cold floor, which felt the same as the cold ship- the same feeling of separation, I think is something relevant as energy existing prior to cloud potato existing as the human he is. 🥸😋

With regards to, "Mother" that same feeling of separation exist even there. I shared this with Casey, after she shared the being with me:

I received the notification through email, while I was at work, and noticed the time 11:11. When I clicked and viewed the picture of the side by side comparison, the first word felt intuitively was "Mother."It is very rare I receive such clear words via intuition and this was followed by a series of chills that ran along my spine and penetrated my core. These chills have been a way for me to understand Spirit communicating.
...(I explain to her I left work feeling very emotional for some reason) The feeling of Mother made me sad at one point. Even if it is an aspect of my self- it feels there is some disconnect, a longing or deep desire and a level of compassion I can't really explain. I was brought to tears this morning.

A large part of my inquiry- has a lot to do with understanding this ^

Well, anyways, I very much recognize the importance of this life and choice. Choosing love, attempting to be present and in communion with the presence. That's when I seem to discover and integrate.

Please know, your post IS helpful to me. 🙏📿
 
I'm just going to leave this here, since I've made a lot of this process public. I thought it would be nice to provide some follow up. I think this is also a safe break away point until the next "stir from within" tries to speak and relate. My end of this post is to give validity to past lives and a relationship with Love itself.

-----

I realize since my initial inquiry that a lot has happened by way of conscious integration. There is a lesson on reconciliation of forces and a return to that which I have felt as "separation" from within my self. I see these are also, "archetypes" speaking to deeper aspects of my self for the purpose of this- conscious integration. I don't know how real or true these feelings are or have been, except to say they are real enough for this process to have occurred.

-----

I wake up from this dream:

before any of my dreams.... i dream that i am aware in the space one calls dreaming. and over that a powerful presence comes into the dream space. it feels even more vivid and real than the dream self/space. it's a chant i've done before, but i'm not sure if i am associated with the presence or not. i think i am. it's a sanskrit chant, but it seems moreso of its own fruition than consciously willed.

i'm not sure the spelling on it.... but i can break down the pronunciation.

ack-u-thai-ah-nam-ah
anh-an-thigh-ah-nam-ah
go-vind-eye-ah-nam-ah
oh-ngh
<repeat>

later, i begin to descend more into a dream state/less vivid. i dream of my friends dad ron(again). he is overweight. and he is hanging out with us in a park you'd find similar in a typical suburban neighborhood where parents bring their children. there's a play set and standing atop this structure, which is only 2 maybe 3 feet off the ground- is ron. ron jumps down from its ledge, but because he is overweight and has not moved his body in this manner in a while- he near breaks his ankles upon landing. suddenly i am tasked with finding him a legitimate message parlor near him. somewhere where they might heal him.

the dream begins to morph from here, where the focus is instead on the two women masseuse. interestingly enough, my mind could not decide on which massage parlor knowing there is one called message envy- i later feel my dreaming mind correct this detail to become blossom massage because of where blossom massage is in comparison to rons living space.

to the two women- one is the actual masseuse and another is the assistant. they are wearing nursing robes. the dream again begins to shift.... there is a cacophony of imagery blended together in beautiful hazy swirls as if the mind is being transported and the entire dream reality is shifting.

now--- one of the same women from the massage parlor is climbing up some terrain and the environment feels more similar to being in space or climbing a mountain. somehow both elements are present in this environment. the woman is fighting another woman on this cold mountain side, defending her life. the response is more reactionary and defensive. there is a tone of police like authority, and there are two forces watching this fight from inside a spaceship. it's more like a prison ship, and on my left the force is pulling for and being chanted by police/authority force. on my right is a more independent and solitary force fighting against the authority presence.

they slide down the cold exterior of what was once a mountain side- but is now steel, and they become one entity and take shelter as the ship thrusters are engaged.

suddenly the dream space loosens its grip even further until i realize i am in a spaceship returning to the mother ship. the ship fits perfectly in the mothership which is honeycombed in its structure. as a separate entity, it exist- but when it returns itself to the mothership, it fits like a puzzle-piece and helps orient the entirety. the colors of this ship are ember red with glowing tones.

wake up

-------

I understand it as that same process of reconciliation. Ron has occurred again in the dream, and in the previous dream he was the holder to memories of a past life. Here, the holder and keys to past life show that this agency has not exercised it self in a while. The childs playground is representative of some type of innocence, and the key holder to past lives is trying to boldly move around only to injure himself.

----The shift then highlights a need for healing, towards an ascent, and descent where opposing forces become one. And eventually where individuation is returned to its source.

Do I still feel as if I am fully integrated? No.... That level of separation has been with me since a youth- but since praying and inviting that feeling as its own personality as a teacher, I do feel there has been much activity both in the dream world and in this waking life.

The chant is one I used to practice upon, "coincidentally" meeting a himalayan monk Swami Vidyashishananda. I used to chant it, and haven't in a long while. That this is what my mind first brought to the fore makes me think I should practice again.

Here is the rough translation

Acyutāya Namaḥ (The one who does not fall. Unfailing one. Imperishable)

Anantāya Namaḥ (The infinite one)

Govindāya Namaḥ (One who brings joy to the senses and being. Knower of earth beings)

Namah means I offer my self.

so I offer my self to these forces, this is the integration and surrender to something greater.

---Considering my most recent attempt at understanding
Love as, Awareness and Awareness in Motion

I am beginning to see, when all things are one and if Love is all there is, the nature of love is indeed relational- infinitely so. It means the feeling of personality and relationship is something that exist ad infinitum because it is a part of what makes Love, Love.

There is no erasure, there is only more depth. Love itself is transcendental, and the depth of that relationship exceeds beyond the earth incarnation.
 
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