Flying

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by Jake, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    I know this is a strange question, but this is the only place I've found on the Internet where I feel like people would get it. For context, please read my introduction and past life memories.

    I've always wanted to fly. I've never been afraid of flying--of something happening and me falling and getting hurt--but for a long time, I've been afraid of other people knowing I want to fly. I can trace this partly to a traumatic experience as I'll describe below, but it's seeming like it's much more complicated than this.

    When I was little I felt that flying and the desire to fly were special, but I saw no reason not to share it with the people around me, and it wasn't a big deal. Flying machines were among the things I drew plans for and talked about, but it seemed to be a normal thing to me. When I was in sixth grade, I "invented" a set of mechanical wings for a person to wear, and I told everybody at school about it. While I was showing the plans to a friend, a bully stole my English notebook, and then I got in trouble at home for showing off because it caused me to have my notebook stolen.

    Classic minor but traumatic experience, right? Not quite. I did not immediately decide to hide my desire to fly--I don't remember what caused me to do so, but gradually a few years later I decided that this was too special and vulnerable for me to make it known to others. Soon afterwards I started writing a story about a boy who mysteriously got wings. (His name was Jake, hence my username.) At first I told myself I was writing it to explore how someone with a different gift than mine (intelligence--I was moved up a grade and then bullied for many years) would be treated, but it ended up with the protagonist finding peace in a quasi-spiritual world with others who could also fly like him. (This was before I was seriously considering spirituality.) At the time I was a bit bothered by the implications of this--would I never find acceptance here? I did eventually find acceptance for my gift at college, so that part was resolved. But this story became really meaningful for me: I felt it was a way for me to keep a beautiful part of me alive that would otherwise be neglected.

    It became a thing for me to share the story with people who I was very close to. I wanted to think I was becoming more open about it, but that's not really true--it still took me about a half hour or sitting in silence trying to work up the courage to say "I've always wanted to fly" to my counselor. Early last summer (2011), before I went to the Weiss workshop, I finally wrote about what happened to me in sixth grade in the journal of sorts I kept with the story, and then I felt like I was comfortable with my own desire to fly, for the first time in a long time. Consequently, I thought I had resolved everything; it was exactly a month before the workshop, so it felt like I was closing one act of my life and starting another.

    When I saw myself flying in a past life, I figured this had nothing to do with my current life--because, well, I had been killed while flying; I assumed that if baggage from that was affecting my current life, it would be making me afraid to fly, and I clearly wasn't afraid to fly because I wanted to so much; so therefore it had nothing to do with it. I suspect this is not valid, though I don't understand it.

    However, the experience definitely did have this effect on me: earlier, because of the way I treated flight in the story, I had been thinking of it as something magical that I couldn't do, and thinking that airplanes and such didn't count. But at the beginning of this school year, a friend extended an open invitation to me to visit him in a faraway state, and I started thinking that maybe flying on a commercial airplane would count, at least a little. In short, I worked things out, and flew for the first time last (2011) Christmas break. (My parents paid for the tickets as a Christmas present--they had no idea what kind of a present they were giving me!) It was wonderful, and I was not afraid at all. The best way I could describe it was that it felt like being in the arms of someone I loved. After we landed, I even talked about it a little on Facebook and publicly thanked everyone who had helped me get to this point.

    After I got back, I told my mom everything about this (which I hadn't mentioned a word about since sixth grade). The upshot is that she wasn't ever mad at me for my notebook being stolen, it just had appeared that way to me; and she didn't think it was weird that I wanted to fly. So that was sort of resolved as well.

    So the first thing I'm trying to understand is why do I want to fly so much. But the second thing I don't understand, and what's still holding me back, is that it seems things haven't changed with me even after all this. I'm still just as afraid of living as someone with a passion for flight. For instance, I decided to watch some videos on the subject a couple months ago. It still took me like five minutes to click on the link, and I was still paralyzed with fear when my roommate walked in and almost unable to move to close the browser window--even though I've told him all about it!

    Do you have any guesses about what could be going on?
     
  2. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    Thanks for your suggestions Mel. I was kinda hoping more people would make suggestions before I responded, but...

    Maybe there was some way I could have gotten out of fighting, but I chose to join the Luftwaffe because I wanted to fly. If I was forced to, I would have felt terrible that I was contributing to the violence, but not guilty for wanting to fly. I should probably do another regression in hopes of finding out if this is true.


    But if it is, what am I supposed to do? How could I get everyone who I indirectly helped kill to forgive me?
     
  3. Cryscat

    Cryscat Senior Member

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    I think Mel is on to something. Guilt and grief mixed with the love of flying...As for getting those you may have accidently killed in that past life to forgive you... impossible. I think you will have to start with forgiving your past self and the situation that the past self was in.. flying tied into killing.
     
  4. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    How?


    This is my current limited understanding of forgiveness. If a friend hurts me, eventually I may feel that the hurt contributed to my overall well-being in some indirect way, made me stronger or something, or helped me understand another perspective. In this case, I would no longer "wish" that the hurt never happened, because I could not even conceive of myself without it. Then I could forgive the person. Or, if their hurt didn't hurt very much and I healed quickly and understood they didn't mean it, I could forgive them in that case as well. But how am I supposed to forgive myself for hurting someone else? What if they're not okay with the suffering I caused them? Isn't it unfair if they're in pain and I'm all moved on and hunky dory?
     
  5. ~Ophelia~

    ~Ophelia~ New Member

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    Hi Jake,

    My suggestion would be that the problem goes back further than your past life in WWII and that it's the feeling you need to focus on. Not WWII or the plane.
     
  6. LifePurpose

    LifePurpose New Member

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    I agree with Ophelia. You seem compelled by the need to fly, as if your livelihood depends on it. My guess is this comes from a different lifetime then the WW one.


    Do you have any dreams of (you) flying that DON'T involve aircraft of any sort?
     
  7. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    I read about the life review, and I believe it is something that happens very often; but I did see what happened to me after I died in that life, and I didn't see myself have a life review. My soul-at-the-time was greeted by a spirit who gave me-now a message, and then they went off together. I think if the thing I was supposed to be taking from this experience now was how terrible my actions then were, I would have felt that or re-experienced a painful life review.


    It may be that I felt my own death was enough of a "punishment" for those I helped kill, especially if I had no choice but to go to war. Maybe instead, why I was feeling guilty is that I was enjoying flying despite the fact that it was for an awful purpose, and I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying it for that reason.

    This is the weird part, I think I have only dreamed about flying in any form twice in my life: once when I was younger with a sort of jetpack, once a couple years ago with an airplane, and in neither did that portion of the dream last more than a couple seconds--I barely got off the ground. I have never had anything like those dreams some people describe where they're just freely flying on their own. I think I had one dream where I floated in the air for a couple seconds by "treading water", but it wasn't really like flying. A couple times I've found myself lucid dreaming and forced myself to fly, but the dream broke up immediately (and also, I didn't really feel it). I don't think it's that I have particular trouble remembering my dreams; I know that many occur in a self-consistent "world" that's a consistently distorted version of the real world, and I've also had various "singular" or "special" dreams over the years that are easy to remember because they're powerful experiences.


    Also, this is another thing. I don't know how many other people have tried something like this, but during the workshop when I was with my soulmate in the spiritual realm, I tried to fly. Didn't work. There was one time where the two of us sat in midair to watch a part of the experience, but even then it was just like I was sitting on a solid surface that was invisible. I even asked him about flying at one point; he just smiled and shook his head, as if he wasn't allowed to tell me anything. It's almost like I'm being blocked from experiencing flight any way other than physically; maybe because if I could fly there, I might just do that and then not fly in the physical world.

    Yes, I agree. But what could it be? Airplanes were only invented about fifteen years before I would have been born in that life, so I didn't have much chance for a previous life that involved flying.

    You don't know how many times, when I was writing the sentence "those dreams some people describe where they're just freely flying on their own" and then reading it over before posting it, I started thinking about how I would describe it and then realized that any additional description would just be me fantasizing. :D
     
  8. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    I flew in a dream last night. Just by myself, running and then effortfully lifting up my legs and continuing to move forward. It took a great deal of mental effort to fly any higher, but it was not a lucid dream and it lasted quite a long time. It felt like something I was used to, almost as if I had flown in dreams that way before, though it felt like I was used to flying higher and more freely than I was able to in the dream.


    There was another thing about this dream, maybe it's a little off topic but I think it's worth mentioning. I was flying along roads in a familiar area in my dream, and I actually flew home. Many of my dreams involve me being away from home and trying to find my way home (wonder what that means?), but I almost never actually get there. The thing is, home was not my house, it was a South Asian restaurant in a (western) city, both of which I am familiar with from previous dreams.


    I am thinking about what this could mean (if it's more than random), but the reason I mentioned it was because it was flying that directly related to the theme of going home. I don't mean to derail the conversation; I still want to know if anyone has any ideas where my desire to fly might be coming from.
     
  9. LifePurpose

    LifePurpose New Member

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    Question about last night's dream


    Jake,


    I am intrigued about the dream you described having last night, especially since you had it after you said you'd only had two of these types of dreams before in your life.


    You gave a lot of great details about the flying portion - how you accomplished it, and also where your destination seemed to be.


    I was wondering if you had any sense of your appearance in this dream? I mean, did you feel like you were, well, YOU, or were you someone else in this dream? Any idea what you looked like - were you the person you are in THIS life, or did you feel that you were a person from a different lifetime? Did you have any idea what your sex was, your age, your body type, your hair, eyes, etc?


    Also, did you have any sensations that you can recall while in flight, such as the feeling of the wind in your hair, or any air currents lifting you higher or lower as you passed over them? I've gone paragliding before, and the feeling of being lifted higher as I passed over a "thermal" or current was an unbelievable sensation unlike any other i've experienced in my life).
     
  10. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    I was definitely me, and I'm pretty sure I was me-from-this-life. But I rarely look at myself in my dreams, no more than I would look at myself in the real world.

    Oh, god, I wish it was like that. I have never had a dream where I actually felt like I was flying like you describe. The primary sensation in this dream was that of a constant mental struggle against gravity, as if I was telekinetically holding myself up--the air was not holding me up. It was definitely intentional, like in a lucid dream, but I was not consciously aware that I was dreaming.

    I feel like I know exactly what you're talking about--the image is so powerful for me, even though I've never flown like that in this life, and I doubt I did any soaring in the Luftwaffe. ;)


    But it seems from what you're saying that there's something you know that I don't: some way I could have flown that I'm subconsciously remembering. Even if it's entirely speculation, I want to know!
     
  11. LifePurpose

    LifePurpose New Member

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    Jake,


    I just wanted to let you know I'm going to send you a private message.


    :)
     
  12. hydrolad

    hydrolad Senior Moderator Super Moderator

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    IMHO, dreaming about flying is almost always where the dreamer is having an "Out of Body Experience" (OOBE) or Astral Projection episode and quite often forms the experience or episode into a dream.
     
  13. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    So what do I do about all this?


    Should I devote my life to flying, or accept it and move on, leaving it behind me, or something in between? If the former... how do I find the courage to do that?
     
  14. Jake

    Jake Random Person

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    The past year for me has had plenty of joys and plenty of sorrows. I met someone whom I think I knew before, and who now is one of the people I am closest to; I struggled with depression for a couple months; I wrote a 44-page thesis on philosophy and spirituality; and I completed a college degree. The process of changing within me that has gone on my whole life, and at an accelerated rate for the last few years, has come to a head; and almost exactly 1 year later since I asked above how I would find the courage to fly, I have found it.


    I will be going to Hawaii for the second half of this summer to learn to fly a glider. :)


    And since a glider is unpowered, this means learning to soar. :D
     
  15. argonne1918

    argonne1918 Senior Registered

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    Let us know what happens. See if you feel like you have done it before. Or if you have any pl dreams afterwards.
     

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