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Gender Identity Theory / Reincarnation

landsend

landsend

Senior Registered
GENDER IDENTITY THEORY / REINCARNATION


Hey folks,

Here's a post I've had stewing for some time. Feel like getting it out there.

First, I'll discuss some of the science and my findings behind transgender issues.

Science is now exploring that our minds are 'gendered' through the examination of brains/brain scans of transgendered individuals. (https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan/) This is still a relatively new finding, but basically what they are seeing is that transmen brains resemble more biological male brains, and transwomen's brains have more atypical brain that is neither fully masculine nor feminised.

In a small community in the Dominican Republic, there are children who are born as girls, who grow a penis and testicles at puberty. They are known as the 'Guevedoces' (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34290981). Because they are born looking like girls, they are socialised and bought up as girls, because physically they were thought to be girls prior to the formation of their penis and testicles at twelve years old. Despite this, a high proportion of the individuals felt themselves male, they preferred playing football, doing male activities, resented female clothes, and roles etc. Once their penises/scrotum developed, the majority assumed their male identity.

Simon Baron-Cohen, the director for Autism Research at Cambridge University, has been exploring the differences between 'Male' and 'Female' brains. (https://www.theguardian.com/education/2003/apr/17/research.highereducation) His findings suggest that hormonal/biological influences in the womb play an in important part in how our brains work. His findings have found that, on average, women score higher in the emotional range, and lower in systematic thinking and men, on average, have been found to follow an opposite trend. It's interesting to note that folks with Autistic/Aspergers have been found to have what is known as an extreme male brain -- very low on empathy, and higher than average systematic thinking. You can take these tests through various websites which will show you where you may fall on the empathy/systematising scale. I have a low empathy, high systematising brain, and have for years wondered if I have high functioning Aspergers. This is something that I have no diagnosis for.

They have found that a high proportion of FTM (female-to-male) transgender people have Autism. This again favours the reason that our brains are influenced on a pre-natal biological level in how we think and feel internally, and how that affects how we identify on a gender scale.


How does reincarnation influence our gender?

Reflecting on how reincarnation comes into play with this. Of course, this is just a theory, but here's a few ideas I have. Already we see similarities of physical appearance/manners across lifetimes, as the soul who is inhabiting the body seems to have an influence on the physical manifestation of both the developing foetus/and or chooses parents/genetic circumstances that will match up with the soul's characteristics. This could even extend to gender. By looking at Dr. Ian Stevenson's cases of cross-gender incarnations, he frequently mentions gender dysphoria as a problem, at least in the early years of the case(s). He also mentions that it is not frequent for souls to switch genders.That seems to suggest that incarnating souls have a gender preference.

Now that gender dysphoria and transgender issues are in the wider media, I wonder if more and more transgender folks will no longer feel the need to conform to societies expectations of what role they should pursue.
 
Very interesting indeed, thanks for posting :) Give one something to think about
 
Gender is an interesting subject to discuss. When I am alone, with no people around, I don't feel like I have a gender. Just consciousness. In relation to the world, I am female.

I have a long series of female lives, except for the last one, in which I was male. I think it was necessary to live a life as a man to balance the energies.
Despite all those female lives, I had to find and accept my inner female nature again in this life.
Just recently I started to understand why.
It's still a bit sensitive subject for me.
 
Interesting read landsend - you mentioned the kids from domrep before. I'm sometimes doing a workshop on gender mainstreaming with adults and am discussing these things like gender scales.. i have never considered a connection between autism/asperger and male brain structure - might make sense. Thanks for the input.
I believe I've made a decision to be f this time around in order to avoid certain situations that got me in trouble before and also to experience others.

Baro-san, could you please elaborate your point of view? I'd be really interested. As much as I know I did influence or choose my looks at least a bit and almost identical manners are obvious to me as well. At least compared to the few not so long ago lifetimes I recall. There might be more I dont remember.
 
baro-san said:
Based on my experience, I disagree with this observation.
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Please share your experiences.

The mannerisms/facial expressions across lives is based on my own observations of numerous photographs I have of my past self. I have quite a few compared to other folks, so I can see directly.

I compared the photos I had of Terry to photos I had of my present life prior to knowing of Terry's identity so I could not be sub-consciously influenced. Sure enough I could find my facial expressions mimicked across time, as well as my general posture (I tend to stoop my shoulders slightly). I have a curious way of smiling which I've only ever seen in one other person -- Terry. I also have the unfortunate habit of having my eyes half closed in a lot of photos, something I noted in Terry. Terry & me also have the habit of looking very different from photo to photo depending on our mood-- probably because we have expressive faces. This was something noted by several people whilst observing Terry (because of the need to identify him as prisoner-of-war).
 
glia21 said:
Interesting read landsend - you mentioned the kids from domrep before. I'm sometimes doing a workshop on gender mainstreaming with adults and am discussing these things like gender scales.. i have never considered a connection between autism/asperger and male brain structure - might make sense. Thanks for the input.
I believe I've made a decision to be f this time around in order to avoid certain situations that got me in trouble before and also to experience others.

Baro-san, could you please elaborate your point of view? I'd be really interested. As much as I know I did influence or choose my looks at least a bit and almost identical manners are obvious to me as well. At least compared to the few not so long ago lifetimes I recall. There might be more I dont remember.
Click to expand...

Glia -- I agree on a few points here -- it's of my own realisation that I was born biologically female to avoid certain situations, too. I also needed to appreciate what my masculinity really is, and that it's not directly tied to that thing dangling between the legs (far from it). Other reasons include having the courage to stand up and go against the status quo in order to be myself, and having the courage to speak out and not be ashamed. Trans people are very much hated and misunderstood pretty much everywhere you go.
 
I thought it was also important to make a point that gender does seem to be on a biological level. It is not a choice, although living as your preferred gender can be a choice, just as living with your preferred sexuality can be a choice -- although if you go against the current of what you are you will end up being unhappy, especially if repression is involved. It has been my experience that you can't really run away from what you innately are, this is why you see folks transitioning very late in life.
 
Hi Landsend,

I have done much of the same type of reading. Your conclusions have been my own. The unspoken prerequisite for such conclusions seems to be that the "soul" or incarnating personality is gendered to some degree or another. Another bit of fall-out is the issue of how to deal with the matter based on the "choice" issue. This arises as it seems to be a general consensus that such things as birth sex were "accepted" or even chosen by us before we came here--usually for particular reasons. Consequently, we are brought around full circle to the question of whether we should be trying to change this or live with our prenatal choices. Some certainly are not capable of "living" with their (apparent) prenatal choice or agreement in this matter. In such cases, making as much of a physical/lifestyle change as necessary to make it through this lifetime certainly seems better than suicide or lifelong incapacitation via dysphoria/depression. However, as noted, if there was a choice there was seemingly a reason for that choice, and the possibility that this reason was a good reason should definitely not be ignored in thinking about this issue.

On reasons, one often hears the idea that "balance" is necessary or good. Likewise, there may be a need for a particular lesson to be learned (from a "karmic" point of view or otherwise). Will such "lessons", whatever they may be, be lost in making a switch to a preferred sex or other changes being discussed?

This is not something that those without insight into reincarnation would, perhaps, debate. However, I am not sure that it is one that we can avoid.

Cordially,
S&S
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Landsend,

I have done much of the same type of reading. Your conclusions have been my own. The unspoken prerequisite for such conclusions seems to be that the "soul" or incarnating personality is gendered to some degree or another. Another bit of fall-out is the issue of how to deal with the matter based on the "choice" issue. This arises as it seems to be a general consensus that such things as birth sex were "accepted" or even chosen by us before we came here--usually for particular reasons. Consequently, we are brought around full circle to the question of whether we should be trying to change this or live with our prenatal choices. Some certainly are not capable of "living" with their (apparent) prenatal choice or agreement in this matter. In such cases, making as much of a physical/lifestyle change as necessary to make it through this lifetime certainly seems better than suicide or lifelong incapacitation via dysphoria/depression. However, as noted, if there was a choice there was seemingly a reason for that choice, and the possibility that this reason was a good reason should definitely not be ignored in thinking about this issue.

On reasons, one often hears the idea that "balance" is necessary or good. Likewise, there may be a need for a particular lesson to be learned (from a "karmic" point of view or otherwise). Will such "lessons", whatever they may be, be lost in making a switch to a preferred sex or other changes being discussed?

This is not something that those without insight into reincarnation would, perhaps, debate. However, I am not sure that it is one that we can avoid.

Cordially,
S&S
Click to expand...

Some good points here... I’ll put forth my perspective.

First of all, despite biologically being born female, I am innately male. I’ve spent much of my life trying to align to my biological preset, and struggled my whole life to figure out what was wrong with me. The moment I realised I am not just like a male, but I am actually male it was a hit by a freight train realisation. A lot of my depressive feelings and the very dirty feeling that there was something I was lying to everyone over the years made complete sense. It’s taken me many months to be able to have clarity on this realisation.

My perspective and experience is that I chose a female body and a male brain. Whether or not that was influenced by my many lives as males is yet to be seen, but wouldn’t surprise me.

Although I was bought up as a girl, I had a childhood that was generally non-gendered and allowed me to be a boy. I only ever felt shame when my sister pointed out to me that I was too boyish or I wasn’t conforming to female behaviour (my preference for boy toys over girls, my general outlook and competitive nature.)

Only when social expectations as a teenager and hormones started taking over did the depression hit me.

The point being I am not a woman despite having the biological preset of a woman.My gender identity is male.

There is no learning to be female in my case, apart from seeing how crap in general women are treated by men. I tried very hard to be female and to be happy in that role. In the end repressing myself made me a very angry person who despised life and felt detached from all experiences, their body and in denial of living life at all.

The sad thing is the suicide rate is very high for trans people.
 
I’ve thought it would be great if I could learn to be a woman and get on with it... it would be ‘easier’ for me. I’ve had that stance for the first twenty seven years of my life.

As it is I risk losing my marriage and larger family members over this. I will have to relocate and fight my corner.

If I could’ve been honest to myself as a teen I might not be in this situation now.

Once you start going down the road of ‘let’s just learn to live with what we are given - you are what your genitalia says you are.’ Then it starts to be along the same line as ‘dudes shouldn’t be with dudes or women with women.’ We should change them! That is dangerous territory.

You can’t help what sex you are born as, who you find attractive or what your internal gender is. You can run from it, deny it, but it is what it is.

Let’s show some solidarity for all trans folk out there. It’s a hard life as it is without the guilt.
 
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Thanks for the post. Growing up I was a tomboy even more so then I am now as an adult. As a young girl I remember hating skirts and dresses just because it meant being more lady like. However, I never felt the need to change my gender though I can sort of understand those who do. While I'm happy being female if I had been born a boy I still would of been happy with my gender. I sometimes feel like I'm a little bit of both Male and female. A few years ago I found out the term for this is androgony. I'm still unsure what this means for my sexual orientation. Until recently I was asexual, but recently I discovered I do have some sexual interest. Now I'm questioning if I'm straight or bi. I at least know I'm not lesbian because I do have interest in young men especially emo guys.
 
I've thought about this at length... I think it's really a multilayered issue. There's what's in your soul, your soul age, how that forms the body you're in, the choice of your body, the cultural definition of gender as a construct and how that changes over time, the biological and evolutionary expressions of gender and gender roles and personality and how that exists independently from gender .. Then there's also past life trauma..

It's a lot and I think it all influences one another to varying degrees and it's really hard to "map" out gender and where you fit with it all and it's easy for me to see dysphoria that is from both reincarnation and cultural sources.

And I agree too! You just know who you are and you can't fake it if you tried. I'm a girl through and through, but I'd be a tomboy I guess. I can see my mannerisms in my photos and other things and from everything I've read about my past lives, male or female, they share the same personality and that's proof to me remains constant and doesn't change from life to life or gender.

I was thinking about this recently as my mom has really made some strides with issues in her life and we're getting a long great now and I feel like she's circled back to when I younger in that I felt like she always thought I was her daughter. I know I was in her past life and they were very close as well, but it's funny hearing my mom talk on and on about hallmark and lifetime movies and hand lotion. You wouldn't think that's normal for a mother and son to talk about. ha ha. I remember many years ago as a teenager, I had a star trek costume that had a zipper up the back I was having trouble with and my mom got frustrated with me and said "it's just like a dress!", like I should have known that, in this life anyway! I really do wonder if she just sees the mother daughter relationship we've always had and not my physical gender.

I think, you just have to accept who you for who you are and find a way to be happy. That's all anyone can do.. :) I say that but I am frustrated I don't look girly or can't express myself that way. I know though, I chose being male this life for a reason and I guess that's part of it.
 
Thanks for posting and the honesty, Galaxy. As it is, gender and sexuality are seperate things. For some folk they never have to question, every thing is as the status quo says it is. For others they can follow a lifetime of questioning.
 
Totoro said:
I've thought about this at length... I think it's really a multilayered issue. There's what's in your soul, your soul age, how that forms the body you're in, the choice of your body, the cultural definition of gender as a construct and how that changes over time, the biological and evolutionary expressions of gender and gender roles and personality and how that exists independently from gender .. Then there's also past life trauma..

It's a lot and I think it all influences one another to varying degrees and it's really hard to "map" out gender and where you fit with it all and it's easy for me to see dysphoria that is from both reincarnation and cultural sources.

And I agree too! You just know who you are and you can't fake it if you tried. I'm a girl through and through, but I'd be a tomboy I guess. I can see my mannerisms in my photos and other things and from everything I've read about my past lives, male or female, they share the same personality and that's proof to me remains constant and doesn't change from life to life or gender.

I was thinking about this recently as my mom has really made some strides with issues in her life and we're getting a long great now and I feel like she's circled back to when I younger in that I felt like she always thought I was her daughter. I know I was in her past life and they were very close as well, but it's funny hearing my mom talk on and on about hallmark and lifetime movies and hand lotion. You wouldn't think that's normal for a mother and son to talk about. ha ha. I remember many years ago as a teenager, I had a star trek costume that had a zipper up the back I was having trouble with and my mom got frustrated with me and said "it's just like a dress!", like I should have known that, in this life anyway! I really do wonder if she just sees the mother daughter relationship we've always had and not my physical gender.

I think, you just have to accept who you for who you are and find a way to be happy. That's all anyone can do.. :) I say that but I am frustrated I don't look girly or can't express myself that way. I know though, I chose being male this life for a reason and I guess that's part of it.
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Totoro, when I read your posts I never read them with a male voice. There is a feminine essence around you, can feel that. Hope you don’t find that offensive...

For me I was having daily thoughts of my life ending or having an accident so I don’t have to live out this life. That’s when I said enough is enough, I’m here, this body is good enough.. stop waiting to be yourself and be yourself — now. It’s part of accepting where I am in the present. I guess I had to be pretty desperate to feel that way.
 
Interesting theory landsend, I’ll have to take that empathizing/ systematizing test to see where I fall on the scale.
 
Interesting but also sad topic, I prefer to see the issue from a spiritual perspective rather than material or physical but much of what people are struggling with is the result of dysfunctional culture coupled with karma. I would like it all to get to where it is a non issue and there be balance but with people being people and what they are and have been it is going to take an act of God to sort things out to where at least there is some sort of balance. Without balance the issues will only continue and people will only continue to complicate things.
 
There and back again said:
Interesting but also sad topic, I prefer to see the issue from a spiritual perspective rather than material or physical but much of what people are struggling with is the result of dysfunctional culture coupled with karma. I would like it all to get to where it is a non issue and there be balance but with people being people and what they are and have been it is going to take an act of God to sort things out to where at least there is some sort of balance. Without balance the issues will only continue and people will only continue to complicate things.
Click to expand...

Can you clarify what you mean by ‘dysfunctional culture’?
 
It would be good when folks can be who they are without having to make a stand, I agree. If that’s what you mean by it one day being a non issue then I agree, it would be good if this wasn’t an issue in society, but unfortunately it is. Until that day, people will have to continue to stand up for their rights to be themselves.

My partner reminded me today that in the 1920’s homosexuality was seen as a disease. It was a criminal activity until not long ago. Many would have said it was dysfunctional behaviour.

The intention of this post was to highlight my experiences and correlations between reincarnation and gender. I’ve highlighted the fact I have chosen this experience of being transgender. That is part of my journey. I’m puttting my personal experiences out there in the hope that someone might find something useful in my words.

Best
Landsend
 
Hi Landsend,

This issue has come up repeatedly during my tenure on the board, but the balance has shifted. In the past, when I argued that whatever we ultimately were was gendered, this was very often (1) discounted as the poster equated gender with physical sex (which was merely an artifact of physical existence), or (2) discounted because it seemed to be generally believed that the "soul" was beyond such categories. So, there was substantial push-back in regard to the central concept of gender being something that transcended the physical. I typically countered that the mere fact that people tended to incarnate consistently as one sex, with occasional forays into the other (about 1 or 2 out of 10 lifetimes according to Stevenson) indicated a preference which was, in itself, an indicator of "gender", and added that gender had more to do with a way of relating/dealing to/with people/things, and probably should be seen as a logical extension of the basic Yin/Yang dualities of creation.

However, there are some who have gone through multiple cross-gender lifetimes with no memory of conflict/dysphoria. And, these folks often seemed to be folks with excellent PL memory and, at least arguably, more "experienced/advanced" souls. So, the idea is also out there that dysphoria has more to do with the difficulty in adjusting to cross-gender lives of a less "experienced/advanced" soul than a real and insuperable barrier.

In addition, though I think there is good reason to believe that the differences in brain structure (like the scar or birthmarks studied by Stevenson) are the byproduct of a "soul" gender that conflicts with body gender, that is still merely a theory. It could be that the physical changes in some or all cases are rooted in environmental chemicals or something else entirely.

Anyhow, I am glad to see the issue discussed, but leery of any type of "one size fits all" type of conclusion at this point. For most it may be necessary or best to make the outside conform to the inside. The opposite is generally impossible anyway (from what I can tell), but there will still be those who choose to tough it out in their birth gender. I'm also not going to say that they are wrong.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--One of my favored theories for many cross-gendered lives is neither "balance" nor some type of "karmic" pay-back. I theorize that it is often the result of--and the cure for--"grass-is-greener" syndrome. In this regard, I've noticed that this type of lifetime often comes on the heels of a lousy lifetime as the opposite gender. For a masculine gendered soul it may seem like a good idea to be female after dying miserably a few times in warfare. Likewise, for a feminine soul, there are also perils and pains unique to the sex that can make it seem like a good idea to go the other way. Consequently, I think that part of what is learned by a cross-gendered lifetime is that we cannot be happy being anything but what we innately are in this regard. If so, for most of the dysphoric transgendered, it is something they have already learned and there is no reason to stretch the "lesson" out any longer.
 
SeaAndSky said:
Hi Landsend,

This issue has come up repeatedly during my tenure on the board, but the balance has shifted. In the past, when I argued that whatever we ultimately were was gendered, this was very often (1) discounted as the poster equated gender with physical sex (which was merely an artifact of physical existence), or (2) discounted because it seemed to be generally believed that the "soul" was beyond such categories. So, there was substantial push-back in regard to the central concept of gender being something that transcended the physical. I typically countered that the mere fact that people tended to incarnate consistently as one sex, with occasional forays into the other (about 1 or 2 out of 10 lifetimes according to Stevenson) indicated a preference which was, in itself, an indicator of "gender", and added that gender had more to do with a way of relating/dealing to/with people/things, and probably should be seen as a logical extension of the basic Yin/Yang dualities of creation.

However, there are some who have gone through multiple cross-gender lifetimes with no memory of conflict/dysphoria. And, these folks often seemed to be folks with excellent PL memory and, at least arguably, more "experienced/advanced" souls. So, the idea is also out there that dysphoria has more to do with the difficulty in adjusting to cross-gender lives of a less "experienced/advanced" soul than a real and insuperable barrier.

In addition, though I think there is good reason to believe that the differences in brain structure (like the scar or birthmarks studied by Stevenson) are the byproduct of a "soul" gender that conflicts with body gender, that is still merely a theory. It could be that the physical changes in some or all cases are rooted in environmental chemicals or something else entirely.

Anyhow, I am glad to see the issue discussed, but leery of any type of "one size fits all" type of conclusion at this point. For most it may be necessary or best to make the outside conform to the inside. The opposite is generally impossible anyway (from what I can tell), but there will still be those who choose to tough it out in their birth gender. I'm also not going to say that they are wrong.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--One of my favored theories for many cross-gendered lives is neither "balance" nor some type of "karmic" pay-back. I theorize that it is often the result of--and the cure for--"grass-is-greener" syndrome. In this regard, I've noticed that this type of lifetime often comes on the heels of a lousy lifetime as the opposite gender. For a masculine gendered soul it may seem like a good idea to be female after dying miserably a few times in warfare. Likewise, for a feminine soul, there are also perils and pains unique to the sex that can make it seem like a good idea to go the other way. Consequently, I think that part of what is learned by a cross-gendered lifetime is that we cannot be happy being anything but what we innately are in this regard. If so, for most of the dysphoric transgendered, it is something they have already learned and there is no reason to stretch the "lesson" out any longer.
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S&S,

Your level head on this subject is refreshing to read -- lots of points you discuss make sense.

A few points that stood out --

First of all, I'm not sure really what equates to an advanced soul. Maybe that's my ignorance there. For some folks gender is just more of a blend anyway, who says we all have to fit the binary of male/female? Does that make that person more balanced, or advanced? That remains to be seen.

I suppose I was trying to push the point here that there does seem to be some influence in the incarnating soul on the biology of the foetus. As you pointed out, Ian Stevenson demonstrates this theory in his cases of scars/deformities and other abnormalities that correspond to past life wounds or trauma. If a strong gender energy (masculine or feminine energy) were apparent, then that energy imprint could in theory affect the brain of the developing foetus, or perhaps influence the hormonal cocktail in the womb. If you want to go even deeper, perhaps the incarnating soul influences the exact condition at conception, down to the exact spermatozoon and ovum. Who says that these are not orchestrated on a quantum level to which we as little people down here could not even begin to fathom?

As to why we might choose a transgendered existence, well, probably the reason is many fold, but your points do make some sense to me. I've often said this is my fugitive life, trying to hide away. My last life ended violently, and I experienced off the scale suffering. I suppose each person's reasoning might be different. There were a few things I had to see for myself in this life that would not have been possible if I had been born biologically male. This sort of existence isn't easy, and I often wonder why the heck I've done this to myself. If I try to be detached about it I can say -- well, never experienced this before so it's something new at least.
 
landsend said:
Some good points here... I’ll put forth my perspective.

First of all, despite biologically being born female, I am innately male. I’ve spent much of my life trying to align to my biological preset, and struggled my whole life to figure out what was wrong with me. The moment I realised I am not just like a male, but I am actually male it was a hit by a freight train realisation. A lot of my depressive feelings and the very dirty feeling that there was something I was lying to everyone over the years made complete sense. It’s taken me many months to be able to have clarity on this realisation.

My perspective and experience is that I chose a female body and a male brain. Whether or not that was influenced by my many lives as males is yet to be seen, but wouldn’t surprise me.

Although I was bought up as a girl, I had a childhood that was generally non-gendered and allowed me to be a boy. I only ever felt shame when my sister pointed out to me that I was too boyish or I wasn’t conforming to female behaviour (my preference for boy toys over girls, my general outlook and competitive nature.)

Only when social expectations as a teenager and hormones started taking over did the depression hit me.

The point being I am not a woman despite having the biological preset of a woman.My gender identity is male.

There is no learning to be female in my case, apart from seeing how crap in general women are treated by men. I tried very hard to be female and to be happy in that role. In the end repressing myself made me a very angry person who despised life and felt detached from all experiences, their body and in denial of living life at all.

The sad thing is the suicide rate is very high for trans people.
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As to the suicide rate, a trans man from my home state of SD just died by suicide while fighting a legal battle to gain healthcare coverage for top surgery. He was likely to win the case. The despair must be overwhelming for some trans people that it overrides any victory in life.

This original post is interesting. I was born female, ID as female, and typically express myself as such; however, I’ve had a lifelong issue with being female. I was 4 when I started resenting the cultural expectations of women (be a mother/nurturing, submissive) and physical differences (the “weaker” sex, having curves, getting a period). I think it has driven some of my decisions in life (avoiding femininity, motherhood). I grew up often wishing I were born male. Aside from wishing I weren’t a socially undervalued gender, I wonder if this also has to do with me relating to past experiences as male, since all 3 of the PLs I’ve recalled, albeit vague, have been male.
 
Hi landsend, SeaAndSky and all,
I do not think it´s a "grass is greener" syndrome in my case. I don´t dare to talk about this in general because I simply don´t know how individualistic the ways of reincarnation are (if reincarnation is taken for real). If this really happened at all, well, I remember and I´m sure I always adored women but I really never wanted to be one and I always thought life was so much harder for them. I still thought that as a kid in this lifetime watching my mom work. Not to speak of my last life where I lost my mom when I was very young and my step mom too due to illness and too much workload.
Being here as the one I am I`ve got a lot - great kids and a loving very supporting husband, a house, good education and jobs (even though they change frequently).

But I also lost so much.

It´s not only gender but it´s language and culture too. No baseball tradition, different Christmas/new year songs - I know it´s ridiculous but no "Auld long syne" -- I don´t know why I´m so resistant to adaption. It´s also difficult with making friends. I find it easy to do small talk with men but much harder with women. True friendships are even more difficult. I can´t do women talk like talking about shopping, weight and decoration. I have no relationship to flowers, I don´t know, I do not like flowers.

Here´s a little story:
When I was nineteen I was going out with my two best male friends. All three of us were at university studying psychology and we all were from out of town, from the countryside. I´d been in Vienna for 1,5 years, we were hanging around at the bars and drinking a lot and I totally lost it. I was feeling so good and relaxed for the very first time in years. My lifetime was swept away in a wink of time and I was being nineteen and male again. I started talking and being the guy I´d been. Then my friend turned at me - I remember his looks - and I realized it simply doesn´t work. He asked me why I was talkiing like that being a girl?
I confused them a lot :D.
Dunno what they thought was going on :confused:

I also still don´t know how to put it for myself. I simply don´t want to be a trans person - but I admire everyone who decides to go for who they are. I know one male-to-female woman and it´s tough. She´s quite tall too.
Me, I´m still stuck. I wear jeans, t-shirts, leather jackets and sneakers. I can´t make myself wear make up - can´t do it. I hardly wear any dresses except at weddings.
I´ve made a more or less decision to go on like that I guess. But I don´t feel comfortable with it.
 
Something to add: I believe besides avoiding situations it was my adventurous mind that got me here into this. Try something new. And feeling drawn to two special people who were already here upon my arrival.
Interesting about Ian Stevensons point regarding change of gender. I read two books by him and appreciated his scientific approach.
 
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This is such a difficult topic, and often brings out the best in folk when you bring it up (being ironic here...)

People transition because they feel their internal gender is different to their body and they have to live true to that. They have to live true to it because it is a pressure cooker existence, repression doesn’t make it go away and suicide feels preferable to the enormous discomfort of a mismatched body.

My own experience is that I have swung through cycles of deep depression before knowing what was wrong with me. I carried enormous guilt and continuously felt I was lying to myself, my husband & everyone I know. Like you Glia I just never got involved with people or life, because that role and person people saw just wasn’t me. I often brushed it off that I was just a ‘funny strange person’. I often feel like a tiny person who has shrunk to the background and floating out of my body, whenever the dysphoria hits it’s the same feeling, the feeling I have no presence and no one sees the real me.

I got to a point where I need to take action because I couldn’t see the point in continuing my life. Transition is preferable to ending my life. Total ignorance of trans people prior to that, I had no clue that my experiences matched closely other trans men.

Let me make this clear here that this is not the same as wishing you were a man because it’s ‘easier’ than being female. This is an internal identity that has been there since childhood. I didn’t wish to be a boy when I was a kid, I was a boy — my actions and thoughts and feelings and internal identity matched that of a boy. I was in denial about that fact from a very young age and the repression and guilt started from then on.

An example of how difficult and misunderstood this issue is— I’d consider this the most intimate thing about me, something I never wanted to tell anyone. My experience of going to get medical help involved a doctor who didn’t know how to refer me for medical help. I’ve told my intimate family about myself and the recognition extends to them not basically recognising me, it is humiliating, degrading and down right depressing. The alternative? I like to think it’s better than an early grave.
 
I fully understand. It sometimes seems to be a waste of time.. not to participate as much as one could... and should. My feelings have been practically the same like yours. I didn't wish to be a boy - I was one. And I remember the day clearly I felt terribly humiliated when my dad made a statement I shouldn't do this or that cause I was a girly :mad: him thinking he was funny, but half serious. At this point I realized it was the point of no return and puberty was ahead.
I never told anyone how I feel. I tried it once and wasnt taken seriously. Anyway - I think it must be obvious to some extent o_O
 
I think the question of how "this" happens in individual cases has to be left wide open. On that note, there is an interesting regression in Michael Newton's first book (which is, btw, available to listen to on Youtube). The individual was a male attorney in the U.S. in an earlier era who was very interested in protecting people from the rich and powerful. He chose to come back as a female because he thought it would give him an edge in this battle. I don't think it did, or that he adjusted very well, or that he had any idea of the changes that would have taken place in society by the time he came back, but it is an interesting story (plus the Michael Newton book is worth listening to anyway).

On the idea of advanced souls and how to detect them, I don't know. At the time, I was a lot newer to the board, the people I respected and considered to be on the other side of the issue had been here much longer, and they were definitely not shallow people. They not only had a lot more PL memory, but were people of depth and expressed themselves with clarity of thought. So, how do I know? I still don't. The person who claims to be an "advanced" soul (like the person who claims a very famous PL) is automatically going to be subject to some skepticism. As the saying goes, "extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof". However, none of these folks made that claim. The conclusion was my own based on who they seemed to be. Consequently, it has definitely kept me scratching my head on the issue.

PS--Michael Newton is, for those who are not familiar with his work, the person who pioneered life-between-lives research and regression techniques. I respect his work a great deal (though I don't offer that as a blanket endorsement of everything in his books).
 
landsend said:
Totoro, when I read your posts I never read them with a male voice. There is a feminine essence around you, can feel that. Hope you don’t find that offensive...
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No! I don't, not at all! In fact, I take that as a compliment! I don't think I'm very good at story telling, so I've always felt that my posts have always come across as sort of flat and one dimensional. So it's nice to have an outside perspective :)

SeaAndSky said:
I think the question of how "this" happens in individual cases has to be left wide open. On that note, there is an interesting regression in Michael Newton's first book (which is, btw, available to listen to on Youtube). The individual was a male attorney in the U.S. in an earlier era who was very interested in protecting people from the rich and powerful. He chose to come back as a female because he thought it would give him an edge in this battle. I don't think it did, or that he adjusted very well, or that he had any idea of the changes that would have taken place in society by the time he came back, but it is an interesting story (plus the Michael Newton book is worth listening to anyway).

On the idea of advanced souls and how to detect them, I don't know. At the time, I was a lot newer to the board, the people I respected and considered to be on the other side of the issue had been here much longer, and they were definitely not shallow people. They not only had a lot more PL memory, but were people of depth and expressed themselves with clarity of thought. So, how do I know? I still don't. The person who claims to be an "advanced" soul (like the person who claims a very famous PL) is automatically going to be subject to some skepticism. As the saying goes, "extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof". However, none of these folks made that claim. The conclusion was my own based on who they seemed to be. Consequently, it has definitely kept me scratching my head on the issue.

PS--Michael Newton is, for those who are not familiar with his work, the person who pioneered life-between-lives research and regression techniques. I respect his work a great deal (though I don't offer that as a blanket endorsement of everything in his books).
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S&S, I agree with just about everything you posted. I don't have much of a perspective of things, outside my own and I don't have the history that you do here, but I readily agree with your points. I also recall reading quite a of Newton's regressions with the ones that changed genders from what I can recall, there was a definite frustration that they were frequently missing the point of them.

To that end though, I would agree that there isn't a one size fits all explanation, that is one thing I'm sure of. There's so many factors that we can't account for, the most of which is that we lack the understanding (as often does the individual) of the circumstances of their current incarnation.

I always think regardless, it's up to us to find an opportunity for learning, growth and understanding in anything that we may find adverse. That said and please understand that this is my own pet theory since I could also easily fall into the category of transgender or dysphoric, I have often wondered if such feelings come from traumatic past lives (such as mine) and perhaps even buyer's remorse that may arise from the grass is greener explanation you were postulating, or even perhaps, not fully grasping the purpose of the current life, as with the cases of learning from the female perspective, helping out someone else or trying to further a cause. There's also a wide possibility that some things happen that we just don't have control over as the energy of the soul imprints itself on the new life.

I can only reiterate it's a very complex thing. Speaking only for myself, I'm male in the this life to help my wife, apparently across two simultaneous lifetimes (which goes along with the theory of "sped up development") and previously, since the male form was more conducive to authority. I think I mentioned elsewhere that I have intense eyes, I'm not a mean person at all! But my past female life was described as mad or bitchy looking and my male was described as having a gaze that shone with the power of a thousand suns. I clearly took advantage of gender as it suited my needs, but I also think it's sad that we pass two completely different, sexist, judgement on the same thing, when neither are true at all. This is something that's frustrated me in my work with students and the way that teachers and staff view them.

I would only know all of this though, having had access to my past lives . That's a very good argument for how therapeutic it can be! I think without it, I'd be lost and confused and I would have most likely drifted off course. I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to persist regardless, but with the way things are locked off and veiled and yet somehow stubbornly persistent in our lives, I know I would have stumbled more and for longer than I did.
 
The sex of the child is determined at the moment of conception by two chromosomes x and y...A female (the mother is xx) and the male (the father is xy).. Women have no y chromosomes they only contribute the x chromosome to the baby .. The sex is determined by whether the sperm of the male that fertilizers the egg is carrying and x or y chromosome A male child is xy and a female child is xx
Its impossible for there to be a mixture of half x and y chromosomes .. so the term cross gender is a totally made up because its impossible for anyone to be physically cross gender.. These are mot problems with gender they are other problems
This also raise questions about when the spirit enters the fetus and if the spirit has gender
At the moment of conception the spirit would have to know if the child was going to be male or female .. the major problem with that is.. they have no control over conception.. the sex of the fetus is determined by a physical thing.. In my opinion all of the theories about this subject are way out there and are gues's at best
 
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Totoro said:
No! I don't, not at all! In fact, I take that as a compliment! I don't think I'm very good at story telling, so I've always felt that my posts have always come across as sort of flat and one dimensional. So it's nice to have an outside perspective :)



S&S, I agree with just about everything you posted. I don't have much of a perspective of things, outside my own and I don't have the history that you do here, but I readily agree with your points. I also recall reading quite a of Newton's regressions with the ones that changed genders from what I can recall, there was a definite frustration that they were frequently missing the point of them.

To that end though, I would agree that there isn't a one size fits all explanation, that is one thing I'm sure of. There's so many factors that we can't account for, the most of which is that we lack the understanding (as often does the individual) of the circumstances of their current incarnation.

I always think regardless, it's up to us to find an opportunity for learning, growth and understanding in anything that we may find adverse. That said and please understand that this is my own pet theory since I could also easily fall into the category of transgender or dysphoric, I have often wondered if such feelings come from traumatic past lives (such as mine) and perhaps even buyer's remorse that may arise from the grass is greener explanation you were postulating, or even perhaps, not fully grasping the purpose of the current life, as with the cases of learning from the female perspective, helping out someone else or trying to further a cause. There's also a wide possibility that some things happen that we just don't have control over as the energy of the soul imprints itself on the new life.

I can only reiterate it's a very complex thing. Speaking only for myself, I'm male in the this life to help my wife, apparently across two simultaneous lifetimes (which goes along with the theory of "sped up development") and previously, since the male form was more conducive to authority. I think I mentioned elsewhere that I have intense eyes, I'm not a mean person at all! But my past female life was described as mad or bitchy looking and my male was described as having a gaze that shone with the power of a thousand suns. I clearly took advantage of gender as it suited my needs, but I also think it's sad that we pass two completely different, sexist, judgement on the same thing, when neither are true at all. This is something that's frustrated me in my work with students and the way that teachers and staff view them.

I would only know all of this though, having had access to my past lives . That's a very good argument for how therapeutic it can be! I think without it, I'd be lost and confused and I would have most likely drifted off course. I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to persist regardless, but with the way things are locked off and veiled and yet somehow stubbornly persistent in our lives, I know I would have stumbled more and for longer than I did.
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Your posts are always interesting Totoro, definitely not one dimensional.

Well this thread is of value if only to hear the spectrum of views out there.

Each and every one is on our journey through this existence. Recognising my internal self and seeing my wounds has been a fundamental turning point on my own path.

Being born transgender is certainly not easy, but it is what it is. Did I choose this? I struggle with that fatalistic way of thinking.

It comes down to this for me. I am facing my wounds head on. I’ve recognised now who I am as a man, taking steps to be true to myself. It’s hard, at times I want it all to end. But other times I feel happier and more present in my body in a way I haven’t since a little kid. The denial that I’m living this life is less and less, and in fact when it does turn up it startles me that I lived with that heavy cloak for years and years.

I’ll stand up for each and every trans person out there who lives through this.
 
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