Jesse's Story

[deborah]

There are many cases that cross the desk of Carol Bowman that the public does not know about. Parents choose to contact her directly and keep their experiences private. One such case is the story of Tommy, Rocky and Jesse. The family has chosen not to reveal their identities, but have agreed to let Ailish and myself coordinate and present their experience for them. We hope you enjoy reading their story and that you will engage in a discussion in the thread dedicated to member’s reflections and thoughts about the case. Carol, Jesse’s grandmother Loretta, and Jesse’s mother Terri may also be participating.

Sincerely,
Deborah and Ailish

 

[deborah]

Love Binds: Jesse’s Story

​

Losing someone we love is one of the most difficult experiences we could possibly have. We grieve for that person’s absence in our lives with every part of our being. For those that believe and understand the doctrine of reincarnation, the loss is no less painful, but there is also a glimmering of knowledge that there is more. Death is not final -- it is simply a transition to another life.


But what happens – when the person you lose is your child? And what if…you don’t lose just one of your children, but both of them in a senseless accident?


What if…one of your lost children returned to you?


On November 23, 1996 a tragedy beyond comprehension occurred, leaving a small, close-knit family shattered beneath the weight of their horrific loss.


Two years later, on December 13, 1998, a little boy named Jesse was born to them, a blessing of love to his grieving family. What the family didn’t know at the time was that Jesse had been with them before. Jesse was born with a story to tell -- a story about same family reincarnation.

 

[Ailish]

**********The Unthinkable Night********

​

It is through the voice of Jesse’s Grandmother Loretta, that his story is told. It was a typical afternoon when the events were set in motion that would change life, as the family knew it – forever. Life is fluid and ever changing, and even with the best intentions, the choices we make can lead us directly into the path of oncoming catastrophe without a moment’s notice. Loretta’s memories of that terrible night and the days immediately following are heartbreakingly raw and filled with emotion.


“My oldest grandson Rocky was nineteen years old. He was a very intuitive young man and he often knew about events long before they happened. Rocky had been having premonitions for quite some time. He always said that he would die young. Not too long before the accident, he had confessed to me that the thoughts and feelings he was experiencing made him afraid to go out in the evenings. He had a sense something terrible was going to happen.


Rocky was out of school and working, as well as helping to raise his baby daughter, Michaela. Rocky had asked his mom and step-dad to adopt his daughter. He wanted to be an active participant in her life and assist in raising her, but he felt that he could not provide the stability and care that his parents could, so shortly before he died, he signed the papers in court that allowed Terri and her husband to legally adopt her. Rocky wasn’t quite all grown-up yet, but we could see how far he’d come and what a fine man he was growing into. We were all very proud of him.


On the day IT happened, Rocky arrived home from work about 4:30PM. He told us he was going out to cash his paycheck, and then he would go visit with some friends. Rocky wanted to take his little brother Tommy along with him. Four years separated the two brothers, but despite the age difference, they were great friends. Tommy really looked up to his brother and jumped at every opportunity to spend time with him.


The boys’ mother, my daughter Terri, didn't want Tommy going with him that evening. Terri knew that Rocky’s friends were all a great deal older than Tommy. She was uncomfortable with letting Tommy hang around with the older boys, knowing how easily younger boys could be influenced. Although his friends sometimes had alcohol around, I never worried about Rocky. I knew he didn’t like to drink; he just didn’t like the taste. Terri expressed her concerns; she absolutely did not want Tommy going out that night.


Rocky started arguing with her while Tommy pleaded to be allowed to go. It was against her better judgment and she said, 'No.' The boys kept at her, hoping to wear her down with their tag teaming. In the end, she lost the argument and both boys took off for the car with gleeful abandon, overjoyed at their small victory. Her last words to Rocky as they stepped out the door were, 'I’m afraid something is going to happen to you and you’re going to take your brother with you.'”


At the time, Terri had no idea that what she had just said, would come back to haunt her in a devastating and unimaginable way.

 

[Ailish]

*********A Mother Knows*********

​

The connection between a mother and her child is a mystical, sacred bond, which has been spoken of, written about, and researched for centuries. Countless stories have been reported of mothers immediately “knowing” when their child is in jeopardy, and Terri was no exception.


“It was late, just after 1:00 AM. Terri had been in bed for several hours already and she was fast asleep. Suddenly, something woke her and she sat straight up in her bed. For no apparent reason, a terrible fear gripped her. At that moment she knew something was either about to happen or already had. All she could think of was her sons.


Terri got out of bed and checked the boys’ rooms. Both empty. Panic washed over her and she began to pace the floor, the dread growing stronger as the minutes passed without word from her sons. Rocky had always been conscientious about having Tommy home before midnight. She knew in her heart that something was terribly wrong. Rocky was dependable. It was not like him to keep Tommy out so late.


Minutes turned into hours, with no sign of the boys. Then, just before five am, two uniformed police officers arrived at the door. Terri saw them approach and her heart leaped into her throat. She couldn’t breathe; she knew instantly that they weren’t bringing good news. Haltingly, she opened the door.


One of the officers, whom she knew well, immediately took her by the shoulders to steady her. He explained to her that there had been a terrible car accident down on Route 5. There had been five young men in the car, and there were no survivors. The officer said the boys hadn’t been in Rocky’s car, but had been passengers in another boy’s car. The boy who was driving at the time the accident occurred was exactly whom Terri had objected to earlier when she had been opposed to Tommy going with Rocky. She had told both of her sons on many occasions to steer clear of him – she felt he was trouble.


Terri collapsed after hearing the news. She told the policemen that she had to call her mother and father. It was a phone call I will never forget. I was the one who answered the phone. I recognized my daughter’s voice instantly. Terri was so distraught I had difficulty understanding what she was saying. She could not speak clearly enough to tell me what had happened. I got so confused trying to make sense of her words, that she had to shout at me, 'The boys are dead, Mom, they’re both dead!'


The rest of the morning was just a blur of chaos, confusion and mind-numbing grief for all of us. When they told us that someone was required to go to the hospital to positively identify the bodies, I knew that there was absolutely no way I could allow Terri to go through that, so my husband and I volunteered to go.


Those few minutes in the morgue were unbearable; they are moments etched deeply in my mind and on my heart.


I decided that I would be the one to go in and identify the boys. I walked slowly into the room, supported by two nurses. Side by side across the room were two gurneys, with a black body bag resting on each one. I noticed that one was much smaller than the other, and that’s when I knew without a doubt, that the smaller one was my Tommy.


As I stepped forward, the attendant slowly unzipped the bag. There before me, was the beautiful face of my youngest grandson. At first it looked like he was only sleeping. Like I could reach out and touch his shoulder gently to wake him, and the nightmare would vanish. I could see he had other injuries, but I didn’t look closely, didn’t see much beyond his exposed stomach, which was badly bruised.


That’s when reality truly struck. My Tommy was really gone. Grief overtook me and I fell apart, sinking to the floor in despair. I told the nurses that I really couldn’t do it again. I knew that if this was Tommy, then the other one had to be Rocky. Both of my grandsons were gone.


It was a few days later that we found out that the driver had executed the accident with purposeful intent. He left a note for his mother, indicating that he planned to commit suicide. Not only did he kill himself, but he also took the lives of four innocent young men along with him, shattering the lives of many families in the process. Knowing that our boys died from such a needless act compounded our grief.”

 

[deborah]

*********The Wonder of Jesse**********

​

“Typically, around the time the child begins to talk in full sentences, he or she will begin to make shockingly accurate statements about the life of the deceased relative—facts a toddler has absolutely no way of knowing. Or the family recognizes specific behaviors in the child that mirror the relative’s unique quirks and personality.” – Carol Bowman


On December 13, 1998, two years after losing Tommy and Rocky, Terri gave birth to her third child. The birth of Jesse was an unexpected gift. Terri was forty and had been on prednisone for fifteen years, which can make it hard to conceive. Her second husband was also told by the doctor that he would never be able to impregnate his wife. But here he is, a beautiful baby boy they named Jesse. At the time of his birth, the family was still in the midst of learning to live without the boys, the pain of losing Tommy and Rocky still engrained deeply into their hearts.


By the time he turned two, Jesse began expressing very specific details that made them all question – how could he know these things? The family rarely mentioned Tommy, Rocky, or the accident that claimed their young lives. The wound was still too fresh, the memories too painful. But then Jesse started speaking about “being Tommy,” the big brother he had never met. In great detail, he related stories from his life -- as a teenager. Some of the incidents he spoke of, they hardly remembered themselves – until Jesse reminded them. The following examples are a few of the statements that Jesse made between the ages of two and five:


“When Jesse learned to walk, we noticed that his right foot turned in, as Tommy’s had done. Doctors had examined Jesse and stated that there was nothing medically wrong with his foot and they could find no apparent cause for this behavior. As time passed, Jesse seemed to outgrow this trait and began walking normally.”


“When Jesse was three and a half years old, and he was laying in bed with his mother, he reached over and kissed her, and with a very somber face, said ‘Tommy,’ then he said it again --‘Tommy.’ It was like he was giving her a kiss from Tommy. Then he told her that the car they crashed in was purple. Terri had to call me to ask if I knew what color the car was. I did. I just happened to see it parked in the police station parking lot where they had towed it from the accident. It was indeed purple.”


“Terri had kept Rocky’s car and was still driving it after Jesse was born. One day after seeing it parked in the yard, Jesse turned to us and said, ‘Don’t you remember when someone hit Rocky’s tire with a baseball bat and the tire went flat and Rocky and me had to pump it up?’ We did remember when that happened, but it was hard for us to believe that he was actually telling us about it.”


“One day when the children were playing outside, Jesse spotted Tommy’s old go-kart by the side of the house. He got so excited, he shouted, ‘There it is -- my go-kart. I used to fix it with my tools.’ I corrected Jesse, telling him that it was not his; it had belonged to his brother, Tommy. Jesse adamantly replied, ‘No it didn’t -- it’s mine.’ Then Jesse turned to Terri and, ‘Mommy, where is Rocky? I miss him, he’s my friend.’ Then Jesse started to cry.”


“Lately Jesse has been telling us that he doesn’t like his blue bedroom anymore. He insists, ‘I want my old bedroom back, the one that was red.’ It’s sometimes hard to believe, but Tommy wanted his bedroom painted red, and it was. His room was down in the basement. Jesse has also been asking where the old living room furniture is. He asks specifically about the orange couch and chair. We had those a long, long time ago, when Rocky & Tommy were small children and yet - Jesse remembers!”


“Several months before the boys’ accident, I almost had a serious one of my own. A deer had tried to jump over my car while I was driving. I could have been killed that day, but I believe my angels were with me. Jesse remembered it, too, and told me all about how they had to buy a new windshield for my car and replace it. Jesse was right about the whole story. I remember well how the boys helped my husband install the new windshield. Evidently - so did Jesse.”


“My husband used to own a big red tow truck, which was stored in the old barn after he retired from the business. Tommy knew it was there because he learned to drive a stick shift on that old truck; he was only about ten years old at the time. His Uncle Mike put wooden blocks on the gas and brake pedals so he could reach them, and Tommy would practice driving in a big field at the back of our land. Out of the blue one day, Jesse proclaimed, ‘I want a big red tow truck, just like Grandpa’s!’ Terri replied to him, ‘Grandpa doesn’t have a red tow truck.’ She had forgotten about the old red truck – but Jesse remembered.”


“When Tommy was a little boy he used to have a big yellow dump truck that was one of his prized possessions. He played for hours on end with it. The other day Jesse was really upset and when we asked him why, he said it was because he couldn’t find his yellow dump truck. He kept saying to us, ‘You remember! I used to play with it!’ That old yellow truck has been gone for so long – that we almost didn’t remember it, until Jesse brought it up.”

 

[deborah]

"One day we were all riding in the car and I turned around to check on Jesse, who was in the back seat. I noticed that he had taken his cap and put in on backwards. I asked him why he had his hat on the wrong way and he just gave me a look and said, ‘I always wore it like this.’ I knew he was remembering his life before. Tommy had always worn his cap backwards.


“When Michaela had a function at her school, we took Jesse along. As we entered the school, we passed by several classrooms. He stopped me in front of one, pointed and exclaimed, ‘See Grandma! I used to work in that classroom when I was big!’”


“One afternoon Terri and Jesse were kicking a ball back and forth in the yard. It was the size of a soccer ball. Jesse suddenly stopped, looked at Terri and stated, ‘You know Mommy, I used to play this game at school and I had these things on my knees,’ and he pointed to his knees. When Tommy was in school, he had indeed played soccer. He was agile and quick; he played the position of goalie. Of course, he wore big kneepads.”


“When Jesse was six years old, he became quite upset when he could not find “his” dirt bike. He looked everywhere for it. He kept asking me, ‘Don’t you remember it, Grandma?’ At first we tried to correct him – to tell him that the bike had been Tommy’s and not his. That bike was long gone and Jesse had never seen it. He insisted that it existed and finally we stopped trying to correct him.”


“We felt that his memories would soon fade. But Jesse’s almost nine now, and the memories still haven’t faded. He speaks less about Tommy and the accident, but he will occasionally say something that lets us know – he still remembers.”


Each memory that Jesse would express suggested to Loretta, that her new grandson was indeed Tommy. It was the little things, the unexpected things, that took them all by surprise. The memories were spontaneous, as if there were no division between now and then.


Over the years, Jesse’s grandmother Loretta carefully documented the things Jesse had said and done, and it proved to be an amazing collection of validations. Jesse himself showed his grandmother that love never dies, but returns to us in different ways. It was the sincerity and depth of knowledge with which he spoke that led her to believe that Jesse - was her beloved Tommy reborn.

 

[Ailish]

************When Fears Emerge***********

​

Tragic past life memories often manifest themselves in small children through unexplainable fears and night terrors. Often, the parents don’t realize the root of the child’s fear, and feel an overwhelming helplessness at being unable to calm their little one.


“When Jesse was very little, before he could talk, he was deathly afraid of the water which came gushing out of the fountain at the mall. His fear was so intense that we couldn’t take him to the mall anymore. Jesse was also terribly afraid to ride in cars; cars that he thought were too loud or too fast. He said he was afraid, ‘Because the car will crash, and go on fire’.”


"When Jesse grew a little older, he was playing with his toy cars and crashing them together. Terri said, ‘Don’t do that Jesse, they’ll break.’ Jesse replied, ‘I know, then there’ll be fire, and the firemen will come and get me all wet.’ Terri was shocked by his statement. She remembered a vision she had of Tommy lying under the car and being drowned by the water of the firemen’s hoses not long before."


“When Jesse was about three years old, my daughter Terri had a vision of Tommy in the accident. She had asked in a meditation why Jesse was so terrified of the waterfall at the mall. In the vision Terri saw Tommy, not Jesse. Tommy was under the car. He was looking directly up at the water from the fireman’s hose, which was gushing straight at him. She knew he only lived for a few seconds - just long enough for his last memories of drowning from the water to still be very vivid. When Terri put her vision and Jesse’s statement together, along with his fear of gushing water, she decided to ask me what I knew. We had done our best to shield Terri from the details of the accident; we felt she was suffering enough. Terri had no idea about Tommy being under the car. I knew, though; I had heard about it from one of the detectives who were on the scene."


When a parent experiences visions or information about a child’s past life, it becomes important validation, not only for the parent but also for the child. When a parent has a vision that corresponds to what a child is expressing, the parent is then able to help the child deal with trauma, fear or anger on a very intuitive level.


It seems that little Jesse needed to talk about what happened that horrible night. And so every time he made statements and shared details about the accident, Terri would bravely ask her mother for clarification, and Loretta would have to tell her what she knew.


“Jesse told us that he was in a car crash when he was Tommy. He told us that the car was purple in color and that the seats broke when it went flying. He continued to tell us detail after detail. He told us that the car fell on him and it hurt, that there was fire and it burned him. In fact, the car Tommy and his brother Rocky were in had hit a pole, before smashing into a tree and exploding. Tommy was thrown from the car – pinned beneath it. The car was on fire, and yes, Tommy was burned.”


“One day, Jesse spoke of a particular fact from the accident that no one had ever mentioned to Terri. It was too horrifying. Jesse approached Terri and said to her, 'Mom I’m so lucky, see I have my leg back, and my skin is not yucky anymore.' He wasn’t upset when revealing this to us, but he kept repeating it over and over again. I knew from talking to the police and firemen on the scene, that Tommy had not only been burned in the accident, but that his leg had also been severed when the car fell on top of him. At that point I had to tell Terri about Tommy’s leg. For Terri, it was the most difficult of all the facts that Jesse had shared with us. However, Terri also understood that what Jesse was sharing – proved without a doubt that he was remembering Tommy’s life and death. Terri then remembered something that Jesse had done when he was smaller – something that made sense now, knowing what happened to Tommy. When he was tiny – he had a little toy saw and he used to try to saw off his leg because he said it ‘hurt too much.’”


“One day while Jesse was playing, he turned to us and said that after the accident there was a big black hook that pulled the car off of his body. He stated that while this was happening, he was watching it from the roof of the car. We thought this was impossible. The police and firemen, who were the first ones to arrive on the scene, told us that by the time they were removing the wreckage from the accident site, all of the boys were already gone. Jesse has also said that he was a ghost, he went up above the accident and he wasn't scared anymore. I guess he didn't die instantly like the policemen said. But I believe that he wasn't alive that long after the crash, because he really doesn't remember much just before his death. I really hope he didn't suffer. It has taken a lot of comforting to help Jesse heal from his memories.” I am happy to say - Thank the good Lord he is not afraid anymore.”


"Jesse’s fears tell us a lot. He has night terrors and when he’s dreaming it’s more real to him. My daughter has to lie down with him and comfort him, when this happens. He hasn't had any for a while. I pray they don't come back."


Often, listening to your child, acknowledging their fears, and reassuring them they are safe and loved goes a long way to helping them heal from past life trauma. Terri’s vision allowed her a deeper insight into Jesse’s fears, which enabled her to help him on a very profound level. Once Jesse began speaking about the accident, his fears surrounding water, fire, and car crashes dissipated.

 

[deborah]

*********Unfinished business*********

​

Many times our souls pass from one life to another without completing some of the things our hearts were set on accomplishing. For a young boy, being on the brink of attaining his driver’s license is a huge step towards liberation and independence, a rite of passage. With his love of mechanics, the goal was even more important to Tommy. It was something he thought about, dreamed about, and sadly never achieved. Tommy’s dreams however, have flourished in Jesse.


“Tommy had been driving for years on our land. He couldn’t wait until he was sixteen so he could get his driver’s license. Sadly, it was a goal he never got to achieve; he was fifteen years old when he died. It’s what we call his unfinished business. The family believes this is something that he would like to accomplish in his present life.”


“Jesse is intrigued by anything to do with cars or trucks just like Tommy. My husband is a mechanic, and Tommy could always be found fixing cars with his Grandpa and his Uncle Mike. Tommy and his Uncle Mike had a very special relationship, and spent many hours together hunched over an engine. Even though Jesse sees very little of his Uncle Mike, there seems to be a strong bond between the two of them...”


“Several of the most important memories Jesse has shared have revolved around Tommy’s Red Chevy Classic. One of the most amazing validations for us was when Jesse told us all about the time he got it stuck in the mud and his Grandpa had to pull him out. This event happened only a few days before Tommy was killed. In fact, my last conversation with Tommy was about this very incident. He was worried that his Grandpa would be mad at him because he got stuck in the mud near the house, not in the woods on the trails where he was supposed to be driving. Jesse remembered – and described the events to us in perfect detail.”


“Jesse keeps asking us where his car is. He gets upset because it isn’t parked where he said he left it. Tommy loved that car; he was trying to restore it just before he died. Jesse keeps asking us, “Don’t you remember? It was right over there.” He would point to the exact place it had been parked the last time Tommy saw it. Terri had to tell him that she sold it to a young man a few years before Jesse was born. He got very upset, and told her she should not have sold it. It was his car. Jesse doesn’t seem to realize that his memories are from another life, he thinks it all happened when he was big. It seems to make a lot of sense to him, because it is still our lifetime, and it really wasn’t that long ago.”


It’s interesting to note that Henry Leo Bolduc states: “A child who is experiencing the rise of past-life memories might undergo varying degrees of time disorientation, not being able to distinguish past-life experiences from the present. Ranging in intensity from mild to severe, from “interesting” to dramatic, a wide spectrum of symptoms could appear. Careful observation of the symptoms could offer clues as to whether the child is undergoing normal current time development, or whether the mind and soul are reaching back into a life that came before the present one, bringing clues of past issues, still unresolved, to the surface.”

 

[deborah]

************In Spirit***********

​

Jesse continued to speak about that horrible night and the accident that took his life, and the life of his brother Rocky. Despite Loretta’s best intentions to keep the details from her daughter, more and more of them seemed to be emerging through Jesse. It was extremely difficult for the entire family to keep hearing Jesse recounting Tommy’s memories of what he felt – and how he experienced both the accident and his subsequent death.


“At first we didn’t understand how Jesse could know all of the details about an accident that happened before he was even born. Again, he started giving details about the accident – the exact same details he had always given. When he talks about the accident, and describes what happened that night, it is really difficult for us to hear. No one survived the crash, so we only know what the investigators have told us. Jesse never shows any distress when speaking about his memories; he is rather matter of fact about the whole thing. His descriptions never waver. Jesse said when he was in the crash that the car fell on him and it hurt. He also told us once that he was standing on top of the car watching what was happening after the accident. We felt this was impossible, due to the position of Tommy’s body under the car, so we say it had to be that he was already in spirit.”


"Jesse talked about being a ghost and how his Mommy was SAD, but it’s okay because now he’s a boy. He also said one day that his back was on fire. He said he was scared, but then he was a ghost. Then they went up and he was alright; he was not afraid anymore. Jesse doesn’t know the word or the definition of ‘spirit,’ so to him, he’s a ghost. Like Casper the Ghost.”

 

[Ailish]

**********Acceptance*********

​

“Not long ago we were driving down Route 5 and Jesse wanted to know where the crash happened that he and Rocky were in. We had just driven past the tree where the accident occurred. The tree has since been memorialized, and on it is a beautiful plaque that reads – ‘In Loving Memory’ with all of the boys’ names engraved on it. Five young men lost their lives that night. I’m sure Jesse could not have seen this as we drove by, but he still intuitively knew that this was the highway were it happened, only six years before. It is said that most children stop remembering about the age of five or six. We will have to wait and see. But this family doesn’t have to be convinced; we have heard more than enough to believe that our precious boy has come back to us.”


A few more years have passed since Loretta first shared the story of her three grandsons. Although the family suffered a terrible tragedy with the loss of Rocky and Tommy, they received a beautiful blessing in the form of Jesse. With him Jesse brought the knowledge that love never really dies, but returns to us again at a different time, in a different body. According to his grandmother, Jesse will still, on occasion, say something that lets them know – he remembers, and will always carry a part of Tommy with him wherever he goes.


Discussion thread


Copyright © 2007 Deborah Barr & Ailish Brennan


All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise without written consent of the authors or Carol Bowman.