Losing My Individuality

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by GalaxyDreamer90, Feb 20, 2021.

  1. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Not sure this is the right kind of forum to post this, but lately I've been getting this overwhelming feeling that I'm losing my individuality. I feel like I'm becoming like everyone else in this society yet there are so many things I hate about this society that I dont want to be like everyone else, but it seems I have no choice. For one I work a 9 to 5 40 hour week job just to afford to live on my own. I'd much rather be a freelance artist but if I was to do that my income wouldn't be as stable and I probably couldn't afford to live on my own. I'm seriously thinking now about talking to my boss about working different hours like maybe 11am to 7pm. Maybe that will help a little. Also seriously thinking of a change in career. There is a comic book store within about half a mile from where I live and I'm also thinking about asking if they are hiring. I think I'd have much more fun working there because I'd probably be around fellow artist and creative types. Also I feel I am becoming like every other member of my generation, which really scares me for my generation is well known for being very stuck up. However I am already like most of my generation it seems. I mean most people by my age, which is now 30 live on their own and work an odd job to support themselves. I dont want to be like every other stuck up millennial though. What can I do to keep from losing myself.
     
  2. There and back again

    There and back again Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2018
    Messages:
    549
    Likes Received:
    425
    This is one of those things that would have to be pried out of my cold dead hands as I refuse to surrender the way that most do after all not everyone is cut from the same block and I know all too well that I really don't have much of a place in this world so to speak being regarding being accepted into society ect. I do feel that deep down most don't struggle with this too much regardless of their differences they've already found or have always had their tribe so to speak and never really had that need to find place much less needed to retain their individuality. As for jobs I've given up on career work given that most jobs don't favor introverts very well be it the type of work or worse are discriminatory where they either don't get hired on at all or get treated like crap later till they end up quitting.

    To answer this if you really want to hang on to what is ultimately you then start feeling what is true to you discovering your own values and who you really are as a person as well spirit.
     
  3. Totoro

    Totoro Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2011
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    445
    Location:
    Tampa, Fl
    I've been down this path and if I can give you any wisdom of what I've learned, this would be it.

    1. The first thing is, is that you sound like you're already responsible for yourself and that's a good thing. You've recognized that you have needs for your survival and you've addressed them. This means that you're not dependent on anyone else and that's a good thing. My philosophy has always been, even if we lived in caves, we'd still have to work to survive. To eat, to give ourselves shelter and protection. If instead, we felt like going down to the pond and skipping rocks all day, we'd starve to death pretty quickly.

    I hung around the art and music crowd for years. The #1 thing that bothered me was how dependent on other people, everyone else seemed to be. Everyone needed a ride, a place to stay, a hand out and so on. These same people would also constantly brag about going to the latest trendy place to eat, about their 10$ fancy coffee, the cool limited addition action figures they just bought, the latest video game, the new boots, the new outfit for the club / concert.

    Everyone falls on hard times, me included, but is giving up your self sufficiency worth it, so that you can simply say you have more time for fun? or distraction? isn't' that what it comes down to? a fear of missing out? Yes, by working, you're giving up your free time and you won't have as much to keep up with the latest and greatest.. whatever it is. But also consider my next following two points.

    2. you're already working 40 hours a week. awesome! you're also in control over how you spend those 40 hours. As there and back again was saying, most jobs in the business and corporate sector are going to be for extroverts, but there are plenty of jobs that have a meaningful impact on society that also don't require a ton of education. Nursing, EMS, fireman, social work or even jobs like IT, accounting, television productions. It's completely possible to be happy with a fulfilling career that will also allow you to support yourself. Use your imagination and be creative in looking for possible careers.

    3. Your in control of who you want to be, on your own time. From your post, you don't sound like you're married of have kids. If you work an 8 to 5, you should have plenty of time to watch movies, listen to music, read comics, work on art, play video games.

    I'm 46, I'm the single parent of an 18 year old and I own my own home. In my car and at my desk (with headphones) I'm listening to everything from techno to heavy metal. At home, I'm working on DIY art / house projects, I write music, I take my son to comic con, we go camping, kayaking, on saturdays I work and play at an airsoft field (it's like paintball). Pre covid, I used to Dj and play live shows occasionally.

    But 8am Monday? I'm at work, getting it done.

    I'm just going to level with you. I've always been a punk kid and this whole idea that society sucks and everyone is just a programmed robot is bullcrap. When I turn on the tap, clean water comes out. When I flip the switch, the lights go on. When I go shopping, there's food on the shelves and what makes all of that possible? The fact that people had jobs to do and they showed up and did them. Furthermore, the fact that I live in a stable, safe culture is something I'm grateful for. I don't go to bed at night worrying if I'm even going to wake up in the morning and that's something I don't think I can be thankful enough for. No, culture and society isn't prefect. There isn't one on earth that is. But, if you feel you have that much of a difference with it, work for change. Run for office, be directly involved in causes you feel the most strongly about. That in itself could be a career path for you.

    The problem most people have isn't that society sucks and losing themselves is some kind of twisted conformity. Trust me, being "different" is just it's own kind of conformity, but that's besides the point. The problem is, is growing enough to understand yourself and how you fit into society enough to make the most of yourself and your abilities. It's hard and frankly, the whole process sucks. It's easier to blame society and to just quit and drop out.

    As I was saying in the beginning, you recognize the need to be responsible for yourself and for that, I give you respect. It's entirely 100% possible to be satisfied with a career and still be yourself. It just takes work, that's that difference. Anything else is just excuses.

    And I'm not some saint here, I've been up and down, back and forth and I've made excuses, but I never gave up and ultimately, I got where I wanted to go. It wasn't easy, but I made it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2021
    Klaud, Ocean, fireflydancing and 2 others like this.
  4. cloud potato

    cloud potato Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2013
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    295
    Wow Totoro, thank you for sharing all that about your self. So cool. I really appreciate it. A woman told me how luck we were to have clean water and a hot shower every night if we wanted. I live in TX and the power and running water was out for just one week. The house was under 50 degrees and we had to use huggie baby wipes to keep ourselves clean. I realized I'm not survivalist, as much as I'd like to be. Having no water to flush the toilet sucked. Luckily it wasn't all that bad.

    To Galaxy, you will figure it out. Have faith in your abilities. I'm in your generation and it sounds like writing things out is helping you discover. Eventually we will have to let idea's of our self and the way we view the world go and this can be a fun process.

    Loving regards to all.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2021
    fireflydancing likes this.
  5. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    I really didn't want to reply but I really feel I got to make my point to you. I get that someone has to do the boring odd jobs that are out there to keep society going, but that's not everyone's dream job. Also you're making it sound like me and other artistic types are the ones who are the spoiled stuck up brats. Though I don't know that many fellow artistic types I don't think we are all stuck up and spoiled like you say. And yes I can do whatever I want at home especially since I am not married or have kids yet, but I work 8 hours a day 5 days a week and got to have some time to rest, which doesn't give me much time to be myself. Oh and before you praise having clean water from the tap maybe you should look up how much fluoride is in the water and how it is bad for the brain. Perhaps then you would open up your eyes which are obviously closed and see just how bad society really is.
     
  6. inhaltslos

    inhaltslos Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2010
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    496
    Wow, @GalaxyDreamer90...I thought @Totoro's reply to you was the best thing I've read on this forum for awhile. In fact, I was going to drop him a line about how mature, encouraging, and from-the-heart his reply was. I also was going to reply to you, but @Totoro did such a nice job, I know I couldn't say anything any better. I don't see anywhere where he's saying you're a "spoiled, stuck up brat" and I don't believe at all that his eyes are "obviously closed". I'm not quite sure why his reply is bringing out such a strong response.
    Life is tough, and the older you get the more responsibilities you have. And, in turn, the more effort you must put in for quality down time. I WISH I only worked 40 hours per week, you know? Everything I do outside of my job is scheduled in (yes, even being able to moderate here!). Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't.
     
    fireflydancing likes this.
  7. Speedwell

    Speedwell Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    735
    Likes Received:
    910
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Sometimes I think our own individual life is a bit like being inside a well-lit room at night. When we look at the outside world, we tend to see a lot of darkness and our own reflection.

    It may be that when the world, or other people seem a particular way, it can be difficult to see them as they 'really are'. Often we end up staring at our own reflection. When things seem bleak or hard out there, sometimes it is time to be gentler with ourselves. Being gentle, caring towards ourselves, can often help to make the outside world seem a better place too.
     
    fireflydancing likes this.
  8. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Sorry for being so harsh I have a tendency to be that way. Still I feel @Totoro is blind to how bad society really is. I understand being an adult means more responsibility but I hate it. Maybe this is just me but I wish I could beat up other people, but no because of how messed up society I cant without the fear of being put in jail and tortured for no reason at all. What's so wrong with a good spar. Besides here I got my second amendment right but it seems no one cares about that anymore because of school shootings. But though I like kids and have several nieces and nephews I dont see kids as innocent either. They will end up as bad as everyone else in society. Anyway there I go ranting again about how messed up society is. Guess I better stop but hopefully now you can see how messed up people are and why I want to be an individual.
     
  9. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    I was talking to my dad this morning about how I wish I could do what I enjoy for a living and he said even if I was to do what I enjoy I'd get tired of that too. Maybe @Totoro has a bit of a point.
     
  10. cloud potato

    cloud potato Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2013
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    295
    I've been thinking more on this subject too. This will be a little rumination/generic. If for personal advice I might add you can try exploring the new hours you suggested initially. My girlfriend says enjoy the ride of constant change. The thought I had was survival of the fittest. There are plenty of things wrong with society, it isn't hard to find. There are plenty of things that are worthwhile too. We are and are not always at war with ourselves, losing ourselves, discovering ourselves. It's a process. All the meanwhile, we adapt to external circumstance for survival purposes. Through this adaptation we can pursue our own interest. The smallest of gestures can have the largest impact. An-always inquisitive mind or can-do attitude in the work place for instance, could have rippling effects in ones immediate environment. What we ought to do, as we enter adulthood is support the businesses we find agreeable and seek out communities or engage in activities we find harmonious for our soul. Having to work a job you don't like doesn't mean abandoning your interest or the attitude you wish to harbor. Life is mostly attitude. Let it be always, opportunistic. Even now I find my self adjusting my daily routine to be more in line with my interest. It means supporting communities I enjoy, making the most out of what food is available to me, doing without intrusive advertisements and giving my self time to exercise or study- even if it means waking up earlier. We have a power, and we can discover how to assert that power in our personal lives, our home life and through out society. Unless by choice, I don't imagine your deepest interest will leave you.
     
    Jim78 likes this.
  11. Totoro

    Totoro Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2011
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    445
    Location:
    Tampa, Fl
    Well first of all, thank you for all of the kudos. That said, over the years I've mentored, worked with youth and well, I am a dad, so if the tone was a little "giving a talking to" it's because it's natural for me to be pretty quick and throw down the dad card.

    Next up, I wasn't saying anyone was stuck up, at all or in the least. What I noticed (this is me talking, from my own experiences) is that there was a lot of hypocrisy and dependence on others. The nutshell version, referencing my original post, is that if your car needs to be fixed, is that you don't have money for a 10$ coffee. And when you buy that coffee and don't spend the money on the car, you shouldn't in good conscience, be asking someone for a ride.

    Or, in the nutshell nutshell version, a lot of people in my experience want to live a certain lifestyle, but they often won't accept that choosing to live a certain way also comes with restrictions. That is to say, you can't willfully choose to live a certain way and then claim that it's not fair that you don't have money any access to things, that you willingly choose to give up. When you have less money, you need stronger will power and maturity in prioritizing your needs over your wants.

    Anyway, when I recognized that you were choosing to work, even though you weren't happy about what you were doing, I meant that as a compliment. To go off of what cloud potato was just saying, you just have to get out there and do it and figure it it out while you go a long. The fact that you're already doing it, shows that you have great courage, even if you don't have all of the answers you want right now.

    The second point with that, that I'm not sure if I made or not, is that I think that for people who get overwhelmed or who are uncertain of their direction in life, it really shows, to me, that they are actually quite intelligent and have a lot of potential. I bet you're a lot like my son and your greatest fear is in not having a job that allows you to make the most of your talents. I think it all means that you're smart enough to see a variety of paths before you, along with their greater implications and it's overwhelming and the natural response is to shut own or back away from it all. But again, you're already working, that is to your credit; you haven't shut down completely and once more, it takes courage to get out there and "wing it".

    What you're doing now, isn't forever. It will change and you'll learn things along the way and every time you move or switch jobs, hopefully you'll be moving in a direction that's better for you, in terms of your overall job "fit" and as advancement.

    I want to maybe correct what your dad said to a point. Even if you love what you do, it's unrealistic to think that you'll be happy every day, all day. Back in the day of the dot com bubble, when a lot of tech companies got rich really quickly, they did all kinds of fun things like everyone got an 80 inch plasma for a monitor and places like google put in slides, adult sized ball pits and everyone sat on yoga balls. Many of those places closed because they got lucky and their management overspent and bankrupted themselves and places like google eventually stopped the fun stuff. Why? because a company can't run when all of your employees are all in a ball pit. It's not realistic.

    Even if you love it, work is still work. Meetings that could have been an email will be long and boring, maybe you didn't sleep well the night before and the day is just going to drag.. there's a million reasons why any job won't be amazing or fun at anytime, if you love 100% what you do.

    As cloud potato was saying, your interests aren't likely to change an you're going to be who you are. I can look back at my past lives and see that even though I was in a different body, in different roles, overall my lives had similar themes and directions and from first hand accounts, I am literally the same person. yes we grow and mature, but our underlying nature isn't likely to change.

    The answer I think, is to not put all of your eggs in one basket. You spend the most time at work, yes, so make sure you are happy with what you are doing or at least make sure that your job has value. If you're not happy now, plan to change directions. Keep looking for jobs in things you think you may be interested, go to tech school, take night classes, volunteer even.

    And like I was saying, you're in charge of your free time. Choose friends that encourage you to be more than you are, that build you up and that don't encourage you to settle for less or simply echo what you already think and know. Choose activities that will make you feel good about yourself and are a positive use of your abilities.

    And once again, my post wasn't meant as any sort of criticism. You probably don't realize it now, but you do have courage and a lot of potential, it's obvious to me, as I was just saying.
     
    Klaud, fireflydancing and inhaltslos like this.
  12. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    I can kind of tell you are a dad @Totoro. I'm not entirely sure I want a kid. Though it does seem kind of nice I feel like it's what everyone else my age does. Anyway as for my career I still would much rather make a living out of being an artist. I have plans of hopefully being able to get my bachelors degree. As for money the only thing I seem to spend my money a little foolishly is on electronics. I seem to always need the latest and greatest electronic devices. However now that I'm living on my own and have to spend most of my money on rent, bills, and groceries I'm trying to teach myself to budget. It is kind of hard to not always be able to afford the latest electronics right away, but I don't want to be greedy and stuck up. There are too many people like that in this world. I try to tell myself that as long as I can afford to live on my own I should be happy, but still there are times when I want the latest and greatest electronic device. Perhaps learning to budget will eventually help with that.
     
  13. Totoro

    Totoro Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2011
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    445
    Location:
    Tampa, Fl
    Graphic arts dude. I know people that make 120k. If I could draw, that's what I'd be doing. In fact I'm trying to get my son into like 20 different things he'd be good at. He's got that fine motor skill I wish I had.

    Budgeting is harder when you're younger. A large part of the reason I work in education and have worked with youth for so many years is that I think our modern cultures really lack a way to prepare young people for adult hood and life in general. Anyway, part of the stress of being in that middle place getting a job and having money for for the first time. It gets to be easy to want to buy things you never had before and learning to budget and have discipline is part of that.

    But heck, right now, I make more money than I ever have had in my life and I'm finding it hard not to spend, but.. 99% of that extra spending is on stuff I've needed for years but put off. So part of it is justified ha ha. My point being, don't be too hard on yourself. But also realize the importance of having money in the bank. Although I do know it's hard to save money when you don't have much and that's what makes it harder, but anything can and will happen and having cash on hand smoothes out those bumps.

    Anyway, I'll deactivate dad mode. ha ha. Just keep doing what you're doing and I guarantee you'll figure it out :)
     
  14. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    I had no idea graphic designers could make that much money. I've studied graphic design for a while and that's how I ended up meeting my boyfriend (we were both in the design program). The only think I couldn't stand about graphic design was how mechanical things were. In one particular class the instructor had us constantly use a ruler to draw straight lines and measure when drawing perspective when I can draw fairly good perspective drawings without much help from a ruler. I can even draw a fairly good straight line without a ruler. I think this is because I'm naturally good at color and perspective when drawing. At least that's what I can remember being told by my art teacher back in high school. I also remember him saying to challenge myself by painting landscapes which I never got much into though if I want to improve as an artist it's definitely something I will have to eventually do. Anyway my boyfriend says his brother can eventually get us a place in Columbus, Ohio. When that happens I have plans of going to a design school there to get my bachelors degree most likely in illustration or graphic design. My job will even pay for some of my tuition if I was to go back to college and get my bachelors degree. As for my spending I'm trying to watch it right now since I just had to spend some money on the newest phone. I got some money that I'm saving up incase some kind of emergency happens or something, which is good. Still I can get carried away with spending my money. Like for instance I want to eventually decorate my apartment, even paint it since I'm allowed to as long as it isn't a bright color, but I'm telling myself that might have to wait a month or two because the past couple of months I've gotten a bit carried away with my spending like on my new phone.
     
  15. Blazealiste

    Blazealiste Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2017
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    62


    Listen to this song. If you doubt it, listen to it again, and again, until you believe it. It help me tremendously when I was going through something similar. He loves you EXACTLY how you are. So should you. Your not “perfect” and your never going to be, but you are you, and you are wonderful. Be who he made you to be, and live like you're loved!
     
  16. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Thanks. It's just so hard being an individual most of the time. Everyone else has expectations of what you're suppose to do like go to college, get a job, get a house, and have a family. While living on my own has some pros (I can be depressed and cry myself to sleep without worrying about being judged and thought of as mental for being depressed) Sometimes I feel like by having a job and living on my own I'm being like everyone else. It doesn't help that I don't quite have my dream job of being an artist yet, but I'm working on that. However, lately I've been finding it hard to get back in touch with other artist.
     
    Jim78 likes this.
  17. RedSunshine

    RedSunshine Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2016
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    51
    That is really deep. Yes, I feel your emotions as well but you need to tough yourself.
     
  18. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Sorry but I can't just tough up as for some odd reason I like to be sad and depressed. I don't want to think I'm mental because of that though. I just like the feeling of sadness.
     
  19. pondquinion

    pondquinion Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2020
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    27
    So want to be like sadness (Inside Out)? Well, we can't blame you for liking it tho.
     
  20. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    It isn't a much the character sadness from inside out that I like as much as I actually like to feel sad as strange as that may sound.
     
  21. Reincarnat

    Reincarnat Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2021
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    10
    Sometimes it's okay not to be okay but if it's too much, it's dangerous already. Moderation in everything is the key. No one can help us but only ourselves. Be strong and don't be afraid of your shadow.
     
  22. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Sorry but imo people with depression are useless because they have a disability. That's why I hate to admit that I have depression. I only tell myself I have depression and am therefore useless to make myself feel sad anyway. But now that I recognize that I can stop myself from making myself sad which kind of annoys me because I like sadness so much. It isn't so much I'm depressed as a call for attention as I kind of mentioned in another topic. As a kid my parents would give me so much attention especially when sad that I hate to say it but I'm spoiled. So I don't think my need to be sad is so much depression as much as wanting attention. Luckily I'm starting to learn ways to give myself the attention I crave but sometimes it isn't the same as the attention my parents would give me.
     
  23. CMiguel

    CMiguel Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2020
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    19
    You can't squeeze into a mold you aren't made for. You were made to be you. Be You. Just be you. We all have done things we regret. Be You. Be Happy. Remember there's a whole world out there of happy people - You can be happy too. I actually have a playlist of inspirational songs I listen to when I feel down or like hurting myself. Remember, you can take control of your life back. We believe in you.
     
    Jim78 likes this.
  24. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    117
    Thanks it's hard to be an individual though. But at the same time I see how others in this world are and I want to be nothing like them. However whenever I do try to be myself others tend to ignore me or even worse. I just don't know what to do. I can't keep my opinion to myself but at the same time no one seems to care no matter what I do.
     

Share This Page