• Thank you to Carol and Steve Bowman, the forum owners, for our new upgrade!

My friend X

Spring equinox. Six months and counting A. X. Lots of mixed feelings. Most of them good (sort of). Sorrow, yes. Joy? Of course.

Romeo and Juliet... Star crossed lovers.... Soul mates .... Eternal love....

Be careful what you wish for? Sure. Follow your heart? Always.
Love. You know it when you feel it, even when it's difficult.


...I can't do the talk like they talk on TV
And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you
I can't do anything except be in love with you
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All I do is keep the beat and bad company
All I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
Juliet I'd do the stars with you any time...
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
I really enjoyed reading this. You make me want to share my story of a man I met who is often in my dreams and some similiarities to your story. I have many times I dreamt of him to wake up and find he's messaged me after not hearing from him in a while. I love how you wrote the story and your feelings into it that even though you are not in a relationship, you are happy to have him in your life.
 
Thanks Lily.


This happens. It's a thing. As you keep noting your dreams and insights more will come to you. Feel free to share your story.


X has been a life's (lives') work for me. But I would not exchange it, even with all the ups and downs.


Only love.

 
When I was about 9 I had a dream that kept waking me up at night. In it, I was watching a dark haired boy a few years older than myself walking through the rain in a big city with high buildings all around. He was so sad. When I was 16, through a series of connections I met a young man with dark hair, not in itself unusual, but when our eyes locked they just LOCKED. He asked me to marry him when I thought I was pregnant with another man's child (happily I wasn't), saying "I'll love it because it's yours." We had known each other less than 2 months. It turns out that his father was an alcoholic, and his mother used to send him out at night in the city of Denver to drag his father out of bars, no matter the weather.


This is exactly what was happening in the dreams I had had. One day, after we had known each other longer, a feeling enveloped me, a dead certainty, and I went to him and said "I think we are so happy because we weren't allowed to be together in a past life." He got the oddest look on his face I have ever seen, turned and looked deeply into me and said, "I know, but I don't want to talk about it," then hurriedly walked away. I can remember at least 2 past lives we were together, but were separated for one reason or another, the last one broken up by WW II in Holland. Hopefully, we will have a chance again.


I feel that a big reason I came back this time, so quickly after the trauma of WWII, was to be with him. Otherwise, I get the distinct feeling I would have waited and not rushed into things so quickly. When we broke up I physically felt my heart break. That made another person of me. I am now far more compassionate, more open somehow, and identify with people's suffering--and I chose a career helping others.


Crimson and Clover.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Love is love. Memories of happier times. I went away for a while to live for a year on a tropical island (yes, really). I thought it would clear my head. It only worked to a certain extent. This belongs here, from almost 7 years ago ...

The longing never goes away. It can't.'

[text lost] - While we were apart I had a very vivid dream about X and I walking around an art gallery laughing, talking, sitting on a seat holding hands in front of a big painting (as one does). A very sweet dream full of love and joy. (Probably a memory from the next life) [/lost text]

10-07-2009, 10:32 PM
I am sitting on my verandah on a very remote island in the Great Barrier Reef, in tropical Queensland where I am working in a luxury resort at present (strange, but true). I'm thinking about abiding love and my friend X and sand mandalas and contemplating the sand between my toes (yes really, lucky me).

It is a strange experience on this little island cut off from the 'real world' without newspapers or mobile phones or TV and climate change and all that "busy stuff". The stars are very bright here. There are many birds. It is a national park reserve. The birds are mostly very noisy even at night, as are our usual busy, mental, human thoughts.

Sometimes to quieten the birds I play some beautiful tunes, on my computer. They particularly like Hildegarde of Bingen.

Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Today would have been X's birthday. 55. Too young. So sad.

Song bird..

To you, I would give the world
to you, I'd never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
So, I finally got round to packing up some of X's clothes. They've been in a plastic storage box, sitting in the corner of my spare room, haunting me. A few weeks ago, around the six month mark I thought, OK! It's time.


I opened the box and got his smell, which I knew would happen and had been dreading and anticipating at the same time. I took out his T-shirts and what have you and washed them and hung them out on the line. I put a couple of his good jackets out to air, gave them a bit of a brush and a clean with a damp cloth (Dear oh dear! A cigarette burn on a lapel ... Is that glitter on the collar? Hmmmm ... some kind of liquid spillage marks on a cuff ... ) ... It made me smile a little, which was nice, even though it also made me sad.


The numerous cleaned T-shirts were lovingly folded and given to 'good will'. I put the nice jackets aside. Maybe one of his friends might fit them? Maybe I will donate them to charity. Should I ask them, or would that just bring up sad memories for them, that they are trying to process in their own time? I can't decide just yet. Maybe I am just stalling, because I'm letting go slowly, to tell the truth. But I just put them in the cupboard for another day.


I've had a terrible flu and a cough the past few weeks since all this. Coincidence? Perhaps. Perhaps not. There is one warm parka that I confess I have been wearing. It's fantastically warm. It smells like the fabric softener he used to use. The other night I put it on before going out into the cold to go to my daughter's birthday party. We went to her party together last year. :(


As I was walking along, I had such a strong sense of his presence. Maybe it was the familiar smell, or some of his lingering molecules, but it felt like he was giving me a warm hug and he was telling me to look after myself and be happy because that's what he wants. It was nice. Whether it was my 'imagination' or not, I don't care.
 
I love this, Tanguerra. Keep the Parka, and I think X's friends would be honored to be asked about the others, at least. But just a suggestion, do what you feel and in your own time, of course.
 
It is very difficult.
Most nights I go to sleep thinking "He is dead, I have to get used to it. I need to get over it..."
I wake up hearing...
"...I can't do anything except be in love with you,
And all I do is miss you, and the way we used to be.."


I wake up thinking "What do I do now? Why am I still here when he isn't.... "


It's not easy.
 
Last edited:
I think in regard to reincarnation that these relationships with twin souls are meant to be challenges to us. To me the vast difficult lessons are enlightening. I was dwelling on the differing reasons people come here, and the various memories that have prompted them. I consider myself fortunate that mine is love....love for another being. My hope is in the lives and lessons to come.


Thank you again Tanguerra. Our ability to come together and learn from each other like this is a blessing and the point of it all.


Tinkerman
Click to expand...
Namaste. Love is what we came here for, with all its ups and downs.

The words I have to say
May well be simple but they're true
Until you give your love
There's nothing more that we can do

Love is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen


You say it's very hard
To leave behind the life we knew
But there's no other way
And now it's really up to you

Love is the key we must turn
Truth is the flame we must burn
Freedom the lesson we must learn
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen

Love is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen...

Elton John/Lesley Duncan
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
But here I am again at 3am when I really should be fast asleep, crying my eyes out and hearing ....
"...I can't do anything except be in love with you,
And all I do is miss you, and the way we used to be.."

All part of the natural grieving process I suppose? It takes time. Maybe it's X telling me he misses me? Is it me trying to cling on to something? I don't know. I will probably miss it when it stops.
Click to expand...
A lot of hugs. It does take time. It's taken a very long time for me as well. It's a horrible thing to go though. Do you feel he misses you?

Eva x
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Thanks Eva.


I have good days and bad days. I'm sure he misses me (now and again at least) wherever he is flitting about the multiverse somewhere, doing his X thing.


:)
 
Maybe it's X telling me he misses me?
Click to expand...
Probably more like, thinking of you too. Next time, let yourself fall asleep. Follow the song. Visit him. There is nothing like seeing for yourself that he is OK to help your own grieving process.
 
Thanks BH.

I think if anything he would be worried about me. I'm not worried about him. I'm sure he's fine in his own way. He probably feels me thinking of him. How could he not?

Funny yesterday afternoon one of the 'villagers' who I hadn't seen for a while (since X's funeral months ago now) phoned me out of the blue, and said lets catch up. We met up at a little pub around the corner from home sat by the fire and had a nice red wine and a chat. He was saying, 'It's good to see you. Where have you been? It's been ages. You haven't been around much ... are you OK? That's not like you, to be such a hermit..."

I explained I was fine. I am just grieving about X (and D of course). It takes time... I haven't felt like going out much. I haven't felt like having fun. Paradoxically having fun makes me feel sad, if X (or D of course) is not there to share it with and show off to and tease and laugh together and just 'be there'. I could not explain it enough to satisfy my friend without getting into 'complicated' territory, but we talked a bit about grief in general and how it takes time.

In the old days you used to be able to take a year off for grief and it was expected after the death of a close relative or friend. Nowadays you are supposed to just get over it like 'that', with a snap of the fingers like nothing has happened. He was encouraging me to just 'move on' and get over it. All very well meaning of course. We talked about it and I thanked him for his concern, but assured him I was fine (sort of).

Then the background music played this song by my countryman and erstwhile fellow 'villager' (although he's terribly famous these days of course). It was perfect timing and perfectly comforting at that moment to hear an old and familiar song about great love sung by a familiar voice. It felt like a message from X. It felt like him reminding me that eventually, one way or the other, we will be together again just like always and that it's OK to be sad while we are apart. That before long I will be in his arms again and vice versa.

Great, eh? :(

I did not let on to my friend and I changed the topic of conversation to politics, the coming election and other more stimulating and light-hearted gossip. But I could not wait to wrap up our conversation and go home, back to my quiet space, so I could listen to this song again and have a little cry.

 
Last edited:
Tanguerra, I don't think you heard that song by accident! I think our loved ones who have gone on do sometimes send songs like that that touch us in a special way and bring us close. Its sad in a way, but it's also a great blessing. I think your friend was sending you a hug, and telling you that he is thinking of you too, and that you will always be in each other's hearts.
 
Thanks Traveler.


I think so too. At least I like to think so. At least it's a much more soothing ear worm in any case, so that's a blessing.


X


t.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
One year anniversary coming up tomorrow since X departed this particular dimension. I've been a bit teary but that's to be expected.

Slowly I am healing, as if from a terrible wound. At first I did not want to get out of bed, let alone out of the house.

But, time keeps on slipping into the future and life moves along. I will always love him, same as always. I will always miss him. Goes without saying.

Slowly, carefully, I pick up the pieces and just keep going, pretending to be brave, putting one foot in front of the other. What else can you do?
 
I've finally sifted through the whole thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can really only understand a fragment of what you're feeling.

Have you ever encountered him twice in a lifetime? That's something that came up as I was reading my book. If you'd lost a loved one at a young age, could you encounter their new re-incarnated self while still in your current? I've read about parents having a child and seeing their lost aunts, uncles, sisters, etc in the child.
 
tanguerra said:
This song [the 'Flower Song'] from Carmen has been haunting me all week. I heard it the other night and something went 'ping' which is why I wrote about it. It happens.


I was trying to get to the bottom of it last night and put it on my iPod softly on repeat as I was going to sleep, hoping it would prompt something... trying to cast my mind back.

I got an image of X ('Freddie' back then) taking me to see the opera in the Blitz life. There were a lot of mixed emotions. I felt like a 'proper lady' and was very 'chuffed' but also astonished and overwhelmed by it, as I'd never seen anything like this before as you can imagine. The war was raging, but the 'show' was always obviously still going on somewhere in London back in the day. Carmen has been a very popular opera for more than 100 years. You don't really have to understand the words to 'get it', which is one of the great things about opera, after all.

[However, (ahem) one had spent several years in gay Paris and had a reasonable handle on the old Parlez Vous back then. Just like a 'proper lady', I could speak French well enough, but for entirely different reasons, and no doubt with a more colourful vocabulary. This was another thing that Freddie thought was 'charming' at the time. Silly boy. :) ]

This is a marvelously romantic and evocative song of course. I remembered the first time I saw/heard it, this life, was also at the opera on a date and I was very affected by it. It may or may not have anything to do with the past life associations. But... I get the feeling there is something coming up. Not sure what yet exactly.

Obviously, it's all about yearning and a tragic love affair, obsession, and all that. But it's also about affirming, 'yes, this is the real thing, this is love, no matter what'. I think that's why I like it so much.

The Blitz: www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/the-blitz.1241
Click to expand...

I just realised the significance of this and the synchronicity and why it upsets me so much.

Both times (the Blitz and just over a year ago) I did not realise how little time we had left together (or I did, but I pretended to ignore it and hope it would go away) which is why it makes me feel so upset.
 
Last edited:
Tomorrow we are having a little gathering to mark 12 months. I will need to make a little speech. Trying to find some funny , or at least light hearted words to say. It's not easy. I willl probably think of something. I usually do. Fingers crossed.

 
Last edited:
God (however you conceive her) bless the dear old 100 year old pub around the corner from my house and/or whoevcr picks the soundtrack or chooses the radio station... Just saying. .. This song.. tonight... of all nights and just at the right time.

It is so fitting. I hardly even need to explain why.

We had the lovliest day, sitting on the grass in a circle in the park, in the spring sunshine, sharing funny stories about the exploits of X... I haven't laughed so much in a long time, or sung hardly a note even in the shower ... for more than a year.

Fitting. Lovely. Heartbreakingly beautiful. A happy day.

"I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you."


Look into my eyes, you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more

Don't tell me, it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me, it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you.

There's no love, like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere, unless you're there
All the time, all the way

...
Everything I do, I do it for you...
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
tanguerra said:
[crumb sprinkling]...Suddenly I had to laugh at myself when I thought how I would have absolutely jumped for joy to have this 'problem' in relation to X, not only in that particular life, but in many, many others (including this one at some times).

I am very, very blessed. (Touch wood!)
Click to expand...


We went a bit silly singing this song after the park event.

I was giving a lovely young girlfriend of one of X's younger pals a singing lesson (as you do, she started it). I used this song as an example of a/ learning the words b/ working out your vocal range c/ what is this whole 'key' thing all about ... as you do. She did very well and we had lots of fun...

It's a great soprano 'training' song to practice. I've had lots of lessons and was happy to pass them along. But, singing it (over and over) gave me a funny feeling. OF COURSE I know all the words (any good singer knows all the words of songs they practice)... But ... I still feel that old familiar feeling. That's not going anywhere. It will follow us to the next life. I know it. Oh dear. But, hey ho.

[BTW : *future flash*: This could well be a premonition of another woman begging me to back away from X . I'd [probably] be fine with that (I like to think so anyway). I just want him to be happy. Maybe it would set things right?]
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top