My research & reflection thread.

[Totoro]

I hope this thread will be an ongoing endeavor for me and more coherent and thought out one than my last.

My previous thread was mostly notes and random thoughts rather than say a complete journal entry.

Anyway, I was recently reading through some various new age, self help systems, for lack of a better word and the one thing I've noticed that they all have in common is one kind of psychological gimmick or another to help you work through all of your issues (or avoid them completely in some cases) and to realize and or maximize your potential.

If you're on this forum, you may have been brought here by experiencing unexplained and uncomfortable phenomena in your current life. Where I'm going with this is that in contrast to these new age systems, these issues are unique to you and it can be very difficult to unravel the various threads of time so to speak, as they weave together our unique selves along with all of accumulated trauma from our past and present lives.

For someone who isn't aware of their past lives, you can easily see how these new age systems are appealing to people who are currently processing trauma. Simply do this, do that, they say. Don't get left behind! Level up! Get rid of bad vibes, the easy way!

It's not so simple in reality and if you're here on this forum because you are trying to discover your past lives and how they may be influencing, you can be glad you've taken a step in a healthy direction towards healing yourself.

I began my research in 2006, so I've been at this quite awhile, which I'm only stating to emphasize that while I feel this is a healthy approach to healing (as similar to any other form of cognitive therapy) it does take work and while it is not easy, the cumulative effects will be much more pervasive in being healthier, more whole and present in our lives, over that which a get rich quick new age scheme can hope to provide.

Recently, I had a conversation with @Carole Louie and she asked me if I had learned the lessons from my previous life, that of Gobulo Wan Rong and that's something I have been struggling with since 2006. For a long time, I resigned myself to thinking that point of this life was spend time with my son, who was also Wan Rong's younger brother and my son, in my life as Ranjit Singh, previous to Wan Rong.

While that provided comfort and I do think it was part of a plan for this life, I still have felt like there was something larger I was missing or potential I had been falling short of.

So yes, while I've had two (so called) famous past lives that are presenting as having influence over my present life, I've seen them as simply as being a series of lives in decline.

As Ranjit, i changed a small part of the world in ways that are still talked about today. As Wan Rong, I went from prestige to being powerless, not even an empress as I had married Puyi after he abdicated the throne in China. For all intents and purposes, I was a political prisoner, where I retreated into my own mind and that presented as a form of mental illness or madness that is also still talked about today. And now? I'm just some guy, struggling to understand himself and why he can't get his crap together.

As I said I've been at past lives research for a long time, but I've also been working on myself as a person for far longer and while I'm still not my goal (is anyone ever?), I've been on a slow but steady upwards progression.

As I was saying earlier, you may have only recently started out on your own path, but as long as you don't stop, you'll always be moving forward. Maybe so gradually at first, that you won't realize it for a long time, but one day you will be able to stop and reflect on how far you've come.

I digress and I'm not sure what triggered my recent revelation (it may have been some personality work I've been doing recently), but I have been able to find not only the lesson of Wan Rong's life, but also Ranjit's.

As Ranjit, I had freedom and opportunity, which I was able to make the most of. As Wan Rong, I allowed my captivity to make me a prisoner within my own mind. And my life now? It's not actually in decline, I landed right in the middle of my two past lives. I'm healthy, my basic needs are met and while I'm neither wealthy nor famous, I do have freedom.

I simply haven't maximized my potential in this life because I've still been trapped in my own head, as Wan Rong was; I still deal with stress by retreating into my own head. If I can learn to stop doing that, I can bring about more effective change and results in my life, now, since I have the freedom to do so.This was definitely a milestone revelation for me and I can tell that I've reached a point of change in my own evolution.

The moral of the story is that if you stick with it, even if you don't know where you will end up, I guarantee when you get there, it will definitely be better than where you are now.

And while you may think that my past lives may have been special, I assure you I am not. After 16 years of past lives research and nearly 50 years in this life, I've reached this point. I've had to do the same hard work we all do at it.

Anyway, please believe in yourself and that you're worth it. I certainly think so.

 

[Totoro]

One thing I forgot to mention was that I thought that by learning about Ranjit, I was being told or being shown that I was also a male.

It's not a secret on the forum, but if you weren't aware, I guess I would consider myself a non identifying, transgender person?

I'm not sure of the right way to phrase it, but I'm a woman through and through. Being Wan Rong was an exception for me and it has been very hard for me to let go of her in this life.

I thought perhaps learning about Ranjit was a hint to give me some sort of balance and I tried to put that into practice for many years and failed. No matter what I do, I still see a woman in a man's body when I look in the mirror; I can still see hints of my old face.

I'm also a public servant (I never had any interest in fame or royalty, only making a difference for humanity) and being a male simply made that easier for me.

The times they are a changing so maybe that may change for me in the future too and I can fulfill my goals as a woman in the future.

 

[baro-san]

I guess I would consider myself a non identifying, transgender person?

Do you mind explaining what that means?

Also, have you found out why you chose to experience it in this life. I assume that you decided that before incarnating?

I'm also a public servant (I never had any interest in fame or royalty, only making a difference for humanity) and being a male simply made that easier for me.

I didn't understand the "public servant" / "difference for humanity" / "male" connections, either.

 

[Totoro]

Hi! I'll try and make explain further for you!

Do you mind explaining what that means?

I just meant even though you could say or consider me to be a transgender person, I don't identify that way, personally.

Also, have you found out why you chose to experience it in this life. I assume that you decided that before incarnating?

I chose to be for my son. I suppose if I were female, I wouldn't have had a suitable husband. I'm not really sure, but I do know that my ex wife and I were also his parents in Pakistan. Perhaps in being that way again, we gave him the best chance at being him again, so to speak.

We all look very much like our past lives and I'm sure that was possible in part by arrangements before this life, so I would agree with you that I (we) planned this all before incarnating.

I didn't understand the "public servant" / "difference for humanity" / "male" connections, either

Despite holding titles like maharaja and others in many of my lives, I've never used the positions I've held to inspire envy in other people.

I used the opportunities to create better societies, to spread kindness, understanding and inclusiveness.

A true public servant is concerned with the betterment of all people, not just a select few. While some people may have said I was royalty, I saw (and still see) myself as a public servant.

Being male was simply a means to an end for these ambitions. Think of how many influential women you know from history.. I can't name more than four or five. Unfortunately, for thousands of years, titles, wealth, inheritance, positions of authority, credit for discoveries and many other things simply went to men and my being male just put me in a position that made doing what I wanted to accomplish easier in that sense.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Totoro,

I think you have said some very wise things here. I would like to respond more fully, but do not have time at present. I hope to do so tomorrow when I should have a bit more time.

Thanks for your honesty and insights.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Totoro]

So I'm sitting in the bath and listening to various Celtic music that was popular in the 90's (I know it's girly.. what do you expect?! )

Anyway, Molly Malone came on the streaming service and as always, it's sung slow and sad. I took piano lessons many years ago (I played piano in my past life too. In Tianjin, at the Waldorf Astoria, there still is a piano I played there, which would be really cool to see one day!) And one of the songs I learned to play was Molly Malone.

I played it much more up tempo and with a swing that drove my teacher crazy. She kept insisting I was playing it wrong and I must have heard my grandmother play it that way or something. It made me really embarrassed, as I couldn't seem to play it any other way.

Anyway, I learnt of my past life and I make the connection and always suspected that it was a faster paced bar song and according to this article I found, I'm probably right! It was actually published originally in England where it was featured in music halls and pantomime.

The song was written in the late 19th century and was still popular music when I was young in China, so I very probably heard, played and sung this song, given my memory of the original performance of it.

Although set in Ireland’s capital and beloved by many Dubliners, the song was originally published in the USA in 1876. While this version might be based on an older Irish folk ballad, cultural academics have argued that the melody and tragicomic lyrics are more akin to the music-hall style that was popular in Britain during the Victorian era. Indeed, in 1884, a version attributed to the Scottish composer James Yorkston was published in London.

A Brief History Of Dublin’s Mysterious Molly Malone

Learn more about Molly Malone, the famous Dublin folk heroine commemorated in song who for all her recognisability remains stubbornly mystical.

theculturetrip.com

 

[Srijita520]

Hi Totoro, what fascinating insights and reflections.

I guess I wanted to understand somethings more, and add some of my thoughts as well.

I wonder what made it more challenging in the subsequent lives as Wan Rong, and maybe a little bit in this life too, to maximize the potentials that you have/had?

I was thinking, it felt to me, somehow there is a more complex dynamic here for Wan Rong than perhaps for Ranjit Singh Ji (You're so right about his story still being very much present and talked about, it actually feels bad as an Indian to address him without the honorifics ).

Maybe for the life as the Maharaja, as you say, the opportunities and freedom were more easily accessible? Whereas being a political prisoner, Wan Rong would have faced something more difficult/challenging which would require...more effort? to get to similar goals. It almost feels like sort of experiencing life within a more intricate context with each of these incarnations, if that makes sense at all.

We are all navigating these intricacies with each life I guess, it feels like playing an instrument, building on what we already know, learning more complex movements, experiencing the joy and frustration and helplessness and triumph all at the same time.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It feels validating and inspiring. And I'm happy to hear that you are discovering your path as you walk ahead.

 

[Totoro]

Hi Totoro, what fascinating insights and reflections.

I guess I wanted to understand somethings more, and add some of my thoughts as well.

I wonder what made it more challenging in the subsequent lives as Wan Rong, and maybe a little bit in this life too, to maximize the potentials that you have/had?

I was thinking, it felt to me, somehow there is a more complex dynamic here for Wan Rong than perhaps for Ranjit Singh Ji (You're so right about his story still being very much present and talked about, it actually feels bad as an Indian to address him without the honorifics ).

Maybe for the life as the Maharaja, as you say, the opportunities and freedom were more easily accessible? Whereas being a political prisoner, Wan Rong would have faced something more difficult/challenging which would require...more effort? to get to similar goals. It almost feels like sort of experiencing life within a more intricate context with each of these incarnations, if that makes sense at all.

We are all navigating these intricacies with each life I guess, it feels like playing an instrument, building on what we already know, learning more complex movements, experiencing the joy and frustration and helplessness and triumph all at the same time.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It feels validating and inspiring. And I'm happy to hear that you are discovering your path as you walk ahead.

Hi Srijita!

I've devoted a lot of thinking to the transitions from life to life and what that means for me, as a person. I mean that both personally and spiritually, in that I find in this life, I'm just a regular guy, so to speak and I often feel lost and without a larger purpose in life, or I feel that maybe I missed it in this life, due to one of the difficulties that you mention.

What worked for and enabled Ranjit to succeed was primarily his father, being born an heir and inheriting his kingdom. Secondly, his personality and (believe it or not) his ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) allowed him to capitalize on his inheritance. Despite not being able to read and write, his intelligence was quite apparent and he often astounded visitors with his desire to learn from them and his stamina for asking questions and listening to replies and stories for hours on end. His ADHD also provided him with a natural athleticism and combined with his natural kindness, humility, and sense of justness, it all made him the leader we know today.

But for him, all those things came together in the right place and time and without him, as you know, it all fell apart. While many things worked at the time, in the grand scheme of things they didn't, except perhaps to serve as an example of what a just and tolerant society could aspire to.

When we move on to the life of Wan Rong, what had made Ranjit great, has become ridicule for her. You could possibly say that her life within the forbidden city was also that of a political prisoner, married to the emperor Puyi and mostly forbidden to leave, if and only to sustain the large network of eunuchs, maids and laborers that depended on their residence there. But definitely at Manchukuo, they were political prisoners, acting as puppet leaders of the Japanese.

I digress, but whereas Ranjit had the freedom of movement in many forms and many things to provide simulation for his curiosity, Wan Rong did not. Trapped within the walls of the forbidden city, she was mostly bored and this manifested most often as frustration and anger, which she was famous for. It was often referred to as her having a mental illness in most things I've read.

I've often wondered if Wan Rong's life was a sort of humbling, from that of Ranjit and I really don't know. While ADHD may have manifested as a sort of mania in him occasionally, I can't say I think he was arrogant or despotic in anyway. Speaking of titles and honorifics, I doubt that he encouraged their usage; he choose to sit directly on the floor or ground most of the time rather than his throne!

So Wan Rong had no real power in any regard, that was her biggest obstacle. But she did do what she could for the people around her; She was very kind to the palace maids and eunuchs.

I can't really say why I chose Wan Rong. I know to a large extent, it was an opportunity to be female in a country that both me and my family love. But to rule or lead? I'm not sure if that was the intent.

This life, after much introspection, I'm pretty sure is just to enjoy myself with my family and particularly my son. He was Ranjit's youngest and Wan Rong's younger brother in his past lives. I am still quite involved with public service, as I've made it my career in this life too. That's something I believe in quite strongly. And who knows, maybe I'll engage with the public more directly either about reincarnation or something else in the future.. My story isn't quite over yet, this time.

I hope that answered your questions or gave you some more insight. Thanks for your reply

 

[Totoro]

I'd like to apologize if I reiterated anything I've already said in this thread, in my last post. It's been some time since I posted the original post.

Focusing on me (now) specifically, I think the hardest thing I deal with is my ADHD. It makes you wonder what mechanism there is that transfers it from life to life and I honestly, I don't know. I'm on my own in this life, meaning that my life is what I want to make of it and I haven't been handed a situation, so to say, as in my previous lives.

I have the same task as most people do and that's to get up each day and decide how they want to fill it. To decide what they want to accomplish and what's important to them and honestly, I feel like I'm still figuring that out.

Without a doubt, my son has been the biggest and most enjoyable part of my life and also my career in public service. But what about me, the person? What do I want to do? I'd like to spend more time in nature, to walk and to think. To take photos and work on playing and writing music and I want to spend time with the people I care about.

My son is a grown man now and even though he works, he still lives at home, but I also don't spend nearly as much time with him as I used to these days as he's working or doing his own thing and I no longer have to drive him to and from school or work. That has left me feeling lonely a lot and realizing the world has changed a lot too since I was the only one I had to worry about.

So at this point, I'm still me but I'm also trying to find out how to fit into a new life and new world at the same time.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Totoro,

Now is the time to get back to some of the things you had to set aside over the course of the years (and the ones you never got around to or hadn't even thought of yet). The problem is often how to winnow the list down to a reasonable number (or only one if that is all time and other factors allow). You may find (as I have) that aging, the passage of time, changes in you, etc. etc. make only a very limited number attractive and viable. But IMO this can be good. We all have limited time and energy, and better to do a few or only one thing that provides a positive outcome for you or others than to feel like you have wasted your time and energy (once again IMO).

Anyhow, not pushing or anything, but "carpe diem"!! (IMO )

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Totoro]

@SeaAndSky I quite agree with you!

Sort of being an empty nester now, I feel that this is quite similar to when I was younger and didn't have kids or was married (I'm divorced now). Everything seems like a blank slate and I need to figure out what to fill my time with.

And now, rather than being overwhelmed with many options, I know myself and what i would like to focus on. I definitely think that now is a time of quality over quantity for me and I want to involve myself in things that enrich me as a person and are more of a direct expression of who I am, as a person.

I had a year of slumming, to put it in a humorous way but I definitely think that I am coming out of that now and I am excited to see what the future will bring!

 

[Totoro]

I just wanted to talk again about the process of reincarnation. If anything, I hope that my research shows that we are continuous; that is to say, we're the same person / spirit / soul that continues from life to life. We keep growing in wisdom, maturity and spirituality based on the sum of our cumulative experiences.

Part of that is that even physical ailments, abilities, interests and even our appearance can also follow us from one life to another. I honestly have no idea how that happens, although I do speculate that we are simply an energy pattern and things that happen to us in each life can become encoded in that pattern and can be transferred onto / into our next life / body.

My ADHD is very apparent to me in the things that I've read and it's been relatively easy for me to read between the lines, so to speak, when interpreting those things as well. Sometimes that's due to some sort of innate understanding or latent memory of what happened, but also because I know myself and can clearly see the cause and effect that may not be obvious to an outsider observer.

What can be more obvious to outside observers is the similarities in appearance between me, my family and that of their past lives. In my previous thread, I did a series of photo comparisons which I took down for privacy reasons; I will over time reupload them all in edited form.



This is a photo of me, compared to a modern portrait of Ranjit. You'll have to excuse the mug shot look! But I tried to pose in a similar manner to the portrait and to relax my face as much as possible.

I find the similarity between me and the portrait very interesting for several reasons. There are no known photographs of Ranjit Singh and all of the existing portraits of him were done in a byzantine style (please correct me if I'm wrong). I believe the artist of the portrait used photos of his son Duleep, of which there are many, instead. I've written to the artist in inquiry and never received a reply.

While father and son do look alike, I think that the portrait looks more like me than Duleep, which is interesting as the artist most likely doesn't know who I am and or idea of what I look like. I'll post some photos of Duleep below and you can judge for yourself.

Secondly, Ranjit's left eye became damaged due to small pox. As you can see in the photo, my left eye droops a bit and I believe that is due the muscles around Ranjit's right eye becoming overdeveloped in compensation. I have very little control over the muscles around my left eye and in turn, my right eye seems more "awake". I'm also not intentionally raising my right eyebrow; that's just it's natural state.


In this photo of Wan Rong, you can also see how her left eye also has a similar droop.



Photos of Duleep below.




Here is a photo of my son compared to a portrait of Duleep, which was painted in 1854. Notice the chinstrap type beard and even the little dimple or cleft in the chin which is quite visible in the portrait and the photo above and to the right.



My son decided to grow his hair long years ago because he felt that his ears stuck out too much and he wanted to cover them with it. They do a little bit, but they really did in his past life, as Runqi. That may have been something he was self conscious about back then. It would have not have been unusual for him to have long hair as a Sikh either.