Hi S&S, I suspect that in your case you were in one way or another, part of the Cathars at that time, in order to account for your deep attachment to that group. As for longings, I had something of my own, a deep longing to rediscover some lost and forgotten or buried knowledge. But for me the search was in the land, I would visit ancient sites across Britain and Ireland, as well as much further afield. Often all I could do was ponder and contemplate what had been in our far past - some of those sites are typically dating from about 4,000 years ago. I also have a different kind of attachment for Ice-Age life in general and also in cave art. All of these things have me reflecting, and especially those 4,000-year old sites. Of course I've done lots of reading, but much of it is simply speculation with no real solidity to it. I carried on this hunt for some hidden knowledge for many years. And then, without my really noticing when it happened, there was a shift. I started to realise that everything I needed was right here, right now. Partly, learning to trust myself and my own instincts, particularly through prayer as well as my own dreams. But also I think in my case it was researching the prodigious quantities of near-death experiences which are reported in the present era. This is one thing which has reassured me that miracles and revelations are not something confined to the distant past, but are to be found today. Though the label NDE includes the word 'death', it is very much about life. People on such journeys often bring back insights not so much into the so-called afterlife, but insights about this present life here. At any rate, one way or another, my longings have come to some sort of an end, I suppose I found what I was looking for. For me, it is something very simple, there is no need for words. S&S, I sincerely wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for, in your own terms.