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Recently lost my little son...brain damage and reincarnation


Senior Registered
I recently lost my precious little son of 6 years old. He had a rare disorder and was totally bed ridden all his life. I cared for my little Angel 24 hours a day, oxygen, suctioning, seizures, tube feeding....
He never laughed ever, (could'nt) could'nt move at all, and yet he taught me so much, and love radiated from him. I want to find out if anyone can tell me if there is a connection with precious lives and such painful suffering in little children like my son. I keep thinking he must have been severely injured in his last life, and carried over to this one, with those scares..is this possible?

Thank you
Sorry forgot to mention something....

My son and I had this very intense bond....this was no ordinary bond, I have 2 older children, very precious to me, but my son almost had a " very mature way about him, about handling his present life's sufferings, and took them in his stride" I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say here.....I know, that I knew my son before....make any sense.....?

thank you
Tas, you completely make sense. I'm sorry for your loss dear.

I have read in several places that, and this is just what I've read, that it may be that a soul of advancement and courage will choose a situation like this on behalf of the people he or she will incarnate with. To put that more simply - they come to teach lessons in love to their families and all the people they touch.

You might like Brian Weiss's books, especially Many Lives, Many Masters where he discusses the death of his infant son, and Only Love is Real.

Dear Taz,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for your loss, and cannot imagine what you and your son have been through. My heart goes out to you --- both.

As far as connections and his illness being past life related, it is quite possible. I have seen similar situations. Each is unique to the individual though.

Judging by the way that you have described his state of 'being' during the process, it makes me wonder if he understood and was consciously participating in the 'action' --or to put it another way, an experience that he personally required.

The Love that radiated from him, speaks volumes to me, personally. His spirit is strong Taz, his soul wise. His true essence lay at the very 'heart of the matter.'


Lifes experiences weave a tapestry of knowledge
Hi Taz

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, you sound like a very brave and passionate woman, and I admire your strength and what you must have experienced and shared with your son.

I have to agree with Szo and Deb, your son came and bought you a very precious gift - the gift of love and an unconditional bond and understanding...I can't imagine the depth of feelings you must have undergone in your six years together, but through it all, you experienced a love and bond with him that goes beyond the physical body and experience....you gave eachothers your souls.

Lots of Love

[This message has been edited by Kelly (edited 04-11-2001).]
Dear Tas,

I am sorry for your loss. There are many, many reasons why your son would chose such a life experience. However, I can assure you that he did choose this experience. Our souls make many choices which our personalities have a difficult time accepting and understanding. What seems incredibly painful to our body or personality, may be quite strengthening and empowering to your soul. The fact that he took his pains in stride shows that he was quite acceptant of his soul's choices for this lifetime. And it makes total sense that you knew your son before. In general, all of those who are close to us in this lifetime we have known in previous lifetimes and elsewhere.

And remember that no matter how much he may have been limited physically, his love was never limited.



Healing the Heart of Humanity, One Heart at a time

You're invited to my website -
Thank you so much S20, Deborah, Kelly and Bob....The most amazing thing is, you all speak about "love"....that is the greatest thing my son taught me.."Unconditional Love" and everyone who came into contact with him was changed in some way or another.
The strange thing is he had a sort of NDE 2 months before he died, and I had'nt had the chance to tell him I love him, that morning, because he stopped breathing for 5 minutes at 5am,I was still trying to wake up. sounded by his alarm blanket...I was hysterical, and he must have known this and came back....but only for 8 weeks.....because he did the exact same thing...but this time.....I was ready, here's why:
20 minutes before he died, I was about to start tubing him, and as I was getting everthing ready, I looked down at him, and he gave me this most beautiful look, a look I cannot describe, but a gentle, loving, look of total love..........I stopped what I was doing, closed off the tube, and started kissing my son's little cheeks, and telling him how beautiful he was, and how he had brought so much love and understanding into my life. I told him I loved him so much, with all my heart and soul, and that I was such a lucky mom to have known him, and that he was the most bravest little boy I know......my last words to him were...:I love you so much my precious Angel heart"......within 5 minutes of this....he died. He allowed me the time to tell him I loved him, which I had'nt had time to say 8 weeks before, because it was so early in the morning, I was hardly awake...isn't that amazing. When he died, I picked him up gently and loved him for about an hour and a half, there was total peace and LOVE that filled our room, an experience I will never forget. I felt him close by, very close by for about 4 weeks after, until his 7th birthday, then slowly I felt him go...slowly... He taught me total unconditional love.....unfortunately he was totally rejected by his father, my husband of 22 years, and we are in the process of divorcing, and my heart goes out to my husband because he missed the lessons, the love, the connection. I still love my husband, but he has made a choice to choose another way of life, with his girlfriends, so I let him go with love......I have grown so much spiritually since knowing my son, and will never forget the love he brought into my life.

Thank you all...

This is a great site...I really love it........:)

Oh, my heart goes out to you! It sounds as if you are a *very* loving person in addition to your beautiful son!

It sounds as if you are continuing your life in positivity...I hope this will always be the case. Life's blessings often come to us in unique packages.

Hi DJ,

Thank you...

I do believe my son had a purpose, and the LOVE that he taught me, I will go on to share with others...I kinda feel honoured in a way...that he chose me to be his mommy :)
I know we will be together again...if not in this lifetime, then it will be in the next..(smile)

Hello Tas!
(I'm going to do this quickly because earlier today I posted a huge message for you and the internet bumped me off before I could "send".)

(It was a blessing in disguise because I was too verbose.}

Here's what I said in the freeze-dried version:


Thank you for joining the forum, Tas.
I went to Steven's website and loved the picture of you and him together. He has the biggest, sweetest eyes and he locked his eyes on yours with pure and excellent love.
It made me cry with joy and regret for more moments than I'll admit to...but a half hour...forty minutes seems in the ballpark.
Another thing I said: you're thousands of miles away, but "Angel Heart" still touched my heart. He's still around. Still giving unconditional love.
F.Y.I. I was being stressed today over stupid, trivial things. Your post got me centered.
F.Y.I.-2: I had a similar situation with my first husband and did the "agape" thing for a while. Just as you're doing. He actually brought them into our house and into my bed when I was at work. I can't imagine having Steven ill and a husband like that at the same time.

I just deleted a whole bunch of stuff.

Not suitable for a G-rated forum.

Anyway Tas...keep posting. I love your timbre and your glow. Ignore the soapbox people on the forum (we have a few) because the heart of the forum is kind and good.

Light to you....hugs to Steven -- Gypsy
Hi Gypsy,

Thank you for your kind words....(smile)
That picture you saw, say's it all...total love...
I have filled my home with butterflies...they represent his free little spirit, I wear a butterfly around my neck, on my ankle chain, ornaments, duvet set, I even have a butterfly watch..ha ha....
I have learned that we all have to carry the consequences of our actions and our choices...My husband made his choice...and despite how he felt towards his son...I told Steven everyday his daddy loved him...and I told my h, his son loved him. My husband will have to come back again to earth, and relearn this lesson maybe...that he failed to learn this time round.Maybe Steven will be with him again, but differently...what do you think?

I have read everyone's story on the forum, they are all so interesting...really opens your eye's to life.

Bye Gypsy

I went to your site today youaredivine.com
it was a really very interesting and informative site, thank you. learned a whole lot there while reading it.

love and light

Dear Tas,

You are your son are connected right now. In your heart you know this to be true. Sometimes people start thinking that they have to die to be with their deceased loved ones. But all of our deceased loved ones are within our hearts NOW. We don't have to die or go anywhere to stay connected with them. We just have to listen to our hearts.

I'm glad you've been to my website. You will find articles and stories there which explain what I just said in greater detail.



Healing the Heart of Humanity, One Heart at a time

You're invited to my website -
Dear Taz,

I wanted to let you know that I visited your site, and I can see the love in your sons eyes, what a beautiful soul, what a 'gift' he must be.

Again, welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy it enough to stay .....soap boxes and all .. your funny Gypsy!!!! LOLOL


Lifes experiences weave a tapestry of knowledge
Hi Tas

Such a beautiful and strong woman. You can see the deep bond of love between you and Stephen in the pictures and the sight bought me to tears, thank you for sharing so much in so little, you really have opened my eyes to what “real” love is all about. I am in total awe and admiration at your strength, Stephen gave you a lot more than his unconditional love, he gave you the chance to see and witness the most pure emotion your heart could ever receive in such a unique situation and connection.

You final words to Steven had my eyes streaming and my heart warmed, what a soul precious moment to have shared.

I can see and know how special you feel to have been his mother, and I’m sure as hell that kind of bond can NEVER be broken…I’m sure such love can only draw you together again and again and again. And his father missed out on one of the most precious moments and opportunities, so despite his “mistakes”, he is the only loser this time round…you are a very exceptional woman

Lots of Love
Hi Kelly and Deborah,

Nice to meet you...thank you for your heartfelt words, really hit the soft spot...I'm a real softie...it's so good to learn and share with other people. Reading the stories on this site is really an eye opener, and everyone here, are really very, very special people.I will stay ...(smile) feels like home...plus I have a whole lot to learn from everyone on this forum...giggle
very special folks here........

Hi Tas,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. He sounds like a wonderful boy. I checked out your webpage and he sure was a beautiful angel. It's too bad that your former husband wasn't willing to recieve the gifts of love that he had to offer. Lucky for you that you were!

Hope you're having a great day. He'll be with you in your heart always.

Take Care,
Hi Kathy,

I think that's the greatest gift that anyone can give or receive....LOVE....
I always used to ask for the gift of healing...to heal my son and other children around the world.

if I was asked today, what gift I would love to have, I would choose...to be able to heal people...I would love to be able to lay hands on people and heal them but... my lesson this time round was love, maybe healing will be in another lifetime...(smile)

Hope you have a great day too......

Hi Tas - Your web page was not only beautiful but very informative on a rare disorder.
It is a powerful gift to have seen the "good" from this life lesson and to not have turned it into self pity.
I am quite REMARKED at your attitude toward your husband. So many of us would have missed the opportunity to have allowed him his own self journey with such GRACE
You are truly a person of great spiritual depth and insight. I wish you all the best as you look forward to more experiences to heal others. 'Tis a noble endevour. You seem to have the right handle on what healing really is - LOVE ") - . It is the only answer.

Take care. Kate.

P>S> Some of God"s most powerful messages come in such small packages - eh ??

[This message has been edited by kate (edited 04-13-2001).]
Hi Kate,

Thank you for your kind words, nice to meet you. I agree with you...God sure does wrap his messges to us in lots of wonderful disguises, mine was a wonderful bundle...with a great message. I am still learning in my spiritual growth, and have much knowledge yet to gain, but I got a jumpstart from above...giggle
Wht others saw as a tragegy in my life, I saw as a true blessing, and have treat it like that.....a true blessing. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share fair of being down and devastatetd at what my husband did to me and our son, but I picked myself up, brushed off the hurt, held my head up high, and am moving forward...to greater things....(smile)...I am inspired by others...like the people here on this forum.

bye for now
Dear Tas,

Reading your son's story brings tears to my eyes. I can't imagine the pain of losing such a precious little boy. Be strong, and know that he is still with you in many, many ways ...
I am so sorry.

Hi Marilyn,

Thank you for your kind, gentle words...I have to openely admit here, I have never in my life gone through so much pain, as I have with losing my son...I think any parent losing their child is the worst pain there is. I still have day's where I try and meditate and calm my thoughts and overactive (brain) mind down, and keep getting visions of my son's last few minutes on earth, I wish I knew a technique to use to block this out, as it is so painful...I do know he's a free, happy little soul now, but I have unfortunately taken on the guilt of how my husband treat him ( emotionally) as well...that's not good, as I can't be responsible for my husband not accepting our son, but I have...
I also long to see my son one last time, just to really let me know he's ok...as we could'nt talk to each other while he was here on earth...even maybe in a dream...

take care

bye for now
Hi Tas

You know sometimes our own grief blocks out our receptiveness and senses to all that is around us all the time. I’m sure you’ll get your dream, your message, your last look and many more afterwards…it just sometimes takes time for our blocks to melt down and allow us to “feel” again.

It took my dearest Granddad a while to break through my defences when I first lost him, but once he got me, he hasn’t stopped visiting me since, in my dreams and all around me…they may sometimes be few and far between, but each one of them is big enough and precious enough to last an eternity anyway

And don’t you dare take on that added grief for your husband, that was HIS lesson and still is HIS to learn…Steven had more love, joy, happiness and cherished care from you than any child could wish for, and he will never forget that or see it otherwise…in his wisdom, he knows the “real” truth, and I’m sure it would break his heart to think that you were taking on this added pain…let it go, let your husbands guilt go, and let Steven and love in instead

Lots of Love

Thank you Kelly...your words have a lot of strength and wisdom in them. Let go of the pain and allow Love in...:)
Good words of advice to follow.....thank you (smile)

love and light
Hi again, Tas...
I know what you mean about wanting that contact "one more time". Kelly is right. It will happen. It may not be through a dream, however. In your case, it may very well be butterflies. Or just odd little things that happen that have meaning to no one else but you.
The day my brother was buried we came back to the house and found the neglected miniature rose bush he'd given my mother covered in dozens of white blossoms.
I could go on for days about my husband. He loved birds and red tailed hawks in particular. At the gathering after his funeral I was sitting in a sun room and a red tailed hawk landed on a tree branch not ten feet from me. He stayed for over an hour.
Since then a hawk has appeared at interesting times. Like the day I was torn about whether to give some of my husband's clothes to a certain charity. As I was driving a hawk playfully swooped in front of the car and stayed with the car as I drove the seven miles home. They got the clothes.
I know this sounds crazy, but we're allowed to do that here
I have to go, Tas. But, I just wanted to tell you that dreams aren't the only way our loved ones can communicate.
It could be butterflies.

Dear Tas, Gypsy and friends,

There are so very many ways that our deceased loved ones can and do communicate with us. There are entire books, such as Hello From Heaven, written on the enormous varieties of ways in which this contact happens. So, please don't limit yourself to just dreams or butterflies or any one way. One of the reasons I can so easily give mediumship sessions and make contact with total strangers is that I stay totally open and allow spirit beings to come to me in the ways they prefer, rather than the ways I might prefer.

The important thing to remember is that your son (or any deceased loved one) is always with you, whether or not you are perceivig their contact. Contact and love are always there. It is perception of the contact which is limited. So, trust your heart which knows that he is with you always.



P.S. Please visit my website which has many articles on contact with deceased loved ones.

Healing the Heart of Humanity, One Heart at a time

You're invited to my website -
Hi All

I'm sorry if my post seemed like it was only suggesting your son could join you in dreams, when I expressed that my Granddad was in my dreams and all around me, I was suggesting it in very much the same sense as Bob pointed out...they are just a thought away at the most, I still sense him, still dream of him, stiff catch a whiff of his scent brush past my nose when I ponder our memories together, still hear him, still "feel" him, still talk to him and so on and so on, as Gypsy also illustrated the ways are many

Lots of Love
thre is an organizatoin which performs prayers to alleviate the suffering of those who have passed away. It is called mahakaruna foundation. You can learn more about this at FourGates.com under the articles dept.

Many blessings for your happiness, and the causes of all of your family's happiness.
Hi Gypsy, Bob, Kelly and Christopher,

I absolutely agree with you...our loved one's can come to us in the form of many, many beautiful things, for me.....(smile) it's butterflies, for others, it's something else, that has real meaning for them, I think that's so lovely.

last night, I had just got off the computer chatting with my very dear friend 14 000 km's away, he is very, very spiritual. Before I got into bed, I did something, I don't do very often, I walked up to my son's ashes and picked them up to hold them, and of course started "sobbing"....well.....(I could just picture my little son saying, no way mom, you're not going to get sad sad on me now) because, within 30 seconds, my friend phoned me from America, and said he had the most overpowering message to phone me at that moment...I could'nt believe it...he has been such a comfort to me, .....and my son, in a way, must have sent thoughts to my friend to phone me and cheer me up quick, which of course he did, as he always does. I said thank you to my son afterwards, it made me realise he is with me always and can help from the other side...........(smile).....or do you think it was co-incidence...mmmmmm....I don't think so

Take care everyone
blessings to all


First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss.

I just found this site and I couldn't put your post "down" until I read everything and visited your homepage. Your sweet angel is only about 2 mos. older than my 1st angel. You are such a strong and loving woman. I could feel and see the love between you and your son in the picture. You are so lucky to have had the time with your sweet little baby. My thoughts and prayers will always be with you. God Bless.
Welcome !!!

Thank you for your kind words...yes...I adored my little baby, and still do...death, does not break that mother/child love bond ever. You mentioned your little Angel, does this mean you lost your little baby as well, if so, I am so sorry and I know how hard it is, believe me, it's tough. Life does throw some pretty hard things out huh! My life will never be the same again...and I thank my son for the wonderful lesson that he taught me..."Unconditional Love" the best love there is. Email me if you would like to chat...(smile)

Take care