Ssake's memories

Discussion in 'Member's Memories - Archive' started by ssake, Aug 22, 2001.

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  1. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    I was asked point-blank in a psychic reading by a good psychic if I'd been in the Holocaust, and I said no. But gradually a scenario has been piecing itself together, and this account of yours sets up a little panic bell inside that touches on the same intuition. I haven't had an actual memory recall. But if my hunch is right, I was a little boy and was taken with a group of people for what I thought was a pleasure walk in the woods. I was enjoying it and then we came to a clearing and there were some trucks, and the backs of the trucks were opened up and there were men with machine guns and we were all killed. I was hit in the right side just below my rib cage, and I left that life with a very, very deep sense of being betrayed.

    Right now I have a job where large delivery trucks back up to a garage-type door, which I open to receive deliveries. When those trucks (especially the dark-colored UPS truck) open up their back door, I can always feel that sense of alarm.

    Someday I need to have a regression done and see if I can get through this, and one or two other incidents in my past-lives I have hints about.
     
  2. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    Visual flashes of people from previous lives

    Twice in romantic/sexual situations I had visual flashes of the person as I knew them in a previous life. Once I saw the two of us as little girls riding in some kind of wagon in the Netherlands somewhere--I was older, I knew she never spoke and I was taking care of her. That's all.

    Then I saw another girl I was dating, as I was about to kiss her, change in facial features in my mind's eye and I saw her as looking very Irish. I felt like crying and my thought was, "I thought I'd never see you again!" The feeling wasn't romantic or sexual, it was as though she was a dear cousin.

    Steve S.
     
  3. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    Past Life Connections

    I have run across music that definitely I knew or heard in a past life 3-4 times, but never a photograph of myself.

    In a past-life reading I was told that my most-recent lifetime was a woman on the West coast who achieved some degree of fame by writing "serials". I've done some searching, and a few names of the period sound familiar, but the only one that seemed to really trigger something was Sarah Orne Jewett--who lived in New England, not the West coast.

    Her face doesn't look familar (and isn't like mine at all), nor does the inside of her home. But the photo of the *outside* of the home did, and affected me physically -- and I had seen something very similar in a vivid dream many years ago. But what really struck me is that one of the short stories she wrote was *very* familiar, and struck me as *exactly* the type of thing I would have wanted to write, when I was younger in this life and had dreams of writing short stories. Even her drawbacks as a writer--feeling at a lost as to how to develop a plot, but being very good at painting characters and a situation--was right in line with my abilities and lack thereof. Some parts of it fit, and some didn't. So, I don't know what it means. There's something there.

    Also I think I was a printer, perhaps earlier in America's history. I saw an old printing press at the Smithsonian, and it felt *very* familiar. I think I may know my girlfriend from that time (as well as earlier lives). The name Fredericksburg seems very familiar--and it turns out it's very close to Millboro, VA where Marge Rieder's study was done, and where I met her to videotape an interview and to help out with her research a couple times. So I think maybe there's something *there* as well.

    But, sadly, no photos where I can say "Yes, that was me."
     
  4. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    Past life in Maine?

    I was musing about my long-time feeling that I've had a lifetime on the coast of Maine, and I was thinking, I know it involved boats, that I had a boat I was very attached to. I thought, maybe I can play around on the internet and find something. And it came to my mind to search on "skiffs", and I was thinking, "Why do I think they call those little boats "skiffs"?" Anyway, I searched on "Maine" and "skiffs", and I quickly found a boatbuilder's website, and this is indeed the type of boat I feel such nostalgia for.

    I wish I could remember more, but I'm quite sure there's a real past-life there. My sense is that I was pretty-much of a loner and very involved with and attached to this boat. But I think maybe there was an unrequited love, one that, had I--or she--lived long enough, I wouldn't have idealized so much (because, I think it wasn't for her what it was for me in my mind, but that was never confirmed for me). That's all I can get and even that's very vague.

    But if I was rich I'd buy one of those boats in a heartbeat.

    I've had this feeling about those boats, and the Maine coast with the big rocks, and the houses, for as long as I can remember, which is one reason I trust it as a real past life. I had a kind of intuitive "aha" feeling about the unrequited love situation, and how it related to some present-life similar situations, like it was revealed to me so I could get past it. I don't have any more about it.

    However, I feel I've been involved in writing, and probably involved with prominent writers at some point. When searching on the internet for "skiff", the thing that kept coming up was a little Inn called the "Skiff House for Poets" or something like that, established in honor of the poets of the region, and some prominent ones were named. Somehow I'm tied in there, and I may be mixing up lifetimes, but I have this lone fisherman who nonetheless was acquainted with the writers of the period. That makes sense, because in this life I'm an artist with photography and video, and yet for my livelihood I'm mostly doing fairly unglamorous types of work. And I am also in this life acquainted with some prominent people (in mystical and reincarnation studies).

    I do feel that I really loved this boat almost like it was a companion, beyond what you'd ordinarily feel about inanimate objects or modes of conveyance--like the way some people personalize an old car, only maybe more so. I feel it every time I see a little wooden model of one.

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Past life in Maine?
     
  5. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    Japanese lifetime

    I had a lifetime in Japan, also. It was before the wars. Putting together the pieces, I practiced zazen during it at some time, and I also was associated with the temple gardens. I have always felt that Japanese women were most beautiful (often the two extremes, religion and women), and I think my current girlfriend--both of us are caucasian/American now--was once Japanese. Her feet are exquisite and small even though we are both 50 now, and I appreciate them!

    I was told (without prompting) in a past-life reading that I was a wealthy land-owner in Japan but was the type of person who would work in his own garden. I don't remember that but it's interesting that it coincided with my own intuitions.

    No sense of how I died in that life at all, though.

    Steve S.
     
  6. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    A little boy in a concentration camp

    I *think* I was a little boy in one of these camps, and, I was taken for a walk in the woods.

    I was naive and thought it was an outing. I was glad to be outside and enjoying nature, when the curtain went up on the back of a truck, and a machine gunner opened fire and killed me (probably there were other children as well).

    The main impression was of the shock and betrayal.

    I think I was hit in the right abdomen, about where the liver is, and I retain a very small, white scar there. I don't think it was the first time that area was hit or involved in a death. It is all tied up emotionally with the theme of betrayal for me.

    My first clue about it was that when I would get in a new relationship with someone I instinctively didn't trust, and I was trying to trust them, I would feel as though I'd been hit in this area and I'd feel panic at the same time, screaming at me to get out. I felt like the panic was irrational and my enemy, but in hindsight my perception was right in these relationships. But definitely I was overreacting.

    I didn't understand about past-life influences at that time or anything about past-life therapy, though I had studied reincarnation. So it never occurred to me that the situation was triggering an actual past-life memory of being killed (or maybe more than once). I just thought I was nuts.

    The first time I began to suspect this particular death was when I was running a receiving dept., and UPS trucks would back up to the bay door. I'd open my door, and then the back door of the UPS truck would roll up.

    Every single time I saw that, I felt a "small panic" inside myself. It never got better the whole two years I worked there--never extreme, but always there. So I began to think, "where did I get a fear of the back of a truck rolling up--what do I think is the worst thing that could be there?" And what came to me intuitively was this concentration camp scenario. No actual memory of it consciously, though. Someday if I can afford PLT I'll probably try to connect with it.

    It was mostly the brown UPS trucks that caused that reaction, not so much other trucks--I wonder if those trucks were a dark color?

    Steve S.
     
  7. ssake

    ssake Senior Registered

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    My Lives

    1) a person in a position of authority, misusing it, in an advanced civilization. Having lost my partner, I sadistically made others experience the same suffering by finding ways to split couples up, pretending to feel sympathetic. I also may have caused people to be put in a "pain room" as punishment.

    2) a Celtic priest around AD 400, into nature mysticism, spacey and impractical, who probably wasn't suited to be a priest in many respects, and who was betrayed by his immediate circle and killed trying to run away from them. He had been performing a ritual on a raised mound before a light-colored granite altar that was cleanly-cut and looking somewhat like the mathematical "pi" symbol. I was strangled or my throat cut.

    3 or 4) a person in a position of authority who again misused the authority, sending people to the dungeon, with disregard for how I affected people. I may have systematically ruined people's careers as a way to keep them from being a political threat. At the end of this life I renounced all power and became a Christian monk. I may have been a Christian monk in at least one other life as well.

    3 or 4) a would-be musician in India who joined a music school, wanting to play the sitar. Novices had to follow very strict and inhumane rules, and although I intensely wanted to get through the training to where I'd be allowed to actually play, my zeal was resented and I was not able to follow all the rules (things like physical deprivation). Jealous students got me expelled, though I probably did not realize the politics involved. Bitter, I became a hermit living on the side of a mountain, my only friend being a small boy who would visit with food y. At some point I may have availed myself of the nearby town's prostitute as well. In any case, I died a horrible and terrifying death from urinary blockage or uremic poisoning, perhaps as a result of something I caught through the prostitute, as I surmise.

    5) somewhere back there is a very happy life in India, exposed to real spirituality. I also feel that I began following Buddha not long after his original ministry. These could be the same life or different lives

    6) a life in Turkey, or more than one life. There is someone who was very worldly; and then there is someone who practiced esoteric disciplines. It may be these are two different lives; in the first one, I was worldly, but somehow came into contact with Rumi, and that contact propelled me into a spiritual life later on.

    7) there is a life in Japan, a relatively happy one in which I was wealthy and had an estate, or else lived on the grounds of a temple, and took care of the temple grounds. My nature mysticism, from the Celtic life or lives, comes back in this life. I was humble in this life despite having wealth.

    8) there is a life in which I was a sailor on the tall ships (which I persistently want to call the "big ships), very carefree. I loved music, like hammered dulcimer music, and probably developed a taste for cannibis, which I probably also had during the worldly Turkish life. This was an unusual life for me because it was a big picnic for the most part. I have no idea how I might have died in this life.

    9) There are lives connected with England, Ireland, or France, which run together for me. A fairly recent one seems to have been as a wealthy man who lost his wife and became mentally unstable due to the intensity of his grief. He was socially isolated and consoled himself by playing the organ and studying in his library, of which he was proud. He probably studied the occult to try to understand death after his wife's death. He ran out of money, was evicted, and was kicked to death by people who had a grudge against him, in a dark cobblestone alley on a cold evening while walking the streets, being unable to get back into his house. He rose very high into the air on that frosty night after he died, amazed at how beautiful it was.

    10) in some life I appear to have been given an Irish military funeral, unaware during the funeral that I had died, and standing at attention with the rest.

    11) I may have had an American Indian life, and also a life in Africa. These were before anybody knew about white men. In both the nature mysticism surfaced again, and also music, especially in the African life where I developed a keen appreciation for rhythm and choral music.

    12) I was a writer, directly connected in some way with the Romantic writers, but not one of the famous ones. There was a New England connection, the coast of Maine. I knew some of the famous writers personally. This is as much as I knew, until through research and synchronicity I found what I think is a historical match, Matthew Franklin Whittier, younger brother of John Greenleaf Whittier. Matthew wrote a satirical column under the pseudonym, "Ethan Spike", against various social evils including slavery. There is not a lot of historical information about him, but what I could find shows very strong parallels between his character and mine, and his life story and mine. The tension between tendencies to be sarcastic, vs. tendencies to be spiritual, would fit with the pattern seen in the previous lives listed above.

    13) I think there was at least one life as a woman, also a writer, after the Whittier life. There may also have been a life as a young boy killed in the Holocaust, taken for a walk in the woods and then opened fire upon by machines guns hidden in the back of a truck. The sense of betrayal, going back to the Celtic life, were the uppermost reaction.

    Steve S.
     
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