The matter of choice over reincarnation

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by AJones, Nov 23, 2010.

  1. AJones

    AJones New Member

    Nov 22, 2010
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    Lucky James Leininger showed evidence that the soul has freewill even in death. Before he was born Leininger was there when his mum and dad were at a hotel, and chose them as his parents. No doubt Leininger had a rough idea what he was letting himself in for, and he made a great choice of parents.

    It is a common theme amongst children with reincarnation memories that they say they were related in some manner to the parent in a former life. It appears in some cases family tag along with each other over several life times.

    It fills me with cold dread, the idea that my abusive father could become my son, hence I am extremely reluctant now to have children.

    My childhood was not happy, both parents following their own agendas be it work, dogs, or pursuing other relationships, they forgot about me. Neglected children tend to be troublesome, and so then all the physical violence and the emotional abuse was initiated to keep the troublesome kid in check. Taken to a doctor one day, the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me, but I was the most unloved child he had ever met, and he had a real go at my supposed parents.

    Years later I terminated my relationship with my parents, and have made my life as I want to live it.

    Questions now arise - what on earth got me to pick such worthless rubbish as these parents, and all the trouble it has caused me? I have no reincarnation memories, and one of the questions I pursue is "why?" Now it is quite possible I am trying to achieve a certain purpose, and it had to be this way to achieve this purpose. Or it could be something so trivial as I did not love myself in a past life, so my "karma" is to be unloved by other people in this life. It is all speculation, and perhaps is a factor that drives me to find answers in the field of reincarnation.

    Can you imagine the despair and anger that will come from me, if a son declares "I was your father". Do you really think I am going to be overjoyed about that? The son would be rejected immediately, thrown out of my life, put into care. There are benefits to having no past life memories.

    Do I have a say in making sure I have no connections to my former family in this life, or in all future lives? If so, how does this work? Hence, one of the reasons I am working out how this reincarnation system works, if it has rules, it can be worked in my favour. One of the first things I will do is flag up to whatever decides to dump people together, that those former family never come near to me again.
  2. ChrisR

    ChrisR Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

    Jun 22, 2006
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    England, UK
    Hi Alex,

    I'm sorry to hear that you had such an unhappy upbringing, and nobody could blame you for wanting to disassociate yourself from your parents in this life, and in future lives to come, but in this case you have to step back and see the bigger picture.

    It is a common belief that souls incarnate together across several successive lifetimes, and that in each lifetime, we interact with each other through different roles. How do you know that in a past life, your present father was not your son? and that you were the abuser and he was the victim? Often, roles are reversed so that we can experience various aspects of life from every angle, some lives we are the victim, and in others we are the perpetrator. It is the ultimate purpose of the soul to become complete, but in order to do that we have to experience the bad as well as the good, there can't be one without the other, you have to know the bad in order to know the good and vice-versa. In the case of you and your parents, as hard as it is to believe now, but when you strip away the skin and bones of your physical selves, you are left with three neutral souls with unconditional love for one another, and a desire to help each other progress.

    It's unfortunate that in this life, you got to experience the bad, and I can relate to your feelings personally. But I don't believe that there is any ill feeling among souls when we are in between lives. Your agreement to live an abused life with your parents originated out of love for one another, and a desire to teach and learn, so maybe this time your life lesson is one of forgiveness, which would be a very positive step forward. Negative thinking could count as failure, in which case you would, at some point, have to retake the lesson ;)
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

    Apr 9, 1997
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    CA - USA
    Welcome to the forum Alex,

    There is an interesting older thread posted by moon singer that had some pretty good responses to her abuse issues and why. I thought perhaps it might be helpful for you to read through.

    karmic backlash and past lives

    I hope you are enjoying the forum.
  4. stardis

    stardis Senior Registered

    Jun 17, 2008
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    Hello AJones and welcome

    Try making the distinction between the man who was your father and the spirit who would be your son. They are not entirely the same "thing".
  5. Truthseeker

    Truthseeker Former Moderator

    Jul 11, 2009
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    Midwestern USA
    I am in no position to speculate the reasons for your present life experiences, or what has happened in past lives that brought you to this point. I do trust the wisdom of the soul. I trust that what is happening in our current life may seem unfair, or may not make sense now, but there is a reason why we are where we are. It is intended for our long term benefit.
  6. Jody

    Jody Senior Registered

    Feb 10, 2009
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    Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA
    Welcome to the forum, Alex.

    ... I doubt much you'll like what I'm going to say about your parents ... but according to my belief system I can pretty much guarantee that, unless you forgive them, you're going to run into your parents in future lifetimes. That's because I believe one of the most important things we come to Earth to learn about is forgiveness.

    If you accept the idea that reincarnation is about learning lessons, you might find that some of our greatest teachers are the people that gave us the most grief. I know this is true in my case.

    Forgiveness isn't about condoning or justifying the behavior of others, and it's definitely not about letting them hurt you again. I think it's more along the lines of what Louis B. Smedes said: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
  7. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

    Sep 21, 2006
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    There are all sorts of different opinions about what the 'rules' of karma are and how it all works in terms of freedom of choice or 'fate', decisions about life lessons before birth or whether everything is fairly random and chaotic. Personally I'm inclined to believe it is an individual thing - depending upon the level of 'evolution' of each person, some people seem to be able to exercise more choice and control while others just kind of drift along getting in and out of various scrapes by a combination of luck and good or bad personal conduct (a bit like life).

    However it works, it is unlikely you are going to be able to 'game' the system and make it come out the way you want it to. I very much doubt that is possible (or even desirable). :)

    However, based on what I understand about 'karma', if you really don't want to ever see your parents again, you will need to be sure that you don't have 'unfinished business' with them according to most theories. This could very well involve forgiving them (in your own mind or in a face to face meeting depending on what you think you can manage) as Jody says.

    It is difficult, but very important to let go of past hurt, bitterness and pain. Nothing good comes from keeping hold of it. This will not only help you to move up the evolutionary ladder in terms of reincarnation, but will make your present life more pleasant and constructive.

    In order to forgive, first you must find a way to have compassion for those who have harmed you. Easy to say, I know. Harder to do, always. Presumably your parents were not being deliberately 'evil' (although it sounds as though they were very selfish, abusive and neglectful). No doubt, they were dealing with their own 'demons' as best they could. Do you know much about how they were raised? Perhaps, sadly, they just didn't know any better, although it's a poor excuse I know.

    It is very sad to have felt so unloved as a child, but one way of repairing the damage might indeed be to have a child of your own and shower it with all the love that you feel you missed out on. Even if that child was somehow the reincarnation of one of your parents, it would be a 'new' life and a 'new' chance to set things to rights. Imagine the great karma of repaying an injury with a kindness, rather than with revenge or coldness? Usually this kind of dysfunction is passed down through families for generations until someone decides to put a stop to it and rather than be reactive, to do something differently and change course rather than perpetuate the cycle.

    Only you can answer this question. You may be able to get some insight by doing some regression work. It might be, for instance, that you yourself were a bad parent in a previous life and now you are getting to feel how that feels from the other side, as ChrisR said. This could be a way to learn compassion for your parents, even though you loathe them at the moment.

    It may be that there is no 'why' there is only 'what is'. People like to imagine that there is someone (God, however you conceive Her) 'in charge' - doing things to us according to some divine but mysterious plan. This may actually only be a 'fantasy' and there may not be anyone in charge at all for all we know - at least, not in the way people imagine some kind of magical parent or teacher 'in the sky'. You might be in charge of yourself. There might not be a plan. Nobody really knows, although there are many opinions about this.

    Even if there is no plan and you are on your own, there are still always lessons to be learned and improvements to be made in present and future lives by the way you choose to conduct yourself and direct your thoughts always towards 'love' as best you can.

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