• Thank you to Carol and Steve Bowman, the forum owners, for our new upgrade!

Titanic Past lives

Status
Not open for further replies.
wolfldy

wolfldy

Senior Registered
Hello,
Do anyone in this forum have as vivid memories on being on the Titanic as I do? I know the name of the man I was in that life. The name was Roderick Robert Crispin Chisholm, if you are interested in knowing more about him, please email as I can tell you in quite vivid detail about the last minutes of his life and alot about even the rest of his life. I am finally over the emotional baggage as feeling the guilt of being responsible of creating the doomed liner and knowing it was being built wrong from the drawing phases as Robert was the head Draughtsman or draftsman in American language. I was just wondering as I know feeling those last minutes of his life, makes me wonder if anyone can back up the memories I have.
 
I know that this thread has taken a slight turn, but I am new to this forum. I would just like to share my experience. I am not sure that I was on the Titanic, but so much points in that direction.

Ever since I can remember, I have had a really strange phobia. Certain conditions set it off. It always happens when I'm swimming in a cold swimming pool (there isn't anywhere else to swim where I grew up). I also have to be in water where my feet don't touch the bottom. I swim during recreation periods so there is usually a lot of people speaking. The noise of people is a big factor, because when the other before mentioned conditions are present and the noise stops suddenly is when it happens. I suddenly get this overwhelming fear and have to get out of the water. I am always on the verge of tears and when I jump out of the water I am shivering like mad (the water isn't that cold). Also, I find myself frantically scanning the water as if all that were there are suddenly gone. In the end I feel very foolish. When my heart stops pounding and the 'impending death' feeling goes away, I re-enter the water and hope that no one sees me.

This doesn't end here. When I was younger, even grade school age, I was fascinated with 1912. The clothes of the time, everthing. Something about that date was really important to me and I could never figure out why. It wasn't until I was in high school that I found out that the Titanic sank in 1912. About that same time, I was reading a magazine that had satalite images of the ship and said that they finally found the Titanic. My first reply was "Well, I could've told them that". Before I realized what I said, my mom asked me "what?". I'm not sure that I meant to say it out loud, and I wasn't sure where that came from at the time.

A couple of years later I watched some interviews with some of the survivors. Some were recent recordings, others were older recordings, and yet others were written interviews from that time. I started to have the kind of reaction my dad has about Vietnam (a Vietnam Vet with some PDSD).

Finally, I know that I have had some lives with my son. He can't watch the Titanic (it gives him nightmares), but scarier films don't bother him. Also, he refused to take a shower for the longest time because of the sound the metal shower made whenever you bumped into the side (these sounds were also like those in the movie). He also is scared to death of water and clings to me when we are in a pool.

My husband also has a fear of waves and refuses to get on a larger boat than a canoo in shallow water. I don't know if this is connected, but it may be.

I'd be glad to hear what anyone thinks of this. As I mentioned, I'm not sure that I was there just that there is so much to lead me in that direction.
 
This is just a note. I didn't know if I just post it here or in the children's one, but here it goes....

My son (age 4) told me a really interesting dream the other day. First, I'd like to mention that although I have always had a fascination with the Titanic, I have kind of kept this from him. We watched the movie when he was about a year old and it sparked a bunch of nightmares for him. So, I have avoided the topic around my son ever since.

Anyway, he told me that we were on this "great big boat". It was my son, myself, his dad, and his grandma and grandpa (he was referring to this lifetime) that were on the boat. "It had four great big smoke stacks and a bunch of little boats. But not everyone could get on the little boats........It was a revolutionary boat that could go really fast.....It couldn't sink but it had holes in it....we had to jump off of the boat..." Then he went back to what his dream was mainly about. "There was some people that dressed really fancy. Some of them were good but some of them were bad. One of the bad ones tried to stab me with these big round scissors.......(later) Daddy was fighting the bad man (who earlier had the scissors) like this (he started punching the air)" I asked him if Dad was fighting the man because he tried to stab him with scissors. He said "No, Daddy was fighting the man like this (again he started punching the air) because the bad man wouldn't let us get to the small boats. The bad man wouldn't let us get off of the great big boat."

This may be just a combination of things. Him seeing the movie the one time and the fact that he play a video game called The Lost Vikings may have something to do with his dream. In his video game they are on a boat from time to time and have to fight bad guys like pirates. Who knows. Still I'm logging it in my notes. It just seemed really interesting given our other experiences. I tried to ask him some more questions about his dream today. He wouldn't say much except 'remember when this happened mom'. He mostly repeatedthe same thing.

I'm not sure if it is just a dream or not. Eventhough I am logging it in my notes I would be interested to hear what anyone else has to say about it.
 
I have memories of being on the Titanic, I know that I'm a little girl because I have to look up at everyone.
My parents are getting dressed in fancy clothes and I am sitting on a bed in a frilly dress with a woman who is probably my nurse(caretaker). I hear a baby crying in the background and then a woman walks into the room holding the baby trying to get it to stop crying. My mother then motions for me to come and I jump off of the bed and run over to her. My father picks me up gives me a kiss on the cheek and then puts me down. My mother then grabs my hand and we go to the dining room with my nurse following behind. We go into the dining room, and my parents show me to some other formally dressed people. A man with a mustache takes my little hand kisses it and says "Such a pretty little girl someday you are going to make a man very happy", or something close to that. Then I am taken away by my nurse back to my stateroom.

Later on I wake up in the middle of the night and I hear 3 voices coming from the other room. Then my mother comes into my room and tells my nurse to put on my coat. We all walked to the deck and there were lots of people up there my father rushes off somewhere and says to get on a boat. Then we are put into a boat. A few minutes later my mother is panicking and takes me out of the boat and we rush to the other side of the ship where we find my father. My mother starts to cry. Then all of a sudden there are words coming out of my mouth. I said "Mother where is Trevor and Nurse Ali?". She tells me she doesn't know and then my father takes us onto the promenade. We all stand there waiting after a while we walk outside and there is complete chaos people are trying to hold onto things and then the boat starts to tilt and my father grabs hold of and my mother and I. I start to fall a little bit after that and slide down into the water the water is really cold and I start to sink. My dress makes me float down slowly and then it's black.
 
I was on the Titanic in my past life. I am 19, not married, and really do not have much dating experience because of no decent guys but anyhow I remember meeting my past and future life husband in the Titanic. I was a first class passenger. I remember being out on the deck, and seeing this man from the distance. I remember faking sea sickness or something to get out of some social thing my family was going to so I could track the man down and find out his name. I remember hiding around corners because if anyone saw me it would be a giveway I wasn't sick. I remember people were telling second and third class passengers who were trying to get a glimpse of the first class to get back to their classes. I remember running around the deck looking for this man. Our names were Julia and Marcus (maybe mark. those names keep popping up in my head and I've never met anyone by those names), or something like that. After we meet, we fall in love and have a romance in secret. When the Titanic sinks, we are trying to get to the life boat. I think I might have almost drowned trying to get to a life boat since I can't stand freezing cold tempreatures and the water would have been cold) I know I got to the lifeboat since I remember being wrapped in a blanket on the other boat and being reunited with my family. As I'm hugging them I see Mark or whatever watching me, then we decide to meet up later. After the marraige proposal sometime later we try to decide how to tell my family since they wouldnt accept a man from his class. At the mansion, I am getting ready for the wedding and wearing expensive jewelry. I remember using an antique silver mirror/brush set. I saw one in an antique store and it triggered that memory again, and in this life silver is my favorite color. I remember someone who might have been a mother/granmother or something was helping me get ready and making sure my hair was perfect, but wasn't too happy about the wedding. I remember I was happy and miserable at the same time. (Most of these dreams were before the movie or the broadway musical of Titanic were around) (I've also dreamed about how I die in a future life. The same man was in it and we had a daughter in that dream. I also remember feeling like I knew my husbands friends in my dream and like the little girl might have been one of my friends now or something.)
 
Dear Katie,

As a researcher I have personally studied an extensive fantasy case of a previous life on the Titanic. You can read more about this on: http://www.jamesmdeem.com/titanic2.htm

By the way, the page contains an error, where it says that I worked for the Parapsychological Institute, whereas they had just referred the subject to me.

Best wishes,

Titus Rivas
 
I was on the TITANIC...my dear wife was safe at home with the little ones..and I am happy to tell you that I did survive...I was Titanic's sole surviving senior officer, Charles Lightoller.

And yes, it was quite a shock seeing me in another life...
 
Titanic Passenger Reincarnated

I feel that I was, indeed, a passenger on the Titanic, in a first-class cabin. I have been interested in the Titanic since I was about three years old, almost to the point of obsession.

I have had a recurring nightmare my entire life, where I am cold and in a panic because I am being lowered into the water beside an extremely large ship (and I am afraid of heights.) In fact, I always wake up during this dream because my body physically tenses and jolts as the vessel I am in hits the water. I also hate to be close to things that are very large.

Each time I see an artist's rendering of the Titanic's sinking, I feel an extreme terror, and remember a loud noise, like a tremendous hum. I remember the huge structure tilting, and the terror of seeing something that big at such an angle in the water. It is quite frightening.
 
I also have always "known" I died on the titanic. My memory is that I was female approx. 20 yrs old. This memory is not of me dying in the water off the ship, but trapped in a small cabin/storage type room and the water filling it up very fast. To this day I cannot stand to wade into the water deeper then my waist. And I also have a fear of riding in any type of boat unless I have a life jacket on....even then I still feel the fear.
Jacky
 
All of this Titanic talk has me thinking...

All of my life I've been fascinated with the Titanic, like many of you. I did a report on it when I was in elementary school and whenever specials came on, I was mesmerized. I never entertained the thought that I could have actually been on the ship because, until recently, I never believed in reincarnation.

I've always been emotional about the tragedy and even refused to watch the movie because I just felt it was wildly disrespectful. My friends and family thought my protests were crazy and still do (I still won't watch it).

Anyway, I have since found out that I was living my past life during the same time period of the Titanic (1912). I would've been a young girl of 17 when it sunk. I think the tragedy was a national tragedy (much like 9/11 for the states). Perhaps that's why I was so drawn to it as a child and now as an adult; because it reminds me of my own life during that time.

My point is, perhaps memories of horrific tragedies or feelings of familiarity/obsession with those events (crusades, titanic, nazi occupation.. take your pick) are actually memories of living during those time rather than actually experiencing each of those tragedies. I've seen A LOT of posts here that I was so and so and how neato, but I haven't seen a lot of memories. Are you guys holding out on us? :confused:
 
LIGHTS.....I know my name was Bridget O'Sullivan. 3rd class passenger. But I can find only minimal info on her. I know what my memories of her are and I'd love to compare those to whatever info I could get but there doesn't seem to be much history on her. She was a bit of a "free spirit" as I am today.
 
My memory of the sinking is being in a smaller room and something is blocking the door so I can't get out. I think it's probably water pressure holding the door shut because the water is pouring in under the door and around the frame of the door. The ship shifts and a large trunk of some kind slams into my left hip. Then the room fills with water and I'm trapped. I still feel panic just writing this.

I have been regressed and he has validated my memories. It was then my name came through as Bridget O'Sullivan. It also came through that I was still "carrying" guilt for causing my fiance's death. He was in the room with me. Before the regression and long before I had a computer, I always knew my last name started with an O but I could never quite get the whole name to come through.

This PL memory has been with me since I was a small child. I just always "knew" I died on the Titanic.
 
here is some info on Bridget O'Sullivan

she was born on 18th may 1890 in county limerick, Ireland
Bridget O'Sullivan was making her first trip across the Atlantic to be with sisters already living in New York. She was accompanied by her boyfriend, Joe Foley. They apparently were well on their way to making it up to the boatdeck when Bridget decided to go back to her cabin for her purse and Joe followed--a fatal mistake for both.

When Carpathia arrived, her sister Hannah hoped against hope that Bridget might have survived after all and waited as the survivors disembarked. A man pressed a card with a poem on it into her hand--she kept the card and its message near to her as long as she lived:

Serene I fold my hands and wait
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea
I rave no more 'gainst time nor fate
For lo! My own shall come to me.
I stay my haste, I make delays
For what avails this eager place?
I stand amid the Eternal ways
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day
The friends I seek are seeking me,
No wind can drive my barque astray
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years:
My heart shall reap where it has sown
And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw
The brook that springs in yonder heights
So flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delights.

The stars come nightly to the sky
The tidal wave unto the sea
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high
Can keep my own away from me.



a good photo of her appears in Senan Molony's book The Irish Aboard Titanic. Apparently the second printing of the book is now out of print however.
 
this is what i posted on another forum, it save writing it all out again. this is about my "titanic" past life

My memories as Bess Waldo Daniels are, somewhat confused and muddled but slowly i am working through them.
The only reason i know i was Bess is because the pictures i found of her husband and children are identical to those i saw in my mind. There are gaps of years between my memories, i’ll share some below:
One of the first memories i have is at home when i was about six or seven years old. When i looked down at my dress, it came halfway between my knee and my ankle. I had black tights and black lace-up hoes which were ankle lenght. My dress was white and plain. I can remember that i didnt like it when my hair touched my face and i kept wiping it away. I was sitting on a chair in a room, it was extremely dark , i was watching my sister who was attempting to read a book. She was about 10 years old and had the most beautiful long, shiny brown hair. Mother made her wear ribbons which she hated because she believed they were for babies and she was growing up.
I can remember next, being around 13 years old. I would come home from school and make hot milk for papa when he got home. That’s what we called our parents – mother and papa.
My mother had a soft quiet expression all the time. She over reacted about certain things but i loved her all the same. Mabel was more of a daddy’s girl. When i think of him, i dont feel any kind of affection or love but i feel admiration and respect for him. He had a ruddy face when he got home, he had been working hard and when he got home, it was his time. I usually went to bed as soon as we had eaten in the evening. The next time, i can remember being at a wedding. I was sat on my own next to an old couple. I was married to Hud by this time and he was at the front of the church, i think he may have been best man but im not sure. I was wearing deep purple dress made of sating. I remember someone commented that it was a wedding and i had come dressed for a funeral, it hurt very much because that dress was well loved. I felt uncomfortable the whole time we were there and i just stared at the back of Huds head.
I find it strange that i can’t remember meeting, or marrying Hudson but i can remember the birth of both our children. With Helen i was terrified of the whole ordeal but it turned out ok. I remember being in such pain afterwards though. I can see her face now as i write this. Her hair looked black when she was born but it dried to a mouse brown colour. I can remember more than anything the emotion i felt, fear, anxiety, happiness, and i can remember thinkng, “ should babies have finger nails that long?”
The birth of Hudsy was harder for me, because he was a bigger baby than his sister was. I remember thinking that i would die there and then because it was taking forever to push him out, i was crying Huds mother was there and another lady. I seemed to know her but i dont know who she was. There was also a man there with his hand on my stomach, i think he must have been a doctor. Finally baby made an appearence and all was well in the Allison household.
I have memories of Titanic but not the journey from Canada to England or what we did in England.
I remember being in our Stateroom, there was sun beaming in through the porthole. Loraine had cold feet because she wouldnt let me put her socks on, that was her fathers job but he had gone somewhere else, she threw a terrible tantrum i can remember throwing the socks at her and sitting on the bed. The next time is on the night of the sinking. Hudson went away, and Helen and Trevor were sleeping in the same bed. Hud came back and everyone followed him to the boatdeck. We used the stairs he said it was unsafe to use the elevators, i can see his mouth saying the words “It would not be safe to use the elevator, take the stairs” i don’t why he thought that at all. I cant actually remember getting to the boat deck, but once there i can remember everything was still and people were calm, chatting in small clusters. I remember a tall man, with a brown beard coming to us i don’t remember what he said but when i think of this memory, i feel abit nauseous.
 
heres the rest, it wouldn't fit in one post (sorry)

I looked at Hud and all the life seemed to drain out of him.
Next, i remember Alice(the nanny) was not there neither was the baby but i didnt feel worried at all. I didnt look for him either which is why i believe i knew he was safe with her. I remember i was holding Loraine in my arms and Hud had his hand grasped to my arm. We were at a boat and Hudson told me to get in. I remember sitting in the boat, next to a lady wh looked scared. I can see her cheek bones . and another lady who looked very posh and she was english
The next thing i know, I am on my own with Loraine and everywhere there is panic, loud noises and i can remember feeling scared and confused, Hudson was not there but i wasn’t searching, i was standing with a man with golden curls in his hair. He had a canadian accent and i knew him. he took loraine from me and held my hand, i remember crying out but i dont know what i said. i I can see loraine in the mans arms, her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head she was scared to death but she wasn’t crying. She seemed comfortable with the man and i seemed comfortable for her to be with him. He was caring for us. We were waiting at a boat, there were two officers there. (or at least, men in uniform and hats) the ship suddenly seemed dissapear from beneath my feet and the man lost his grip on my hand, i went under into the ocean.

i edited alot of little details out, but it was still quite long:rolleyes:
 
Hi Bessie,


I was touched very much by your memories. You describe them so vivid, I can just see it all happen.

I don't feel any connection to the Titanic myself, but a relative of my father died on the Titanic. This story was told over and over in our family when I was a little kid. I can't remember very well though what relation that man had to my father, I think it was a (distant) cousin or so. And he probably was a 3rd class passenger, because the family was not so wealthy. All i remember is that my father told me: A relative of mine was on the Titanic when it sunk, he wanted to emigrate to Canada and that is why he was on it.


Eevee
 
I had no idea I was on Titanic and am still trying to make sense of things. I know BessieA and she will know who I am. I spoke to her about p/l sometime ago because I was trying to make sense of my life. I am convinced that I have known her at least once and maybe I was Hudson, I say maybe because I know for a fact that she was Bess Allison and after a great deal of talking to her she is not convinced, if Bess thinks I'm not Hud then I trust her memories of him more than enough to make me wonder. So I am now hoping that either I can bring more memories from Hud through or find out who I really was. It has been a very interesting experience lol:)
 
I have found some info on Bridget O'Sullivan. I did a search once again on google and almost did not click on a link called Limerick. I thought it would be poems or something. It turns out it is a county in Ireland. Something told me to go there.

I found myself looking straight into the face of "myself"! I'm still a bit shaken from it. We could be twins at that age! I'm not real savey on the computer but I will see if my grown son can post a picture of me now at that age and of Bridget on his web site.

The web address about Bridget is https://www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/titanic-victim/bridget-mary-osullivan.html

I hope I got that address right. This is very exciting to me. It proves to me that my memories are real. When I feel a little more comfortable with this whole thing, I will post more of my memories of a younger Bridget. Thank you all for your support.
 
My happiest flashbacks associated with TITANIC are walking down the Grand Stairscase. I can see the legs of my trousers and shoes, and looking down onto the A-Deck landing, I can see women in some of the most beatuiful gowns I have ever seen in all my years on ship. The wood is this beautiful reddish shade, everything done to a T...the tiles on the floor cream and black, the wicker chairs upholstered in deep red. There is such a feeling of happiness and security there.

My other favourite is being up on TITANIC's bridge...it is so much better than bridges on the other ships on which I have sailed over the years. Up there over sixty feet abouve the ocean, I feel that I am truly "A Lord of The Western Ocean"....one of the British Merchant Service's elite....
 
Hi. I am Bessies here and now Mum and I am grateful that she has had the courage to share those memories.
I have always believed in reincarnation, but never told her.
I was fascinated by her interest in Titanic, as I have always had a deep fear of water on my face, even just a raindrop, when I was a child, could have brought on a panic attack, I gassped and couldn't breath, it was always very scary.
I was also so scared of the sea, I would be seasick on a rowing boat on a puddle!
I still find it increadably hard to do more than paddle my feet in the sea, and I get such a sense of acheievment if I manage to let the water go up to my knees without a panic attack.
When Bess started resurching Titanic, I said I felt that I had maybe been on the ship as that would have made sense of all my unfounded fears. Since then I have through Bessies help become aware of many more links with the ship and no I wasn't her Mum then. Not connected at all at the time.
Maybe because I trully do believe in reincarnation I have no need to remember further, though once when she was telling me about one of the passengers I had a strange, That was me, feeling.
Anyway thank you Bess for telling me about this site
 
Hello Bessies mum,
A priveledge to meet you. Bess has some incredible memories and I have no doubts about her credibility. I am finding this site a great help too lol
I am still trying to sort out if I was on Titanic or not. I am trying to sort my self out right now and wish that I could have more lucid memories to help me. I know poeple will get bored me saying this, but I have a person or persons locked and I mean locked inside me who want to come out but for some reason I am finding it very difficult.
This kind of site can I reckon, help us all.
I look froward to more of your posts.
 
Hi Hammy, pleased to meet you. Personaly I think if you feel that you have past life memories that are locked inside then you need to do some personal thinking about what those memories might mean for you, sometimes when you believe in something but are not quite sure how it might work, those memories wont surface.
Reincarnation was never something I had to learn about, I had memories of past lives when I was a child so I have always known that it was there for me, I just had to find more understanding to be really comfortable with those memories.
The more you look into it and discover what reincarnation means to you, the easier it will become to unlock those memories,
Now that I've bored you to tears I will go!
Bessiesmum.
 
Hi Bessies mum.
Thank you for replying to me and I do see what you mean. I do know that I have had memories of various types in the past but have not taken them seriously or just ignored them. All of my life I have been looking for some one and some kind of direction but I largely tried to ignore it. Also since I was very young I have suffered from appalling nightmares that I learned to block and still do so if one starts I can usualy stop it or wake myself up. I have realized that now is the time when I must find out about my past because I am starting to feel that until I do I will be trapped. I have talked to BessieA and I have looked at the experiences of others so at least I am now moving towards opening myself up. The trouble is if I try and relax at night to see what comes through I often get a nightmare again and am still very wary of just letting run it's course although I have been advized that it may be the best way forward. This is a potted version of my experiences I'm afraid so I hope it makes sense. And as for you boring me, there is no way, I am grateful for your response and look forward to more of your posts.
Best wishes,
Hammy
 
Hammy,

While reading your last post something came into my mind. You say you have nightmares and are able to wake yourself up from them. Do you think those nightmares are past life related?
If so, maybe you can try to experience them from 3rd person view...to make them less terrible. Its just a suggestion,but since you seem to have some 'control' during those nightmares, it might work, and you might be able to find out more about a PL.

Eevee
 
Hi Eevee,
yes I do think that at least some of them are past life related. They have been very varied and real but since I learned to control them if one does occur I only get left with the 'feelings'.
I have dreamt a couple of times that I was bittlerly weeping for someone and I mean bitterly I would wake up feeling awful but not recall who I was crying for.
As for viewing in the 3rd person, it might work but I'm not sure how to do it. I have been told to try it before but I can't help becoming involved in the dream. I don't suppose all my nightmares have been p/l related and I do have an active mind but I am certain I have a lot of trauma inside me from somewhere and as this life has been fairly comfortable and uneventful I don't know why. I also had appalling nightmares as a very. very young child.
Thank you for trying to help.
 
Hi Hammy, I've been thinking about what you have said. One thing does strike me though and that is that you describe this life as almost dull and boring, and I would say to you that although others may have let you believe that, It's how it actually feels to you that matters. Sometimes things happen to you that your family and friends tell you is uneventfull, dull, and boring, when it was actually quite exciting or scarry for you. It's how you feel that matters. I thought my life had been dull, boring and almost a waste of an existence untill a few years ago when something happened and I realised that a lot of those dull boring bits where someone elses interpretation , what they saw my life as, not what I had actually felt myself. So some of the nightmares may be related to feelings that you haven't delt with in this life, just because someone has told you there was nothing to get upset, or feel about if you get my meaning.
But on the other hand if they are past life experiences the only real way to deal safely with them is to find a hypnotherapist who does past life regresions and see what comes to light, but you do have to keep firmly in your mind that past lives are just that. Past. and it's the here and now that has to be lived.
You also have to be sure that you know how finding out you where not a prince but a mass murderer, would impact on your present. It's dangerous to believe that you were one without being aware that just the opposite might have been the case, and of course you may have been both at some time.
I am not making fun of you either, I just think that many people want to find out nice bits in the past without being aware that there could be just as many nasty bits to come to terms with.
Shut up Bessiesmum.
I do go on at times you ask Bess!
 
Hello again Bessiesmum,
I take note of what you say. What I meant by uneventful was that it has been fairly untraumatic or bad. I did have a very, very busy period of about 12 years where I did an awful lot of things but know that I have been waiting for a person and a certain time and it is the waiting that I need to now resolve or find out why. I had a happy childhood and am good at making friends I have always worked apart from when I was ill. Two events in my life that could be a factor in some of this. The first was nearly dying as a baby because of a strangulated hernia, the other was my father having a breakdown. I have been aware of these locked feelings since childhood and get the strong imppresion that they are because of things that have happened rather than things I have carried out, but of course I don't know for sure. I am now at the point when I want to face upto my past. The daft thing is although it has scared me I am fairly certain that I have nothing to worry about lol talk about confusing.
Hammy.
 
I finally have some time to sit down and write so although this will come in parts, I will at least get started on this.

I realised a few months ago that Titanic has been with me from a relatively early age. My first experience happened when I was eight years old. I was on the playground at recess and we were all singing "They Built the Ship TITANIC". Suddenly, I saw an enormous ocean liner, sailing under a sky that seemed filled with literally hundreds of thousands of stars ( at this point, I had never seen an ocean liner, yet I somehow "knew" that was what it was) Then, as the song progressed, other, far less pleasant images appeared: people locked below, trying to get out, the panic on deck, this ship skinking slowly by what I realised later was the bow... By this point, I felt very uneasy, so I went to a quiet corner of the playground so as to be alone and think about what I had seen. (For what it is worth, this happened in April of 1962, right about the time of the fiftieth anniversary of TITANIC's sinking.

When I was thirteen, my parents took me across Lake Michigan on an interlake ferry from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Ludington, Michigan. This was a fairly large veseel, with space belowdecks for cars and even cabins for those making a crossing at night.

Since this was a daylight crossing, my father aske me if I would like to take a walk on deck, an idea to which I gladly gave my assent. As we walked along one of the promenades, for a few moments, I found myself walking alone, along another, entirely different promenade (the ferry we were travelling on had, strangely enough, come into service in 1912). The experience did not frighten me at all, even though I had never experienced anything quite like it before in my life....in fact I found it natural...and as I walked along that other promenade, I became certain that I had done precisely this sort of thing on another ship and in another time...(thirty-two years would pass before I saw that promenade again...It was Titanic's portside A-Deck Promenanade looking aft. Let me tell you, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw that!)

At the age of fourteen, I began to have dreams of being aboard what later turned out to have been a large clipper ship. The sky was a dark, stormy gray, the wind howling through the riggings. The ocean had mountainous waves...walls of grey-green water over which we struggled, only to go down into the trough between waves, and although I couldn't feel temperatrue, from the ice on the shrouds and on the deck, I surmised it was very cold. Two years would pass before I saw a picture of a ship resembling the ship in my dreams, and another year before I would read about the weather down round the Horn (Cape Horn).

Two years or so later, my parents let me stay up late to watch the movie " A Night to Remember", and as I watched, a strange feeling of deja vu came over me. The strongest feelings of deja-vu occurred when seeing those sets that, in retropect, turned out to have been accurate. I found it curious, but didn't think much more about it.

Nothing else happened until 1975, when my mum got me the illustrated edition of A Night to Remember, the famous book on the Titanic disaster by Walter Lord. As I looked at the various photos and illustrations, the same feeling of deja-vu came over me as I'd got when seeing the movie. By the time that I got to a photo-graph of the Boat Deck Landing of the Grand Staircase, my sense of deja-vu was sailing at full-ahead-full. At that point, I wondered if I might have been aboard her, but as I hadn't yet come to believe in reincarnation at that point, I quickly scuttled the idea. How could I possibly have been aboard Titanic when I hadn't even been born in 1912...still, on some level or other, I must have suspected that I had indeed been abord "The Ship of Dreams" on her one and only voyage. What else could my weird feeling of deja-vu?
 
As the years went by, although I was not what I would consider a "Titanic buff", I would watch each and every movie about her that aired on television. I didn't know why, but perhaps she was trying to reach out to me...all I knew was that I wanted to watch them and watch them I did.

In 1996, I bought a couple of Titanic books to read at work, and faster than you can say "White Star Line", I found myself a buff...

In 1997, on the anniversary, I had the following experience at work...at around three or three-thirty in the morning (Pacific Time) of April 15, I began weeping uncontrollably as if my heart was breaking...I did not know why and it was some time before I was able to get my emotions under control. Later that day, I realised that this happened as the final Titanic survivors were being brought aboard Carpathia back in 1912.

This experience inspired me to start work on an novel about the disaster and that is when things started to get really weird. I would write something based on what amounted to my best guess, subject to revision as information became available and I began to be surprised at how often my guesses turned out to be right. For example, I wrote of Titanic's engines being restarted post-collision...it would not be until 2000 that I found out that this had indeed been the case. Before 2000, I had not read anything about that happening.

At one point, I wondered why Titanic's engines had not been run "slow-astern" to help control the flooding, but quickly scuttled the idea as being something that only a landlubber would come up with. Who on earth would be so stupid as to come up with something like that?! Imagine my surprise when I read the following in Capt. David Brown's Last Log of the TITANIC (this is in one of the appendices and I am paraphrasing it): During World War I, the HMS Garry was seriously wounded in her bows after ramming and sinking a German U-Boat. Her commander sent the following to the British Admiralty: "Am proceeding to port...stern first...8 knots"...in other words he was running her "slow-astern!! Apparently he brought her into port after a journey of a good 100 miles or so. And just who was her commander? Charles H. Lightoller, former Second Officer of RMS Titanic! I figured, hey, if it was good enough for Lightoller, then it was MORE than good enough for me! I did wonder where I'd got the idea since I have absolutely no training this life in shiphandling.

One night at work, the aide who relieved me and I had a chat before I left to head home and she asked me if I had considered the possibility that I had been aboard in a previous life. By this point, I believed in reincarnation and said that yes, I thought I might have been. I told her I was relatively certain that I had been male, probably crew, and that I was relatively certain that I had survived.

In June of 2001, I was up late in a coffee shop in San Francisco, working on my novel when a lady and I fell into conversation about Titanic. Suddenly, she said in a firm tone of voice, "You, my dear, were on that ship. I see you as a tall, strongly built man wearing a dark jacket with brass buttons and a white cap with a black visor." She then asked to see my book, so whilst she was occupied looking through it, I got a coffee.

After a few minutes, she brought her hand down on a photograph and said, "This is you."
Well, I dang near spit my coffee across the table because it was Lightoller!

For about six weeks I went about my business, and then a Titaniac friend of mine and I got to talking about reincarnation. She told me she had a very strong feeling that I had been aboard her and that I was male. I told her that I had indeed been aboard and that whilst I wasn't sure who I had been, I knew whom someone thought I had been. I then told her Lightoller. She said that if asked to hazard a guess, she would have said that was who I'd been. Intrigued, I asked her why. She said, "Because when you mention Lightoller, there is a look on your face and a light in your eyes that I see at no other time, despite your obvious interest in the whole subject of Titanic. You're not just talking about Lightoller, you are Lightoller and you are remembering."

That night I went to bed and right before I went to sleep, I said, "I don't believe it!". A very quiet voice inside of me said, "Believe it." Well, I fell asleep only to dream in black-and-white, which has always been a signal to me that I need to pay attention. It is hard to describe this dream, though I think it was rather like an out-of-body-experience is said to be in that I was both the viewer and the person I was looking at (hope that makes sense). There I was, an old man, my hair (well, what there was left of it, anyhow) snow-white. I was wearing a jacket, turtleneck sweater and trousers, and I was chatting with a couple of ladies (note: I said "chatting with", not "chatting up"...lol)and from the style of their dresses, I would say this was in the late 1940's or early 1950s. For just a moment, he turned to face me and it was good old Lightoller.
 
In October of 2001, a friend urged me to go to a TITANIC exhibition in Seattle in the hopes that it might help my memory...so up to Seattle we went.

The first part of the exhibition surrounded the building of the ship and as such did not bother me, but also did not bring up memories, either.

Then we proceeded on to a mock up of the Palm Court and one of one of the first-class cabins. We then rounded a corner and came upon a reproduction of the Forward Grand Staircase. Just for a moment I looked up at the dome and the enormous crystal light fixture and BLAM! I was thrown into what could only have been a full-on flashback: I was walking downstairs from the Boat Deck to A-Deck, and, looking down, I could see the legs of my uniform trousers and my black shoes. I could also see women and men in absolutely exquisite evening clothes and I could hear music drifting from somewhere below. It only lasted a moment, but it was intense.

Walking on, we came to the part of the exhibition dealing with the sinking and the aftermath. I looked at the s-called "Big Piece" but something told me not to touch it so I didn't. RMSTI had brought up one of the engine telegraphs. First I marveled at how tall it was, then remembered that I had been a fair bit taller last life than this. I laid my hand against the glass case in which the telegraph was displayed and once again BLAM! but even stronger than at the replica of the Grand Staircase. I felt a completely weird sense of acceleration and then found myself on TITANIC's bridge. All the lights were on, and I knew somehow that I had been taken back to the night, since the bridge would have rarely, if ever, lighted at night, unless something very serious had happened--it is important for the officers to be able to see ahead and the light would have rendered them more or less night-blind.
Blam! I again felt that surreal sense of acceleration and a second later I was back at the exhibition.

Not far from the engine-telegraph was a sort of ice-wall for people to hold their hands against in order to get an idea of how cold the water was that night. A nearby sign asked people to please remember that the water was four degrees colder than the ice. I walked over and, just to see how long I could hold my hand against it. BAD idea!!. The moment I touched the ice, I found myself back in that ice-cold water, hundreds of people screaming and struggling, knowing that if I didn't quickly find a way to get out of the water, I would surely die. Over-head were pinpoints of light to simulate the night sky and I found myself unable to look up at them. Somehow they frightened me. That is the worst part of my memories of that night: all those millions of stars looking down impassively not caring at all about the horror unfolding below.

Luckily, I have not had an awful flashback like that in two years. The last one was when I went into a full-on flashback and told my friend that I was frightened. She held my face against her shoulder and told me that she would block out the stars. That made things worse because I got an image of Titanic's stern sticking straight up in the air, looking like an enormous black finger against the starry night. I started shivering and my friend's son climbed atop of me to keep the cold feeling at bay.

Well, folks that is my TITANIC story.:)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top