Two brothers drowning

Discussion in 'Member's Memories - Archive' started by archival, May 22, 2007.

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  1. archival

    archival Senior Registered

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    When I was very small to about the age of fourteen, I had a terrible fear of water (even driving near a small body of water would send me into a crying panic). Started swimming in high school to overcome it, and still, after years of swimming through college, would sometimes panic with a senseless fear that I was about to die. Flashbacks in which I do not recognize my immediate surroundings or my present physical self.

    At a young age, I would ask my mother where my brother was, the one that drowned. She had no idea what I was talking about and eventually I realized that what I thought was a memory was not the reality that those around me shared. I distinctly remember being with a brother who was maybe two years older than me, standing at the end of a dock, and preparing to head out on a sailboat. We were both in our early twenties. And while I had this memory of me being in my twenties while still being only in the first grade didn't at the time seem odd to me.

    I also had and still have today, this reoccurring dream of the 'other' me and my brother, along with my 'other' family. Many dreams with all of the same family members, in differing situations. The 'other' family is very close nit and is as follows: A mother and father who I admire and think of as educated, but somewhat distant with their own pursuits. A brother who is the oldest of the children, funny and protective. A sister who is next in line and who seems to be the connective tissue of us children, gentle and serious. Another brother who is maybe two years older than my 'other' self, who is my best friend. And myself. There is about a five year gap between myself and my older sister, and about seven or eight between myself and the oldest brother.

    With this family, there is an intense love and close bonding. Lots of conversation and mutual respect. The memories and the dreams include a two story house with a great deal of woodwork and books. Somewhat wooded outside, and close to the sea.

    The dream/memories of me include those as a child and growing up with this family. A convertible aqua? colored car, a theatre/ballroom? at night with people milling about before we go inside, and the dock/pier where my brother/best friend are setting out to go sailing (early sixties from the clothing and cars).

    When I saw the movie "Ordinary People" and came to the scene where the two brothers have the boating accident, I became so anxious that I got sick, and was despondent for days afterwards.

    Every time I dream of this family, I wake to a tremendous feeling of lose and the desire to find them. And I wonder if any of it is real. And I wonder if they are looking for me as well.

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  2. archival

    archival Senior Registered

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    A home with a history


    It was not a large home, but it was an old one. I remember it as having history. I did feel fortunate. It was comfortable in every sense of the word. And yes, it is a very pleasant memory/dream. It was a place where I belonged and understood those around me, and they me.


    I do not remember the accident, I surmise that it was an accident by my fear of water (with reaction to such fear), my last memory of that 'other' life (standing on the pier to go sailing), and my early memory of a drowned brother that did not coincide with present reality.


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  3. archival

    archival Senior Registered

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    Request to sail


    At a very young age I repeatedly requested to learn how to sail (I want to learn how to sail, can we go sailing sometime?) and it was not until college that a friend of mine who sailed often told me that he would teach me.


    Once we were out I had this uncanny knowledge how how the boat operated, and of course, the whole time I was filled with this fear mixed with excitement from my memory of my 'memory' as a child relating to a sailboat.


    While I had no idea what the terms where for this part or that part of the boat, when it came my turn to operate the sailboat, it not only felt natural, but like that I had done it many many times before. My friend was quite irate that my ability to maneuver the craft was better than his (he was a bit competitive) and we only sailed a couple of times after that together.


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  4. archival

    archival Senior Registered

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    We both drowned.....


    I have no doubt, if my 'feeling' of the situation is correct, then I am at fault.


    Remember, I have no memory of the accident, but I do have a very strong feeling that I was careless in some way (could explain why I am so fearful/conscience of making mistakes), and as such, we both drowned as a result.


    My brother was attempting to help, and I felt guilt at what I knew was going to be disastrous for both. Guilt, panic, (terror from knowledge of impending death) mixed with admiration and pride for my brother. I know that I would have done the same. Maybe this is what I am trying to do in this life, repayment of some sort to the cosmos, for the sacrifice my brother made.


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  5. archival

    archival Senior Registered

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    Good family memories


    Every memory I have of my PL is good, with the exception of drowning.


    One is of the family about to go somewhere, and my sister has designated herself as organizer for us kids (something I associate with her as always doing).


    My brother and I are doing what we can to make it more difficult for her ... hiding some things she has collected, but I can not remember what those things are ... and we are trying very hard not to laugh as she gets more frantic, pretending to be serious.


    All of us kids are in the hallway downstairs, staircase to the right, two doors to the left, my parents are in the room to the left farthest from me, with the entry way opening up farthest of all ... which puts me at the end of the hallway. My oldest brother catches on and rats me and my brother out. My sister chases us, trying to be mad but laughing.


    Another is with this same family, and we are in front of some building, about three stories high, but only two floors on the inside.


    There is a large parking porch, much like what you see with hotels, but the front of the building is all glass and I can see chandeliers in the lobby.


    The lobby has a ceiling which goes all the way up, and red carpet. There is an intricate pattern on the ceiling of the parking porch. It is night.


    I think that it looks like a place where there would be ballroom parties, remembering something I had seen before (a memory in a memory).


    My oldest brother looks very handsome, and I think that I want to be like him when I grow up. My parents are laughing and talking to people I don't know, and I think how proud I am of them. I can feel a smile on my face.


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