Arrant
Senior Registered
I appreciate this might not be the correct section to post in, but in the absence of anywhere more subject specific, I ask you all for your forebearance...
In a mood of calm and tranquil reflection yesterday, I visited my ageing parents and stayed for Sunday lunch. This isn't an uncommon event, and, if accompanied by my brother, I can often find it a not unpleasant experience. However, yesterday was typical of my "solo" visits in that, by the time I left, I was feeling uptight, agitated, and un-centred. Also vexed, frustrated, and with a little simmering anger. In short, I felt mentally scrambled, and in need of a stiff drink to settle me again!
It wasn't that we'd argued or anything, prima facie, unpleasant had happened. It was simply that, as with virtually every interaction with my parents - particularly my mother - my overwhelming feeling is of constantly trying to punch through a wall, to make myself heard and understood. They watch, but don't see; they hear, but don't listen. The effort of communication becomes exhausting. If it wasn't for the fact that they've always been that way, it would be easy to ascribe their manner to their old age, and I wish I could - but I can't. With my brother in tow to distract me and share the load, visits to them are more endurable, but even he - who, despite being fourteen years my juniour, seems to handle them better - finds them draining.
Now, I know instinctively that much of the trouble is PL related, and perhaps it's my karma to endure this. Equally, though, much of it stems from events around us, and between us, in this life, and I have no idea how to unravel the two. The thing is, they are not bad people - quite the opposite - although my mother has a breathtaking intransigence and zero capacity for apology, or even to see, much less acknowledge, any wrong doing on her part. Nonetheless, in one key area of my life, they continue to help without complaint, despite me being long past the age where I should require help in that area. And this is what makes my dilemma so difficult: do I continue to accept their help and put up with what I feel is tantamount to emotional damage, accepting that as the price I must pay? Or do I sever all ties, and struggle alone?
In truth, I want to cease reliance on their help, but to still have them in my life. But I just wish I could uncover the root cause of the troubles in the relationship, which may be buried under layers of past lives.
Anyone with any similar parental relationship problems, and experience of dealing with them from PL perspective? Please, please share your wisdom with me.
Thanks
In a mood of calm and tranquil reflection yesterday, I visited my ageing parents and stayed for Sunday lunch. This isn't an uncommon event, and, if accompanied by my brother, I can often find it a not unpleasant experience. However, yesterday was typical of my "solo" visits in that, by the time I left, I was feeling uptight, agitated, and un-centred. Also vexed, frustrated, and with a little simmering anger. In short, I felt mentally scrambled, and in need of a stiff drink to settle me again!
It wasn't that we'd argued or anything, prima facie, unpleasant had happened. It was simply that, as with virtually every interaction with my parents - particularly my mother - my overwhelming feeling is of constantly trying to punch through a wall, to make myself heard and understood. They watch, but don't see; they hear, but don't listen. The effort of communication becomes exhausting. If it wasn't for the fact that they've always been that way, it would be easy to ascribe their manner to their old age, and I wish I could - but I can't. With my brother in tow to distract me and share the load, visits to them are more endurable, but even he - who, despite being fourteen years my juniour, seems to handle them better - finds them draining.
Now, I know instinctively that much of the trouble is PL related, and perhaps it's my karma to endure this. Equally, though, much of it stems from events around us, and between us, in this life, and I have no idea how to unravel the two. The thing is, they are not bad people - quite the opposite - although my mother has a breathtaking intransigence and zero capacity for apology, or even to see, much less acknowledge, any wrong doing on her part. Nonetheless, in one key area of my life, they continue to help without complaint, despite me being long past the age where I should require help in that area. And this is what makes my dilemma so difficult: do I continue to accept their help and put up with what I feel is tantamount to emotional damage, accepting that as the price I must pay? Or do I sever all ties, and struggle alone?
In truth, I want to cease reliance on their help, but to still have them in my life. But I just wish I could uncover the root cause of the troubles in the relationship, which may be buried under layers of past lives.
Anyone with any similar parental relationship problems, and experience of dealing with them from PL perspective? Please, please share your wisdom with me.
Thanks