Klarry
Senior Registered
I saw myself as a waif-like young girl - maybe 14-16yrs old in a large cobbled square with a stone water fountain/trough in the middle. Around the edges of the square were tall buildings. I described my shoes as being 'teardrop' shaped and I had layered petticoats which came to between my knee and ankle. I worked in the house of a fat wealthy merchant along with a large jolly lady (the cook) who I looked upon as a mother figure (although she wasn't) and a younger boy who annoyed the hell out of me like a little brother but who I also loved as a brother (he wasn't really though).
I remembered serving wine and food to the merchant and his raucous friends in an upstairs room. The merchant made sexual innuendos and humiliated me in front of his friends who all thought it was hilarious and joined in. It was at this point in the regression that I started crying as I described him as a 'bully'.
Another memory was that I was in a long dark chamber, like a tunnel. I was nervous but continued down it. I couldn't see a thing. Suddenly, an arm was put across my path and I saw that it was the merchant. It then became apparent that the merchant was actually in love with me. The humiliation was all just a show, a cover up for his friends. Much to my own suprise, he was very tender and really cared for me. I can't say I felt the same for him but I was young and frightened and didn't feel I could say no to my master.
In another memory, I remembered being at the fountain being pushed around by other women who knew what was going on. They regarded me as a tart and a slut even though I was nothing of the sort. I was just a young girl stuck in a difficult situation. In the end, they pushed me backwards into the fountain and walked off.
The regression became a little difficult from here on in as I didn't seem willing to provide details of the relationship. I felt ashamed. I remembered being dressed in a long white nightdress, waiting in the bedroom (perhaps on our wedding night (?). I think I said we were married although I doubt he would have married a servant) and then being in bed next to him as he slept and feeling slight revulsion at this hugely fat sweaty man beside me.
We jumped forward to my death. I was lying on a bed giving birth, surrounded by the women who had pushed me into the fountain. The merchant was away on business. It was a difficult birth as the baby was very big and I was very slight. I seem to remember viewing the scene from the side of the bed sometimes so maybe out of body(?). The baby was finally delivered by the women - it was a boy. Everyone knew how thrilled the merchant would be and the women took him out of the room. I never held him. They ALL left the room. I lay there feeling like a ragdoll, used up and thrown away. No-one came back to help me, they left me to die. Tears were streaming down my face at this point and I told the regressionist "Look....even the candles are burning down". I didn't want to live anymore anyway. I had a brief tussle with leaving my son but I knew that he would be so well-cared for and I just couldn't stay. The women would tell the merchant I had died in childbirth and not that they let me die because it 'solved the problem'.
This post and discussion is continued in the thread 17th century Netherlands
I remembered serving wine and food to the merchant and his raucous friends in an upstairs room. The merchant made sexual innuendos and humiliated me in front of his friends who all thought it was hilarious and joined in. It was at this point in the regression that I started crying as I described him as a 'bully'.
Another memory was that I was in a long dark chamber, like a tunnel. I was nervous but continued down it. I couldn't see a thing. Suddenly, an arm was put across my path and I saw that it was the merchant. It then became apparent that the merchant was actually in love with me. The humiliation was all just a show, a cover up for his friends. Much to my own suprise, he was very tender and really cared for me. I can't say I felt the same for him but I was young and frightened and didn't feel I could say no to my master.
In another memory, I remembered being at the fountain being pushed around by other women who knew what was going on. They regarded me as a tart and a slut even though I was nothing of the sort. I was just a young girl stuck in a difficult situation. In the end, they pushed me backwards into the fountain and walked off.
The regression became a little difficult from here on in as I didn't seem willing to provide details of the relationship. I felt ashamed. I remembered being dressed in a long white nightdress, waiting in the bedroom (perhaps on our wedding night (?). I think I said we were married although I doubt he would have married a servant) and then being in bed next to him as he slept and feeling slight revulsion at this hugely fat sweaty man beside me.
We jumped forward to my death. I was lying on a bed giving birth, surrounded by the women who had pushed me into the fountain. The merchant was away on business. It was a difficult birth as the baby was very big and I was very slight. I seem to remember viewing the scene from the side of the bed sometimes so maybe out of body(?). The baby was finally delivered by the women - it was a boy. Everyone knew how thrilled the merchant would be and the women took him out of the room. I never held him. They ALL left the room. I lay there feeling like a ragdoll, used up and thrown away. No-one came back to help me, they left me to die. Tears were streaming down my face at this point and I told the regressionist "Look....even the candles are burning down". I didn't want to live anymore anyway. I had a brief tussle with leaving my son but I knew that he would be so well-cared for and I just couldn't stay. The women would tell the merchant I had died in childbirth and not that they let me die because it 'solved the problem'.
This post and discussion is continued in the thread 17th century Netherlands