4 Year Old's Violent Memories

[wwhitman]

Since my son was two and saw a dead caterpillar he's been fascinated with death and often spews doom and gloom stories and questions on the many ways one can "get killed". His doctor told me it was normal and I just try to answer him as matter of fact as possible.

My son has always been very verbally advanced for his age, very curious about everything, and very mature and calm for such a young child. The other day he started in with some strange comments that I have documented below in a diary that I am keeping for him:

Sunday, June 7, 2009
Last night while we were reading your human anatomy book you said to me “There’s this different kind of kid, Dodgie, he’s bad and he likes to throw down people” and you imitated falling down. “He’s trying to break your bones.”
Assuming this might be a new kid in your class I asked “Do you play with Dodgie?” “No, he plays by himself”. I warned you to stay away from any kid who plays bad and then asked if he was in your class and you said no. Then I asked if he was in the other class, your school – to both you answered no. Then I asked how you knew him.

“Oh Mommy, I know him from a long time ago, before you were born.” I asked where Dodgie lived – you only said “far away” and then I asked what Dodgie looked like – what color eyes or hair – you said “He has no color”.

Monday, June 8, 2009
In the car after I picked you up from daycare you began talking about “bad armies and good armies” – we had this conversation before and it was quite morbid – you are interested in guns, swords and how they kill each other. Then you told me that Dodgie was your next door “neighbor” that you played with. I countered that you said Dodgie was bad – you answered – “no he’s only 5, he has a brother – he is bad. We lived in houses that were stuck together and there was this little door that you could go through (you were laughing at that thought) -- but the bad army came and killed Dodgie and his mommy and daddy. Hi mommy and daddy died twice – they got killed by the bad army – then they grew old and there was their bones and they died again – how did they die again Mommy?”

I wasn’t sure what you meant – so I changed the subject and asked if you had a different mommy and daddy – you said yes and that “there were 3 kids, I had a baby sister – she was funny – she could walk and talk (again a laugh) – but the bad army came and took her away and killed my mommy and daddy.” “What happened to you?” I asked. I went to my grandmothers for a while. “You mean grandma and Opah’s house?” I asked.

“No-a different grandma’s. Then I got lost for a while and then I found your house.”

“Do you like being with Mommy and Daddy”

“I want to find my old family, I miss them” you said with sincere sadness that made me sad. I reassured you that no bad armies would ever come and take you and that you Mommy and Daddy you have now love you very much – by now we were out of the car – so I gave you a big hug and kiss.
My cousin Lisa commented that Dodgie could be spelled like Dahdji. I will keep track of anything else you might say.

June 12, 2009
Last night you mentioned Dodgie again, but only to say that he went outside alone and “got killed by the bad armies” and the his brother was then “the only one”. You mentioned you missed your old family again. You then had some nonsensical banter like “that was a very long time ago when there was dinosaurs” and that you were “first a boy, then a girl, then a boy again. I had a girlfriend she was soo big (you stood up and reached up high). She was this big.” When I asked what happened to her you said “she got old and died, like Opah and grandma are getting old and dying”. I asked what happens when you die and you replied “Did you know that God doesn’t have shoes or feet?” I asked how you knew that and you replied that I had told you that. You also mentioned that you’d die too and that daddy would die and that I would stay with you .

Later on you mentioned your brother. I said you don’t have a brother – you insisted that you are going to have a brother and that it would “cost you a lot of money to take care of him”. I asked when was I going to have his brother and you replied “on the third day” “The third day of what?” “April” you replied. When I asked – next year? How many years from now? “Four years from now you answered.”

END OF DIARY for now

Questions for everyone -- how can I tell if he is making this up -- he has a very good imagination -- but I never read to him anything about armies or getting killed and the level of violence he talks about on a daily basis concerns me. Asking questions like what happens if you fall and break your back, your arm, etc. Do you get killed?

I just am not sure how to deal with it all -- otherwise he is a very normal and sweet and loving child and never hurts anyone or any pets -- so I am not worried that he will act violently --- just concerned why he talks about it soo much.

Any thoughts out there? Should I probe him with more questions -- and what type of questions should I be asking?

 

[ChrisR]

Hi wwhitman, and welcome to the forum


Thanks for sharing your son's experiences. You say he has a very good imagination but I think this is how many parents overlook the fact that their children are actually remembering a past life. From what you've told us, in my opinion it certainly sounds like he's remembering another lifetime, there are so many cases where children talk about 'other families' or 'other parents'. I think that there is no need to deal with this situation any differently to how you're dealing with it already, and that is to allow him talk about it when he needs to, and to be there for him and listen to him, tell him that the violence he remembers was all in the past, in another lifetime, and that he's now with a family who love him very much. I wouldn't probe him too hard with questions, just keep it very simple and ask him things like what his name was, what games he liked to play, whether he had any brothers and sisters etc., just to get him talking really, anything too deep might put him off. Maybe you could even ask him to draw some pictures, some kids can express themselves better that way, make it into a game for him. It's also very good that you're keeping a journal


I would only consider seeking professional help if he ever started to become physically violent, or if the memories were having a significant impact on his present life, but I don't think that is the case here.


I hope you will keep us updated on how things progress. I'm sure some of the more experienced here will be able to give you better advice.


Chris

 

[deborah]

Hi wwhitman,


Have you read any of Carol Bowman's books? They are two of the best well written and informative resources about children's cases and give great advise on how to handle situations.


I think you are doing a fantastic job of recording in a diary what you say to your son and what he says back to you. Good Job!


There are a lot of parents that do not take the time to do so or dismiss what their children say altogether. Please know that you are not alone and that there are a lot of children's cases that have been documented and researched by the University of Virginia, Ian Stevenson and by Carol Bowman.


I would highly suggest her first book, Children's Past Lives to get started if you have not read it already. If you have more questions or need more help we would be happy to assist you or I will contact Carol on your behalf and you can talk to her.

 

[Kitn]

violent memories


Hi, I have a grandson who used to speak of another family, another time and violence. He was very verbal and began talking in 3 word sentences at 14 months; now he is always talking, lol. He too cried for his "other mother" and he would act out using action figures. He would hide them in the kitchen cabinet; as he said he hid in the "cupboard." He spoke of being shot in the head at 5 years old. He told me his other last name. He spoke of the hitter and acted out cruel things. I would keep a record, as you are doing, of everything he tells you. I would not ask leading questions. I never brought up the subject but tried to respond in a compassionate manner when he brought up his other life. He stopped talking about his other life when his cousin called him a liar. I think that hurt his feelings. This all stopped when he started school. I was afraid when he went to school he would say his last name was the other last name he said was his. If your son is remembering a past life he will be very consistent with what he tells you. He may mix some fantasy in with what he remembers; especially at a young age. I too recommend you read Carol Bowman's books they are very informative.

 

[alaskanlaughter]

Welcome and thank you for sharing about your son. I agree with what the others have suggested and their recommendations for Carol's books. The books are a wonderful resource. I think you are doing the right things, listening and responding compassionately. Recording what he says is also a terrific idea, so I'm glad you are doing that. I hope you continue to share what happens with your son.