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5 year old obsessed with me dying and death - how do I explain....

J

jasobel

Senior Registered
My daughter who is 5 has always had extreme anxiety that she would lose me. The past few days she has felt like she would die and we would be apart, that she will be someone else's child and we would never see each other again.

How do I explain this without causing her even more anxiety? I have told her and talked about reincarnation, that she must have lost a mother prior to me but that we will always be together. We have lost pets in the past 6 months and I think that has her thinking about death, yet I find myself at a loss as to explain it to give her comfort. We don't practice any religion or faith.

Thanks,

Jill
 
Hi Jasobel,

My intuitive thought was that you were the mother she lost in her past life...and that's why she feels such anxiety with the possibility of losing you now.

I have no children but I can tell an experience of when I was a child. As young as seven, I was obsessed with the fear of losing my mother. When I asked her if she was going to die, she would say that we are all going to die and that it's nothing to be afraid of. She also assured me that she would be around for a long time. And, she lived until I was in my early twenties. I truly feel that my mother was my mother in a past life...and maybe that's where the fear was coming from.

Susie



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Free will allows me to choose my path, but my Higher Power lights the way....
 
Thanks for writing, I feel this too, but how do I give her comfort when death took me away once and if we all will die it will take her away again - I can't live and say I won't die someday or she won't die someday. I just don't know how to decrease her anxiety.

Jill
 
Hi Jill,

Nice to see you here again.

You're going to have to refresh my memory a little....wasn't your little girl adopted?
Didn't she have HUGE separation anxieties at a very early age? Did she ever get over that -- and if so has this just started up again?

If my memory serves me right she had a past life where she died at a young age -- possibly around five years old??? Correct me if I am wrong -- Could it be that her age now.....has something to do with her current feelings of dying?



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Love and Light,
Deborah

The soul's Center...is God.
 
More thoughts --

I posted these for "entities in the house".....but they really apply across the board for helping to deal with children on a spiritual level.

1). Purchase a BLUE light bulb -- turn this on in their room at night - The calming and healing effect I am told is extraordinary.

2). Sit with your child on a bed facing each other. Hold hands and tell the child you are going to "share." Have them close their eyes and tell them to imagine or "see" LIGHT (a lot of children see inner light and think adults do too) surrounding them and surrounding mommy.

3).Tell them that this Light is LOVE and will protect them and you. Make the suggestion from a place of LOVE and CONFIDENCE. Children know when your faking it or not sincere.

4). It is important that the child FEEL that mommy is also protected and the LIGHT is a shared experience. Even if mommy doesn't see Light - she can imagine it and connect to it without actually seeing it.



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Love and Light,
Deborah

The soul's Center...is God.
 
Deborah - you have an incredible memory! Yes she is adopted, and yes always has had separation issues and lots of anxiety. It never really has left her, just diminished in intensity. I think it was her mother whom she lost in a past life, perhaps she is getting to be the age when it happened, I don't remember. I'll have to try the blue light, might help, her anxiety is the worst at night. It pains me to see her so sad as she has been and I have tried every comfort mechanism to help her sleep. It also has greatly affected my marriage because she wakes up so much at night, sometimes incoherent and inconsolable. Now her doctors want to put her on medication for sleep, a daily medication. I have also tried guided meditations for kids (books) and she is very resistant to it for some reason.

As you can see I am at my wits end with this.

Jill
 
Hi Jill,

That's right...she lost her mother when she was that age. I was close. *S*S*S*S Is she still modeling? Riding horses?

Do let me know if the blue light helps...I have read some incredible stuff regarding blue light for healing purposes.

I REALLY hope you do not have to turn to medications.

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Love and Light,
Deborah

The soul's Center...is God.



[This message has been edited by Deborah (edited 10-13-2001).]
 
Hi Jill

Have you ever tried Lavendar Oil??? It is very renowned for it's properties in promoting a calm mind and soothing sleep. It can be used in a bath oil before bedtime, or burnt in the room before sleep, or you can add a few drops to the pillowcase.

I've always found it a great mind relaxant, and it really does promote healthy sleep, when I'm going through any weeks where my sleep is being disturbed by everyday stress...and like Deborah's ideas, it's very easy and totally natural

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Lots of Love
Kelly
 
Deborah - is the blue light bulb the plant light? I couldn't find any other at the store - or the party light???

We are in the process of looking for a horse or a dog. The riding place went out of business and noone else will take a child so young. I thought an animal would really help with her anxiety.

I will also try lavendar oil, they vary in their purity - just have to find a really good one.

Thanks for all you support. I also have to check out the books again, haven't read them in a while. Last night when she woke up in pain, she said "its really so hard to leave you know - its the hardest thing to do." Didn't know what that mean, that perhaps at some time she left me?

Jill
 
Hey Jill,

Sounds like a scary time for her, and a frustrating time for you.

How about letting her sleep with you and practice the family bed? Then when she wakes up, you'll be right there. Or, if actually sharing a bed is too impractical (small, tossing etc) how about a small cot/mattress under your bed that you can pull out for her at night if she is scared of losing you? It could be that if she was 5 when she lost you last time, that the fears will ease when she starts heading towards 6 years old...

Good luck! She is so lucky to have a compassionate mama like you!
 
Dear Jill,
maybe I can help with this. Your situation is identical to one I had with my son from about the age of 3.One of the offshoots of his fear was that he would never separate from us even to go to a friend's house before the age of about 10.The thought of separation would bring panic attacks that would take us to the hospital in emergency.
Because I had read about reincarnation I felt the gentlest way to soothe him was to assure him that we would ALWAYS be together..using the theories of reincarnation. Without going into detail this made some sense to him and some of the things he said that followed were really the catalyst for the acceptance of reincarnation that I have today.
I should tell you that my son is now 18 years old.As he matured he began doing things to challenge his own fear. For instance, he would watch silly horror movies that at one time would have made him have nightmares that someone was coming to take him away. I was worried about this but what actually happened was that he eventually desensitized himself to irrational fears..eventually going the opposite way. Since he has been around 14 it has been impossible to keep track opf him.He loves being with friends and often forgets to call about where he is. He is certainly confident that I am here for him..but he retains the concept of reincarnation as his reality although he rarely shares it with his friends.So, I guess I'm trying to say that if you are sensitive and persistent to the signals your daughter is giving...keeping in mind that some children really are more likely to remember fearful things from a past life, she will likely be able to deal with it eventually herself.
For the moment, I do agree about letting her sleep beside your bed if that is possible. That is something we allowed , not pushed...,he had his separate room...and eventually this too stopped by itself.

Just as a note: I know of a child who insisted that her parents were not her parents...with great detail that checked out! about another life. She kept running away to find her real mommy. You can imagine how much strife this caused.The parents did everything in their power to persuade her she was wrong and acting foolishly.Today she is a young woman with many problems and a terrible relationship with her parents.I feel it is much more sensible to believe your child and be sensitive to the clues she gives you..despite what the world may think.if you want to help her, and you get through this.
I hope this was of some help or reassurance , at least.You are lucky to have found this forum with so many who will support you.
Nexus
 
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