Conflict & death over loss of reputation

[petercalvert]

Hi everyone,
I have recently been stimulated to consider the theme of loss of reputation, and the feelings and reactions invoked by that. Perhaps this will strike a chord for someone else as well? Although the present issue is minor, I have been astonished at the intensity of feelings I have experienced.

On seeking the background to it, the following imagery emerged:
I saw myself in hot pursuit on horseback, feeling enraged while chasing after an insolent & scornful man down steep bush-covered gulleys and over hillsides, only to be killed by him. Then of seeing a small (4 years?) boy saying “why is my daddy gone so long?”
Afterwards, as if looking through the eyes of my wife, I saw him dump my body from my horse at the gate leading to my home and family, then my killer, remorseless and still scornful because of his power of life and death over me, casually stealing my horse from my family, by just riding away with it.

Because of the clothing we wore, and feeling and appearance of the horses, it reminded me of American hill-country life featured in a video I watched about the development of hill-billy blues music styles. I loved the sounds of that music, but have always been averse to country and western music because of the sad feelings it invoked in me. So only as I write this have I made the possible connection that I may retain sadness from that life. And I think of my younger brother (already dead) as I do so.

It all seemed to be about defending my honourable name or character, as the rage seemed to be driving me to control what another person said about me. I guess I lost the power to defend my reputation on that occasion.

In my present life I have felt powerless on a couple of occasions concerning loss of reputation, and have had no opportunity for redress or to correct malicious tales, and been deeply troubled by that, yet had to accept that others actually do have the freedom to regard anyone in any way they choose.

I know there will be more to emerge on this theme, and don't expect it to easy, yet welcome the opportunity to cleanse my heart of these things and forgive and learn to release such things more easily.

 

[deborah]

Very interesting Peter, I am headed to bed but look forward to reading responses in the morning and engaging in a great conversation. :thumbsup:

 

[Ailish]

Hi Peter,

Although the present issue is minor, I have been astonished at the intensity of feelings I have experienced.

It’s interesting to note what causes past life memories and/or feelings and how powerful thoughts and emotions can be carried over from a previous life, isn’t it? When I look back – I can see clearly how some of my emotions and behaviors are linked directly to a pl, and often to a repeating pattern in my present life.

I guess I lost the power to defend my reputation on that occasion.

That can definitely be difficult – especially for a male in those circumstances. Often – honor was all they had.

In my present life I have felt powerless on a couple of occasions concerning loss of reputation, and have had no opportunity for redress or to correct malicious tales, and been deeply troubled by that, yet had to accept that others actually do have the freedom to regard anyone in any way they choose.

That’s a difficult and frustrating thing to understand and to accept – that how other people choose to feel is no reflection on you personally. We are each responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and creations – and how we choose to react to them.


I must say though – that individuals who continually choose to spread malicious tales, gossip and rumors with the intention of causing pain or hurt towards another person – have a very, very long way to go on their journey. Truthfully – we should learn to feel compassion for them – imo, they are extremely limited in their conscious understanding.


Once we have a deeper understanding – it is easier to accept those moments and to move through them with grace and dignity – even when it sometimes hurts.

I know there will be more to emerge on this theme, and don't expect it to easy, yet welcome the opportunity to cleanse my heart of these things and forgive and learn to release such things more easily.

You’ve got a positive, upbeat attitude about it, Peter, and that’s half the battle – accepting what comes to us and being willing to analyze and use the information in a constructive manner. Awesome


I wish you luck on your journey,


Ailish

 

[petercalvert]

Conflict & death over loss of reputation


Hi Deborah & Ailish


Thanks for your perspective, Ailish. To a large degree I have stumbled through life, not deliberately planning my responses but just reacting to the observations, whims and reactions of others. This seems to be an opportunity to act with a bit more self-reflection functioning.


The person who triggered this present situation carries in small degree those same qualities of what I interpret as insolence. I work with a man who carries much larger degrees of those qualities, and may be the man in question, for I have had a huge reaction to him on one occasion in particular, when, for the only time in my life, openness to murder and mayhem were fully present in me. I could not understand it! Prior willingness to disagree with each other had been present, and we had managed to patch up our differences in the interests of a better working relationship, and he was the one person in the organisation that drove me nuts, but I had never felt anything like that before. We are very careful with each other now ;-)


At that time I recalled a prior time of conflict with him, and felt the complete willingness to kill or be killed. That was shocking! It happened last year. Whether it was recall of the same lifetime as just recalled the other day or not is not clear to me.


This life I have systematically attempted to avoid all such conditions of conflict, yet have felt a fascination with sharp weapons such as knives, swords and halberds, and have recalled death as a fighter in several wars, and have met others who have identified me as a teacher of sword-fighting, particularly in China. I cannot abide blunt kitchen knives, even in other people's kitchens, and have many times offered to sharpen them for friends. Both they and I have felt my compulsion to be somewhat strange, but I think now that what has been surfacing has been the realisation that my life may well depend on the sharpness of my weapon, or any weapon at hand.


When I first encountered the phrase 'those who live by the sword, die by the sword', I did not understand why I seemed to understand it so well !!! :-D


These are good things to remember, for they help me choose otherwise in the present.

 

[tanguerra]

Very interesting Peter.


I know exactly what you mean by the feeling of the old warrior bubbling up sometimes when someone or something makes you cross! I have had some fantasies of my own on various occasions, I assure you, but they are just that - fantasies. I think to myself "By golly, back in the day.....!" One time I was particularly furious with someone (over something relatively trivial I might add) and I had a memory of a group of horsemen (me amongst them, many centuries ago) sweeping into a village (Russia? Mongolia? somewhere up that way) and totally destroying it, slashing, burning, running, screaming...nasty business. I could remember feeling so filled with fury at that time I thought I might explode! I am assuming this was some kind of revenge we were exacting back in the day. I certainly felt quite justified in my fury, although my present day self thought it was all a bit extreme - what with women and children and everything! Goodness!


These days I have risen above the desire to smash someone to smithereens if they vex me, obviously. This is progress. It is great the way that having an understanding of a past life incident can put these present life feelings into perspective. I am sure the whole practice of psychology and our understanding of the workings of the so-called 'subconscious' could be completely revolutionised if more therapists were open to exploring this material.

In my present life I have felt powerless on a couple of occasions concerning loss of reputation, and have had no opportunity for redress or to correct malicious tales, and been deeply troubled by that, yet had to accept that others actually do have the freedom to regard anyone in any way they choose.

I think this is excellent progress you have made! After all, if your behaviour is blameless, you have no need to fear your reputation being besmirched anyway. Eventually the truth will always come out. If it is not blameless, well, the besmirchers can do their worst and hopefully you won't resort to murder to try to correct the situation.


Perhaps this is your most important lesson this life? To take some things on the chin?