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Current Life

verbosewriter

verbosewriter

New Member
I work in Portland, Oregon. On a Sunday in November 2010, I went to my first past life regression session ever in Astoria, Oregon. I didn't go anywhere and the therapist said that the issues I have were in my current life. I cried my heart out that moment and felt so much better. I chose the right path. I'm just missing one step, self-love and finding myself a success in life. It's all internal, the quest.

I am a demisexual lesbian. I only fall in love with certain women. I am half asexual and half sexual. I am still researching on that.

My second session was also on a Sunday, same place, but in January 2011. I knew it may have been my last as I need to figure out how to genuinely love myself. In that session, I had fantasized that I was an Ancient Chinese man, with no emotion nor feeling. No wonder I'm having all these emotions in this life.

I went to see a psychic in San Diego on a past life reading. One of my past lives, I was a European man of power. I was successful, but one thing missing, my own belief in the success. Again, all internal.

I have been using writing and travel as therapy. I feel like I'm getting really close to my goal. Like love, some things can't be rushed.
 
Like love, some things can't be rushed.
Click to expand...
As we used to say back in '84, take a chill pill and let the colors come through. (Don't know where that came form, but we used to say it a lot.) I find my most vivid memories come when I'm not trying to have them. When I lived in Santa Cruz we were close to the beach and my favorite haunt was the boardwalk in the winter. You could just feel the energy of summer waiting to burst out from behind boarded up midway games. If I sat at this one place and looked down the boardwalk, I could start to hear the echoes of people walking along laughing, bells ringing as someone gets the brass ring through the target, the shooting gallery, I could smell the cotton candy and popcorn and almost taste a sweet vanilla ice cream.* It was a wonderful place for meditation. Perhaps you've got one of your own you can slip off to?


*An image I have is if a half-mannequin above an attraction. It's a cartoonish sailor who, in hindsight, looks a lot like a mix of Alfred E. Newman, Howdy Doody and Mortimer Snerd. He's red-haired and is holding semaphore flags. His right arm is straight out to his side while his left is angled upwards. He's animatronic and periodically laughs and moves his head and arms, enticing people to come inside and try their skill at the various games within. If this sounds familiar to anyone, let me know!


(Now that I think of it, I haven't seen the Santa Cruz boardwalk in a lng time. What is the mascot above "Neptune's Palace"?)
 
I find myself indulging in certain things. I don't drink, nor do I smoke. I love and eat meat. However, I hate cooking with meat and prefer to cook simple meals. Currently, if I say anything negative about myself, I punish myself with something good. I'm learning how to treat myself better. I am also learning how to let go by setting aside feelings. Music has soothe me immensely. It doesn't matter where I am, my heart will sing to me, and I will learn peace once again.
 
Hello verbosewriter,


In our various sojourns through spirituality, we are sometimes male and sometimes female. This is necessary in order to keep a balance within our psyche.


You mentioned two incarnations as a man of power, and as such may have become too biased towards being male, but also being in a position to prefer female company. This may be a carry over to your current life where you still prefer female company. There's nothing wrong with that, it just means you need to become comfortable with it within yourself. This will provide the balance the universal law requires.


You mentioned needing to learn to love yourself, which imo is also a necessary aspect of spiritual development. However, the male instincts that reside within you may be having difficulty dealing with the fact of your present gender.


Go with the flow. You will be male and female again from time to time. Both aspects are contained within the one soul which is you.


Relax. Enjoy.


Regards


Merlin
 
I think most of my past incarnations have been male, but I also just may not be remembering many female incarnations. I have strongly favored masculine environments and pastimes. (Traditionally, just as a disclaimer. No reason why women can't tear down an engine, hop it up, and stuff it back into the car, drive to a smoky old pool hall, drink beer and scream like a maniac when the home team is winning.) I have a smirking aversion to the more feminine aspects of life in spite of being a real "homebody" who claims to be one half Joan Jett, one half June Cleaver. I am completely dedicated to my husband and do my best to give him the best home I can, and if you try to mess it up I'll cut your head off with a chainsaw. ( :D ) This did lead me into a slight gender identity crisis when I was a teenager, but a lot of soul-searching (and the sudden appearance of a hottie on the boys' baseball team ;) ) confirmed that I am most definitely 100% heterosexual.


But if you meet my brother and want to have fun, (remember that we grew up with reincarnation as a fact of life) suggest that he was female in a past life. This guy is so hyper-macho that he refuses to believe that he has ever been anything but male!:laugh:


I'm sorry. I don't mean to gossip. I just had that pop into my head as I read the posts this morning.: angel
 
Shiftkitty, that is interesting about your brother. Similar to a close friend of mine. I researched my past life connections to both him and his wife, and she and I have been married at least twice and he has been my sister or sister-in-law several times. For some reason that role is something he does not want to contemplate. In his younger years he was a very successful Lothario and voted most likely to remain a bachelor...now as a househusband he rebuffs any possibility of the idea of ever having been female. I never miss a chance to tell him how well he keeps his house and his response is to get me another martini!


Upon meeting my friend's wife for the first time, she said "We've known each other in a different life...we might have been married!" As we got to know each other she said as she was introduced to me she saw an image superimposed over me and dressed differently. In the past when that had happened to her the people turned into close friends. This was in 1988, and I had yet to contemplate any sort of life beyond the one I was navigating at the time.


Just thought I'd share...
 
Aw! He gets you a martini! How sweet! LOL, that was a pleasant little chuckle. I hope he comes to terms with it. It's like only having half of a picture of yourself otherwise. Oddly, my father had no aversion to talking about having been a little girl years ago in a culture where daughters were more of a burden than anything else. He couldn't keep up with his family and got left behind when they relocated and died as a result of being too young in the wild. He couldn't identify the culture, but he always had this feeling that it was tied to his revulsion of snakes.
 
Apparently my influence on my friend through my recent (past five years) transmogrification has broken him out of his shell to some extent. His wife, my former wife (in roman times), is shocked by his acceptance of what I have discussed with him about the things I've seen and experienced. (As in the Ghostbusters, "I've seen sh!t that will turn you white!") It seems that my influence is a positive one for them and I am glad that I had a hand in helping him move toward adulthood...even if it has taken some time...everyone at their own pace. And he fixes a truly appropriate martini...I have to be careful lest I get "ginesia"...the unfortunate experience of forgetting everything after the third martini...
 
My dad and his brothers have broken their connection to the point of no return. There's a time to make amends but one shouldn't be forced into it. Regardless of blood or whatever connection, I think it's best to surround one's self with the people that matter the most. I'm learning and always will be learning.


Perhaps, now, I will ask about my love life since I feel like I am accepting my inner success.
 
That's a shame about your dad and his brothers. Whatever happened, it must have been pretty grievous. Hopefully they come back around. They may not do it in this lifetime, but they've got an eternity to work it out.
 
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