Epilepsy in the 19th Century

[Ailish]

When my mom was here we did a couple of shared meditations. During one of them I saw a flash of a young girl with dark hair, laid out for a funeral. She was a beautiful child – beautifully dressed, long dark hair, pale skin. She looked about 9 or 10 – and my main emotion was relief. I was relieved she was dead. Looking at her made me sad and uncomfortable. At the time – I didn’t recognize her as being ME.

That one incident triggered dreams – of being a child locked in a room and having my hair cut off:

The other night I dreamed about being locked in a room – by a nurse in a long dark dress, covered by a long white apron. She had a little hat on her head – and she was cutting off my hair because it “took my strength.” I was upset – because my mother loved my hair – loved to brush it and I was proud of it. I felt deep despair - I fought her, trying to get away, but she was much bigger than me and very rough.

I later found validation from several sources online that hair ‘taking strength’ from a person was a common misconception in the Victorian era.

It wasn’t until I went back through my journals that I realized this child – was the same girl I had been seeing as an epileptic in previous memories.

When I am experiencing these seizures - there is light - and then it is like I am falling headlong into myself, to a place no one can reach into. It’s dark - and isolated. I am aware of nothing around me. There is no fear - not then. Not until I start to awaken from this internal prison - everything is blurry. Sounds are muted. They are scaring me - the old lady, standing over me - devil, devil I hear again and again. I feel my mother’s hands on me, hear her saying my name, but she is trying to hold me and I don’t went to be held.

Shame - I feel shame to the depths of my being. I can feel her disdain - the old woman’s. She is telling my parents to send me away. I am not right in the head. I feel him beside me - James. My brother. Holding my hand. I feel tears on my cheeks - I’m scared. I don’t want to go. James is telling me something, but I can’t hear him clearly - everything is swirling - lights, colors and I am falling. And then I am out of that body watching - the child on the floor, one arm shaking and jerking back and forth, legs rigid. Boy bending over her, calling for help. Old woman with her crucifix. Parents leaning over the child. The little girl’s head is lolling funny - eyes rolling back in her head. Her mouth is open, she looks like she is trying to talk and gasping for air at the same time. Then I am back in her body - it’s blurry. I feel small twitches, see the crucifix, my mother is pinning my arms down, my father my legs. She is saying “Alissia, stop!”

Individuals with epilepsy were (and still are in certain cultures) considered to be "possessed by the devil," "mentally lacking" or "insane" and they were treated with no respect - no one understood, and so it was feared. It was a stigma that caused great embarrassment for families. Often when the family could not make a decision - a board was called in. They removed epileptics from their families and put them into medical facilites ranging from specific epileptic colonies to lunatic asylums.

Now those feelings of relief at seeing the dead girl make complete sense. As a little girl, she was taken from her family and placed in an asylum for being epileptic; death was a relief:

I am in a room on a bed with a thin mattress. Two women – nurses (?) wearing long, dark dresses with long white aprons over top and small white caps are wrapping a linen sheet around me. I am fighting them – screaming as they wrap it tighter and tighter. One takes me by the arms – the other by the feet and the put me in a tub of ice cold water. I am screaming for my mother.

That also led to another validation – in the late 1800’s, water therapy was used in asylums. I knew it was the late 1800’s, not just by the clothing styles I wore, but also by the nurse’s uniforms I had described (late 19th century England), and also by my description of what they made me drink and how it made me feel:

I am in a hospital. A woman (nurse) is mixing a spoonful of white powder in a glass of water. She hands it to me and tells me to drink it all. I sip at it – but it tastes terrible, like saltwater. I have no energy to fight her anymore. I feel numb – disconnected...it’s hard to concentrate on anything. I want my mother. I want to go home.

After some research and help from a friend, I discovered that Bromide was used in the treatment of epileptics in the late 1800’s. Because of the adverse effect it had on people, it was stopped and is now used to control animals’ seizures.

I went for about three weeks straight dreaming about Alissia's life - and I would wake up in the middle of her seizure to find my present body contorting into some very bizarre positions.

I am curious to know if anyone else has memories of being epileptic in a past life?

 

[deborah]

Fascinating memory Aili. Really.


It shows the depths of soul - spirit - and state of mind you have and had at the time; not to mention how a culture dealt with such illnesses. Thank you for sharing it and your research. It sets a great example and illustrates just how the little things (white powder -nurses clothing etc. ) all equal validation for you personally.

 

[soulfreindly]

Hi Ailish,


No not epileptic but I was an invalid as a child in India..Again the way cultures deal with illness in history was what hit me.. It felt like I had cerebral palsy. My parents suffocated me as they were so poor they could not cope with taking care of me. I sort of think that my parents now are the same.


I have similar difficutlies with my family now. This life I have had another illness not well accepted. Fortunately for the world wide web I have been able to get better using information that few doctors recognise as a cure. But my family has not been supportive as they have remained too stuck to the culture of medicine we now have.


soulfreindly

 

[Ailish]

Thank you, Deborah - it's certainly fascinating when you find those validations. Even momentarily stunning at times...:laugh: It's the little things - that never fail to amaze me and often prove to be the greatest validations.


I also want to point out to new members who are doing past life work - that journaling is so important - if I hadn't written things down, I would have no way to go back and connect things together. After your meditation/dream/regression try to write down as much information and detail as you can.


Soulfriendly - it's definitely interesting to view how various illnesses were treated throughout history. I'd had no idea that epilepsy was so "taboo" historically until I started researching to validate my experiences. What stunned me even more was accessing the medical registries for the asylums at the time and seeing the doctor's notations of reasons people were admitted - some were absolutely ridiculous. These are taken directly from a register:

• Dangerous lunatic/Studying - 'Insanity come on by studying and learning & Musick. He have been in this way 17 years'
  
• Lowness of mind - 1814: broke window
  
• Disappointed in marriage - Died of epilpetic fit
  'A dangerous epileptic idiot'
  
• Epileptic & Idiocy - Overseer states 'he is a very bad epileptic subject & dangerous idiot'
  
• Love - Account of Overseer 'insanity come upon hir through love'
  
• Disappointment - 'Insanity come upon hir through her leding a bad course of life and disappointment of marriage with the man who she had a child by'

Source: Norfolk Lunatic Asylum

I know my parents had me removed from the asylum and I was home with them for at least a year - possibly two - before my death. I also know that during that time many things went wrong for my family - from financial losses to the death of my brother, James. I was very close to him - he was my best friend and protector. I can recall being distraught at his funeral and having a seizure in public. It was decided by my grandmother then and there - that I was going back.


Mercifully, my mother took measures to ensure I wasn't sent back.


Have you written about your life as the child in India on the forum? I'd love to read about it, if you'd like to share.


Aili

 

[traveler]

Ailish, I am very interested in your descriptions of the seizures you remember. I work with developmentally disabled adults and several of them are epileptic. Most of ours are unable to communicate verbally well enough to describe what they experience during a seizure, and many people are simply unconscious until the seizure is over. I have often thought my patients are very fortunate to live in this time and place, because epileptics have not always been treated with respect. We don't define these people by their seizures, but look at their strengths and the skills they have during the 99% of the time when they are not seizing.


On a different note, I have heard of some cultures who seem to have viewed seizures as a spiritual experience. Some epileptics experienced visual and/or auditory hallucinations prior to a seizure or seem to have some heightened psychic awareness around the time of a seizure. Your report of having an out-of-body experience during one may to fall in this category. For this reason, some African and Asian cultures particularly have associated epilepsy with "soul journeys" and "shamanism". It's also probably related to the Middle-Ages belief in demonic possession. Although that's a very negative and harmful view, it also is along the lines of seizures as spiritual in nature.

 

[Sunniva]

Very, very fascinating, Aili - thanks for sharing. It's always interesting to read your memories

 

[LadyLania]

Ailish, I am very interested in your descriptions of the seizures you remember. I work with developmentally disabled adults and several of them are epileptic. Most of ours are unable to communicate verbally well enough to describe what they experience during a seizure, and many people are simply unconscious until the seizure is over. I have often thought my patients are very fortunate to live in this time and place, because epileptics have not always been treated with respect. We don't define these people by their seizures, but look at their strengths and the skills they have during the 99% of the time when they are not seizing.
On a different note, I have heard of some cultures who seem to have viewed seizures as a spiritual experience. Some epileptics experienced visual and/or auditory hallucinations prior to a seizure or seem to have some heightened psychic awareness around the time of a seizure. Your report of having an out-of-body experience during one may to fall in this category. For this reason, some African and Asian cultures particularly have associated epilepsy with "soul journeys" and "shamanism". It's also probably related to the Middle-Ages belief in demonic possession. Although that's a very negative and harmful view, it also is along the lines of seizures as spiritual in nature.

Traveler, I know this question wasn't directed to me but I felt I should answer your question. I am an epileptic myself and rarely enough (according to my doctor) I am aware of my surroundings while having a seizure.


I was 12 when I first began having them and they sort of just started happening after a very high fever in January right before my 13th birthday.


I can tell when I am going to have one sometimes hours before it happens and the only thing I can say about the feeling I have about it is my sense are very off. touch, sight, hearing all change.


Almost like I am hypersensitized. I am also photosensitive meaning things like certain light changes like a strobe light will cause me to have a seizure. It is one of my triggers as well as exercises that raise my heart rate to high. I can't run but I can do yoga and other low impact exercises. I can walk as well.


so anyway when I am getting ready to have a seizure, I hear ringing in my ears and it starts off slow and builds up inside of me. My eye sight changes and ranges from seeing things through a tunnell like I am far away to blindness. My perceptions change. like if I look at a small glass and a large glass I can't tell which is bigger. If the glasses are filled with water I can't tell how much water is inside them. things like that. My touch is completely messed up. when I touch my skin it doesn't feel like my own body. I can pinch myself and leave a mark and I feel the pain but it is like I cannot react. I can hear people talking to me but it is like I am somewhere else even though I can talk back to them but it is very hard to do so. I am unfocused and my mind feels very detached from the world and everything. Almost like my soul has no emotional or physical attachment to my body.


I feel like I am just floating along waiting for it to be over. As a child I used to panic about them which usually made them much worse. I felt completely out of control and my perceptions of time and my body was wrong. I remember fear seemed to completely occupy my thoughts during an episode. It took a long while for my disorder to be diagnosed which also contributed my fear of what was happening to me. Doctors took their time in deciding what was wrong with me and one doctor told me I should be in a mental institution at the tender age of 13. I'm so glad my parents got a second and even a third opinion.


My seizures usually last anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes depending upon the severity. The last siezure I had was when my husband was deployed to Iraq a little over a year ago. I believe it was the stress that triggered it. stress is a huge factor for me. I meditate alot to help with that. After I have a seizure I am completely wiped out. I have to sleep and the rest of my day seems out of wack when it happens. It takes about a day for me to feel completely normal again.


I am told that my legs move and jerk during a seizure but even though I am alert during them my perpection of touch and my body are so altered I have no idea I am doing it. I am also told that my eyes become glassy and unfocused as if I am not seeing anything and looking past them.


Sometimes it is as if I can see the very air moving around and other times it seems I can't see anything at all. pretty weird huh?


Anyway, I thought I would share that with you. I find it interesting that through the ages epilepsy has been associated with the paranormal. As a child, I believe I was psychic but as I got older I seemed to have lost the ability. Interestingly enough my epilepsy had decreased in severity and how often I have them the older I've gotten.


Sorry if this was completely off topic.

 

[alaskanlaughter]

Thank you for sharing that with us. It's so interesting to hear what happens from the perspective of someone going through it. I think I would be terrified too if that happened to me. I've always been curious about things like epilepsy and other disorders but too polite to ask anyone what it's like to experience it. : angel

 

[Ailish]

Thank you for sharing that LadyLania. It's interesting to hear - especially as some of your comments validate some of my experiences.


When I was growing up a good friend of mine had seizures. I never thought much about it at the time - but I knew as I watched her, that I had experienced that before at some point.


I've had some more experiences surrounding Alissia's life and I may share some of it soon. Unfortunately it's all in my journals at home and I am at work : angel


Aili

 

[Ailish]

I thought I would take the opportunity to share a few more memories from Alissia's lifetime, just bits and pieces from meditations. They are random memories of people important to me in that life - my brother, James; my mother, Catherine; our gardener (and family friend), Michael.

I am running through the garden laughing. James is chasing me, pretending to be a monster. I look over and see that Michael is watching us with a smile on his face. I wave at him, then run over to ask what he's doing. He tells me he's planting new flowers and asks if me and James want to help him. We're in our "playclothes" so I don't care if I get dirty. I'm wearing an old dress and pinafore that comes to my knees (which are bare - oh horrors!). Michael shows us how to plant the bulbs in the ground and cover them with dirt. "James, Alissia!" I hear my mother calling. "Here, Mummy!" James yells back, standing and waving. I laugh at him and then return to digging. Mummy's telling us what good helpers we are. I grin up at her. She tells me it's time to come in and rest for a little while. "I want to stay out with James," I tell her. She kneels beside me and takes my chin in her hand. "Mummy wants you to come in and rest now, Lissy. You've had enough fresh air and sunshine." I run and hug Michael. He tells me he'll save two very special flowers for me to plant the next time I come outside. I take Mummy's hand and skip beside her.
I see myself at Michael's small cottage. I'm playing his piano, deep in concentration as the music flows through me, over me. Fills me up inside. I look over to see him smiling at me. He tells me what a wonderful song I'm playing. Then he comes to sit beside me and says, "Let's play together." He starts playing on the lower keys and I pick up a melody above. We just play what comes to us. I don't know how long we play like that, but I know my mother is there - she's come into the room.

Some more seizure memories:

I must be around 2 years old. We are at someone's house in their backyard - a sort of fancy garden picnic/tea is set up. I am sitting in my mother's lap. I feel my body pitch forward, my head jerking down and back up, my little arms go out stiff in front of me everytime my head drops. I can feel my mother rubbing and patting my back. She takes me inside and we are sitting in the parlor area. James comes in and he kneels in front of us. He touches my head and asks my mother if "the baby is going to be okay."
I am sitting in church with my family. I know I am having those funny little fits where I am zoning out because I am missing pieces of the sermon. It's not making sense to me. (I as Aili know these are called absence seizures). In a moment of clarity I can feel my mother take my hand and tell me to breathe. I feel her pick me up, telling my father, "I have to take her out." Then we are in the little entrance. I must fade out because I don't hear what she says. Then I hear her say "...just look at me, Petal." I feel my eyes blinking, I am trying to focus on her. She is encouraging me to fight it.


Michael is playing with me. He has a big dollhouse just for me in a special room in his cottage. He's on the floor making a doll walk across the floor.. I feel it coming. "Mummy!" I call. I can feel my fingers start to twitch. Michael is beside me, trying to calm me, telling me to fight it. And I'm trying so hard - to stay focused, to control my twitching hand. It's hard to stay present - but I see Mummy enter in her petticoat. I hear her say, "Lie her on the floor." I feel her hand on my chest. Hear her crooning to me. Then there's just nothing....but I don't know how long it lasts.. It feels like water in my ears...how you can hear things as the water drains. I'm aware of my mother's hand on me; her voice saying, "Open your eyes, Alissia. Mummy's here. I'm here baby." But it's really hard. I try to focus on her. Everything is mixed up in my head except the sound of her voice. I know I'm in her arms now. She is holding me loosely."

It's interesting to experience the seizures - when I come out of a dream or meditation, my body is still contorting in some pretty strange ways...hehehe. Not to mention - experiencing the different types of seizures and how they affect someone is truly fascinating for me in the now. I have a better understanding of what several of my friends go through


Aili

 

[ChrisR]

Thanks for sharing those memories Aili :thumbsup:


I can imagine it must be quite frightening to reexperience those seizures again while under meditation? Did you recognize what was happening to you because you've witnessed friends in your present life going through the same thing? Or did you just know?

 

[Florence]

Hi,


My sister's oldest daughter suffers with epilepsy.


Susan began having seizures at the age of 13. She DID finish high school and she worked for a few years until her seizures began to be more numerous. The Company , not wanting to be responsible for her, gave a false reason and let her go.


In her 20's Susan and her mother went to Canada for brain surgery....They were there for 2 months. The surgery gave Sue about 1 year of relief and then her seizures returned.


Another 20 years pass and last year that brave girl submitted herself to another brain surgery.....It' been a year and so far so good. She still takes meds but this time they help. They never helped in the past. Susan never had any warning that she was about to have a spell. She burned her hand very badly when she was reaching for a tea kettle and just stood there transfixed as the steam scalded her hand.. Another time she fell down the stairs.


Sue tells me that she has no memory of what has transpired during one of her spells.


Sue is about 49 years of age and I pray that this girl never experiences another seizure for the rest of her life.


During her brain surgeries...the Doctors told my sister that Susan was damaged at birth by being delivered with forceps (sp?)_ She had massive scar tissue on both of her temples....That man ruined her life. She was a slow learner and with the seizures never married...even though she is very attractive....She also has never been allowed to drive a car....so has been completely dependent on her family. Thank God she was given to a wonderful loving family.

 

[Ailish]

Thanks for sharing those memories Aili :thumbsup:

You're welcome! Thanks for your comments, Chris.

I can imagine it must be quite frightening to reexperience those seizures again while under meditation?

No - I don't find it frightening. It was all Alissia knew - she grew up with it, so it was not an unexpected or surprising thing. Just a way of life Re-experiencing it as Aili doesn't frighten me, either...and neither does being around my friends who have seizures. I think it brings me a deeper understanding of what they are experiencing in the moment. So - no fear at all, but I do have to laugh at waking up in weird positions lololol.

Did you recognize what was happening to you because you've witnessed friends in your present life going through the same thing? Or did you just know?

It was fairly obvious to me what was happening - through experiencing it again and by viewing from a 3rd person POV. I never really thought about it - there was no big, "oh my goodness" revelation - it just was.


Hi Florence,


I'm sorry to hear that your niece has suffered so much - and I'm glad to hear she's seizure-free! My mom's fiance has seizures from scar tissue and has had brain surgery - he cannot drive a car, but the man is a genius. Absolutely brilliant. Several friends of mine see auras prior to a seizure - so they know when it's coming. It'd be difficult to never know! I don't have any friends who are learning delayed in any way by their epilepsy - quite the opposite. One has a photographic memory and two are honors students. One remembers vaguely what happened during the seizure - the other two do not.

Thank God she was given to a wonderful loving family.

I say my blessings, too - for Alissia had an amazing mother, brother and friend who helped her and believed in her. Family really does make all the difference


Aili