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Fear of Authority

alaskanlaughter

alaskanlaughter

Senior Registered
I've been thinking lately about my irrational fear of authority, people in uniform.

When I was very little, my bed was at the base of a wall in our home that didn't go all the way to the ceiling. There was a foot or so gap at the top. For some reason, that's how my dad built that section of the house and there was another room on the other side. Anyhow, I used to lay in bed and run my fingers around the wallpaper pattern, thinking it was just like how one time I laid on the ground beside a stone wall and ran my fingers through the grooves in the stones. I was hiding. A man in what (I think) was a World War I military uniform leaned over the low wall and shot me. When I was little, I was scared to lay in my bed there because I felt like I was waiting for someone to lean over the wall and shoot me again. I'd run my fingers on the wallpaper pattern and wait to be shot. It seemed totally normal to me then.

As I grew up, I've noticed I have an unfounded fear of authority. I don't know if it's related or not. Or perhaps it's uniforms that bother me. I'm still thinking it through but I think it's related to that young memory. Police officers, military, even Coast Guard uniformed people make me uncomfortable.

I noticed it strongly yesterday because of an issue at my school where I work. Last week I was talking to a young mom of a child who has a variety of challenges. Yesterday, I hardly recognized her when she came to chat with me. She was wearing a security guard uniform. It was very odd. I was NOT comfortable talking to her and I had to sit through a very long conversation with her, in my capacity as program manager. I found myself wanting to inch away from her, but couldn't, as I was seated on a stool. I found myself rushing through the conversation to get it done with. It just struck me as very odd later, why I would react like that. I would NOT have reacted like that if she hadn't been in a uniform, I'm positive. And so I wonder about how it's all connected.
 
alaskanlaughter said:
I would NOT have reacted like that if she hadn't been in a uniform, I'm positive. And so I wonder about how it's all connected.
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I have heard of that from several people where there is a strong trigger from the outer appearance of someone.


I myself had a major problem which through regression work has gone away. I never used to like men who had darker Caucasian appearance .. . == to the point of being prejudiced against them.. ie if a man looked like this he had something negative about them . I knew on an intellectual level it was silly, but I just did not know where it was coming from.


I became aware of someone who had really harmed me who looked like these men who I feared, so this prejudice became reasonable based on these past lives.


It took having an experience that lead me to let this fear go. In this life , I met a man who was alot younger than me. I had an immediate crush on him. He looked like men who before I would have turned away from. It turned out this man had a deep connection to me and through becoming aware of our lives together I totally got over my fear of darker men. It really took me seeing our beginnings of our karmic ties that brought such resolution. It was marvellous breakthrough. I now embrace darker men and can now even be attracted to them solely based on their appearance.


souflreindly.
 
alaskanlaughter said:
I've been thinking lately about my irrational fear of authority, people in uniform.
When I was very little, my bed was at the base of a wall in our home that didn't go all the way to the ceiling. There was a foot or so gap at the top. For some reason, that's how my dad built that section of the house and there was another room on the other side. Anyhow, I used to lay in bed and run my fingers around the wallpaper pattern, thinking it was just like how one time I laid on the ground beside a stone wall and ran my fingers through the grooves in the stones. I was hiding. A man in what (I think) was a World War I military uniform leaned over the low wall and shot me. When I was little, I was scared to lay in my bed there because I felt like I was waiting for someone to lean over the wall and shoot me again. I'd run my fingers on the wallpaper pattern and wait to be shot. It seemed totally normal to me then.
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What a chilling memory. Other than the uniform itself, do you have any idea of the time & place? The way you describe it I am thinking Ireland 1916-1920s, does this hold any resonance for you?
 
Hey Alaskanlaughter,


I too feel uncomfortable when I am around uniformed authority figures, but my reaction is quite different. I feel the need to prove to them that they have no power over me, which has caused me some problems in the past, yikes! I've even been told by a former mentor that I 'have a problem with authority'. Oh well, guess I should have been born a few years earlier in Gen X.


Your fear goes back to an obvious experience, it would be interesting if you could find a picture of a uniform that matches that of your shooter.
 
I have always been fascinated by Ireland, but a period much farther back resonates with me. I feel drawn to a time of pagan religion and Celts, although I don't know much about Celts. I feel like I'm supposed to though, and that pagan religion used to be very important to me. I haven't done alot of work with that feeling since college. Back then, I had a book about Celts, druids and such. I'm not even sure if it was fact, but I felt like I was supposed to know this stuff and I didn't.


The uniform - I just got a glimpse of it. I think it was a dark olive green, worn by a man with a gun. I think I had been running before that, and I chose to hide at the low wall, like the kind only a few feet high. I think I was in a town, not out in the country. I think I was young too, not like being another soldier. I thought maybe France, when I try to place it in my mind.


I haven't looked into this too much. It was a very young memory and I rather tried to forget it as I grew up. I might try looking up military uniforms that have to do with France. I don't know anything about WWI but I assume lots of different countries fought around Europe.
 
http://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/british-officer-ww1.html


This is the closest google image I can find of a uniform that looks familiar. I've always thought old British military uniforms were familiar, but I also remember living a life in England, probably London. However, looking online says that Britian and France were allied together in WWI. But I suppose a soldier still could have chased down and killed someone.


But honestly, it's such a faded memory now that I'm not even sure if that uniform is close to accurate. I need to do some meditating on it and try to focus more, if I want to feel accurate about it.
 
I missed this thread before, but what an amazing memory, although chilling. I'm afraid I don't know much about uniforms so I can't help you there, but how do you feel about Belgium or France? :)
 
When I try to place it in my mind, I always gravitate to France in the map in my head. LOL...I tried to meditate on it last night before sleep and instead, this other PL kept surfacing. I'll post on that one later. It's a brand new one.
 
:eek:


I can imagine such memories having a strong influence on how you perceive reality - it was the last thing you saw, a man in uniform, just point-blankly shooting you. It is a senseless terrifying act of violence.


Maybe when you feel ready you could try to meditate on the uniform issue, and try to find a memory where it has some kind of positive association. Like getting help from someone wearing an uniform. It's perhaps a silly suggestion, I know. :o It might help if it works though!


Love


Welsh
 
I also have memories of a more recent life, posted elsewhere, about being a young boy in a jungle during a war. I was spotted peeking at a military compound(?) or campsite. I ran into the jungle and, looking back, saw a helicopter flying low towards me. I was shot in the back and killed. Looking back, it was probably a random killing of opportunity. I doubt anyone would send a helicopter after a little jungle boy.


When I was little in this life, I was TERRIFIED of being noticed. I was horribly shy, to the point of trying to swallow water quietly so my uncle wouldn't notice me when he visited. I spent alot of time to myself, often lurking in the woods around our homestead.


Now I understand that it probably stems from two lifetimes of being seen and then killed.
 
Interesting Alaskanlaughter, How different and specific everyones core beliefs are and how they do relate to those past life experiences.


Can you see a correlation with any of the ways that your family treated you at all ? This also can end up making these triggers from past lives become stronger in this life. So if we have some sort of patttern then being born into this family we have in this life to work extra hard at overcoming these core patterns.


It is interesting how in some lives things come up having to do with these themes. In mine , I was often saying that my mother seemed to act like a little general. Now that I have had those memories that reflect my fear of authority I see the connection to my feelings, as my fear of authority from my most previous life was through the Nazis { people in uniform}


Through really working on my relationship with my mother it has helped me overcome those sensitivities having to do with being dominated by a nasty, evil general..


soulfreindy
 
I think my family was pretty understanding of having a shy little girl. We lived very isolated on an Alaskan homestead and were home-schooled by our mom (my sister and I). If I had to guess, what feels right is that I chose this childhood and this family because I would be able to grow up away from most people. I gradually overcame my horrible shyness and that may not have happened if I hadn't had an isolated childhood to sort of "get over it."


I'm not sure if I said that so it makes sense.
 
Alaskanlaughter.


When you mentioned the WW I and low wall I immediately thought of trenches. Much of the WW1 was fought in trenches and in France too. I know you said the wall was made out of stone, but it's not necessarily inconsistent.


I hear you about being afraid of people in uniform. When I was a young child I was afraid of anyone who wore white uniform. A doctor, a baker, an ice cream man, if it was white I was in a panic. My mom thought I was afraid because I was very sick as a child and thus constantly poked and prodded by doctors. Now I believe I was afraid of KKK white robes. When I first saw a KKK on TV (as a child) I was very terrified. Much more so than I was afraid of other villains (Nazi's for example). Even now, if I'm caught of guard, when I see a white robe and a hood I shudder and my heart skips a beat or two.
 
Yes Alaskanlaughter that makes sense that you needed that environment --- which was not an ordinary one. That is wonderful you felt supported ,


.. It is interesting too that you say you do feel you did chose your family. I do not relate to that as I really did not want to return. I believe it was my twin sister's choice about coming to my now family. This has lead me to have alot of torn feelings about wanting to belong to this family. But in the end it probably lead me to do some heavy duty soul searching to make peace with my roots.


I can see why my sister may have wanted to be born with me { which she was but died at age one month in utero} BUt for me it was a very hard way to go with my emotional needs not getting met through my family .


soulfreindly
 
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