Hi Aurora and all!
Interesting story. I myself remember having lived in your PL time period too and even having had the same profession. I do recall several childhood events best and of course events with lots of emotional impact. With me it started by stumbling across a mug shot of my former self by the age of - I don´t know - maybe 9y ? I had memories before that and told my mom but she wouldn´t listen and I acted things out by playing. I played a lot with my playmobil figures and it was the same scenes over and over again. I must have been between 4 and 8 years old. I guess this has had an healing effect on me. Some were very violent scenes by the way and I was careful nobody would be watching me afraid of them asking me questions like it was all a secret I should keep to myself. I also didn´t want to appear weird
Writing about it has an healing effect too and makes it easier for me to go on with my present life.
I was thinking about the quality of these memories. Maybe the reason I believe them is that it´s the very same quality like the memories of my more recent childhood. Basically the same. I never recall much in great detail but with lots of emotion & heart pounding and I also rather hear sounds than see clear pictures. The scenes are always fuzzy but then - my recent childhood memories are fuzzy too.
The very first awake flashback I had was in my early teens and it was me being quite a young boy in my dad´s grocery store and playing with lots of nails in giant baskets, flipping the nails through my fingers over and over again and feeling very bad, humiliated, for some reason.
Next memory, just having learned my dad was going to sell the grocery store to go buy a farm I felt totally betrayed. I had always denied any interest in the store but secretly I had thought I´d just take it over when I grow up for I didn´t feel I was smart enough for any more school training. But I liked reading a lot, adventure books of pirates and Zorro and just loved the movies. I was playing the tough guy a lot with my friends.
Another memory I´m very sure of: I was having a very close friend - think his name was Earl - not sure though - and we were walking across fields and I felt so totally at peace. Must have been my early teens.
I had a big problem with that farm life and I had an even greater problem with puberty because all I could think of was girls. This got me in an emotional turmoil because I also thought I was the only one being that way. I always appreciated women very much like my sisters and mom and that made me think I was being bad in a way
I had jobs on and off - just like in this life
. Even though I have university degrees now and better paid jobs. And stay out of trouble of course
Then I made a big mistake one night and I remember later on in the court the judge speaking the verdict and even now writing about this I feel how I couldn´t breathe anymore disbelieving - this was so much out of my imagination and all I had expected so I thought my life was just over and done.
There was more to come. And more memories.
But also things I read about in books so I´m in doubt about certain events.
I am a very realistic down to earth person otherwise so these things are quite hard for me to get. But having these strong emotions I
simply ca
nnot put them away as if it was nothing!
I´m still very sorry that that one sheriff got shot in Ohio.
Doesn´t make much sense to be sorry today but since it was actually the first incident that made me realize this wasn´t a game at all I guess it stayed in my memory. I know that other guys must have much worse memories of wars, holocaust, gulag and so on and that makes me think I`m quite lucky overall.
So - robbing banks was not that much of a problem especially because some - if not the majority - were pre arranged (surprisingly - no hint in the books I looked through).
I´m pretty sure they were.
One of the worst memories I have is the one of being hurt by bullets and staying at my dad´s home asking for help. I didn´t want to involve any of them. And I felt like a total failure. I wrote this incident down in various versions trying to capture the emotions. I have I think twenty versions of that text - I mostly wrote them in my late teens, early 20ies being overwhelmed by that feeling of guilt and failure.
I didn´t get shot in 1934. I got a telephone call - I remember it really well - that things went fine and nobody would make a fuss so I got in a car and drove west. As much as I remember I lived until the late 60ies but it was not such a success story unfortunately.
So I guess I need a break now.
Aurora, I´d be interested to hear from you. Don´t know much about Bonnie Parker though. Don´t think we met.
Sorry for any mistakes in grammar and wording, I was never that good in grammar anyway
and I´m born & raised in Europe this time so english is not my first language.
