Is this normal behavior?

[Ignotus]

My little sister, I'll refer to her as Helena (not her real name but a variation of her name) she is 4 years old this year.

For the past few years, she loves to play in the water not afraid of it, in fact she frequently takes a bath about 4 times a day. She doesn't exhibit fears from mirrors or anything much. But she's very demanding and a grouchy person. Like an old man. Which makes me think that she was my late grandfather, but I'm not so sure. She loves playing Barbie dolls; combing their hair, changing and scribbling their faces with marker pens.

She also loves colouring and drawing papers but I noticed its always of a princess and prince in a prison with a sad face. She also always demands princess outfits but I think that's quite normal.

Whenever we don't do what she wants she throws a really horrible tantrum (which I can't stand) and basically she's a bit spoiled. She also don't like being ordered around and this qualifies for everyone including strangers. She also once called her shoe a 'dispensable leg'.

She also loves going nude. Which is really weird as I never seen anyone go nude in front of her or even taught her that. Maybe its the weather...

I'll type the rest later after I remember them..

 

[Shiftkitty]

For the past few years, she loves to play in the water not afraid of it, in fact she frequently takes a bath about 4 times a day.


Just as people have a fear of water, some may have an obsession with it. Fears are called phobias, obsessions are called manias. Bathing too often, like bathing too rarely, can be a health hazard. Once a day is not too bad. Four times a day robs the skin of oils it needs. I wouldn't indulge her for her own sake.


She doesn't exhibit fears from mirrors or anything much.


I've never known anyone who was afraid of mirrors. On the contrary, most children I've dealt with love standing in front of them and imitating adults by fussing about their looks, or else by moving around emphatically just to watch themselves.


But she's very demanding and a grouchy person. Like an old man. Which makes me think that she was my late grandfather, but I'm not so sure. At four years old, it sounds normal. Again, do not indulge her demands, and I'd show her that grouchiness is not the way to get what she wants. I remember being about that age and being very demanding. Looking back, I was testing boundaries. It was a normal part of childhood development, and my parents had no problem demonstrating to me that the world will not be giving in to my demands simply because I demanded them.


She loves playing Barbie dolls; combing their hair, changing and scribbling their faces with marker pens. Normal.


She also loves colouring and drawing papers but I noticed its always of a princess and prince in a prison with a sad face. She also always demands princess outfits but I think that's quite normal. The princess outfits are normal. I can thnk of very few girls who didn't want to be able to look like a princess at some point. But what movies has she seen, stories has she heard? Any of your or your spouse's friends man-haters? Granted, at that age the whole boy-cootie thing is normal, but if exposed to things that boost girls' self-esteem at the expense of the boys (like shows that depict the girls as smart and sassy fashionistas while the boys are fat and stupid) as well as female adults who disparage men (and gods, I've met a few of those!) whether in reality or on TV and movies, can cause such things to amplify to an unhealthy degree. Have you asked her about the drawings?


Whenever we don't do what she wants she throws a really horrible tantrum (which I can't stand) and basically she's a bit spoiled. She also don't like being ordered around and this qualifies for everyone including strangers. Stop spoiling her. Be firm but fair in pounishments. Encouraging this behavior by giving in harms her more than hurts her. Normal behavior for a four year old, but behavior that should be corrected now.


She also once called her shoe a 'dispensable leg'. Not sure. Did you ask her about what she meant?


She also loves going nude. Which is really weird as I never seen anyone go nude in front of her or even taught her that. Maybe its the weather... Nudity in small children is shocking for adults, but not strictly abnormal. Best thing to do is to apologize to the guests (if any), then send her back to her room to get dressed.


I have worked in a day-care center and have had the opportunity to tend to and observe many children of around her age. I also was able to watch over my neice several times while she was young and dealt with her behavior issues, which were quite a few. (The time she spent with us she later said were her favorite times because we didn't yell at her constantly and she "knew what the rules were". Happy to say she recently got married to the man of her dreams and had the wedding to match!) I'm no official student of psychology, but behavioral pyschology is an interest of mine. I base the above comments on what I've read and observed.

 

[Shiftkitty]

Addendum: Did you mean that the prince was in prison, or both he and the princess were? If both were, she probably feels what rules you have laid down are too restrictive. Over-reacting to parental rules and putting those feelings down on paper. It's normal. I hated moving constantly, and many of my early drawings were of long, empty highways, which to this day I still draw when I'm feeling depressed.

 

[Tinkerman]

I think that her behavior, like most children that age, is a reflection of their cumulative past lives. I've often thought about just this topic. I think that kids this age are breaking into their new lives and their new genetic "vehicle" and are stretching to see the boundaries before them. I think and believe that our souls are a unique culmination of all past life experiences... some more prevalent and obvious than others due to trauma and other highly charged or emotional events. Certainly she could have been your grandfather, but I would urge caution in labeling until more is demonstrated. Its easy to cast these cloaks from the past but, to me, this kinda clouds up their own identity.


I might suggest you keep a journal of her activity. What do your parents think of reincarnation?


All the best!!


Tman

 

[Ignotus]

Shiftkitty - Thank you for the advice. But how do I handle her, everytime I try to disiplin her my mum would yell at me... I tried to ask her what she meant by 'dispensable leg' but she won't talk. I watch her as she plays her dolls, it took a lot of effort since I'm afraid of them.


I remember myself as a little girl in some of my memories; I wanted to be a soldier and despised make-up and dresses and barbie dolls. I don't buy fairy tail books I buy science books. (I still have an unfathomable loathing for all things I deem girly)


The books my sister sees are colouring books. In her kindergarden; she apparently has a crush on a boy... *smacks face* and the cartoon she sees are Tom & Jerry, Powerpuff Girls and young children appropriate tele. She also loves asking about signs, whenever I noticed we're at the shopping complex she would ask about the signs on the elevator.


PS. I'm 14, I don't have a spouse currently.. I noticed you mistook me for an adult. q6gif


Tinkerman- Thanks for posting! I would love to keep a journal but I think something's wrong with me... I feel no emotional ties with her.. In fact, I feel like ripping her apart (not proud of it) I don't really think that's normal... And for my parents, they are unaware of reincarnation. My father isn't really a person who believes in religion; more of a science guy but I think he does believe in it. My mother; not so sure but I don't think so as she is a Catholic. And yes, I learned the hard way of identity as the American expression 'Don't count your eggs before they hatched.' says..

 

[Shiftkitty]

Sorry, speed-reading, I missed the word "sister"! :laugh: Your mom doesn't mind her attitude and behavior? Does she know she's doing her a great disservice? Surely you weren't spoiled rotten when you were 4, were you?


How is your relationship with her? Is it possible, when she starts throwing her fits, that you can leave the room, essentially punish her by denying her your company and attention? If you can't leave the room, turn your back and simply do not respond. Often, it's the response, the reaction, that they are looking for. Apply a passive punishment.

 

[Blueheart]

Shiftkitty has given you some good advice. I just wanted to add that wanting to rip your sister apart is perfectly normal for a 14yr old sibling to feel. Acting on it, however, crosses the line.


You can not disipline her, as she is not your child, but you can set up boundaries. For instance, if she is taking your stuff without permission, you need to let it be firmly known that it is not ok. This takes some work on your part in that you need to be consistant with this rule even during the times when she takes stuff that you don't really care about. The key is to be consistant.


As far as your sister's behavior is concerned, I'd say nudity, drawing, princessess, and moodiness are all normal. The dispensible leg comment, pictures of prison, and acting like an old man are interesting and probably bleed-over from a past life.

 

[Ignotus]

Sorry, speed-reading, I missed the word "sister"! :laugh: Your mom doesn't mind her attitude and behavior? Does she know she's doing her a great disservice? Surely you weren't spoiled rotten when you were 4, were you?
How is your relationship with her? Is it possible, when she starts throwing her fits, that you can leave the room, essentially punish her by denying her your company and attention? If you can't leave the room, turn your back and simply do not respond. Often, it's the response, the reaction, that they are looking for. Apply a passive punishment.

Me? Actually when I was her age I have never really asked for anything at all. I just ask once and if she says no rest assured I won't ask again. (weird according to my mother) But my mother did say that my sister acted the same way when she was her age.


My relationship? I do just that as stated above but my other sister (13 yr old) doesn't she screams back. Going into war.. I tried many times to be a peacemaker.


Helena also loves to touch my sister. Rubbing her hands all over her. Which my sister has complained to my mother as molesting. But she never does this behavior to me as I always turn away and don't respond.