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Memories of Dr. Goebbels

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magnus

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I did a past life hypnosis. Thought it would help me to see my time in Bonn.

It didn‘t bring back my university time but enlightened me in another way.

I was on the wrong track by searching for academics. My fear of having been an NSDAP politician turned out worse than I imagined.

I wasn‘t just some politician. I was the propaganda minister.

The first memory I had was from school time. My teacher, his name was Hilgers, a furious and aggressive ******* who I questioned and he beat me. I spent the break after that alone, reading, pretending I was fine with that, which I wasn‘t.

The second one comes from a NSDAP-meeting. I am pretty sure it comes from the earlier days, since my clothing looked like I was pretty broke. I remember a friendly conversation with Straßer.

The third one is with a woman that I recognized as Lida Baarova. No politics. Just Lida, in my arms, Wagner playing in the background.

It‘s weird. Not only as a german, where everyone of my generation loves to wonder what they would have done during that time and to pretend they would have resisted.
And now it turns out I was there and I was the one to talk germany into it.

Also these memories, they are so human. I didn‘t expect at all that a member of NSDAP could feel something like love.
 
Hi Magnus,

I'm not surprised--about the love part. Some people think that everyone who became a Nazi or Bolshevik or a Jacobin was just evil to begin with. I don't think that is always so. I don't think it was necessarily so with everyone involved in the early days of many movements that had bloody and horrible outcomes, including the French revolution and the Russian revolution. Many may have been misguided dreamers and idealists, who invested themselves in what they thought was a glorious dream (often against a backdrop of societal injustices). I think very few of the idealistic ones realized at the beginning what they had unleashed, and where it would all end. If they did, it may not have been until they were being consumed by the beast they helped create.

There is a story in America--maybe everywhere for all I know--about boiling a frog. It is said that if you toss a frog into hot water it will immediately hop out. But if you increase the temperature very very slowly the frog will not notice the gradual change until it is too late. It will be cooked without resistance. Why one would cook a frog is an open question, but I think the path downward can be like that. Often perhaps the path downward into great evil is so gradual and smooth that the person traversing it doesn't notice that he/she has become a monster until it is too late. That is especially true if you are surrounded by others on the same path who act as if there is nothing wrong or remarkable about how things have gone and are going.

But then comes the big question: What did such a person do once they knew or should have known that things had gone terribly wrong, that the dream had turned into a nightmare, and that they had not only helped to create a great evil but become evil in doing so? Did they try to make things right, or did they continue as before?

Cordially,
S&S
 
Hello S&S,

I know the boiling frog story. Sounds plausible. But what if you heat it up yourself?

Then again, I knew how bad the war would get and my solution of total war became famous. Very simple logic: If things get bad, because you lose the war, don‘t lose the war.

The question is what to do now. I kept my speaking talent. Technically, I could go into politics, dig out the old tricks and use them against ideologists. Which would snuff out idealism. So, not a good idea. What dilemma.
 
Hi Magnus,

I don't see any reason to give up talents that can be used productively to produce positive results, so long as they don't violate the golden rule. I.e., a well honed skill at strangling people from behind with a piano wire does not count as a talent that can be used productively to produce positive results and not violate the golden rule. (There may be an exception to that, but I'm just trying to throw out a general example). So, that may leave behind a lot talents involving manipulation and demagoguery.

I think the real question is how to know where the "good" lies among all the religions, ideologies, philosophies, options, movements, and methods out there. Do you think you have learned enough to do a better job than you did last time in lining yourself up under a particular "banner"? Likewise, if you can, do you think you can avoid heating the water to a boiling pitch? The last is also difficult--once we really believe in something it is always tempting to think that we need to continue to be ever more dedicated. At some point this can become obsession and fanaticism and over-rides both reason and compassion. You have seen the end results.

Cordially,
S&S
 
PS--Just checking online at Wikipedia, I see that Goebbels had a tremendous anti-Semitism dating back before his NSDAP involvement. I am not terribly surprised considering the milieu he was raised in. However, you may need to be especially on-guard against any pre-existing prejudices that will blur and distort your idea of the "good" path to follow. Once again, you have seen the results that flowed from such pre-existing prejudices.
 
There is good and bad in most philosophies. I think they need to be combined a certain way, to reach a better world. But when I think about it, the first attempt on creating perfection, fascism was a patchwork-ideology aswell. I don‘t want the second attempt to be like that.

I do not feel ready to work on something own. But simply joining something that sounds good brought bad results in the past.

The problem with not heating up is, you need to heat the crowd up. There is only black and white, nothing in between. The enemy brings destruction, you bring utopia. Repeat. Creative metapher. Repeat thesis. Shame enemy. Repeat thesis.

It was like that back then, it is still like that. I tried.

I‘m not an antisemite now, funny thing actually. Some of them are annoying, for sure. But every nation has their brats. As far as I see, jews are not exceptionally high in the brat-statistics, so they can be left alone.
 
Update on memories. The next session gave me another two.

The first from a city that is not Bonn, I didn‘t recognize it. I was supposed to do university work, but procrastinated. I didn‘t feel motivated for anything, with a longing, all I thought was: „I wish she was here...“ Financial situation was horrible. Another young man my age, name was Richard came to visit. We got drunk.

The second was very sad. I finally remember. I went to my medical examination. Right at the beginning I was looked at in disbelief. I didn‘t even compete in the fitness test. „Doesn‘t make any sense. You will never serve, boy. Just go home, you won‘t make a day out there.“ They sent me away with that arrogant attitude. I was hurt. I didn‘t eat that day. I didn‘t sleep that night. My family tried to lift me up, but they couldn‘t. I barely talked.
 
In the night, I dreamed again. It was more flashes than anything.

Me walking through Sportpalast, Berlin. It was right before a speech (not -the- speech) Working on the list of candidates for elections. Walking through several houses with jews there, it looked so messed up. „Like animals“ is what shot through my mind. Straßer in anger about his brother (I didn‘t know there were two of them before :D). Hitler screaming at me, he wouldn‘t let me leave. Downfall rage fit looks like peanuts compared to that. His face was all red, his carotid pounding in a way that it could explode anytime.
 
I tried to go back again, I want to know what brought me on the wrong track so bad.

I didn‘t get any enlightenment today.
It was about an election, so many people there, 10000 or maybe more. When we heard our results, everybody just went mad, shouting paroles. Again at Sportpalast. We used it pretty frequently, as it seems.

Me being angry at Hitler for not getting involved in something.

A short glimpse of Reichskristallnacht. I told the police to retreat and let things happen. In totally cold blood.

Anka Stalherm. She was so lovely. Told me, she didn‘t mind my background. That I shouldn‘t worry.

I don‘t know if I want to go back again. I‘m looking for answers and all I find is lost love and pain.
 
I thought about the scene with Anka again. Did some research. And got some insights about me.

See, today I‘m just a middle-class dude with no academic family. At university I take good care that no one notices and thinks I‘m underprivileged.

Now I know why. Because back then, to the family of Anka, I‘ve always been „the broke guy“. The urchin.

No wonder I‘m paranoid today about being seen like that.
 
It is always good to have the mindset of trying to fly under the radar so to speak, I am always iffy about family things and drama always makes me want to cut and run.
 
Memory of 10. may 1933 - Burning of books

I didn‘t organize this. I was invited to speak there. I wasn‘t particularily overjoyed about going. The students were eager to do this. There was no way to opt out, since I wanted a to start a new era of culture, which I had spoken about before. I would have lost my face. The speech was half-hearted and not really meant to heat them up more. I dramatically decreased my use of agressive political phrases, but apart from that I resigned and played my role and did so well. It seems no one noticed. If they were to do this, they should create something new, somehing better.

The event itself was dark and more like extermination. It worked against me. Everything in darkness, one of the heaviest cloudbursts ever seen.

All of this, it makes me sad. This previous lifetime is an everlasting warning not to get on the wrong track. Because right a few days in power, it‘s already a point of no return.
 
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If I want to or not, suddenly it just seems to come back.

A quarrel with my wife. Later with a woman named Ello, she‘d told her that I cheated on her. I was angry that she directly ran to my wife constantly. Because it‘s not like it was anything serious. To me it wasn‘t a big deal at all.

If I see that scenes, all the applause, all the women, the reactions of the crowd, it‘s like the life of a rockstar.
 
Another one, spontanously.

Again, Lida Baarova. It was a goodbye scene. She had to go shoot her movie. I didn‘t want her to leave, told her a free day was just a phone call away. She smiled, what a beautiful smile...playfully answered if I would risk the deadline for her? I said I‘d risk them all. I let her go shoot, she promised to see me soon at Sportpalast.
 
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