3Butterflies
Member
I had written a little bit of my first memory from my past life regression as background to my two son's past life memories. I'll talk about it in more detail here.
Ever since I can remember I have felt a sense of loss and sadness over shadowing my every day life. I have been told on numerous occasions that even when I am smiling brightly and laughing I have a sense of sadness. Nothing particularly sad has happened in this life that would cause this. I am very thankful for all that I have. I've always had a sense of distance or coldness from others (besides my husband and children and a few select friends) or that something doesn't quite fit or that I must've done something in a past life that I need to "pay for" in this life.
When I was in my early 20's a good friend (at the time) and I decided to do past life regressions. I went back easily and my first "memory" was looking down at myself as a 7 year old girl named Louisa. I was wearing a floral dress typical of the turn of the 20th century for a little girl. I don't know the exact year. I had bare feet and I was wiggling my toes in the mud, which I knew was improper but was doing it anyway. I remembered the feeling of love and peace and security. I looked up at my family home and saw that I was in a wooded area. I began hearing the frantic sound of my father calling my name over an over like he was trying to find me. I could hear other men as well who I knew were family members and neighbours. I wasn't scared but I didn't answer back because I felt like I was going to get into trouble for playing in the mud.
I went forward to what felt and looked like the early 1940s. I was in my mid 30's. I lived in or near Chicago. I was standing on the stoop of a brownstone looking at first at the cars across the street which looked exactly like you would expect in that era. I looked up and down the street which curved gradually to the left. I remember taking a deep breath and realizing just how amazingly clean the air smelled and how bright and clear everything looked. I looked down at myself and I was wearing a basic brown button down dress with sensible brown shoes in the style of the era again. I could even feel the coarseness of the dress. I then became distinctly aware of the absolute feeling of loss, devastation and utter despair and emptiness. It felt like I had the weight of an ocean pressing down on me and I couldn't breath. It was awful! My friend said that as I was describing this to her I had tears coming down the sides of my face but she didn't think it was right to wake me up with that so fresh. I knew that my husband in that life, who was my soul mate, had decided to join the airforce to fight in World War II. I was so upset that he had done this as we had three small children (2 boys and a girl). I felt like he abandoned us. I remember knowing that I had recently been told he had been killed in action. I felt like an empty shell just going through the motions of life. When I had taken that deep breath on the stoop I remember thinking to myself put on a smile and get through the day. I was on my way to work.
I went ahead to my death and I was laying on a hospital bed. It was 1964. I could see my three children (and a couple grandchildren but that is fleeting). I looked at all three (the two older ones were boys and the youngest was a girl) and they were looking at me with such coldness, like one would look at a stranger and I remember realizing in that moment that I had been overcome with grief that not only did my children lose their beloved father at a young age but they lost their mother too. As I actually died I remember the sadness I felt at what I had realized too late. I then remember standing on my grave reading my headstone. I read Louisa Billingsley and the year I died but not the year I was born. I then remember a sense of energy coming up from my grave and me willing myself to go up to get away from it. I was floating over my grave and then had a sense of being pulled up really fast.
About a month later I had a very vivid dream that I was standing in a public or work washroom that looked like it was from the 1930's. I felt the coldness and dampness and could hear people around me. I was holding a typed letter in courier type on what looked like a U.S. military letterhead. I felt like I had just read that my husband had been killed in action and I had gone into the washroom as to not make a scene and to have privacy. I remember my knees buckling and not being able to breath. I seemed to have blacked out and then I woke up. I sat up in bed on the verge of tears and shaking and I had to remind myself over and over that it was just a dream but I felt disorientated and not like I had just woken up. I don't know if it was just a dream or if I had brought out more memories of that time.
Incidentally, in this life I have 3 children. Two older boys and my youngest is a girl. I tell my kids that love them all the time (my oldest rolls his eyes and says we know we know) and I am very affectionate and maybe too soft with them. I feel like I need to make up for something or pay atonement if that makes sense. Maybe the fact I emotionally abandoned my children in my past life is what I have to make up for and learn from in this life. Hence the feeling of loss and sadness in this life (but not to the extreme of my last life).
I know without a doubt that I have had past lives with each of my children as well as my husband (who is my soul mate) and two childhood friends who I've known since I was 4 and 6 years old. My friend who did the regression with me was another that I know I have had many past lives with but am unfortunately no longer in touch with. We met in Grade 11 and as soon as she walked in the classroom door I knew I knew her. There was a familiarity. That we both felt. We were best friends for many years from that day.
I feel like the negativity from my last life still has a hold on me now. Any suggestions on how to release it or is this my lesson to learn and carry with me?
Ever since I can remember I have felt a sense of loss and sadness over shadowing my every day life. I have been told on numerous occasions that even when I am smiling brightly and laughing I have a sense of sadness. Nothing particularly sad has happened in this life that would cause this. I am very thankful for all that I have. I've always had a sense of distance or coldness from others (besides my husband and children and a few select friends) or that something doesn't quite fit or that I must've done something in a past life that I need to "pay for" in this life.
When I was in my early 20's a good friend (at the time) and I decided to do past life regressions. I went back easily and my first "memory" was looking down at myself as a 7 year old girl named Louisa. I was wearing a floral dress typical of the turn of the 20th century for a little girl. I don't know the exact year. I had bare feet and I was wiggling my toes in the mud, which I knew was improper but was doing it anyway. I remembered the feeling of love and peace and security. I looked up at my family home and saw that I was in a wooded area. I began hearing the frantic sound of my father calling my name over an over like he was trying to find me. I could hear other men as well who I knew were family members and neighbours. I wasn't scared but I didn't answer back because I felt like I was going to get into trouble for playing in the mud.
I went forward to what felt and looked like the early 1940s. I was in my mid 30's. I lived in or near Chicago. I was standing on the stoop of a brownstone looking at first at the cars across the street which looked exactly like you would expect in that era. I looked up and down the street which curved gradually to the left. I remember taking a deep breath and realizing just how amazingly clean the air smelled and how bright and clear everything looked. I looked down at myself and I was wearing a basic brown button down dress with sensible brown shoes in the style of the era again. I could even feel the coarseness of the dress. I then became distinctly aware of the absolute feeling of loss, devastation and utter despair and emptiness. It felt like I had the weight of an ocean pressing down on me and I couldn't breath. It was awful! My friend said that as I was describing this to her I had tears coming down the sides of my face but she didn't think it was right to wake me up with that so fresh. I knew that my husband in that life, who was my soul mate, had decided to join the airforce to fight in World War II. I was so upset that he had done this as we had three small children (2 boys and a girl). I felt like he abandoned us. I remember knowing that I had recently been told he had been killed in action. I felt like an empty shell just going through the motions of life. When I had taken that deep breath on the stoop I remember thinking to myself put on a smile and get through the day. I was on my way to work.
I went ahead to my death and I was laying on a hospital bed. It was 1964. I could see my three children (and a couple grandchildren but that is fleeting). I looked at all three (the two older ones were boys and the youngest was a girl) and they were looking at me with such coldness, like one would look at a stranger and I remember realizing in that moment that I had been overcome with grief that not only did my children lose their beloved father at a young age but they lost their mother too. As I actually died I remember the sadness I felt at what I had realized too late. I then remember standing on my grave reading my headstone. I read Louisa Billingsley and the year I died but not the year I was born. I then remember a sense of energy coming up from my grave and me willing myself to go up to get away from it. I was floating over my grave and then had a sense of being pulled up really fast.
About a month later I had a very vivid dream that I was standing in a public or work washroom that looked like it was from the 1930's. I felt the coldness and dampness and could hear people around me. I was holding a typed letter in courier type on what looked like a U.S. military letterhead. I felt like I had just read that my husband had been killed in action and I had gone into the washroom as to not make a scene and to have privacy. I remember my knees buckling and not being able to breath. I seemed to have blacked out and then I woke up. I sat up in bed on the verge of tears and shaking and I had to remind myself over and over that it was just a dream but I felt disorientated and not like I had just woken up. I don't know if it was just a dream or if I had brought out more memories of that time.
Incidentally, in this life I have 3 children. Two older boys and my youngest is a girl. I tell my kids that love them all the time (my oldest rolls his eyes and says we know we know) and I am very affectionate and maybe too soft with them. I feel like I need to make up for something or pay atonement if that makes sense. Maybe the fact I emotionally abandoned my children in my past life is what I have to make up for and learn from in this life. Hence the feeling of loss and sadness in this life (but not to the extreme of my last life).
I know without a doubt that I have had past lives with each of my children as well as my husband (who is my soul mate) and two childhood friends who I've known since I was 4 and 6 years old. My friend who did the regression with me was another that I know I have had many past lives with but am unfortunately no longer in touch with. We met in Grade 11 and as soon as she walked in the classroom door I knew I knew her. There was a familiarity. That we both felt. We were best friends for many years from that day.
I feel like the negativity from my last life still has a hold on me now. Any suggestions on how to release it or is this my lesson to learn and carry with me?
