• Thank you to Carol and Steve Bowman, the forum owners, for our new upgrade!

Past Life Death Trauma & PTSD

Y

Yosephiro

Member
Hi Guys,

Firstly, I'd just like to say thank you, I feel extremely lucky to have found a resource to hopefully find some peace, I've been experiencing my past life trauma for almost a decade now and am only really coming to terms with it now. This story is going to be hard to revisit but, if it can lead me to healing its worth it.

I've always been intrigued by the dark, as a child I used to draw horrific scenes and never really knew why, these were scenes of child abuse, gruesome murders and I was always obsessed with serial killers and the macabre, with no reasoning in this life for it. I wasn't abused (that I can remember) and my parents although divorced etc, never abused me.

I was always the "crazy one" always (now that I look back can understand why) putting myself in harms way, making unnecessary risk and inflicting self harm through alcohol or drug abuse.

In my mid 20's I was experimenting with hallucinogens for more spiritual purposes, I've always been rather intelligent and as reckless as I was, I was always seeking to expand my consciousness. During this stage I met a man who ended up telling me my future, knew about my past, told me I was marked for death and told me a lot of interesting things. I can't discern if it was the LSD and my vulnerability, suggestion etc but his words still deeply terrify me to an extent. He told me I'd have telepathic experiences and during a trip to a festival, it seemed as if these all came true, it felt for 4 days as if I was talking to him telepathically through my friend (aided by hallucinogens) Of course, when talking about LSD its hard to discern what is "real" or "unreal" so to this day I have a hard time talking about it, but when I was down there, I had what felt like a near death experience, as if I was going to be murdered by my two friends. I ended up trying to commit suicide when I got home, my trauma and fear would not stop and I felt that I was trapped in hell and couldn't get out, there was no other choice at the time, I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I felt a malevolent force was in complete control of my reality, as if I was in a simulation and my life or free will did not exist. (I understand this whole paragraph sort of loses its credibility because of the drugs but it still associated to the underlining fear which might give it more sense in a moment) I survived, spent a week in the psych ward and slowly tried to come back to normalcy as best I could.

I was in deep trauma for years, depression, anxiety, self guilt, shame and dread of ridiculous proportions, but upon waking up from my suicide attempt, I felt like a walk-in, a new soul. I became spiritual, I started a new path, became a reiki master teacher over the years and have taught yoga for the past 5. I've always been spreading light and there has always been an anxiety and fear of authority over it.

I've had a fear of having my throat slit constantly to the point of ailments physically manifesting around my throat, of being jailed, of being abducted, burned alive, and being punished for speaking about the light and positivity and I believe this all ties into my past life death and circumstances. I used to and still do feel that I was a Templar in my past life, that my bloodline is of some significance and that every life I've been in has been a similar purpose. This is also where the root of my fear lies. I'm afraid every life I live is destined to end in the same manner as the last. I've externalized and projected my fear at times, sometimes I feel as if I'm reliving that death and have been convinced its going to happen again. I'm having a hard time accepting that it isn't going to happen again. I think I've given my fear an inflated power, and instead of assuming its my fear, I end up seeing it as an outside authority that is governing and watching me, always with me. My mind is complex and elaborate and superimposes any story that can keep the fear sustained with me, it tells me that I will have to continue to die that death over and over, its like any trauma that assumes the past must be the future but since its so traumatic, its hard to shake.

Hopefully this makes some sense to others here, I wouldn't wish this trauma on anyone and I've had to relive it. I'm truly hoping that this is just a deep past wound that continues to resurface so I can observe it in a different and radically accepting manner, which has been a challenge. If anyone can share any advice to bring me some peace and hope for my future, it would of course be really appreciated. I'd like to think free will exist, I'd like to think every life is different and every moment a clean slate to create what I wish to create. thank you :)
 
Hi there

It's my experience that once things have been bought up in to the conscious mind then you have already taken a giant leap in healing, and in healing, stopping the past from repeating itself. The fact that you have seen how you previously died, acknowledged it and the suffering you caused and underwent shows that it can no longer control you, it has become seperate from you, it no longer can assume your identity.

Try this for an example. Can you imagine your past life self writing this post, struggling with his own unawareness and suffering ? Most likely not, as your own past self was so consumed with the suffering that he became that suffering and the consequences that entailed.

I understand where you are coming from and your worries as my previous self suffered/inflicted a lot of suffering. I also have experienced this deep fear you talk about, it is the fear and pain that is locked in your energy field. Next time it surfaces, allow it to be, don't run from it. See what it has left to teach you. Let it go, forgive it and forgive yourself and thank it for taking you where you are now. From what I see it has taken you down dark passages but you are now doing a lot of good in your life. Remember that when you feel the darkness come to you. Don't struggle as struggling is a sign of resistance. Remember that nothing that isnt real and true can possibly harm you - even the darkest thoughts are just thoughts. Breath and remember who you truly are.
 
I have worked with past lives to help my body heal from chronic fatigue, syndrome , a long with a homeopathic treatment called Heilkunst which has helped me heal of severe food sensitivities, seizures, insomnia .. I had not wish to live until a couple of months ago with my nervous system getting well enough . This happened when my body did some detoxing of heavy metals instigated by the homeopathic treatment. Heavy metals can really mess with your mind/ brain.> As well I have had several pathogens causing chronic inflammation. ONe called the simian virus was in tainted batches of the polio vaccine until 1963 { although it still shows up in children born in 1990s so whether it is still around in the polio vaccine is being debated.}

Any sort of inflammation in the body will lead to dramatic biochemical problems..

Getting so ill put me in touch with how any stress will make disease worse off. But I do beleive witth heavy metals poisoning our bodies can be so stressed we can never relax as tthis happened to me. I had high levels of lead , nickel, arsenic and very high mercury ..

I spent a lot of time remembeing different lives.. It was important for PTS from past lives to remember many lives.. Putting together how I related a person in different roles was what made the shifts in my PTSD>. JUst this morning and I remembered a simple life with my this life mom / then we were sisters in a nice normal undramatic life .> Since remembering this simple life I am no longer having difficulty feeling responsible for other people 's depression.. This memory was preceeded by many others .. I had to go through many memories.. I did this by doing it through memories coming through my body .. ie alot of the healing came not just remembering but remembering how and what my body was doing in those past lives.. I do Feldenkrais technique a long with regression .. this has put me in touch with where the PTS is coming from .. this life and past lives..
 
Hello Yosephiro,

I get you. I have experienced similar feelings in this life and had dealt with drug issues as well.
I understand the desire of inflicting damage on oneself, I understand it to come from an excessive guilt.
I am happy to see that you are now living a purposeful life, and that is what matters. Yes you create your own life, but from the way I understand it, you have to unload the negative programming from your mind as it can hinder your movements and some of it soo deep you are not even aware of it.
As for fear, try cultivating it's opposite. Courage. Tackle your fear head on and show it who's the boss.
Do whatever brings you that emotion of fear and accept it, gradually it will become distant and impotent.

Best of luck
 
I completely understand this experience and was actually considering posting on something similar. I pretty much am only able to access one past life again and again (with one or two exceptions). I ended that lifetime with several years of persecution, bouts of assassins, eventually being cornered and dying among my comrades-in-arms. Ever since finding these things, I've become convinced that more assassins will show up when I least expect it. I have lived a very safe and out of the way life this time around, I live in a very safe area, and overall have no reason to believe that my person is in danger. And yet, I cannot leave the house without carrying a small knife in my pocket. I get paranoid almost every day that someone is coming for me and those close to me. Being able to touch the knife anytime this feeling arises helps me stave it off, convinces me I can fight back. I know a comrade from that life this time around as well, and having them around also gets rid of the feeling temporarily. Both of these are essentially band-aids, but what can you do?
 
Hello, this story feels close to something I have experienced.
I had a very beautiful awakening with a trusted teacher but I didn't really understand how to fully care for myself.

I had always put myself in harms way also in very similar ways, and tourmented myself with eating disorders. There has been a part of me wanting to die.

After being freed of my burden I was so happy, but after a year I came across some difficult times and it came back, being so used to feeling bad I didn't fight.

My meditations got infused with the emotions and memories of a past life execution. I have been reliving the moment of being sentenced to death over and over again for nearly a year. My whole being is exhausted my mind is crazy, the psychosis seems to have faded but the sadness feels like it has gotten into every cell.

I was a dancer and musician with a big heart and loved life. Now I spend most of the day trying to do nice things whilst wondering if my family and friends would recover from my sucide.

I have spent 8 months with my teacher who has been so trying to reach me and who is holding my soul and keeping it safe.

My belief in reincarnation is actually making me feel that leaving this body would make it easier to heal and I could come back and enjoy this beautiful life. I don't want to die I want to live fully as I always have but I can't live in the prison I have created.

Much love
 
Roisin, I too am often thinking of just calling it quits and see what happens, I don't know why I'm still here, why I survived my first tour in Afghanistan but I've been a warrior in all of my lives and am probably too stubborn to quit and the fact that I no longer have a firearm, my prefered method

We're here for a reason and from someone who's at the same point that you are and asking the same question (I can guess that you asked several times one way or another) what's the point?
Think of this, are you really in for another life filled with misery? Cause that's a chance
 
CanSol, I think that there may be certain things that need to be worked out in the world of the living. If we leave and come back without shaking these burdens, they will only return to us. Is that what you mean by "another life filled with misery?" Or, of course, there are unrelated uncomfortable circumstances as well.

Roisin, I know there is no good way to convince you not to feel hopeless, as I have been there as well. But I must implore you to focus on the good in your life. There are certain things that make a life more difficult to live, like the memory of a traumatic past death. But you know what would be worse than remembering one traumatic death? Remembering two. What if you take on another incarnation down the line before you have dealt with that life as a dancer? You would have to deal with the trauma of that death and your suicide in this life. Again, I know it is hard, but going back to the "spiritual home" is not exactly a reset button. I committed suicide centuries ago and still have not finished processing it.
 
Spirit World, that's what I was trying to say, if we don't deal with the issues now (forget the fact that I'm burying a few things because my plate's already too full) if you get a next life you might very well end up facing double the problems you have now and I for one don't feel up to that
 
Thank you very much for your support. I know that we are all heading towards a beautiful future and a life time isn't actually that long is it!
 
Wont lie the though to putting in the towel is daily because the stress and troubles of living in society today as well dealing with people while watching society rot from the inside out but I keep on going one day at a time. I am very hopefully that the future is going to be good as things will work themselves out one way or another as the current era comes to a climactic close.
 
I have a lot of baggage surrounding reincarnation and past lives. I can’t remember them very clearly, just bits & pieces of many different lives. But...

In 8th grade, one day I was just sitting in my room depressed (I was for years tho it was the norm) and stumbled upon a song called “Pass Them By” by Agnes Obel. It’s an eerie, soothing song about passing through a crowd I suppose. I got 2 sort of blurry visions, where I intuively knew what was happening in them:
  1. I’m being burned at the stake. I was ridiculed horrendously by others, and the tension..obviously..got out of hand.
    1. I can’t know for sure why I was so hated but I’ve a feeling it was for witchcraft, but not the “raise storms to sink ships”/“bring illness to enemies” kind. I’ve always been very interested in Ireland, everything witchy, and celtic culture. I have a lot of Irish and Scottish blood on both sides of my fam, too. I feel like I’ve had these things close to my soul for a very long time, back to the 1500-1600s at least.
  2. A decently large house is blazing with fire. I’m filled with dread and agony, because I’m worried about my family- mother, younger sibling(s?)... In my last moments, I hate that I can’t save them, and as I (still) attempt to do so I lose consciousness and..burn.
    1. I am not as in-tune with this memory as I am with the former. Just know the gist of it.
I concluded that the song triggered the first vision, and the fiery death vision triggered another fiery death vision. For a long time I had no clue why that song specifically took me back to that moment so..well. Finally I figured it out. My very last memory in that life before my horrible death was: walking down an earthy path, on a hilltop surrounded by more hills, walking with my hands bound by rope & escorted by a small group of armed men, passing by my fellow villagers who stood by to watch as if it were a holiday parade. I was passing them by, in a very eerie last moment; the song perfectly captures the mood.

Sooo when I think about past lives, nothing really bothers me. Yet that first vision keeps popping up randomly, not as strong as in 8th grade but the same vision nonetheless. I can’t quite think about past lives clearly because I don’t remember much, just have feelings. The burning is the one thing that makes me sure I’m not just dwelling on a subconscious blob. When I imagine falling from up high, being beheaded, or getting strangled- all comparably gruesome- I feel nothing. When I put myself in a situation where I’m being forcibly burned like that, it’s the most dreadful, saddening thing. An emotional response that makes me feel like it’s a real, traumatic memory.

I’m also from Texas. Not the bad part tho. But still- all year it’s summer, besides late october - february. I have a fiery hatred for heat, so I naturally hate Texas. Everytime the real, dangerous, 100°F+ weather comes I really do consider just dying. I hate it, and I’m cursed with a suuuper warm body. Even in winter I have my fan on medium/high. And it’s stupid too, because if I get emotional about being on literal fire, I get extremely hot. That just happens when I feel strong emotions.

Anyways, I just really wanted to share this weight on my mind somehow. There is one more very important issue that always has always/will affect me deeper than anything. I want to share it completely, but it’s very personal/delicate. It involves a strong tie to another soul, then that person dies and I feel wrong without them directly in my life. It’s exhausting, and causes me to often contemplate the point(lessness) of life. I know the tie is strong due to signs from the womb, through my entire childhood, & beyond. I do come to know things I couldn’t possibly know, whether it’s a future event or a fact unknown to me. But it’s strongest with this person. I always just know (in some way) every time something significant will happen to them. I showed it through my actions subconsciously, felt extreme dread before something bad happens, or- in the worst possible case- knew exactly what will happen. One day, also in 8th grade, I was sitting/thinking when the fact just came to me, out of nowhere. I suddenly knew exactly how the closest soul to me would die! That f***ed me up for sure. I just felt extreme dread and speculation until it literally happened a few months later.

Soo I am having a bit of spiritual and mental trouble, related to soul trauma and trauma from this life. I’m bothered and deeply saddened by a past horrific death, and in a very difficult place with my own connection to this life (now that my person isn’t in it). I’m not a danger to myself in any way, definitely past that, but I do contemplate how my soul feels about life now. I’m also in a real weird situation in which I am very isolated from everyone and everything, which complicates my emotions (but I’ve dealt with it for months and I’m fine). Yeah- just needed to share a bit.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top