The 13th Lojong

[Ailish]

Tibetan lojong -- are mind-heart training techniques. Each lojong teaching corresponds to one of 59 "slogans" or guideposts. "Be grateful to everyone" is the 13th slogan.

I came across an article by Pema Chodron that I found interesting.

"The slogan "Be grateful to everyone" is about making peace with the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected. Through doing that, we also make peace with people we dislike. More to the point, being around people we dislike is often a catalyst for making friends with ourselves. Thus, “Be grateful to everyone.”

If we were to make a list of people we don't like--people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt--we would find out a lot about those aspects of ourselves that we can't face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities, which we project onto the outside world. In traditional teachings on lojong it is put another way: other people trigger the karma that we haven't worked out. They mirror us and give us the chance to befriend all of that ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders.

“Be grateful to everyone” is a way of saying that we can learn from any situation, especially if we practice this slogan with awareness.

There’s a reason you can learn from everything: you have basic wisdom, basic intelligence, and basic goodness. Therefore, if the environment is supportive and encourages you to be brave and to open your heart and mind, you’ll find yourself opening to the wisdom and compassion that’s inherently there. It’s like tapping into your source, tapping into what’s already there. It’s the willingness to open your eyes, your heart, and your mind, to allow situations in your life to become your teacher. With awareness, you are able to find out for yourself what causes misery and what causes happiness."

I was extremely interested in the part about how "other people trigger the karma that we haven't worked out."

I thought it was an interesting way to perceive those who may intimidate/anger/annoy us. They are simply reflecting back at you for the purpose of learning to love, to be compassionate -- and to accept.

Does anyone have any thoughts to share?


Ailish

 

[MoonDansyr]

Well -- at first I agreed, but then in reflection, I can't and here's why:

Crowds "annoy" me.

Why?

I was raised "in the old ways" (and suspect some past life seeping through). I was taught to be polite and curteous; one of my innate character traits is that I'm friendly even with perfect strangers. I try to make eye contact and smile and even try to make nice comments or small talk to perfect strangers. Yet I find when I go to an event or even just shopping, I get easily pushed around. People rush in front of me ... or others ... to be sure they get "first dibs." I can't tell you the number of times I'll be standing in a line and have someone simply step in front of me like it's perfectly okay. Sales clerks, servers, etc. no longer know the meaning of service and none of them have any desire to be doing their job. Don't even try to make eye contact.

So, this rudeness that is becoming commonplace and accepted by society (at least where I live) annoys me, and I don't see this in myself at all - - and I don't want to "adapt" to it. Further, I don't want my children growing up thinking it's okay because it is what everybody else does.

There are other things I can think of, but I'll stop with that, just in case I misinterpreted things.

 

[deborah]

HI Kat, HI Aili,

I understand what you are saying Kat - the expressions and actions of people today can be upsetting. But instead of rejecting it - choose to help change it.

I want to suggest that what you don't like in others and do not want to embrace as your own - you yourself have moved through. If you look deeper - into any of the individuals mentioned; their lives, their past,....what you see on the surface - is a reflection of fear; they are working from the root chakras, and confusion. People don't know where to turn. Some are even sleep walking.

It’s the willingness to open your eyes, your heart, and your mind, to allow situations in your life to become your teacher. With awareness, you are able to find out for yourself what causes misery and what causes happiness."

Aili likes to bring up these complex systems of thought - because she is a complex and deep individual. :butbut: When you allow situations in your life to become your teacher, and pass it forward.......you become the teacher, even the smallest of positive actions benefits everyone.

I am probably too tired and too sick to be replying; in the morning -- I'll try again.

 

[Phoenix]

Very good food for thought. Anyone got a link to a page that lists all the 'slogans'?

Thanks for posting the slogan, Ailish, it gave me a chance to rethink the behavior a friend of mine who has been driving me nuts lately, and figure out why. I thought it was just that people in bargaining who want to argue constantly drive me nuts.

It's his karma that's come back to haunt him, not mine. He's just been trying to project it onto me, so that he'll feel better.

I was extremely interested in the part about how "other people trigger the karma that we haven't worked out."

That is so timely and relevant right now. Although it's not someone else triggering it in me, it's me doing it to them.

I have a friend who is dealing with the whole issue of being called crazy for believing in reincarnation. I went through that myself. I was paranoid about being called crazy behind my back if I broke the code of silence and talked about it.

And that is a 'karma' issue for both of us. In our past lives, he used to call me crazy behind my back-because I believed that I was the reincarnation of Heinrich the Fowler.

In our present lives, he believes that he is the reincarnation of a famous German leader. And that mental connection is still hooked up to 'crazy'. So, he think's people are going to say he's crazy.

And, now that I've come to the end of the road and accepted that I'm not crazy, and that if people want to call me crazy, it's their opinion. And the opinions of other people can neither validate nor invalidate mine. Now, all we do is argue, because we are no longer on the same page on that issue.

So, i'm triggering the karma that he hasn't worked out.
He has some serious PL baggage which has caused him to decide that you shouldn't use your powers for anything. My personal 'slogan' use your powers for good" and my talking about the book I've just finished writing, is pushing his unresolved karma buttons. He actually scolded me and told me that I should, basically, not use my powers, either.

I'm not the Gutless Wonder anymore. I told him that he's entitled to his opinion, but nothing more. And that I was not going to allow him to influence my decisions. If he keeps it up, I'm going to remind him that the person who gave the Total War speech has no business questioning my judgement about how to use my powers.

Phoenix

 

[Tinkerman]

Good morning friends. Wow Aili what a wonderful post...timely too. I have always believed, and said, that if you see a fault in another, look for that same fault in yourself. It really works and is a great tool in self-discovery. It was particularly true in my past profession. The opportunities to learn from it are surely karmic. There are one or two people in town who just rub me the wrong way. By thinking through the disdain, I see in myself the various negative characteristics in them, that I hate in myself. But it takes soul searching. I can see that by using the 13th Lojong greater work/healing/learning can take place.

I am grinning right now because just yesterday a family member said to me "God, you're getting to be like your father more everyday." Now normally that would be a compliment to me. But in this case it was a negative trait in my father that I really cannot stand....lesson learned!!??

I can see this same principle carrying through from my past life in 1906. In reverse, I have asked myself, what about me, then, was "wrong," what lesson am I too learn. I sometimes blame myself and search for the meaning behind the loss of my Beloved. What in others, what in myself and what in her is so relevant to my journey. Is it there something tangible to deal with? Or is it a matter of acceptance and "be grateful to everyone."

Hi Kat...what you said reminds me of a commercial I've seen on TV lately about acts of kindness perpetuating themselves. I believe the scene is a man picking up a babies bottle for a lady...later she does something similar to another ....and the cycle continues. I am very much like you in my disdain for crowds...thats why I live on the remote High Plains. But when I am forced to go into the city on business or otherwise I carry with me a little of that tranquility. In a crowd I try to be the opposite of what I know I hate (and what everyone else hates!) hoping that somehow it catches on. The key is to

practice the slogan with awareness

. Seems it relaxes me more and I start to see the little "roses" in everyone. Once in a while you actually reap a smile or a deep knowing eye contact...too cool.

I'd be interested in reading the other Lojong also.

Thanks Ailish

 

[Ailish]

I cannot seem to find a complete list of the slogans, except in books, but I am not looking very hard, since I'm at work right now

Here are a few more I came across in my travels:

• Always apply only a joyful mind.
• Don't ponder others.
• Abandon any hope of fruition.
• Don't be so trustworthy.
• Don't malign others.
• Don't wait in ambush.
• Don't bring things to a painful point.
• Don't transfer the ox's load to the cow.
• Don't try to be the fastest.
• Don't act with a twist.
• Don't seek others' pain as the limbs of your own happiness.
• Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.
• Don't expect applause

I will comment more on everyone's great replies later -- when I've had the chance to sit down and read through them thoroughly.

Aili

 

[MoonDansyr]

I understand what you are saying Kat - the expressions and actions of people today can be upsetting. But instead of rejecting it - choose to help change it.

Well, I hope that my smiles and friendly hello's, etc. would be a step in that direction.

If you look deeper - into any of the individuals mentioned; their lives, their past,....what you see on the surface - is a reflection of fear; they are working from the root chakras, and confusion. People don't know where to turn. Some are even sleep walking.

You know, I think what you said is something I try to remember, but I do forget -- I do appreciate the reminder and I may even write it on a post-it and stick it on the bathroom mirror.

Aili likes to bring up these complex systems of thought - because she is a complex and deep individual.

I like that - - I like it when people make me think.

Phoenix~
Going back to the original slogan Ailish posted and the thoughts behind it - - I highly suspect the friend who called you crazy was probably projecting their own internal turmoil.

Tinkerman~
You bring up some good points and I really do need to evaluate why certain things people do or say annoy me to see the bigger picture.

 

[Phoenix]

Phoenix~
Going back to the original slogan Ailish posted and the thoughts behind it - - I highly suspect the friend who called you crazy was probably projecting their own internal turmoil.

No, he was just a jerk back then. He knew it drove me up the wall. I hate being talked about behind my back, and I was rather sensitive about being picked on about my belief in reincarnation.

It wasn't anything unusual, we were all jerks when it came to that sort of thing. I used to make up insulting nicknames for people and mimic them. And everybody played the 'rumors' game.

I ended up with a phobia about reincarnation and crazy, and it looks like he did too.

You can screw up other people by picking on them, but you can also mess up yourself as well.

How's that for karma? Your own actions coming back to haunt you in your next life.

Phoenix

 

[tanguerra]

Yes, goes around comes around. It is often the people we find the most difficult to deal with who can be our greatest teachers - even if they are only teaching us patience! If everyone was easy and pleasant, what would we learn? How could we learn compassion if we never suffered? The grain of the sand makes the pearl, and all that sort of thing.

Congratulations on the book by the way Phoenix. Of course you should use your 'powers' - but of course, make sure you are using them for something creative and productive and hopefully compassionate and helpful to others if at all possible which would seem to me to be what you are up to with your book. I too have written a book over the past year and am very nearly ready to send it off for publication. I am just waiting on the response from my 'guru' who has been very kindly reading it for me the past month and is going to give me his notes tonight actually. (Very excited).

Here is a little quote which may be appropriate on the subject of 'Grace':

"The word ‘grace’ has a variety of meanings, but what I mean by grace encompasses, among other things, attributes of the archetypal hero; courage, courtesy and endurance. The hero – whether in the movies, myths or fairy tales – is not a bully. He never uses his prowess to attack those weaker than himself, but strives always to do the ‘right thing’. The ideal hero retains his truthfulness along with his focus on his quest. He is not distracted from his goal by problems, difficulties or criticism. The hero is brave and persevering. Although he may be beset by danger and outnumbered by enemies giving up and turning back is not an option, by definition."

In Moondansyr's case, if one chooses to smile and be pleasant to people and they don't respond, that is in the end their problem. Niceness should be done for its own sake, or not at all. Even though it is gratifying in the extreme to be appreciated and rewarded, it is not ideally the aim of 'spreading a little sunshine' around. Of course, some people might just be having a bad day and not appreciate being smiled at and might think their space is being invaded and that's perfectly OK. That's their reality on this day at least.

Quite often I will encounter people who I take an instant dislike to (and the reverse of course) and I always try to ask myself why the instant dislike? Sometimes there are very good past life reasons for being wary of a certain person. Sometimes it is because some behaviour of theirs reminds me of some type of behaviour of my own that I dislike/disown. Sometimes they will push competitive buttons in me. To quote another aphorism: when the student is ready the teacher will appear.

 

[Phoenix]

Congratulations on the book by the way Phoenix. Of course you should use your 'powers' - but of course, make sure you are using them for something creative and productive and hopefully compassionate and helpful to others if at all possible which would seem to me to be what you are up to with your book.

That is what I mean when I say 'use your powers for good'. That's my "slogan".

It means: use whatever you've got to do the right thing, even when someone says it's wrong. And never do the wrong thing, even if someone says it's the right thing.

Been there, done that. All I got was a lot of baggage out of it. Never again.

Phoenix

 

[MoonDansyr]

In Moondansyr's case, if one chooses to smile and be pleasant to people and they don't respond, that is in the end their problem. Niceness should be done for its own sake, or not at all. Even though it is gratifying in the extreme to be appreciated and rewarded, it is not ideally the aim of 'spreading a little sunshine' around. Of course, some people might just be having a bad day and not appreciate being smiled at and might think their space is being invaded and that's perfectly OK. That's their reality on this day at least.

It's just who I am, tanguerra. My father is the same way, so I figure it's a genetic thing, although it could have been learned. You never know whose day you may brighten or who you may learn something from - - could be a vagrant! My mother is quite shy and while she's curteous, she's not as easily vocal as my father and I are, plus she is easily intimidated by those she views as being of a different (higher) class than she views herself. I worked for many of those she views as "higher" and I've told her again and again that they are "just people" too; some are absolute gems and others are real jerks and that she's a far better person than some of them!

I'm digressing...

I'm just saddened that in the last 20-30 years, I've seen the demise of friendliness. Maybe it's different where you live, and even in other areas of this country, but in my "local" area, it seems to be a dying out very quickly. I see it as compounded by multiple issues. I don't want to get too far off-topic, but two quick things come to mind:

First, family values has been changing: there was a t.v. special on awhile back showing that some parents are now paying people to teach their kids simple things like how to ride a bike because they're too busy with their careers. What?!? Values have gone from "do unto others" "stand up straight" "don't point" (etc.) to how big of a house, vehicle and $name-brand$ purse one owns.

Secondly, I also blame monopolies. It used to be when you walked into a department store, you were greeted and asked if you needed help/guidance. With monopolies finding that they can make money with advertising and running off competition, why spend money to train employees about kindness and customer service? In fact, cut-back on employees! "Service station" is a thing of the past. People need gas to drive, so a) they can charge whatever they want per gallon and b) people can pump their own. Save money by not employing service attendents to wash windows, check oil and tire pressure. It's all about the bottom line.

I *miss* the mom and pop stores that know their customers by name and smile genuinely in greeting because they're happy to see. I miss the old neighborhoods where the neighbors know one another and will stand-up your yard decoration that was blown over, simply because they were outside and saw it happen.

I'm still that kind of person and I know there are still some of us around, but I can't help but be saddened when I look around and see just how drastically things have changed in the span of a generation and even more over two.

What I wonder is, "why?" These people reincarnated from those "days gone by." How did they forget or why did they change so much??

 

[Ailish]

If you look deeper - into any of the individuals mentioned; their lives, their past,....what you see on the surface - is a reflection of fear; they are working from the root chakras, and confusion.

Definitely. I once read that there are two primary emotions -- love and fear, and everything else stems from either one of those.

So, this rudeness that is becoming commonplace and accepted by society (at least where I live) annoys me, and I don't see this in myself at all - - and I don't want to "adapt" to it.

I completely undertstand -- people are rude and inconsiderate. They don't say "thank you" -- for the simple things like holding open a door for them -- or "excuse me," when crossing in front of you in a store.

Manners and etiquette seem to be a thing of the past -- but they don't have to be. I, for one, don't plan on being like everyone else.

A very good friend of mine once told me – that people will treat you how they choose to treat you – it is not YOUR issue –it is theirs. She reminded me – that becoming angry or upset with the offensive person/s – really accomplishes nothing. Reflecting back at them in a positive and compassionate way – and making the conscious choice to do so – is really the best option. To respond to them in anger -- or frustration -- only lowers your vibration and draws more negativity towards you.

It doesn’t mean we have to like how rude other people are – but we don’t have accept their anger as our own. Be the Love we are -- let Love be the focus in all things; in our actions, our thoughts – the more we allow it to flow, the more our lives become rich, abundant and peaceful.

From Buddhist teachings, "Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. Love has no limits. Love never ends. Love is reborn and reborn and reborn."

Imo, true compassion is not feeling for another it is feeling as the other. This is a huge difference in perception.

It is often the people we find the most difficult to deal with who can be our greatest teachers - even if they are only teaching us patience!

Absolutely. Every situation -- has something to teach us. Probably the best lessons -- are the ones we don't appreciate learning at the time.

I have always believed, and said, that if you see a fault in another, look for that same fault in yourself. It really works and is a great tool in self-discovery.

I couldn't agree more, Tman.

Gregg Braden said:

"What the Essenes said was that for us to know and master ourselves in this world, we will see one or some combination of mirrored patterns in others. The seven mirrors are progressively more and more subtle. Back in the '70s, we heard about the first mirror, of who you are in the moment. The notion was that if you find yourself around individuals who are angry or dishonest, they are showing you your dishonesty or anger. Sometimes the mirrors would apply, but sometimes they wouldn't. We had discovered the first mirror, but had yet to see the other mirrors, such as the second mirror, which reflects what we judge in the moment."

Some very interesting thoughts flowing here........


Aili

 

[michaldembinski]

I *miss* the mom and pop stores that know their customers by name and smile genuinely in greeting because they're happy to see...

I'm still that kind of person and I know there are still some of us around, but I can't help but be saddened when I look around and see just how drastically things have changed in the span of a generation and even more over two.

What I wonder is, "why?" These people reincarnated from those "days gone by." How did they forget or why did they change so much??

Kat, I agree. To me, this is 'old soul, new soul' again. There's billions of new souls out there today, each in a rush to get on in their first human lifetime, no perspective.

Michal