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When a past life causes pain in present

J

JulieZ

******
Hello Friends –

It has been a long time… long story there. I hesitated to share at first, fearing it would be too long, but then realized I have been drawn back to this place of wonderful discovery for a reason.

I struggle to understand how these events caused my spouse deep pain because of my own stubbornness…and belief in past lives.

Here goes nothing…

**

Part 1 – These are snippets of dreams/meditations as they were written at the time of the occurrence. I think it is important to share a few due to the time line of events involved.

November 2004
…. The instructor was this very old and wise woman. Think the old crone - grandmother willow type of lady. She was a tiny little woman about 5' tall (I know because I am this tall).

She said that in her vision she saw 6'5" and than the number 10 *I am almost positive it was 10 but I can't be certain about the 10 - The 6'5" I am certain*

She said that since she was only 5' tall and seeing 6'5" told her that something overwhelming and HUGE was going to happen @ 10... So, she was ready.

As she spoke she looked directly at me too.

March 2005…I do not know how - but I was dropped into a shaft of some kind and find myself - not me - someone else - but I could feel everything she was feeling - sitting in a stone room with a window with no glass.

I remember thinking I was in the Middle East - ancient - old - BC - Middle East... but I do not know this for certain. It was just a passing thought at the time.

She had long brown hair with waves. She was young - maybe late teens. Very pretty... She was wearing a long white colored dress that draped and was sleeveless.

A man - very big man - with brown skin - bald - entered the room. I could feel her love for him. They loved each other - but I got the feeling it was forbidden and he knew this.

April 2005
I was watching in spirit form a couple - in Europe - my feeling was either France or one of the Slavic countries… or even Russia. The lady is young with long brown hair - the man is also young with a sandy brown/blonde hair. His hair is about shoulder length. They are very much in "love."

Then I am reading a paper - in English - It says:

Natacha Me-----c or it was Ma------e or a B… and it has his name too. Her name stood out to me because I mentally thought "NataSHa" and I heard an unknown voice say to me, "No - not NataSHa - her name was NataCHa." I see him in a casket - he is wearing a very intricate designed jacket. I think it is red with lots of detailed work throughout…

May 2006
I dreamt I was back in Chicago in my Dad’s house…I was looking through these lace curtains from the second floor. The curtains were very sheer - like a veil. In my dream I was looking to my neighbors house - John - the man who stole a piece of my heart and broke the rest (smile). Then I heard the voice say, "NO".

Then I was looking for Mikey (my husband) and couldn't find him. The voice said, "NO" again.

I said, "Well, what the heck am I looking for than?"

The voice said, "Allen".
I was so confused - Who in the world is "Allen" - I don't know anyone named Allen.

May 16, 2006
Back in 1700’s again (2002 first time)… The rich white man is there again... I can't make out his face though. He is again standing by a fireplace with his arm resting on the mantle - deep in thought. The fire is burning. He's smoking a pipe. Hi pants are cream in color and come up to his knees and button. He is very tall and thin about 35...

She walks in - the mulatto woman - younger about 25 - still carrying wood in her apron. She brings it to the fire and starts to stack wood. She feels apprehension around the man, but not fear. I feel in the dream this time - This is her brother and 'owner' - though it is not discussed as she is a slave and not family. However, she is treated very well and I sense they have a friendship of sorts when no one is around. She is careful not to disturb his thoughts - I can feel her heart beating super fast (or is it my own)...

The dream shifts...

June 2006
I am searching through this list of names and the name Alen D------ ic jumps out at me with such clarity. Note: I do not know this name in real life and the spelling of Alen with only one ‘L’ and an ‘en’ versus the customary ‘an’ is not a name I am familiar with. I find this odd when I think of the name ‘Allen’ popping up in my dreams the last month. Perplexing….

September 2006
About a week and a half ago I was sitting on the couch and it felt like heard – does that make sense – Anyway, it felt like I heard “Wait until January!” Wait until January what?

**
I saw 'Natacha' again. I haven't seen her since June 2005. It is important to note - I was outside looking in. Where as before I WAS inside looking out... Make sense? It was like I was starting to go through the veil of time but it was all so fuzzy - Lots of fine tuning needed to be done with the TV antenna.

OK - Natacha - she was standing on a cliff near the sea. MM appears (who we now know is Alen from work). He is wearing a very intricate red jacket. I can't make much more out than that because I notice they are arguing very heatedly and I am struck by his eyes. Same eyes as Alen.

I can not make out the language or what is being said - again - I am more astonished by the 'eyes' and the need to 'tune in' more. I do know it is not a language I would easily recognize like French. They are definitely having a huge fight though.

My immediate feeling though - was "It was forbidden. And it has always been forbidden." Whatever that means… I do know - I'm more confused than ever before about it all! Not sure whose who anymore.

**
more to come...
 
Part 2 – Alen enters my real life


In September of 2005 I was eating my lunch at work and felt a strange buzzing in my head. I looked up and saw a very tall man enter the room – his gaze on me – and I immediately felt a cannon explode in my chest. Who the heck is he and why did his presence just try and break down my wall of defense?


This awkwardness persists for another year... We never speak to each other and I try to avoid him actually. However, in a company of 8000 people and working in different departments you would think that was easy. Not so, we would bump into each other at the oddest times and places. Same energy exchange – same cannon.


October of 2006 (10th month by the way) we exchange a smile to each other and the next couple months begins a very cautious ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ type of conversation in passing… still with the strong energy exchange. Hard to explain the buzzing and vibration.


You see – I recognize him as the same man from my dreams. This boggles me completely! I do not know his name, I just know he is not ‘American’ and speaks one of the Slavic languages. His presence throws me off balance.


This is also when I finally learn his name and see his name tag….It is Alen.


Note: At this time my marriage is also on rocky grounds.


January 2007 – (wait until January) – My shift changes and big surprise so does his. We are both working nights and collide at lunch with odd – ‘What are you doing here’ looks on our faces. We begin to talk to each other (he has very broken English as Bosnian is he native language, but I can understand him just fine). He immigrated to the US after the Bosnian War. He is 6’3 and 10 years older than me… with a birth date 10 days apart. **Love bizarre things like this**


Alen and I quickly become close friends and I learned he was feeling the same strange energy between us. It scared him. He would say to me, “I ask myself, what the hell is this?” He would joke that he was ‘China’ and I was ‘New York’. We were from very different worlds, yet could share so much. I shared this new friendship with my husband, knowing he understands my belief in past lives, and I wanted to share this amazing friendship with him too.


Ha – well, joke is on me with this one. My husband, who I have known for 18 years quickly became insecure, jealous, possessive, and something right out of a horror movie! I did not know this man. He said he ‘hated’ Alen. I said, ‘How could you hate someone you don’t’ even know?” This did not matter to him. It did not matter that I was honest and offered Alen only my friendship, that I wanted to share this friendship. It was important!


I was quickly accused of all sorts of nasties, of being crazy for my dreams and meditations, for wishing this into our lives. How could I do this to him (my husband)? How could I throw away 18 years for a stranger? But he is not a stranger to me I would insist… only to cause more hurt.


I went through a period of denial. I made myself stop dreaming. I turned my back on my spiritual center. I became quickly depressed and withdrawn. Maybe I am crazy? Maybe I did ‘wish’ this into play? Yet, each time I was given the ultimatum, ‘Alen or me’ I would hold my ground. I could not turn my back on my new friend even if it meant hurting my husband. What an awful person I was… I felt my husband should have understood me better – known me better. What was I missing?


For months and months - I was being unfairly persecuted for my belief in reincarnation. I was being threatened to have my kids taken from me because of my ‘infidelity’ (that never happened) and my craziness. I felt like I was being soul raped… and by someone I love dearly.


more to come...
 
Part 3 – Everything comes full circle


Well, Alen had to go home to Bosnia in June due to a family emergency. He was supposed to return in July, but has not come back. This makes me feel empty inside. It makes my husband estatic...He feels our lives can get back to normal. How do I ever recover from the pain he inflicted on me over the last two years??? How can I ever 'share' with him again?


**


In June 2007 I went to a seminar with Denise Linn. It was a past life regression thing. I never did this before, but she is effective if you ever get the chance.


Here's what happened:


I feel myself slip – I almost think I am about to fall face first out of my chair (the meditation takes place sitting down). The scene before me instantly changes and I am myself again – a little girl – just like myself in the red skirt when I was 5 years old. However, I am wearing a dress that looks like a sack and a couple years older!


I begin to feel very dizzy, but the slide show persists on…


This is not present day – I am far in the past – medieval past – a long time ago. I am sitting in a field near a stream with my two friends. We are always together…and getting into trouble together. They are young boys from my village. They are always fighting with each other and I am always trying to get them to be nice. *dizziness continues*


We are sitting by the stream and making “mud piles” (I suddenly recognize these young boys – their souls - they are my husband Mikey and my friend Alen from work. Don’t ask me how this works, because I don’t know. You just instantly recognize the soul. I feel very excited at this recollection.)


The scene shift suddenly and I am now crying because I am covered in mud (I can sense the trouble I am going to be in when I get home) and my friends are rolling around in mud fighting with each other. They will not listen to my tears. They just want to fight each other all the time.


**


Shifts...I am trapped. I am lost in a thick forest and there is so much fog. I am searching and searching for a way out but I can not find it. Suddenly I feel myself fall – I am falling and falling – plummeting downward in a spiral motion and I find myself in the 1700’s. I remember this past life. I have had images of it before.


I am a mulatto women – young - about the age I am now (give or take)... This is the life I remember Lali as my mother and Alen as my half brother/owner.


The scene before me has played out before, but always stopped just short of anything in the past. I am making bread – near a large fireplace. My owner (who is also my half brother – though this is never discussed or admitted to anyone!) is there. He is very nice to me and treats me better then everyone else.


The slideshow shifts and my husband is there – Mikey is there – He is also a slave on the plantation. **This is before the civil war – and very close to French Canada**


He says something under his breath to our master. He is always angry at him and doesn’t like me working in the house. He doesn’t know he is my half brother and doesn’t have to worry about me being raped by the owner. This would never happen to me. The others think I am sleeping with the master, but this is not true. It is a secret who I really am.


The rest is fuzzy because it plays like a slideshow and I am trying to watch yet I’ m there and experiencing the emotions that go along with it…


What I remember is my brother and my husband arguing with each other. My husband should not be doing this and I am feeling very apprehensive and scared about the whole thing. I try to talk to him to go back outside, but he slaps me across the face in anger instead. My brother becomes enraged and picks up a board that was sitting by the fire place. *I can feel my heart beating and beating so fast – I feel I must stop this now – I can’t let this happen.*


He swings the board up goes to hit my husband with the board, but I jump in between them to stop this madness. I do not want to see anyone get hurt. As a result of my action - I am the one hit with the board instead of my husband – right across the head. Pain – there is so much pain exploding in my head – in the right side of my head (where I am experiencing my headaches in present day and the doctors can’t figure out why.) I feel myself falling again. I am falling because it is a lethal blow to my head. The force was very strong… and I slipping away. I am dying.
 
Well, I thank you all kindly for listening and allowing me to share. :)


I can see now why Mikey immediately hated Alen and why Alen never understood why I was 'with' Mikey.


I just don't know how this all pertains to the NOW.


Love and light,


Julie
 
Hello Julie, welcome back!


Your story certainly has some past life twists and some modern day ramifications. Have you read WAHeart's recent post called: "Two years ago"? I think you'll see that there are a lot of us who wrestle with current day relationships with past life eyes. It does create some terribly intense emotions. You are not alone in this and perhaps you can gain some insight from these other stories.


Best wishes...


Tinkerman
 
Hi Julie,


It is so nice to see you again ! :)


Thank you for sharing your story. You sure did a great job in putting all these fragments together and you already have unraveled a lot ! This makes me believe that it probably won't take long anymore before you discover the meaning of it for you in the NOW.


Wishing you all the best my friend !


Love,


Eevee
 
Hi Tinkerman,


Thank you - I will look into the other thread shortly. :)


Hi Eevee,


Good to see you to my friend! I've missed you!


Love,


Julie
 
Hiya Julie,


Thanks for sharing your story, it was definitely food for thought.

Have you read WAHeart's recent post called: "Two years ago"? I think you'll see that there are a lot of us who wrestle with current day relationships with past life eyes.
Click to expand...
Funny, I was thinking of this thread too. It seems there is a lot of energy focused on these past life/current life love triangles at the moment. I see many similarities in these cases and it fascinates me very much.


Please do update us, Julie! (I hope for you that Alen returns soon!!)
 
Hello ,Julie


I think you summed up your question about finding resolution in the now, in the saying at the end of your post..


"If you do not walk with animals you will not know them... and what you do not know you will fear.. and what you fear , you will destroy.. "


Those are marvellous words when it comes to problems of the heart when looking at reincarnation.


"If you do not walk with animals you will not know them " --------It is what we do in the now , not the past that is going to bring love and peace.. You have made the journey of not remaining in the dark about your past. You want to bring it into the light. You are walking towards knowing.


" and what you do not know you will fear "===If we fear our past, hold onto past guilt , and do not recognise this guilt by not taking the responsibility of remembering we will remain trapped by our fear of that past.


" and what you fear , your will destroy " === This pertains to destroying others as well as yourself. You beleive in reincarnation , THey do not. Do not let them destroy your will to remember, to take action towards the good, towards love and healing.


I beleive we all have our ties to those we love and through the ties of guilt , we become stuck > OFten we turn it inward and that only causes more stress for everyone. You have the power to act and if it is based on what is right and true, you need not fear... love will prevail... Do not let the other persons inabilities to make amends destroy your will to know and act in love.


Honouring our old ways of doing things all the time , sometimes leads to being very stuck.--- ie maybe it is the others who are stuck. . Our lives are in the now and we should act with both our heads and our hearts. You do your thing there... and if it is based on acting in love only good will come.


I think doing another regression to a life/ lives where more of what is going on is revealed would be helpful for you. It took me knowing quite a few lives in order to feel that I could get to the heart of healing my problems .


soulfreindly
 
Hello - I did go to the other thread - and it promptly made me get teary eyed... but in a good - common ground - understanding way! :) It is nice to know we are not alone!


Soulfriendly - Thank you! I have never looked at my signature that way. That is a wonderful perspective and I appreciate it very much. Fear is a very powerful emotion isn't it?


It is very hard to hold your ground for what you believe in (spiritually) especially when being attacked for it by someone you love. I found a part of myself I didn't know existed. I was willing to throw my marriage away just over principle alone! This threatened him even more.


I have tried to meditate on it further, especially since Alen has basically disappeared... but alas, I come up blank.


Yet, I know this is not over yet. I suppose everything wall fall into place in its own time.


Love and light,


Julie
 
Hmm. It's all very intense isn't it? But, good to know you are not alone with this sort of 'craziness' too!


Soulfriendly has given you some good guidance. I hope that you will be able to get some insight from the discussions in W.A.'s thread.

Ha – well, joke is on me with this one. My husband, who I have known for 18 years quickly became insecure, jealous, possessive, and something right out of a horror movie! I did not know this man. He said he ‘hated’ Alen. I said, ‘How could you hate someone you don’t’ even know?” This did not matter to him. It did not matter that I was honest and offered Alen only my friendship, that I wanted to share this friendship. It was important!
Click to expand...
Sounds to me as though your present life husband has every reason to dislike Alen and feel threatened by him. So much violence and unpleasantness in the past leaves its mark and of course, the present life situation can't be easy for him to grasp or come to terms with.


Keep us posted.
 
Thanks for sharing, Julie.


I agree with Sunniva, lately there's been a lot of talk about past life loves vs. spouses in this life, and the problems that might follow. It's interesting.


I can see and understand your confusion, Julie. The same thing has happened to me, too. I also found a guy I felt this deep bond with, and suddenly my husband (then boyfriend) got all jealous and insecure. For a reason, I can see now, and knew actually already then, but didn't care - or couldn't make myself care, even if I knew I was doing him wrong. I know the feeling, it's so powerful, and yet you have this other person you love and should be loyal to. It's a dilemma.


Like in your story, I later found out there have been MANY love triangles between us three in past lives, too. It's been years now and I'm not really friends anymore with the third party (only Facebook friends, lol), but thinking about him still makes my heart beat very fast. And I still sometimes think how my life would've been, if I would've chosen him instead of my husband (we had just started dating with my current husband then, were still young and had no children, so it would've been easily possible). I believe that this time I was supposed to go this way. Yet there's probably another me in some parallel sharing her life with this another guy. I wonder how they are doing? :)


Best of luck, Julie, and please keep us posted. :thumbsup:


Karoliina
 
Hi again Julie... oh I do understand... I hope your life is more tranquil now.


It takes a long time to heal from these things. I'm only half way there - and that is a lot, believe me. Well, we'll be here - sharing has been great help... :)


I have to rush now, but I'll see you around!! ;)
 
Yet there's probably another me in some parallel sharing her life with this another guy. I wonder how they are doing?
Click to expand...
Love this and thought it often myself! :)
Thank you again for your sharing and advise.


Yes, I understand why my husband felt threatened, probably a lot more than he does. I have moved past this because I can't blame him. I can not seem to move past the 'venom' he directed towards me - the insults - the lies - the twisting things around - I was afraid to sleep for months. Been to marriage therapy - didn't work... This is the nightmare I struggle with. This is why I turned off my dreams - turned my back on it all. (((SILLY ME!!! You can run, but you can't hide.))) : angel


I do not wish to advertise all the gory details. It is just that there was so much pain after these memories 'manifested' into reality. Pain that really could have been avoided if my word was enough. (Is this the lesson and the now?)


I feel a sense of obligation on one hand to the man I married...and do love even after everything. I have been with him 18 years - I am 36 now and we have two kids... Yet, on the other hand, I feel a strong sense of obligation to myself and long to be FREE of the unknowing mental abuse.


I wouldn't trade meeting Alen for the world!!! He touched my life in many ways. My eyes opened wide to what present time genocide does to the human spirit. His heart was able to smile again by my care-free nature and outlook on life. We spoke everyday for 1 1/2 years. I suppose it was a two way healing street for both of us. A gift from God!


Wherever he has gone, I wish him nothing but love, happiness, joy, and peace. :)


Yes, I am guilty of the emotional affair of the heart... But, I am not guilty of the physical affair. This is what I was constantly accused of. My husband didn't care about the emotional bond - it was the physical that threatened him... the physical that never happened.


I struggle to move past this, but find myself stuck in time, stuck in place, stuck in the mud.


I know I have to live in the NOW - I do live in the NOW. However, I must understand the past to proceed in the future. How do we learn from these memories and experiences to avoid the same in the future? This is my history - and for some reason - it's not letting me go. I feel haunted by what could be, what should be, what is.


These are the imprints that remain...have touched my life.
 
Yes, Julie, it sounds like the situation has gotten really bad with your husband. I guess nobody has the right answers here, but I do wish you lots of strength in dealing with this! I hope you'll keep us posted.


Karoliina
 
Julie, all I can I say is I think I've been there. I can't presume to say that I went through the same as you have, but I do recognize a lot of the things you describe. Another thing I can tell you is that it takes time - a long time. It took me two years to get this far, and as I've said before, I'm only half way there.


For two years I've been gradually letting myself share the things I used to with my husband. It has not been easy, but with time, love and respect it did get a lot better. Respect was fundamental.


And Julie, I can understand that it is shocking to feel that your spouse did not believe you when he should have. I don't think it works quite like that. In my case, my husband did believe me somehow, although he said he didn't - this denial felt to me like an expression of his utmost fears, of losing me, of me having fallen out of love with him.... and so, out of a need for defense, he jumped right into the direst conclusions - after that, it could only get better. It's not disbelief, it's fear.


All the wrongs that have been done can not be taken back. But if you stand outside yourself in this you will feel compassion for him - and this feeling of compassion will be very liberating, because you will then be free of the role of the victim.


I'm afraid you should think me presumptuous, please don't - it has been a long process for me, with lots of different phases, and so I tend to ramble a bit - I only hope it helps..


As for what could have been, I am finally getting comfortable with the notion that I don't yet know what will be. Who knows what is to come in this lifetime, let alone all the others?


Gwydion is living his life, and I mine. And I know inside that if we are true to ourselves and our feelings, our time will come again. Some days are easier than others, but mostly I feel good about this - the best I can, anyway. :)


Julie, I wish you love. If you ever need to, for any reason, PM me, ok?


hug2.gif
 
Compassion


What a beautiful word - and just what I needed to be reminded of. I read this briefly this morning before I had to go to work.. and it has engulfed my mind ever since. 'Compassion.'


No, it is not easy and will not be easy... but it is a start in the right direction.


Thank you for the 'gentle' push and reminder.


(((HUGS))) hug2.gif


Julie
 
Hi girls!


I was just thinking here we are, living in different places, and yet life has brought us all here - and our personal experience is, somehow, to the benefit of other souls....


For me, it has been a tremendous relief to know that the things that have been happening in my life don't result of me being a weirdo or something like that. Society here is quite open minded, but it is one thing to discuss issues "academically", and another to live them - when that happens, most free minded thinkers just tend to vanish into thin air... :D


Seeing the word COMPASSION boldly across your post has made my day, Julie. I am grateful for the Universe allowing me to inspire that feeling - isn't it wonderful?


Have a great day, enjoy your every breath, and thank your God for being alive - I do that everyday. :)


Love and Light, y'all!!!!:thumbsup:
 
Hi Juliez,


I could have sworn I replied to your thread. :butbut: Thank you so much for sharing. I owe you a Christmas card and phone call. Perhaps next week. ;)
 
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