Meeting a past-life enemy

[soulmemory]

Hi everyone,

I haven’t posted here yet, but now I have a problem that I can’t cope with by myself. Two years ago my cousin brought his bride to our house to meet with all the relatives. I immediately recognized her as the young woman who betrayed me and passed me to the NKVD (The People's Commissariat for Internal Affairs) in the Soviet Union in the 1930s. She was then my student, I was her school teacher, and involved in secret activity. She was hired to work for the government and report any anti-government actions. After she earned my trust, gathered information from me and reported me, I was arrested, tortured for a long time and eventually shot to death.

In this life I have to see her almost weekly. She has no conscious memory of me, she doesn’t believe in reincarnation or anything paranormal, but she hated me from the first second she saw me, just as I felt uncontrollable rage, hatred, fear, helplessness and immense emotional pain when I first saw her. I had dreams about that past life, I tried to forgive her, I tried to tell myself that we both are completely different people now and I shouldn’t resent her.

But the problem is that she hasn’t changed at all. She is still deceitful, cunning, pragmatic, ambitious, cruel and manipulating. And she wants to kill me again. Every time we meet she gives me a death stare, and we can’t even properly say hello to each other - the words just don’t come out, we both can’t pretend and conceal this mutual resentment. We never spoke more than two words to each other, and it’s useless to try and talk frankly with her about the reasons for these feelings, as she repeatedly stated that she considers everything to do with past lives a complete nonsense (the topic was brought up several times in family conversations). I don’t know how much longer I can withstand her visits. After every visit I feel sick, horribly depressed, and don’t want to live. I don’t know how, but I feel she deliberately influences me physically with her energy, intending to get rid of me again. I tried to find other logical explanations for this, and I can’t.

Sorry for the long post. Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation?

 

[soulmemory]

Hi AlexD,
Thank you so much, your reply was extremely helpful to me! I started to read your fascinating thread, still haven’t read all of it, but there are, indeed, uncanny similarities in our situations. To have a past-life torturer as a mother is so much worse, though. The good thing is that your aunt is on your side, and that she is a witness and living proof of that past life. Not that any proof is necessary, but in my case I wish there was someone else who remembered the same events who could confirm that all of this actually happened. I tried to convince myself that I’m just imagining things, that my dislike of this woman can be attributed to anything other than past lives. But I feel deep inside that this is true.

Unfortunately, there is no way for me to escape her presence, as these family visits are initiated by my mother, who can’t live without tradition and rituals, and she says that she must invite them regularly because “this is the polite thing to do”, and that every single family member must be present each time.

I openly told my mother about my belief in past lives, and about that particular past life. I told her that this is physically killing me. She doesn’t believe me, and says I’m making it all up. She sees how bad I feel after these visits, and just ignores it. She orders me to be there, because otherwise, she says, I am killing her by ruining her reputation. So I don’t see any way to avoid meeting my cousin’s bride. The worst thing is that their wedding is in two months, and I don’t know how I will endure it, having to pretend in front of all of her extended family that nothing is wrong.

I am trying to detach myself internally from all of this negativity, to find some harmony and peace within myself, and during the time that she is not in front of me, I don’t think about her at all. But each time I see her all the negative feelings come flooding back.

I do understand her nature and how her psyche works, I understand why she is like this, but it still doesn’t help me to free myself from her influence and from the karmic chains. If only she didn’t want to harm me now, in the present, I would have been able to let go of the past completely and just move on. I certainly had thoughts about trying to fight back mentally and attack her (even though I have no psychic abilities whatsoever), but I also decided against it. I want to escape from this conflict, to end it, not to participate in it. But I don’t know how to stop myself from reacting emotionally the way I do.

I’m so happy for you that you were able to move away from your mother and live your own life without being oppressed by her. This is wonderful!

 

[Spirit Sword]

I do understand her nature and how her psyche works, I understand why she is like this, but it still doesn’t help me to free myself from her influence and from the karmic chains. If only she didn’t want to harm me now, in the present, I would have been able to let go of the past completely and just move on. I certainly had thoughts about trying to fight back mentally and attack her (even though I have no psychic abilities whatsoever), but I also decided against it. I want to escape from this conflict, to end it, not to participate in it. But I don’t know how to stop myself from reacting emotionally the way I do.

I have been watching this post with excitement, as I am dealing with a far milder case of this very thing.

Either my current brother is the same one who had me killed in a past life, or my subconscious equates the two. We went through a similar pattern of initial adoration turned mutual resentment. Any time he would get angry about something, he would project his frustration onto me, and when there was no problem between us for some time, I would purposefully do something to hurt him, according to some subconscious need to strike first to save myself. Things have gotten much better between us, as we are now much older. Usually, we can manage to be civil for an afternoon whenever we see each other, but there is still the occasional ruined holiday.

"If only she didn’t want to harm me now, in the present, I would have been able to let go of the past completely and just move on."

Unfortunately, the solution is not always so easy. My brother and I are currently at a point where we are both actively trying to bury the hatchet and become friends. We have gone quite some time without incident, and I now even react positively to the idea of being around him. I even thought that we were done with this. But the past life material still bleeds through. On a recent trip, we spent several days together having nothing but positive interactions. At night, the two of us shared a room. My psyche did not agree with this arrangement, and I did not get much sleep due to all of the heart palpitations, adrenaline rushes, and thoughts of "He is going to kill you!" He had done nothing to deserve this assessment, this had never happened before, and I truly did believe we were past this. It turns out that I still have not let go yet.

 

[soulmemory]

AlexD, it’s so good to have someone who understands these feelings and has experienced the same things. I completely agree with you that I should try to avoid contact with this woman at all cost, and I will keep thinking of ways to minimize our meetings. I live in an eastern country where family traditions are very important, but I never felt like I belonged in my family, I am definitely “the black sheep”, because I don’t think that biological family is of much importance, and the really important connection is to the spiritual soul-family (sadly, I haven’t found my own spiritual family yet).

In your case to move away was the only right thing to do, of course, and it’s great that you also took your aunt with you, since both of you suffered from your mother’s attacks. I’m amazed at how you were able to find the strength and wisdom within yourself to change your attitude towards the whole situation.

I agree that everyone should trust their feelings and intuition. And yes, I should learn not to blame anyone else for harming me, but rather to take responsibility for my own life. This is the most valuable advice!

Thank you so much for wishing me luck, and I wish you all the best, too!

Unfortunately, the solution is not always so easy. My brother and I are currently at a point where we are both actively trying to bury the hatchet and become friends. We have gone quite some time without incident, and I now even react positively to the idea of being around him. I even thought that we were done with this. But the past life material still bleeds through. On a recent trip, we spent several days together having nothing but positive interactions. At night, the two of us shared a room. My psyche did not agree with this arrangement, and I did not get much sleep due to all of the heart palpitations, adrenaline rushes, and thoughts of "He is going to kill you!" He had done nothing to deserve this assessment, this had never happened before, and I truly did believe we were past this. It turns out that I still have not let go yet.

Spirit Sword, thank you for sharing your experience! Your relationship with your brother definitely looks like a karmic one. I think, based on your reaction to him especially when you had to share a room at night, that he might indeed be the same soul, and not just similar to your past-life killer. This sense of danger and the instinct to strike first to save yourself, this is also what I feel in my situation.

I guess it’s really difficult to let go of all the subconscious reactions that are connected with the past, as they are buried too deeply, and sometimes are triggered by the simplest things. Even when everything seems well on the surface, there is always a risk that those feelings will arise again in a current life situation that in some way resembles the past one.

I wonder what your brother’s opinion on reincarnation is, and if you ever mentioned to him that you have known each other before (not necessarily going into details about what he had done to you). In any case, it’s good to know that your interaction now is more or less calm, and at least you are not enemies.

 

[Spirit Sword]

I wonder what your brother’s opinion on reincarnation is, and if you ever mentioned to him that you have known each other before (not necessarily going into details about what he had done to you). In any case, it’s good to know that your interaction now is more or less calm, and at least you are not enemies.

Let us say that the chances of his believing in reincarnation are slim and the chances of him admitting it are around none and leave it there. I have tried to poke at the idea of having shared that lifetime before though. That was the time I was a samurai. My current brother also enjoys Japanese history and culture, but when I mentioned an interest in the specific period he seemed unenthused. I have also gotten to watch him play strategy games, and his method of using allies until strategically destroying them is relatively similar (down to accusing me of such tactics). So I truly do not know where this leaves us.

Honestly, I do not think I want to know. It will be easier and healthier for our relationship if I ignore that line of thinking and try to live in the present.



I wish you luck in dealing with your past life connection and hope that you find the "soul family" you seek.

 

[soulmemory]

Let us say that the chances of his believing in reincarnation are slim and the chances of him admitting it are around none and leave it there. I have tried to poke at the idea of having shared that lifetime before though. That was the time I was a samurai. My current brother also enjoys Japanese history and culture, but when I mentioned an interest in the specific period he seemed unenthused. I have also gotten to watch him play strategy games, and his method of using allies until strategically destroying them is relatively similar (down to accusing me of such tactics). So I truly do not know where this leaves us.

Honestly, I do not think I want to know. It will be easier and healthier for our relationship if I ignore that line of thinking and try to live in the present.



I wish you luck in dealing with your past life connection and hope that you find the "soul family" you seek.

Oh, I see. Too bad your brother doesn’t remember (or doesn’t want to remember) his past lives consciously; it could help you to speak openly about the reasons for your strained relationship. Even so, the fact that he is also interested in the Japanese culture, and his war strategies are the same, is another strong indicator of your shared past life. But yes, considering it’s impossible to bring him to talk about it, it’s probably best to keep this “truce” between the two of you for the current life.

Thanks for the wishes of luck! I also hope I will find my soul family one day (even if not in this life).