A Japanese Samurai

[Mere Dreamer]

Since this life keeps showing up, I guess it's about time to make a thread to track it.... As usual, when I meditate I keep my fingers on my laptop keyboard and type whatever comes along. Often it's nothing at all or some insight about present-day troubles. Yesterday I had a detailed glimpse into my samurai avatar's childhood.

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I am playing in a field. My hands are full of roots. and I am waving the stems like a sword. Laughing muddy … dodging each other. My foot slips and I fall in the mud. My friends run off laughing and I realize someone won't be happy at the state I’m in when I get back.

I go back to …It is raised on stilts … a low platform a couple feet off the ground with pillars ... and a grass roof? open sided. Maybe just a large open space with apartments off to the back half. rooms… hmm… mostly it's an open deck of some sort. (I haven’t found an online photo that reminds me of it yet.) There is an impression of other buildings, but not many.

I approach from the side up the less used trail. My hands are dripping muddy water because I tried to wash myself n a ditch.

I feel afraid. There is a dark shadow … Someone snatches at me and I duck a sword coming down toward my face. Someone catches me and rolls with me … (or knocks me rolling I can’t tell.) The wind is knocked out of me. I can’t breathe as the men fight silhouetted against the sky. (I have a really clear look up their bodies … the very wide hat brims, the armor silhouetted and then close up.)

One stumbles back. His armor has knobs all over it ridges …. a wide brim on the helmet …. (The wider hat in this photo is closer to the silhouette from the back. I didn’t see the ornaments. But the full black armor has bumps like the ones I saw. )

I edge back under the house. There is heat. It is on fire. I make it across and run into the brush on the other side, away from the fighting.

My back hurts and it is hard to breathe. I’m wearing some sort of loose tunic It’s tied up or short enough so I can run easily. muddy and wet. I don’t go too far. I want to know what happened. I circle around and look for something to climb. Black smoke against the sky. The sounds of battle … now fading. I end up crawling through the tall grass, carefully. It is like a game we play where we move without being seen, and I’m good at it, so I’m confident I won't be noticed by the fighters.

A samurai is sitting binding up his arm. He looks tired. dark feet … some white spattered with mud and blood, lots of red and black and metal parts. He looks up toward me and I look away quickly so he won’t feel my gaze.
………………..

I am in a cart, jostling. My side hurts and it’s hard to move. I was caught by someone. I don’t even know if they were the ones who attacked us or if they tried to protect us Nobody else survived? My whole world has ended. I want to protect myself from now on … I want to be strong.

(edit: updated missing image links from pinterest)

 

[Mere Dreamer]

……… coffee ……….


forward a few years.


I’m filling out … a teen, now become a man. I’ve been training to fight. They taught me … the ones who picked me up on that day. I don’t care who they are so long as they teach me to fight. I use a bow, also. Better than with a sword. Archery takes stillness. I like the deep concentration it takes. I can fall into a trance with the sword also, moving freely through the … Kenton?…


The men are rowdy and wild. They treat me like a child. Some are cruel, but others are kind. I know who to avoid.


I sleep on a mat in a large room with many others. I am lonely in the dark and often go out, careful not to wake anyone, and stare at the moon.


A hand on my shoulder. It is my mentor. He stands behind me saying nothing and then eventually leaves, nudging me to return to my bed. His hair is white in the moonlight. I’m worried because his hand felt frail.


I have not yet been asked to fight, though the men go out in groups and return from time to time boasting or angry depending on the result. The compound is large, and I’m a very small person among them all.


One day my mentor clutches his chest and falls. I hurry to his side, but he isn’t fully aware. I carry him to the doctor. He shakes his head gravely There is nothing to be done. He was old. He is scarcely breathing and wants to talk to me. I bend low. “Leave this place. Find a master to your liking and serve him well.” … I’m shocked. Why would I leave the only home I know?


I am sent away from my mentor’s side.


Soon I realize he was always protecting me. Things are much more difficult without him around.


I earn my first sword. They party with me, but then while drunk, they begin to come after me.… I run away. I didn’t drink as much as they did and I get to my hideout … up in the top of the roof on a ledge under the peak. They can’t find me there. I realize that I’m going to have to find my own way, but it is against the rules to leave.


I volunteer to help with a supply run. Maybe I can learn something at the market city. I see a shogun (edit: more likely a daimyo) there. He is graceful and polite, not arrogant like most of them. He doesn’t just run people over. He reminds me of my mentor.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

In the Kabuki glimpse I'm pretty clearly a man. From the collected glimpses so far, I seem to have served in some mountainous area ... possibly a large island, from what I saw today.
It isn't the first I encountered, but in the earliest memory of that particular life I'm about to enter the service of "my master" ... I show up at an exterior gate with my sword in hand, then kneel and lay it on the ground in front of me ... feeling so nervous and at-risk that I can hardly stand it. Someone comes along and leads me inside, but I can hardly look up from their heels, and all I see is the path, bordered by plants. Then I'm looking at this raised floor area with a sliding door.


I have quite a lot of memories on my knees with my hands on the floor in front of me and my face over my hands. Lots of cobblestones. Heh!

• I look up to see a beautiful woman in a kimono and gorgeous hairstyle approaching along the path and feel guilty for looking at her, even though I know she doesn't mind and finds it flattering. She looks down on me with affection, so to speak, like a pet or something. I think I'm in the household gardens.
  
• Another seems to be at a temple, based on red pillars and gilding beneath the uptilted corners on the roofline. In this one I see a geisha I very much admire approaching down the path from the temple platform.

I also remember being with my master in a stone-lined hot spring with a cliff to one side, fire or torches, and a stone floor. He's very affectionate toward me, and I'm feeling privileged. My attitude toward him is that of a servant to his god ... he could do anything or ask anything and I'd go along with it. Very worshipful and dependent.


Another glimpse, practicing with the sword. I can almost follow those motions, now ... I'll have to try it one of these days, because I think my muscles know the pattern.


Then there are several "walking the land" glimpses, where I follow a man with long, flowing black hair (I assume it's my master) who I love and admire deeply. I see him against various scenery and backdrops, like a forest and sunset/sunrise ... as if we travel or journey together as part of our lifestyle. It might be something so simple as checking his various properties/responsibilities?


On one of these out-and-about glimpses, looking out over a field with yellow flowers, I see him in what seems to be kabuki face paint. He's wearing black and his hair is down enough to flow in the wind behind him. This is the one with the phrase I "overheard" ...


I have a relationship with the geisha, too, it seems. I know my master would be angry, but we are a safe place for each other ... equals. (And I was blatantly invited ... heh.) I'd say this relationship was love and admiration rather than blind worship, and much healthier for me, it turns out.


In my final glimpse, I watch my master leap off a cliff beside the ocean to end his life, knowing I'm meant to kill myself immediately after him so he doesn't have to die alone ... and I do it!!! ... even though my beloved geisha is waiting for me and I have everything I need to make a successful life for myself if I live. I decide to take my sword and ... die the traditional way.


Yay for sharp blades? No wonder I hate using knives!


I'm noticing how in all my lives I'm desperately trying to keep or gain something ... love, stability ...

 

[Mere Dreamer]

Ah! My friend (who deeply researches Japanese history) has given me feedback on the whole "offering of the sword" element. She mentioned that the precise position of the sword would mean something, but wouldn't say more about it for fear of changing what I'd see ... so I went in to meditate on that moment later and paid attention to the sword as I envisioned the moment.
My glimpse


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I am walking up to a building. impressive entrance. there is an extending roof out over the entry with a peak. tile … I stop just outside the covering. I am nervous. I kneel. My sword is … in my hand, laid flat along the ground across in front of me with the point toward my left hand and the hilt to my right. the sharp blade is curved away from me …


I am thinking of letting go and leaving it there … I’m not sure if it’s in its scabbard? Maybe it’s just the blade, but it feels very bound up and limited.


feet approach … white … I am being judged. the day is dreary and dim, clouded. I feel … risking humiliation.


A hand on my … shoulder or head … I feel relief


my hands are empty as I follow … I still have not looked at this person … only at the ground.


black doors. opening heavy a cobbled path … I am following the feet in front of me. plants to either side


I am told to wait, I think… a sliding door and a raised floor I kneel again.


---------------------


our conversation about the scene this evening


-----------------------


Me - I get the impression that it was tied somehow, and I was offering it without knowing if my offer would be accepted.


It was the symbol of my ... surrender/intent to serve ... and I'm not sure which. I clearly went on to serve him in a trusted role.


Mica - Ok, it should be like this: covered or bound sword is somehow dishonored sword. Offering it to someone with blade out toward that person should meant: I'm putting myself fully at your mercy in my dishonor, you chose what to do with me, whether I live or die or serve... Something like that.


And if master would pull the blade out of its handle, it meant the complete dishonor that should be followed with the ritual of suicide. If master would take it to his knees it would mean: I'm taking you into service. And if he would return the sword to sheathe and to its owner, it would mean: I forgive you your crimes, but you are not fit to be my servant, etc.


I think I love the way your master used to think, as he clearly accepted


Me - Seriously? that fits right in with my emotional state at the time, that's for sure. I wondered where the sword had gotten to as I followed my avatar through the gate. LOL it's hard to talk about myself and myself ... because I'm both feeling what he felt ... and thinking to myself "what is going on?"


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Also, it was traditional for samurai and especially shogun's to wear their hair long (only samurai had to sort of pack it for battle) and usually loose when at home, between late 16th and early 18th century. :cool

 

[Mere Dreamer]

Pulling everything from random threads, so some of it is out of order ... oops?

It's hard to tell what I was wearing I just noticed it was pulling against my body in a strong breeze, since I was focused on looking out on the valley and noticing some yellow flowers in the grass. (I meditate with my fingers on a keyboard so I can type anything as it comes to mind.)
It did show up just after a snippet that had some clearly defined Asian elements ... I'm thinking Japan ... but maybe those roofs that turn up in the corners are found elsewhere also? I ran a quick search and it looked a LOT like this, even to the colors, though there was more red and some gilding. Not sure if the two were related, though.

Edit ... also found this: I figured discussion of the PL should go over on the thread linked below, since I really do want to find out more about other's language experiences here, if possible.


This does make me think it might be Japanese??? Some of the sections do come up as Japanese words individually, but I simply can't figure out the breaks or if I've mis-typed some of the sounds ...

I was thinking about the snip I had earlier with the odd words. One part that was interesting to me is that the man had loose, flowing black hair. I was watching it fly in the wind as he turned to face me. I was expecting a ... face. Instead, there was this red and white thing which startled the me, now. (The me back then seemed to know what was going on.) I typed something about Japan, men, and facepaint into google and was really surprised to get this:

I have no idea if it looked exactly like this. It's close enough that I felt stunned. Why on earth a kabuki performer would be meeting with my PL avatar out on a hillside is beyond me, but at least I haven't lost my mind in seeing a red and white "thing" instead of a face. And this means the phrase might actually be in Japanese? Hmm...


(and now to paste this in an edit on the other thread) I thought it would be better to discuss here, though.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

An element of xenoglossy. I keep getting these snips. It's really frustrating not to know the language enough to even begin to figure out if they make any sense or are just nonsense.


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Spent an hour running everything and it's similar sounds through a Japanese-English dictionary. I'm not confident it would make sense if you spoke this to someone, but it's all words?

onna / woman
eidoo / migration or movement?


tarasu / cajole, deceive, seduce (transitive verb)


kede(n) / turning evil into good through indoctrination


Rumie / a female given name?


de / at, in


sango / after childbirth


gemi(n) / lower classes {or kemi(su) / to inspect, examine, pass time}


doa(i) / degree; extent


dara(ku) / depravity; corruption; degradation


gami / high class; graceful {or Kami / god, diety, honorific for high rank or mistress/wife}


Setoo / surname or family name


onra ... eldu tarasu kede rumie l de sango remie l doa dara gamiseto

My inner nudge has been saying "Japan" since the beginning, which is why I'm so persistent about researching from that angle.


I'm sitting here laughing at my inept "translation" ...


woman ... a seductive move to indoctrinate ... Rumi as a pass-time after childbirth ... the extent of the corruption ... Sir Seto.


Hah! It's all wrong, of course, but I feel like I've done all I can so I'm going to think about other things.

 

[tanguerra]

Great work MD. You have a lot of information!


I'm intrigued by your master wearing Kabuki make up. At first it would certainly seem bizarre, but Kabuki was certainly 'all the rage' at this time and they would put on plays about current issues, including the doings of the Samurai class.


http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/309298/Kabuki

..Eventually, by the early 18th century, Kabuki had become an established art form that was capable of the serious, dramatic presentation of genuinely moving situations. As merchants and other commoners in Japan began to rise on the social and economic scale, Kabuki, as the people’s theatre, provided a vivid commentary on contemporary society. Actual historical events were transferred to the stage; Ch?shingura (1748), for example, was an essentially faithful dramatization of the famous incident of 1701–03 in which a band of 47 r?nin (masterless samurai), after having waited patiently for almost two years, wreaked their revenge upon the man who had forced the suicide of their lord...

Is it possible that your master had been training the Kabuki performers in martial arts (to make their performance more realistic) and just for fun, they'd painted his face? Or, perhaps in some other way he was patronising a Kabuki troupe? You said above that you knew what was 'going on' at the time. Perhaps more will come to light in time.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

Great work MD. You have a lot of information!
I'm intrigued by your master wearing Kabuki make up. At first it would certainly seem bizarre, but Kabuki was certainly 'all the rage' at this time and they would put on plays about current issues, including the doings of the Samurai class.


http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/309298/Kabuki


Is it possible that your master had been training the Kabuki performers in martial arts (to make their performance more realistic) and just for fun, they'd painted his face? Or, perhaps in some other way he was patronising a Kabuki troupe? You said above that you knew what was 'going on' at the time. Perhaps more will come to light in time.

I based my assumption about the man in that particular glimpse being my master based on the emotional reaction to his presence. I've realized that there was a male geisha who also provoked a similar reaction ... and it seems they were the ones who were the artists and dramatists of the time. It wasn't a detailed enough glimpse to be certain, but it would clarify the situation a little if that particular glimpse was associated with the geisha.


Although ... wealthy and powerful men have always done whatever they want. If he was into kabuki ... who knows?

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I think I might have finally resolved the confusion over the "male geisha" and it fits with the kabuki face paint element in these memories, also.

Kabuki actors do not wear masks, but rather, most of them paint their faces in a style called "kesho." First, a performer applies a thick layer of white makeup made of rice powder over his entire face, using different shades depending on the age, social status and gender of his character. He then outlines his eyes and mouth in black or red, using different shapes and styles to represent a male or female character.
Read more : http://www.ehow.com/info_8302314_meaning-kabuki-mask-features.html

Actors who are playing spirits, demons or other supernatural characters use a different style of face painting, called kumadori. Kumadori begins with the same layer of white, but the facial features drawn over it are much more complex and colorful. In addition to the eyes and mouth, the actor also outlines his cheekbones and jaw, using styles that represent the character's predominant emotions. Each character has a particular pattern that represents him, totaling over 100 distinct kumadori designs in use.
Read more : http://www.ehow.com/info_8302314_meaning-kabuki-mask-features.html

Kabuki switched to adult male actors, called yaro-kabuki, in the mid-1600s.[6] Male actors played both female and male characters. The theatre remained popular, and remained a focus of urban lifestyle until modern times. Although kabuki was performed all over ukiyo and other portions for the country, the Nakamura-za, Ichimura-za and Kawarazaki-za theatres became the top theatres in ukiyo, where some of the most successful kabuki performances were and still are held.[3]
1629–1673: Transition to yar?-kabuki[edit]


The modern all-male kabuki, known as yar?-kabuki (young man kabuki), was established during these decades. After women were banned from performing, cross-dressed male actors, known as onnagata ("female-role") or oyama, took over. Young (adolescent) men were preferred for women's roles due to their less masculine appearance and the higher pitch of their voices compared to adult men. In addition, wakash? (adolescent male) roles, played by young men often selected for attractiveness, became common, and were often presented in an erotic context.[7] Along with the change in the performer's gender came a change in the emphasis of the performance: increased stress was placed on drama rather than dance. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabuki

 

[Mere Dreamer]

The above images remind me a lot of the location of my childhood memory, with the building I crawled under to escape the battle.


The sword was quite curved, like the Kamakura and Muromachi styles in this overview of Japanese blade history, and was about the length of my arm or a little shorter.

Original Site


This is similar to the building in which the young teen slept in rows among the military types, especially the narrow, raised walkway along the front where he sat when he couldn't sleep.

After a ton of research, I still can't find the style of overhang on the entry where I requested a new master. This is a shrine, but it has some similarities, specifically the peak pointing toward the path coming up to the gate, with a wall on either side. It threw a strong shadow over the entrance.

This is another possibility, though I remember the gate as being more pointed, instead of curved.

Also, the relationship with the master seems to have cultural precedent. Wikipedia link

From religious circles, same-sex love spread to the warrior (samurai) class, where it was customary for a boy in the wakash? age category to undergo training in the martial arts by apprenticing to a more experienced adult man. The man was permitted, if the boy agreed, to take the boy as his lover until he came of age; this relationship, often formalized in a "brotherhood contract",[11] was expected to be exclusive, with both partners swearing to take no other (male) lovers. This practice, along with clerical pederasty, developed into the codified system of age-structured homosexuality known as shud?, abbreviated from wakash?do, the "way (do) of wakash?".[12]
The older partner, in the role of nenja, would teach the wakash? martial skills, warrior etiquette, and the samurai code of honor, while his desire to be a good role model for his wakash? would lead him to behave more honorably himself; thus a shud? relationship was considered to have a "mutually ennobling effect".[13] In addition, both parties were expected to be loyal unto death, and to assist the other both in feudal duties and in honor-driven obligations such as duels and vendettas. Although sex between the couple was expected to end when the boy came of age, the relationship would, ideally, develop into a lifelong bond of friendship. At the same time, sexual activity with women was not barred (for either party), and once the boy came of age, both were free to seek other wakash? lovers.

How I reacted and felt during those memories matches this description for the most part. (It seems creepy from a modern perspective, but seemed very desireable from my PL perspective.)

 

[argonne1918]

Congratulations. I think this validates your memories.

 

[Ehrenbreitstein]

You really have a lot of detail, I'm impressed! I'm glad you compiled it all into one thread for easier reading. It was fascinating for me to read through all of this as I also feel very drawn to Japan and the Tokugawa period. Please share more when you can.

 

[argonne1918]

Also, the relationship with the master seems to have cultural precedent. Wikipedia link


How I reacted and felt during those memories matches this description for the most part. (It seems creepy from a modern perspective, but seemed very desireable from my PL perspective.)

It seems creepy to us because of Christianity and their homophobic and puritanical attitudes. It was not always this way. The rest of the world is not like us.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

Holy smoke ... I just found this entry on Taikomochi ... I've been confused all along because early on in the memory sequence I encountered someone who I knew was a geisha, only later to realize that he was a man. It threw me off balance and I've been questioning my memory all this time.

Wiki - The Japanese version of the jester, these men were once attendants to daimyo (feudal lords) from the 13th century, originating from the 'Ji Sect of Pure Land Buddhism', which focused on dancing. These men both advised and entertained their lord and came to be known as doboshu ('comrades'), who were also tea ceremony connoisseurs and artists. By the 16th century, they became known as otogishu or hanashishu (story tellers), where they focused on story telling, humour,conversation. They were sounding boards for military strategies and they battled at the side of their lord.​

Memory/timeline notes:
(The later memories all feel similar, so I'm not sure what order they are in aside from the obvious.)

• Playing with friends among reeds and grass, getting home to find it under attack.
• Watching men fight from under the raised floor of a house with open walls.
• Crawling into a field after the building catches fire and the men fight too close.
• My (not yet) mentor injured and falling from his horse near me.
• I went to help him in the midst of the battle, pulled off his helmet to check his wounds.
• Stolen/rescued by my first mentor from the battlefield as a child after watching my home burn. Waking in the cart.
• Sitting in the moonlight on a narrow wooden porch after crawling out of a room full of sleeping men. My white-haired mentor fondly sends me back to bed.
• Being protected by my mentor among the soldiers until he collapsed in the street and later died.
• Endangered/attacked by the other men, and hiding up in the roof where they can't find me.
• Fleeing "dishonorably" with my sword and searching for a new master I could respect.
• Seeing my (future) master on the street, finding him admirable/recognizing him? and following him home to offer my services.
• Waiting outside a huge gate with a peak.
• Kneeling and offering my bound sword.
• Being taken in by my master and given a position of personal service to him.
• Seeing a geisha on a pathway inside the enclosed garden (who turns out to be male) and being attracted but afraid to look.
• Going to a building with red pillars and peaked corners and waiting for the geisha to walk by ... also my master.
• Kneeling/bowing with my hands on the floor ... a lot. Feeling like this is normal.
• A sexual encounter with the master in a hot spring. Practically worshipping him.
• Following my master on foot across fields and hills, helping him check on his lands.
• Carrying a sword and training with it inside an enclosed room, but no memory of fighting in battle (yet).
• My master? (or someone I deeply love, trust, and admire) wearing kabuki makeup in a field.
• My second love is the master's geisha. Our relationship is a secret.
• Drums, especially the deeper sort, "resonate" with me... pun or not.
• Memory of a miko dancing on a stage wearing white with red.
• Meeting an herbalist after the ceremonial dance (also a dear friend).
• The herbalist prepared a dangerous concoction for my master and warned me to be careful with it.
• Resting, ill, on a bedroll on a wooden floor, looking out through a sliding door across a narrow porch and into a garden.
• At some point following my master off a cliff into the ocean, literally.
• Our deaths had something to do with a white mask and blades.
• I immediately regret (after death) leaving the possible future with my geisha behind when I followed my master as honor demanded.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

An interesting point came up during my meditation this evening on how past lives can reflect each other in unique ways.

As an Inca chaski (message runner) I witnessed the sacrifice of a young woman I truly cared about. She was pushed off a cliff into a chasm to appease the gods. It apparently disillusioned me completely and I spent the rest of that lifetime resenting religion. I also chose not to return among the Inca because of it as well.

Soon after (or possibly the next life, however that is calculated) I chose to serve in Japan in part because I wanted to experiment with mirroring the experience of my friend in the previous life. It wasn't the same scenario, but part of the reason I ended my life the way I did seppuku + cliff into the ocean as an act of service and a religious ritual was a direct result of reflecting on the sacrifice I'd witnessed and creating a similar experience for myself.

Basically, I wanted to explore the experience of a cultural sacrifice-to-the-death pattern even though I disagreed with that belief system. It wasn't enough to witness my friend accepting that path, I needed to experience it for myself.

*shakes head* Given this internal programming it's probably a good thing I'm not a scientist. I'd probably mix chemicals that have already proven to be explosive just to see it happen myself. At least with philosophy it's more internal and less likely to destroy the ceiling.

Sidenote: I was discussing how we gather information and what it means to have an internal library of personally gathered wisdom (based on experience, not second-hand). They were explaining how I take in information as it is presented by others, then basically hold it in the center of my "library" and look to see if any of the information I've gather among all my lives resonates with it.

If nothing resonates, I tend to discard it right off or set it aside to experiment with later. If it does resonate even slightly, then I (subconsciously, until now) compare lifetimes of experience with the idea and gradually filter out what is useful and what isn't worth keeping.

This is how we reached the topic of the Japanese life, since I pointed out that it didn't make sense that I'd kill myself for no reason that time if that was the case, because they were saying that the process of filtering against previous experience is why I'm alive now (in this life). Dying then didn't resonate with the deeper wisdom I had accumulated, either.

They also mentioned that I make a practice of cutting each life's avatar off from that resource (my own library of experience) early on in life, then jump in and live that way to see if I find my way back to it. It seems I usually manage to reconnect to some extent.

We also had a long debate over whether it's better to push the world forward toward spiritual growth or wait for people to ask for help. Apparently one of my guides is of the "push them forward" mindset, while I tend to be more of the "you have to wait till they're already trying or it won't help" mindset ... which actually fits with my conclusions on an individual level, too. He told me he wishes I wouldn't just keep letting the world go on as it does naturally, instead of making waves and trying to fix things. He pointed out my disillusionment in ritual in my "goddess" life, but I just did the rituals anyway instead of trying to convince people it was their faith, not the ritual that helped them. He thought I should have spoken up.

That being said, it seems we have a bet of some kind, and that I agreed to help out with some complicated plan we developed together as a life option to help move the world toward a healthier spiritual state if he could convince me that the world is actually ready for that kind of assistance. Heh. I told him random people would listen more eagerly to what I already share if they felt the need for it, but since I don't have people begging me to advise them he's probably not getting what he wants this time. He's still convinced he can prove it to me in time for the plan to work.

It's interesting if it's true, though, because it would mean I have multiple life trajectories available to choose from and that I don't tend to rigidly plan events like some people seem to do. Also, that I experiment on myself in each life, testing various aspects of how I reconnect to my spiritual side in a single lifetime and what effect it has on each life.

 

[fireflydancing]

WoW! I love this post. It resonates with a lot inside me. I’ll reread it more times, because There are so many bells ringing in my ears...

Edit: you were talking with your guides during your meditation?

 

[Mere Dreamer]

you were talking with your guides during your meditation?

I have casual conversations with them all the time. At some point I figured out how to slip into a kind of half-meditative state where I can sense their gestures and anything else they want to send without completely losing track of where I am. I do it pretty routinely these days.

 

[fireflydancing]

I recognise the kind of discussions. I am also the ‘passive’ one. Untill now I’ve never been willing to step forward. Several years ago I had a new female guide and she tried to speed me up. Untill she gave up.

That’s one of the many bells that rang Reading your post.

 

[Spirit Sword]

Have you narrowed down a specific time period yet? You originally seemed to be leaning towards the Muromachi period, but then swerved into the Tokugawa period with the kabuki. Have you considered looking at descriptions of historical events and seeing if anything resonates with you?

I was a late Heian samurai myself, so I cannot help too much as you seem to have lived after my time. However, certain cultural elements remained the same.

The kind of architecture you seem to be stuck on is called Shinden-Zukuri. This was the dominant style in my time and many important buildings remained in this style for centuries (I believe it was revived once or twice as well). Residential buildings tended to be in more muted colors while temples were often bright reds and greens with gilding.

You mentioned serving the shogun in your time. Depending on which shogunate you served under, you may want to look into historical locations in either Kyoto or Kamakura. The two that I know are Tsurugaoka Hachimangū in Kamakura and Byōdō-in in Kyoto.

Do you know how you were wearing your sword? Apparently, in different periods there were different ways. Was it tucked into a sash, or hanging loose at your side? Was the curve up or down?

Beyond that, I do not think I can do anything else aside from basking in the similarities of our lifetimes. Many of the events and elements in your posts are similar to those I have found in my own past life, down to the connection to performers (a Shirabyoshi dancer in my case) and the...er...traditional ending.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

Have you narrowed down a specific time period yet?

I'm holding the memories lightly and trying not to force everything to fit. Every once in a while something new will show up, and I don't want to "call it" without more offline research. There's a chance I'm dealing with more than one lifetime as well, though I think most of what I shared links together as a single lifetime it's hard to say for sure. The one element of which I'm very confident (as far as historical research on who I served) is the way my master died. So far I haven't found anyone who fits that particular profile.

Some of the terms I use like "shogun" may be my modern-foreigner impressions of a possible title. My master definitely held some kind of powerful position that included a large area of land and power over the people on it, but I'm still questioning whether the actual term that came to mind was random association or an actual memory/word. My impressions of him are definitely rooted in the perspective of who I was back then, so for all I know I idealized some local lord as if he was king of the universe. At least locally and in the areas where he traveled he was respected and had acknowledged authority.

I'm not even certain whether I qualified as "samurai" or if I just had enough sword training to carry a blade in an army of some kind. It doesn't feel like I did much actual fighting, aside from routine training and possibly friendly challenges to build skill. I haven't ever remembered actually wearing full armor, though as a child the warriors who fought and destroyed my home were definitely wearing such items.

My primary role had more to do with acting as a body servant, errand runner, representative, companion, etc. I wasn't important "as myself" even if I remember being with my master most of the time. In all my memories of interacting with others, my social "power" was solely based on that of my master.

As far as how I wore a sword, I never really thought about it, but I'm pretty certain a sheath was wrapped into/bound against the waist between my torso and hip on the right side of my body with the hilt toward my stomach and the blade down. It definitely wasn't suspended. Interesting. All I had to do was close my eyes and I could feel it right there, almost tangible enough to grip. There's also a lighter feeling of a blade on the left side as well, as if it wasn't habitually part of my life to wear it there. (Or maybe another lifetime altogether.) Based on my research that particular position seems improbable, but *shrug* ... I really don't know much about the nuances of blades.

 

[Spirit Sword]

It is very good that you are not jumping to conclusions too quickly. That is where mistakes are most often made.

From what I know of sword etiquette, that seems compatible with the time frames suggested by your other information. I do not quite know what to make of the second blade on the other hip, but you are not alone in the phantom sword feeling.

I was wondering if shogun was the term you were looking for. Based on your descriptions, you were probably looking more at a daimyo, the local clan lord.

Your role could suggest several things. It is possible that you were a minor vassal or man at arms that did not have the title of samurai. It is also possible that you were a samurai who lived in a time or region enjoying relative peace. The word "samurai" means "to serve". This means that you do whatever is needed of you.

If you were a sort of close servant, then your status would likely depend on that of your master's. If he were a shogun or a daimyo, an armed servant that close would often be a samurai. If he were a minor lord or samurai himself, then there seems to be a larger range of possibility. My inner circle was full of "riffraff", but I never cared to refine my group to men of "elite bloodlines" because the vassals I had were loyal, good people (and excellent fighters). I think this might have been frowned upon in my time, but I sort of did whatever I pleased.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I do not quite know what to make of the second blade on the other hip,

There are reasons to believe that I spent several lifetimes in Japan, so it wouldn't surprise me if I had two ways of wearing a sword, one for each of two lifetimes. I haven't posted everything here, yet, because the memories of potential "other lives" are vague and mostly clarified by my best friend's memories/dreams and not something I clearly remember for myself.

For example, I'm pretty certain we spent a life together as (male) Japanese priests/shamans in some small, backwoods shrine or sacred location. That lifetime was very calm and we were on our own a lot, available to the local communities for a variety of spiritual activities but otherwise almost like a couple of hermits. Though she remembers possibly adopting an orphan we found at some point. (I say "remember" because they resonate with me as memories, when she tells them and I remember being with her as well when I focus in. She's fine with me believing in past lives, and is happy to test the theory and do research on what I remember or compare to dreams she's had when it becomes clear we shared a lifetime. She's even convinced that they really are past lives. But for herself she's hoping she won't "have to" return again and is resistant to labeling her experiences as "past life related" as a result.)

At least once she was a miko (shrine maiden/shaman). I personally think that's the lifetime I remember in this thread, when I respected her as an older wise woman and went to her for herbal remedies for my master.

Spoiler: more details

I actually looked into that particular life "for her" by request, because it seems she shared it with others who are in her life again. I'm only certain about the parts I was there for, but it seems that a young man (who she knows very well in this life, too) broke into her home one night and accidentally burned the place down killing a young girl she had taken in off the streets (though she survived the fire, herself). He was very regretful and took it on himself to "take care of her" and now refuses to give up trying to redeem himself even in this life though she asked him to back off because his methods don't suit her.

Aside from the clearly connected memories of serving my master, that I know all join as one lifetime's series of events, it feels very possible that I had another (less memorable) life serving somewhere in a similar fashion later on, and that some of what I remember overlaps both lifetimes because I performed similar services for someone I admired. There is a faint sense of having served at a temple compound, for instance, but not (just) as a priest that time and with some martial arts elements mixed into the whole "serving the gods" thing. Nothing too specific, other than definitely being connected to taiko drumming. And it's possible some of the later memories I attributed to the above lifetime actually belong with the elements I remember so faintly that I'm not even certain it was separate.

Honestly, until now I haven't even tried to discover whether there were two lives because it seemed enough to know that even one existed. Hah!

I'm interested in your Japanese memories as well. It's fun to see the similarities.

 

[pathfinder]

It's quite interesting to see such a detailed story.
Looking at your "resume", however, I doubt that you were samurai for that was a birth status. You may very well have been a mere farm boy in some village where thatched roofes were pretty common. So unless you were adopted into a samurai family and therefore raised to that status, you'd remain a lowly swordsman. And samurai would wear two swords (both on the same side).
I wonder, if the camp of your youth was something like ninja (or maybe just bandits)? They had particular rules about "not leaving" and were pretty versatile. It wouldn't surprise me if they'd tried to hunt you down after you left them.
Was your geisha an actual geisha ar more like an oiran? Btw. geisha was originally a men's job, though not in female attire.

What's been vexing me is your kabuki phrase. I know from experience how hard it is to understand the kabuki chant. Breaks may not be the actual spaces between words and pronunciation gets pretty fuzzy.
Of your transcription "onra ... eldu tarasu kede rumie l de sango remie l doa dara gamiseto", I'm afraid, you won't get much out of it.
Firstly, a single "l" does not exist in the Japanese syllabary.
Secondly, since it's kabuki, the phrase is most likely classical Japanese, which modern Japanese people don't understand anymore. Unless you have some basic understanding of classical Japanese, you'll have a hard time finding the right words in a modern dictionary.

I'd love to read more of your story, and I'm particularly interested in that phrase. I wonder if you could get a better transcription one day.^^

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I wonder if you could get a better transcription one day.

In my (real life) experience (grew up as an expat in South America) part of the problem of listening to foreign speakers rattling off their native language is that the listener tends to capture sound according to what they're used to. This is pretty common in general and is part of the reason foreign pronunciation is so atrocious no matter the language.

So ... the fact that I grew up around Spanish, English, and other languages with a dominant "l" sound means I will naturally and easily interpret as "l" any similar sound when I don't know what I'm hearing. In the case of the memory I was very definitely in my modern mind and "overhearing" from that perspective, since I didn't directly understand the meaning of the phrases as I do when I'm fully into the past perspective. Thus ... the "l" is probably me trying to make sense of the sounds.

I don't know if I'll ever re-hear those phrases again. I wouldn't trust a second time to be any more accurate, though when I look at this I think it might be worth trying to remember again someday. I know I made a lot of assumptions starting with the language being Japanese, never mind which lifetime that moment was connected to. I'm obviously the sort to trust gut feelings in this regard, but not without question. Basically, I'm trying not to hold too tightly to my interpretation of what was going on because of it.

In regards to the clothing/geisha, I know I interpreted a few things through a modern lens there as well. I have no idea whether I could tell the difference between men's and women's fine clothing, for example.

The first time I entered my master's compound I glimpsed very briefly someone who my past self thought of as a fine lady, too elevated even to look at directly (and therefore analysis of their wardrobe can't happen). Was my past self mistaken about the gender due to the brevity of that look, or was it an entirely different individual? *shrug* I can speculate, but I haven't remembered enough to be certain. At one point I assumed it was the same person, but now I'm not so sure.

In other memories (not all of which are on this site) there was an elaborately dressed individual who I knew to be a male companion to my master and with whom I know I fell in love. Of this person I'm certain they played the role of a geisha as I understand it showy clothing, "parading around" companionship, formal social service, advice, listening ear, music, etc.

In regards to using the word "samurai" for my role back then, now that I know more about the history of it I know it's not likely to be the actual word I would have used to describe myself back then. Though, given my lack of knowledge in this lifetime it's not surprising I used what I knew "samurai = swords person?" to label the life. It's a catchy term.

I have a feeling in the specific era in which I was a child there was a lot more fighting, which calmed down around the time I reached adulthood. Either that or the group that took me in after the battle was aggressive and invasive, and when I escaped I ran to someone who tended to be more peace oriented and had enough power to avoid getting caught up in too much military maneuvering. I don't think my avatar back then knew what kind of group I'd gotten involved with, legitimate leadership vs. power hungry invaders. I just followed the person who was kind to me without question ... a personality flaw (in retrospect) that followed me into adulthood.

 

[Spirit Sword]

I just followed the person who was kind to me without question ... a personality flaw (in retrospect) that followed me into adulthood.

I have a long history of that trait, too. Or more, I find one person that I put all of my faith in, blinding me to their faults or true feelings about me, until they inevitably turn on me or leave me behind. I am currently on the hunt for the beginning of that pattern, which was during or before my own lifetime in Japan, oddly enough.

 

[Mere Dreamer]

I find one person that I put all of my faith in, blinding me to their faults or true feelings about me, until they inevitably turn on me or leave me behind.

Oddly, in my case I wasn't usually betrayed by that person n the several lifetimes I remember living this pattern. Yes, used and sometimes not valued as much as I valued them (but I rarely expected to be seen as an equal) yet they didn't betray my trust in that I was always treated well and given what respect was socially acceptable (and more appreciation and trust than I expected to receive) at the time.

 

[Spirit Sword]

Lucky you. Although it is unfortunate the way people have been treated so differently just because of who their parents were. I am glad that you were treated with kindness.

 

[Shiriya]

Do you think you possibly could have lived during the Edo period? Based on the posts I've read of yours, I feel it may be possible but of course we don't know for sure--atleast for now.

 

[Ritter]

This feels like Edo (post-Sengoku), but could be Sengoku Era as well. What do you remember of the battle you mentioned?

I am currently digging in the possibility of a Sengoku Jidai life or possibly a couple of lives. I have strong feelings towards Iga Province, Iga Ryu Ninjutsu, Yari and Naginata as weapons, Yumi bows, people like Tokugawa Ieyasu, Takeda Shingen, Uesugi Kenshin, Date Masamune, Oda Nobunaga and Hattori Hanzo. All legendary warriors. If I lived then, I would have known about them well enough. But I think I might have known them. Judging by my other lives, it would be most likely that I either had something to do with the Takeda or the Iga Ryu ninja, as either irregular warfare and/or commanding cavalry has always been my thing. But I am also very drawn towards Shinobi training and japanese martial arts. Spent many years practicing it in this life. Read an extreme amount about it. Just recently I read a translated genuine Ninjutsu training manual (The Shoninki), and it did trigger a bunch of images and scenes in my mind's eye. Like I knew what I was about to read already. It is possible that if it is one life, I was a Samurai with Shinobi training. Which was by no means uncommon. As a small sidenote, I have tried to do ninja-like feats in this life. I have snuck into a couple of military bases, amongst other things. When I was younger. Never been caught, thankfully, because that was utterly stupid.

It could of course be that I simply have a long-standing interest in the subject and that I have played lots of games and watched lots of movies. Anything with ninjas in it, you name it and I have seen/read/played it. I have had an on-and-off obsession ever since the early 1990's. I have practiced Ninjutsu (including weapons), Ju-jutsu (a very violent full contact version), Karate (also full contact) and tried a lot of other styles through the years. Missed out on bows, it has not been available. Did a bit of Iaijutsu and Kenjutsu. Most of it has felt natural to me. Although I detest ritualization which modern Japanese Budo is full of. I am more drawn to raw instinctive schools like Niten-Ichi Ryu (Musashi).

I have different feelings towards these people I mentioned. I almost love and look up to Ieyasu Tokugawa, while I almost hate Oda Nobunaga and Toyotomi Hideyoshi. Nobunaga, like a relentless and completely rabid wolf. Ignoble. Hideyoshi, the scheming and traitorous backstabber, selling himself and the country to the christians for the price of power. Power without honor is nothing, and that man had none. That stunt he pulled on holding Ieyasu's family hostage really provokes anger in me. I can almost see their faces for my inner eye, and I still would like to cut their heads off to humiliate them. Kind of violent. I guess the times were that, though. I suspect I have some buried bones to dig up in the future. I must find the peace and right frame of mind to do a proper regression on this.

It is possible that I may have been a European in Japan at the time. However unlikely. I think this is most likely just a fascinating period coupled with a vivid imagination. Possibly viewing the lives of others. Never saw a trace of it in my past (several) regressions. Those were supposedly all my lives.

 

[Spirit Sword]

It is possible that I may have been a European in Japan at the time. However unlikely. I think this is most likely just a fascinating period coupled with a vivid imagination. Possibly viewing the lives of others. Never saw a trace of it in my past (several) regressions. Those were supposedly all my lives.

How do you know that you have seen all of your lives?