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A question of hurt

S

starrynight

Senior Registered
I've read & it makes sense that when you do your life review you only see & regret the hurt you've caused others not the hurt that's been done to you.
What if somebody doesn't realise they've hurt you? Some peoples concept of hurt is different.
For example, I might tell a friend an outfit doesn't suit her because it makes her look fat. She might take that the wrong way thinking I was calling her fat. I might mean no hurt but she could take it that way.
Something going round in my head at the moment & love your views on it. Thanks.:confused:
 
I was wondering everyones concept of being hurtful could be different, some people are much more sensitive than others meaning you can hurt people unintentionally. Would you know this when you do your life review?


A personal side to this my mother in law has done something I find hurtful-not the first time, one of many. The thing is because her mindset is so different to mine she will feel what she's done is perfectly ok. It would be interesting to know if she would view this differently oin the other side.


There is a pl connection here which I think for me is making the hurt stronger.
 
I understand, starry. My opinion is that the person who inflicted the hurt will experience it in the way the victim did, even if the intention wasn't bad, and the hurtful person felt innocent at the time. The life review is a lesson in "sensitivity training". I have thought about the situation you describe a lot, probably because my in-laws are like yours! I am very sure that you feel every hurt that you did to others, intentional or not. I really don't know why I'm so sure, but I have a feeling I "remember" the review.
 
Both interesting answers. Thanks.


I understand the sensitivity Argonne, I have some friends just like that. My husband does think I have a tendency to be over sensitive but that I think is picking up on other things. I think the empath coming out.


Oh dear Briar! I wonder if our inlaws are related!! It is so hard at the moment also. My mother in law is quite ill. I really need to go and see her but so worried I won't be able to stay quiet. Then if I stay too quiet I'll feel bullied & belittled. Dificult situation. Been talking to my angels & communication & honsety is coming through. Think it's about time I had my say but last time I tried i know I upset her sticking up for myself.


I've actually run the situation past afew independant people who've pretty much said what I felt that it was out of order. Thing is I don't dislike her, I've always liked his family just find them difficult to cope with.


I've been working on this life for the past few weeks, wanting to sort it out while I could & have had quite a bit of clarification today & understand a bit more now.
 
What if the lesson is for the person whose feelings were hurt? Instead of those who hurt it? I must clarify that this also depends on the kind of hurt too. I think it really goes both ways in the end. When it comes to life reviews, I believe this is a way for use to become universalized to life. To see how everything plays together and affects everyone, like a chain reaction. We may also learn that things aren't always as they appear to us, our eyes and our perceptions. Our mental states and the way we think and perceive the world can cloud how we see and sense the world. We can look outside ourselves and our situation and see how everything plays together. Make sense?
 
Starrynight, I understand your question and believe the lessons would work in all directions. The perception of hurt, understood or intended, would be a part and relevant to both of you. You said "What if somebody doesn't realise they've hurt you? Some peoples concept of hurt is different." I have a feeling that in the realm of "review" our eyes will be opened to those times we hurt others... even when our intentions and motives were good. I believe that all things are known at this stage and therefore each will learn.


Widmo... it makes perfect sense and I agree. AND welcome!


These thoughts remind me of a saying from the Buddha: "Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain." Telling someone their clothing makes them look fat may be simple and earnestly intended... but it is a spark. Maybe in life reviews we'll see all of the sparks we unknowingly cast out.


Tman
 
Hello Everyone


Hello, I am Ann Marie. I have just found this forum and have been reading most of the day. I am a bit exhausted, emotionally and mentally. I would like to contribute or at least ask questions, but not today. I just wanted you to know that I am happy to have found you.


Many regards, Ann Marie
 
Welcome, Anne Marie. The archives are eye-opening, aren't they? We look forward to your feedback.


Starry, my mother-in-law is over 80, so I let everything she says pass. She has been as "mean as a snake" for the 25 years that I've known her, and is unlikely to change. I have wondered what would happen if anyone had the courage to speak up to her. I don't, in deference to her age, and my husband's feelings. Rather interestingly, another in-law visited a medium. My father-in-law was almost as bad as his wife is, but has passed. They were terrible to everyone who married into the family. The in-law asked the psychic if the father had changed his opinion of her since his passing. The answer was "I didn't think much of you before I died, why would I feel any different now?" So much for the evolution of the soul after death! :laugh: We were both so disappointed - we were hoping that death had improved him!
 
LOL Briar, oh dear. Can you imagine them both in heaven? they might have to have one all to themselves.


So so true in this family. I may just purchase a zip!


I did actually stand up to my m in law, last time. Was pretty awful though. Not nice for hubby & she was totally lost. I think it must be defence to be that horrible to people. Like getting the first punch in a fight so the opponent gives up.


Really good points also Widmo, I like the universal energy & seeing from every point of view. Makes alot of sense & the Budha saying Tinkerman a good note.


wellllllcomeAnne marie. Yes the posts take quite alot of reading!
 
starrynight said:
Can you imagine them both in heaven? they might have to have one all to themselves.
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:laugh: That's a wonderful image, starry! I will pass it along to my long-suffering sisters-in-law!
 
LOL, We have to hope so!


Just a quick point on this came back to me today. I've only had 3 dreams of my Nan who passed away a number of years ago. In one she came back to say sorry.


We were really close & she never hurt me but what I did do after she died was pack in a really good job, moved house & took time out to just be at home.


She'd always pushed me to do better & constantly told me if she had her time again she wouldn't be in a rush to get married & have children. Obviously what I did because subconsciously I thought this was right. Actually now I love working poart time & being at home. I never blamed her for this or felt any hurt from it but she must have when she came to review. Bless my nan but an interesting point.
 
starrynight said:
I've read & it makes sense that when you do your life review you only see & regret the hurt you've caused others not the hurt that's been done to you.
What if somebody doesn't realise they've hurt you? Some peoples concept of hurt is different.


For example, I might tell a friend an outfit doesn't suit her because it makes her look fat. She might take that the wrong way thinking I was calling her fat. I might mean no hurt but she could take it that way.


Something going round in my head at the moment & love your views on it. Thanks.:confused:
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I think I understand what you're getting at, starrynight.


My opinion- we see everything in our review. We choose to take a good, honest look or not. We can try to deny our responsibility or excuse our behavior, but it won't change the effects. I think intention plays a big role. We all say/do dumb, thoughtless things that hurt others- we're all here to learn and help one another. It's the pleasure some people feel when they ridicule or gossip. It's the negative means people will employ to gain power or extract revenge. That's the big issue!
 
Damian Brinkley discusses the issue of the life review in his book, "Saved By the Light". During his NDE, he had many painful experiences to review, but his intentions were taken into account. There was no punishment, just self-judgement.
 
BriarRose said:
Damian Brinkley discusses the issue of the life review in his book, "Saved By the Light". During his NDE, he had many painful experiences to review, but his intentions were taken into account. There was no punishment, just self-judgement.
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I haven't read that book but would like to check it out. Thanks for mentioning it.


I think I'm past looking at karma as a punishment, but intention keeps coming to mind for me. We may not be held accountable for how much we hurt someone, but we do affect them. I think individual behavior can form a trend that goes on to become a meme in a society. It creates a culture that affects many. I think there was a quote about- "What one generation tolerates- the next will embrace". It can be positive or negative. I think of it as an added incentive. Not sure how far off base I am, but these ideas come with meditation.
 
I don’t have any particular insight but logically I’d think that an intention to be hurtful would outweigh foolishness or thoughtlessness. Although at some point it might be well to give some thought as to why one is always leaving a trail of tears and trembling lips in one’s wake. But, I’ve said my share of completely insensitive and idiotic things, some of them even accidentally, so I can only hope The Powers That Be look on it all with a sense of humor.

For example, I might tell a friend an outfit doesn't suit her because it makes her look fat. She might take that the wrong way thinking I was calling her fat.
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The pitfall I see here is that by implying that she looks ‘fat’ you are in fact using ‘fat’ (equaling ‘bad’) as an insult, and thus insulting everyone who is fat. It’s seemingly socially acceptable to bash anyone who’s fat, but I have to wonder if it’s spiritually acceptable. People also use descriptions like ‘ghetto’, ‘old’, ‘crippled’, ‘poor’, 'butch', etc. as insults. It’s better to just say a garment is unflattering, the wrong fit, colour, or whatever’s wrong with it, and let the problem lie with the garment alone than with a whole subsection of humanity. In any case, I’m now old and cantankerous enough that when anyone tries to imply that something makes me look fat (lost cause there), trashy, stand-offish, or whatever, I’m all that much more likely to buy it. coffee

I think individual behavior can form a trend that goes on to become a meme in a society. It creates a culture that affects many. I think there was a quote about- "What one generation tolerates- the next will embrace". It can be positive or negative.
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I agree very much with this. What we collectively create now we will collectively be living with later, whether we as individuals feel we deserve it or not.
 
At my age, Sister Grey, I would consider it a complement if someone said I looked "trashy"! :laugh: I agree with you, though - the things we say as "insults", often are demeaning to large sub-sets of people. In the U.S., there was a group in the 60's called the "Grey Panthers", supporting rights for those who had "ripened", like fine wine. I think it's time they made a "comeback"!
 
According to my Dad (and most of my research) tells me that when you die you go through a "life review" in which you experience all that you have done in life as the other person. IN other words, if you do good for someone you feel their joy and if you cause them pain you feel their sadness.


Dad was back talking to us 5 1/2 hours after he passed laughing and telling jokes. He always was amazing to people, even to a detriment to himself. I am so glad that he was on the receiving end of all the love, joy and happiness he spread.


RIP Dad <3
 
Well op I don't think you have to worry about unintentionally hurting anyone, if you learned to use more tactfully placed words. Instead of saying "that dress makes you look fat" you could just as easily said "I think I would have chosen something different for this occasion".as for the life review to put it simply if you've lived your life doing the best you could in every scenario, you have nothing to worry bout. I've even told my wife I have lusted for another woman, but I did the right thing and I didn't hold that info from her!!! I also told her she will never have to worry bout me cheating either cause even though I have a look but don't touch policy, 99% of the time I don't even look!! I've opened up to my wife 100% and she knows I don't lie cheat or steal, I actually look forward to my review, I know I'm far from perfect. But I've always gave it my all.
 
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