skyblueandblack
New Member
*I want to preface this post by assuring you all that the suspicions I'm having will never be expressed to our adoptive son. Please know my thoughts about him will not impact how I treat him. He is a new individual in this lifetime- and I 100% embrace that. I am his mother and he is my son. I am parent. He is child.*
My dad died when I was 6. I was an only child. From age 6-9 his soul came to me at night. Not all the time- just every few months. It was easy to talk to him. At age 9 he said he had to leave me. I never felt his presence again. I felt some sadness about it- but mostly peace.
I always assumed I would meet him again as my child. I've had a few mediums tell me this and it just felt like "fact". Imagine my surprise when I kept miscarrying over the last 4 years.
Last August- we were heading into IVF (in vitro fertilization) when I got a letter. My first cousins 8 kids were in foster care- and they wanted to find adoptive kinship families for some of them. We immediately said yes and have been involved in an 8 month homestudy since to become licensed foster to adopt parents.
We finally got to meet the boys a month ago. The second I met the oldest one- age 14- I could tell immediately his soul was my father's soul. He does look like him a lot, definitely, but it was like for the first time I could see with a 6th sense. It was like seeing a soul and not just a face. There was something in the eyes, the gestures, the tone of voice. It was truly a bizarre experience for me. I found it hard to truly look at him for long- because it was extremely emotional.
I of course treated him like a normal 14 year old boy and acted like a normal adoptive mother to him. But silently inside- I felt a lot of emotions that I released hours after meeting him.
I cried for awhile. If this was true- if it was my father's soul- it felt like added pressure to already raising a child with trauma from a rough childhood and 3 years in foster care. I feel like I have to be so perfectly perfect to correct some of his and my karma together. I also felt extremely emotional because it felt like seeing a ghost almost. It wasn't just sadness- but a mix of sadness and elation. A strange feeling I don't know if I've ever felt before.
It was incredibly emotional meeting a soul again. And yet as sure as I am that's him- I sit here questioning myself. Am I looking for closure and have decided to project that onto this boy? Is it because so many mediums have told me they suspected he would return in a son? Am I imaging such vivid assurance? Am I a little bit crazy?
Over the last month after meeting him- I've begun to find a lot of peace with my father's death. He didn't take care of himself during his lifetime as my dad, and died so young, perhaps because he just wasn't ready to be the parent. He needed me to be. (I feel deep in my heart he and I trade off these parent/child roles a lot in many lifetimes). Perhaps he chose my mother- a very functional, wonderful mother- because subconsciously he knew he might not be able to stay long on earth and wanted me to be able to become a functional, strong woman myself for his return as my child.
I suppose I'm just looking for overall feedback. And I guess your personal experiences on if you've ever had such an emotional reaction like this. Or you've ever had such assurance that you've met someone from your past- that it's like seeing for the first time with a whole new 6th sense.
Thank you in advance!!
My dad died when I was 6. I was an only child. From age 6-9 his soul came to me at night. Not all the time- just every few months. It was easy to talk to him. At age 9 he said he had to leave me. I never felt his presence again. I felt some sadness about it- but mostly peace.
I always assumed I would meet him again as my child. I've had a few mediums tell me this and it just felt like "fact". Imagine my surprise when I kept miscarrying over the last 4 years.
Last August- we were heading into IVF (in vitro fertilization) when I got a letter. My first cousins 8 kids were in foster care- and they wanted to find adoptive kinship families for some of them. We immediately said yes and have been involved in an 8 month homestudy since to become licensed foster to adopt parents.
We finally got to meet the boys a month ago. The second I met the oldest one- age 14- I could tell immediately his soul was my father's soul. He does look like him a lot, definitely, but it was like for the first time I could see with a 6th sense. It was like seeing a soul and not just a face. There was something in the eyes, the gestures, the tone of voice. It was truly a bizarre experience for me. I found it hard to truly look at him for long- because it was extremely emotional.
I of course treated him like a normal 14 year old boy and acted like a normal adoptive mother to him. But silently inside- I felt a lot of emotions that I released hours after meeting him.
I cried for awhile. If this was true- if it was my father's soul- it felt like added pressure to already raising a child with trauma from a rough childhood and 3 years in foster care. I feel like I have to be so perfectly perfect to correct some of his and my karma together. I also felt extremely emotional because it felt like seeing a ghost almost. It wasn't just sadness- but a mix of sadness and elation. A strange feeling I don't know if I've ever felt before.
It was incredibly emotional meeting a soul again. And yet as sure as I am that's him- I sit here questioning myself. Am I looking for closure and have decided to project that onto this boy? Is it because so many mediums have told me they suspected he would return in a son? Am I imaging such vivid assurance? Am I a little bit crazy?
Over the last month after meeting him- I've begun to find a lot of peace with my father's death. He didn't take care of himself during his lifetime as my dad, and died so young, perhaps because he just wasn't ready to be the parent. He needed me to be. (I feel deep in my heart he and I trade off these parent/child roles a lot in many lifetimes). Perhaps he chose my mother- a very functional, wonderful mother- because subconsciously he knew he might not be able to stay long on earth and wanted me to be able to become a functional, strong woman myself for his return as my child.
I suppose I'm just looking for overall feedback. And I guess your personal experiences on if you've ever had such an emotional reaction like this. Or you've ever had such assurance that you've met someone from your past- that it's like seeing for the first time with a whole new 6th sense.
Thank you in advance!!
. 
)) I remember the extreme ache i had when dying as a child. How i missed my family so much. I think my mother today was the same mom I had so long ago. We have always been two kindred spirits. I have a love for her that reaches far beyond time and have only felt that type of love for very few.