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Beginning of a journey

MarkDP

MarkDP

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In 1999 a friend took me to a psychic reading for my birthday. It was supposed to be fun. But, the reading was very accurate. It troubled more than it should have. Part of the reading mentioned a previous life. It was a life where I had been happy and then something happened. The happiness ended in tragedy and anger. No other details were given. Unlike my expectations, the reader didnot offer to ease my pain.

I don' t know why it bothered me so much. However, I kept thinking on this previous life.

Then one night shortly after this, I had a dream. In the dream there was a man standing, his back to me. He was dressed in 16th or 17th century seaman's clothes. He was shackled. On either side were guards (big guys) dressed in military uniforms. Before him was a higher table, behind which sat an Asian man in long gowns. To the man's right was a woman, dressed in a colorful, floral garb. Her head was bowed, hair long black covered her face. I could not see her. At her righthand was a young girl (10 or 11 years old) clinging to her mother. To lefthand was a young boy (8 or 9 years old, maybe younger) face buried in his mothers skirt.

The man in shackles kept repeating, "I'm so sorry Min. I'm so sorry Min."

Even though there were no further words. I understood the situation. I won't detail this now.

However, the dream traumatized me. Whenever I tried to convey the dream to anyone, I would break down. I can not relate the sadness and self loathing I felt when I thought of this dream. Lets just say the man did something which hurt many people, especially this woman and her children, he them loved deeply.

This all disturbed me greatly. I prayed to know the meaning of the dream. (At this point I may go beyond the scope of the forum, with apologees.) I had another dream after htese prayers of a woman in a modern Asian country. A voice to me, "When you meet her help her."

I met her. My life has become very complicated.

I have had other dreams and waking imaginations (?) of this previous life.

And then there are the other dreams and imaginations of other people and lives.

I need to know if I am a middle aged man going through some crisis. Or if these things can be what they appear to be. Am I going nuts?

I've been trying to find the two people in the dream. I want hard proof, if that is available. I feel that would be the only thing that could satisfy me.

I'm not sure how to go about this.
 
Hi MarkDP,

Welcome to the forum. :)

It was supposed to be fun. But, the reading was very accurate. It troubled more than it should have. Part of the reading mentioned a previous life. It was a life where I had been happy and then something happened. The happiness ended in tragedy and anger. No other details were given.
Click to expand...

Did you have any inklings of a past life prior to the reading? If you didn't -- how would you know that what she was telling you -- was accurate?

In the case of psychics giving reading -- I think we need to be very cautious in what we accept as personal truth.

Unlike my expectations, the reader didnot offer to ease my pain.
Click to expand...

Imo, anyone that offers "to ease your pain," usually ends up charging more money for that service.

True healing comes from within. It comes with a lot of work, thought, time and understanding. No one -- can do that for you. You have to be the one to take the necessary steps to come to terms with whatever happened -- and let it go. Realize, that whatever happened is over. Takes whatever lessons you can from the knowledge of that life -- and apply them in a positive way to your current life.

You might find this thread to be of interest:

Deep Memory Process


I met her. My life has become very complicated.
Click to expand...

In my experience -- life is only as complicated as we allow it to become. Often emotions get in the way. Past life bonds -- can be difficult things. You may want to look at this thread:

Dissolving a karmic bond

I've been trying to find the two people in the dream. I want hard proof, if that is available. I feel that would be the only thing that could satisfy me.
Click to expand...

The difficult thing is -- these people may not be in your life today. Often, the whole point for having a pl memory, is to accept what happened and to release those emotions. Negative emotions we carry with us from life to life, can cause blockages in the flow of energy to/through the body. That can manifest in a number of ways.

Accepting, realizing and moving through it -- is the way to healing. Doing so better enables us to focus on NOW. This life -- is the most important thing. ;)

Good luck on your journey,

Ailish
 
Welcome to the forum MarkDP. To answer what I felt was your most important question. No, you're not nuts, based on your post. You are confused and worried, mainly because the "psychic" didn't seem to do much beyond planting some disturbing ideas in your mind. Ailish has given you some wonderful advice, and some informative threads that might help you better understand everything.

As you read more of the experiences posted here, I hope you'll realize that past life memories can be difficult to figure out at first, but can lead to both healing and closure. I'd suggest that you keep a journal of any dreams you have, so that you can piece together the fragments. In time, these can help you make sense out of your confusion. Best regards.

John
 
More Journey

I am thankful for the posts in reply to my intial posting.

True! I am confused. This is a natural state for me, I think. :)

All the psychic said was what I mentioned. It was very brief. What was disturbing to me is her reading on my current life. She was good.

Some of this I believe was that she was a very skillful reader of people, not psychic powers. I felt vulnerable that someone could read me so well. She probably would have made a fine counsellor.

I have logical explanations for my two dreams. And I think I could live with those explanations. There are things in the dreams to do with my current life situation. I am a middle aged man, married with no children. The first dream can be explained as reflecting that life. It does express desires and a sense of loss.

I have had previous imaginings (I am being cautious of what I am trying to express as I write.) of a previous existence. In fact several very strong experiences of seeing a time and place outside my normal experience.

However, I am not always logical. These experiences may also have explanations.

In grad school I was given the Myers-Briggs personality test. It was a requirement. I am an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Preceiving). I grade strongly on the NF parts. I make most judgements based on intuition and feeling.

Close friends say there is a lot of drama in my life. I do make things very complicated for myself.

I would like to share more of this journey, no matter how it turns. Maybe some one can suggest as I go along how I might deal with my dreams and imaginings.

I look forward to further comments from you all.
 
MarkDP,

To me, the ability to do psychic makes sense. However, if it does not make sense to you, I hope you can find some way to come to terms with what you heard.

As one of our members has said,

For those who believe, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible.
 
Hi Mark,

The others have already given you some valuable feedback but I would like to add my 'two bobs worth' as we say downunder in case it is useful.

Your dream experience of the memory seems to ring true - in that it has all the hallmarks of a past life memory - strong emotional content, very detailed, you knew what it was all about even though you only have one powerful scene. However, whether it is a past life memory or an allegorical message from your subconscious (or both) makes no difference to its possible healing power or the importance of the message contained - so don't get too caught up with all that logical stuff, particularly if it goes against your own nature! :)

So what to do? Stick with the strongest emotion and see where it takes you. Why were you so sorry to Min? (You don't have to tell us, as long as you are sure of it). If it is regret or remorse that you are feeling - what atonement can you make from now on? What forgiveness do you need from others and from yourself?

Even just 'imagining' performing some act of atonement and/or receiving forgiveness from Min (preferably while in a calm, sober and relaxed state of mind) can be amazingly healing. Never underestimate the power of your mind, particularly in matters of this nature.

If you "just don't know where to start", that's OK, simply meditate upon it for a while, write the whole story down in detail in a journal, watch movies about a similar time period/subject, do whatever you like in regards to devoting some thought and energy to it and an answer will present itself 'like magic', never fear.

Use your powerful intuition and just 'go with' whatever pops up without judgement (without doing anything dangerous or illegal! :laugh:). If you decide you want to make a donation to a charity, do it. If you decide you want to visit someone sick and lonely, do it. If you decide you need to climb a mountain or live in a cabin for a year in the mountains, ditto.

If you have a desire to meet with some people that you feel you may have known and/or harmed in a past life, fear not you will. You don't have to 'make it' happen, simply hold that thought and they will present themselves to you - maybe not this week or this year, or even this life, but sooner or later. Always keep your eyes open if you meet someone who seems to need a helping hand and see what you can do for them along the way - always a good policy in any event.

Good luck and try to think happy thoughts. I am sure you will work it out.
 
Hi Mark,
Very interesting post. Tanguerra gave some good comments and I don't think that I can add much. From what I have studied about past life regression it is important to feel the emotions of the trauma of past lives in order to achieve release from the negative effects from them..

Your dream seems to me to be strongly suggestive of past life content and your emotional response to it seems to me to be a good thing. It is unlikely that you will find hard proof of anything related to a past life that would really convince you or anyone else. So, why not just assume that your dreams do contain past life content and try to experience as much of the emotion related to the dream as you can. Remember no one, including psychics, knows better than you do, the significance of what your inner soul is trying to convey to you through your dreams. Study upon them and feel what "rings true".

If you are an unmarried man in this life with no children, perhaps you are experiencing in this life an effect of karma related to that past life that you glimpsed in your dream, a dream where perhaps you were a married man with children and where you had abandoned them, shamed them or caused them harm, either emotional or physical, in some way.

I don't think that you should make an obsessive effort to sort this all out. Just relax and let it reveal itself to you. Perhaps regular meditation, as Tanguerra suggested, would help during which you might ask for understanding and request forgiveness for any harm you had caused to the woman and children in that past life. - Your friend, Wicker:)
 
Journey more Part 1

I have been disgesting what has been written to me. I am doing what has been suggested.

I have lived with the dreams since 1999. I have seen much. I have tried to investigate based upon the impressions I felt in the first dreams and further imagings.

Impressions of the two main characters in the first dream follow.

The male was Thomas. I beleive that he was Dutch, he a junior officer aboard a small ship, supplying arms and goods to the Dutch Colonies of Formosa in the 17th century. He is a runaway.

He abandoned his ship and also his European wife and family. (It was an arranged marriage in which he felt confined. He went to sea to avoid the sadness of home life.)

I don't feel he is a bad person. He is a very sad person.

The woman was Wei-Min. Part aborginal Formosan. Her father, a fisherman, was of Chinese origins.

Wei-Min was 14 or 15 years old when she met Thomas. Thomas was between 27 and 30 years old.

Thomas fell "in love" at first site. Wei-Min, a bit of a untamed character, was attracted to the white man for practical reasons, and with curiosity.

The father happily arranged a coupling.

Thomas joins the family business.

I have had images of a true bonding between the couple. There was a very happy domestic life that produced
two (or maybe three children) in 9 or 10 years.

Thomas came from a Dutch family with some influence. They find him and have him brought back to his home.

Actually his life may have been spared, because of this. It appears the Dutch were being driven out of Formosa
at that time. I feel money was exchanged to secure his safe release.

Once at home Thomas tries to live the life assigned to him.

However he misses Wei-Min and his life,worries about her state and in the end despondent takes his own life.

I feel that both Wei-Min and Thomas longed to see each other again.

Thomas for forgiveness.

Wei-Min for understanding.

Both for the sake of their love.

Why? Because of another memory which I wrote as a short story.
 
Journey more Part II (the Old Monk)

I saw the Old Monk years before the two dreams. I was at a friends having tea. I closed my eyes and saw this monk smiling at me. I felt I knew him. Also, I felt like I wanted to write his story someday. I did so, about a year and a half ago. Here it is. It is short.

=========================
The Old Monk

In our small town to the north.

An old monk sits in his ancient yellow robes.

He has sat there like this for many years.

His legs in the lotus position.

His wooden bowl sitting at the crux of his legs with its few dried pieces of rice.

He has come to the square all his life to watch life’s flow. People coming and going as life itself comes and goes in its eternal cycle.

His eyes are half closed in meditation. He feels the dry heat against his leathered skin. His breath is deep and silent. Nirvana and release are near.

Now his eyes come to life with a youthful joy. If his followers saw him, they would know what it means, they are men too.

They would cease their prayers.

Across the street a woman walks in silent grace. A thin gray gown wraps around her body. Her hair is thick and beautiful, gray from age. Her skin is brown and leathered, like his, from wind and time. But, she is radiant like the sunshine.

She silently walks looking at the seller’s wares. She never turns to look at the old monk. Their eyes never meet.

His heart leaps for joy. It is she for whom he searched so long. Ecstasy fills his soul.

She kneels to look at a clay pot, talks to the seller. She shakes her head, “no.” Rising she walks on gently and serene. She turns the corner, never knowing the joy she has brought.

The old monk smiles with a peace his heart, he has never known. She is alive and in this world. She has been close at hand, all the time. There is nothing more he needs.

In his room that night he lies his weary body down on his cot. This day’s journey has taken its toll. But he is at peace. The joy of her presence still lingers in his mind.

His breathing shallows. His heart stops. But his journey will go on. He will meet her again. He enters that place where lovers go awaiting their return.

Nirvana will have to wait.
 
Excellent work MarkDP and beautifully described.

Perhaps this was the same woman? Perhaps you will meet her again and be able to resolve some of your issues with her? How are you feeling about it all? Any happier and more relaxed about it all?
 
Journey's Puzzle

How do I feel? Not sure!! As I look and meditate, I see this woman in other places. Its as if we keep missing each other.

I mentioned that I am married in this life. Somehow, I feel there is a moral relativity in the concept of reincarnation. Something I can not completely accept.

However, Thomas and the monk express feelings that I have never felt. I am not sure how to explain this.

It is a passionate longing for another. Something beyond the physical.

Many people have told me that I seem to be searching for something. Some think I am searching for god. There is an emptiness in me. A place where I am not touched.

Whoever the woman is or whatever she represents, she completes both Thomas and the monk in a way nothing else can seem to do.

Poor Thomas, shamed by his actions and agonizing over the fate of his Wei-Min finds the only cure in self destruction. The thing that gave his life meaning is lost forever.

The monk abandons Nirvana,a spiritual suicide, to wait and pursue the woman in the next life. It is with her that he finds true fulfillment.

These are dangerous feelings to carry inside. Don't you think?:confused:
 
Turn this experience (and the intense emotions that drive it) into fiction!

Doing so is both exploration and catharsis.

Whether it is "historical fiction" or past events transposed onto modern times, it can be very enlightening.

I did this with a dream that claimed to be a future life (that had a great deal in common with a past life) --- with a main character who believed in reincarnation and "remembered" my current life.

It not only clarified what I experienced in the dream but somehow modified the emotions, the sense of loss. I still feel them, but from a distance.

Best wishes!
 
Intrusive events in life are often meant to spotlight current situations that need to change. This is not to say that what you've experienced is not a past-life memory. It's just that there's a reason you experience it now and not twenty years ago...

Just dream symbols have many different meanings that don't contradict each other, events in waking life do (I think of waking life as "dreaming subject to the laws of physics"). One can "interpret" waking life much as a dream. Real-life events have their obvious meanings, but also have deeper symbolic meanings.
 
Love can be dangerous MarkDP, with its potential for misunderstanding and grand acts of recklessness, but what is life without it? The boundary between 'love' and 'desire' (in the Buddhist sense) can sometimes be very hard to find and has led many people astray.

What do you mean by 'moral relativity'? Please elaborate.

I assume you do not feel you have met this woman again in this life, but feel that you have unfinished business to address - hence the longing? Just because you are married, does not mean you could not resolve issues with this woman by the way. Not everything has to be worked out in the context of a romantic association - she might be a man now anyway, old, young, disincarnate, who knows?

Justin Smith makes a good suggestion that sometimes 'using your imagination' - such as creating a fictionalised account of your story - can be a good way to explore the emotions around such experiences with just a little bit of detachment. Your psyche is trying to tell you something. Your job is to try to decipher what it is saying and put that meaning into context with your current life. But, don't force it too hard or worry about it too much. It will come floating through when it is ready. Never fear. Just give it some space.

Have you read any of Carl Jung's writings on the anima? Also recommended.
 
Moral Relativity

I wanted time to think through a definition of "moral relativity". Still not quite sure how to express this.

I think in biological terms and with western morals. For instance, I have a friend who was told that in a previous life she had had 5 children, 2 of the children were twins. She came across some documentation that her great grandmother had borne 5 children, 2 of the children were twins. The other coincidence was that my friends birthday falls one day after great grandmother's. Which means she imay be her own great grandmother.

In biological terms and with western morals having children with your great grandfather just isn't right.

If I am Thomas and someone else is Wei-Min. Then I have been deeply in-love with this other for at least two other lives (and maybe more).

I feel I have been seeking her out. No one else, just his one person. I now believe that I have seen her for most of my life, haunting me in my dreams. Saving me from my nightmares.

So that being said, all other relationships become false. I love, but never at that depth, never with that passion. I long for that passion for life. I long to be reunited with a missing part of me.

Ask yourself who would give up nirvana, just to be with another person again? Would you give up freedom for bondage?

There is an old Asian tale. Actually it is found in many cultures. Its of a being who was greatly loved by the people. However the gods became jealous of this one. So, in their jealousy they split the one into two parts and seprated them from one another. Forever they sought each other, never feeling fulfilled.

Read my first posting and you will understand my deliemma.

I don't know if there is much more I can say about this. Maybe this will be my last posting on this subject, at least for a time.

Even though this is fairly anonymous, I feel exposed. There are many emotions involved when I write these lines. I edit many, many times.

Thank you all.
You have all been very caring in answering my posts.
 
Hi Mark,

Congratulations in having come so far in your understanding of this issue and the work you have obviously been doing on it. Couple of points in response.

Obviously there are very sound biological and practical interpersonal reasons for the taboos against incest and intermarriage with relatives who are too close to eachother. It is nonsensical to compare these biological issues with reincarnating as one's own descendant. It simply does not compare at all, so I don't think there is any moral or practical impediment.

As to the 'soul mate' thing, yes there are obviously very strong ties and many issues between you and this woman. This does not mean that they have to be resolved this life. It does not mean that you have to have a consumated romantic relationship in order to resolve them (quite possibly the reverse in fact). It does not mean that they have to exclude you from having other very valuable and important relationships with other people, all of which can teach us something and add to our experience and understanding about love.

The very purpose of your having these memories, but not meeting this woman again in the flesh this life (yet, as far as you know) may be to give you a bit of distance and perspective on the whole thing, your actions in the past and your personal path into the future.

I am familiar with all the mythologies surrounding the 'soul mate' and I don't like the whole notion personally. Love is not a competition. Love does not have to have a prize or an outcome. I would not agree that 'all other relationships are false'. I would pause and consider that thought in some detail. Romantic relationships are wonderful, but so are relationships with children, friends and strangers who need a helping hand. Don't be too quick to dismiss things that don't measure up to some fantastical notion of 'perfection' as simply not good enough.

Best of luck with it all and don't be too hard on yourself and make sure you keep a bit of balance and perspective and gratitude for the good things in your present life. Believe me I know what you are talking about and what you are going through as I have at least two such relationships 'going on' and no, it is not easy.
 
Not Perfect

As I think about this more, I am coming to understand Thomas better. He and I are quite a bit alike.
I feel that both us live dishonest lives. Thomas ventured away from his home, never confronting the
issues he had there. He ran away rather than lift his voice.

There may have been good reasons for this.

But, for whatever reason, he abandoned domestic life for a wandering existence on the sea. When he
meets the woman and falls in love, he once again lives a lie. He never tells her of his marriage. How can
he love anyone when his whole life is hidden from site. He is a liar and a cheat. No, not a bad guy in
the traditional sense. He's not out for a good time. He may be worse.

And the monk, ah, there is someone denying his true self. All his life attempting to purge himself of the
one thing that would give him fulfillment. In the end he is happy to know that the woman is close by,
possibly seeking him. However, if he had only been honest with his desires maybe they would
have met again and resolved the situation.

Honesty and trust, are issues that Thomas, the Monk and I have in common.

I beat-up on myself plenty for the way I am. I'm not trying to do that now, I hope. I want to learn and
change.

If the dreams are genuine past life experiences then I must change to stop the cycle. Possibly, I have caught someone else in this cycle too.

Soul mate? No, I don't think that's what I am feeling. Despite how I phrased things in the previous post.
There is something else to this. Hmmm.... I'll have to find a way to articulate that better.

Lets just say for now that when I wrote the last post I
was having a very emotional day.

I have a fundamental issue with trust. Its hard to do. I either trust too much in the wrong things. Or I trust too little in the right things.

No, nothing in this life is perfect. I don't expect perfect. In fact, I love imperfections. Its the flaws in life that make it interesting. Don't you think? They give us something to work on, find a way to improve. Perfection would being boring. Who wants a boring life? A perfect "soul-mate" couple living blissfully together. Yuk!! Give me a good fight now and then. That's being alive!!!! That's honest! That's what I need to be. Honest!

Poor Thomas was trapped by his own personality.

Thank you! Take care!
 
Hey Mark,

Good to see the journey continues. Sometimes things take a while to come into focus and reveal themselves. There is nothing wrong with having 'an emotional day'. That is sometimes when we can have a breakthrough in our understanding although it can be painful at the time.

I am also slogging my way through a similar issue at the moment and it can be heavy going. I have uncovered a pattern in my own behaviour recently. Every memory I have of great love in past lives seems to be closely related to an experience of great loss - often very tragic and often involving a sudden death or at least a sudden departure or long separation.

It is very much the case this life as well! It is extraordinary as a matter of fact that I have never noticed this before! I have been paying close attention to what I might have been doing to contribute to this state of affairs over the centuries and adjusting my attitude towards my relationships accordingly. I am realising that I seem to have almost an expectation that things will end tragically and perhaps a tendency to create abadonment in this life because I am so afraid of the great pain that I know is inevitably coming when I feel 'love'. All very interesting. I have been meditating on love in all its forms a lot the past week trying to work through this issue. I am not 'there' yet, but am confident I will find more as I keep working through it.

Every now and again a past life memory will come and give us a good old kick in the pants and that can be a good thing sometimes if that is what it takes to get our attention. Whether the dreams are 'genuine past live memories' or a message from your subconscious (or both) is largely irrelevant as long as you find meaning and understanding in the message they are trying to show you and use it to benefit yourself and your loved ones.
 
Loss

On Dec 28th 2005 by brother died. He suffered a heart attack. The end was quick. He had suffered with diabetes for many years. I didn't cry over this for many months.

My brother and I were very different people. He was a good guy. But, he made choices that hindered his life and caused his own death at age 55.

In general I haven't felt effected by loss. I've had people come in and out of my life. I enjoy their presence and then let them go. I have felt solitary. But, recently I have only felt alone.

I have a constant conversation going on inside of me. It is with myself and the Divine. I answer myself. Haven't heard much from the Divne. But, I keep talking.

Since the dreams of this past life, I have been in a confused state. The dreams have been in my thoughts constantly. I ponder there meaning. I look for the people.

It may be that I am looking for something beyond this internal conversation. I am looking for God knows what.

I have been very successful in my professional life, especially this last paat year. Personal life is a mass of confusion, partly because of these dreams and there meaning which escapes me. Also, because I have a peculiar personality.

A friend, one of my very few, said to me that I have been sick for a very long time. She looked at my wallet, filled to bursting with papers and cards. She said that I am like that wallet, I try to hold on to everything and everyone. I do this even though I don't think I do. She feels the dreams may have a key for me, they show something of which I must leave go. I must let go of the life I have made.

Could be true.

My brother let go. However his way was self destructive. It has caused great sorrow to my parents. I don't want to let go that way. I must let go in away that brings life.

Sorry if this seems rambling. I had to let it out.
 
Hi MarkDP,

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. It is most difficult to lose a loved one, particularly if you are feeling a little fragile at the moment as I can very well understand. It must be even more stressful for this to have happened at Christmas when most people feel a bit wobbly emotionally anyway. Anniversaries have a way of bringing all the sadness back up again.

Try to focus on the immediate present life problem to hand just for the moment and let the past life stuff 'drift', while you attend to your present life grief and give and receive what support you can from your family. It will still be there once you have had time to deal with this more pressing issue in fact you might find it will give you some clarity to set it aside for a while - say for a few months.

Grief is a very strong emotion and talking about it helps as a general rule. Bottling things up tends to lead to an explosion, and that can get messy. So, be wise and lean on your friends when you are having a tough time.

It might be very advisable to follow up with some professional counselling. Particularly as you seem to be dealing with crises on a couple of different fronts, which can get very hairy if you don't exercise extreme caution. I would not mention the past-life stuff to a counsellor, at least not until you thought your therapist might be cool with that. It is only likely to complicate matters. Keep it simple until you get over this hump at least.

My condolescences and best wishes to you and your family at this difficult anniversary. Courage.
 
Hi MarkDP.

Anything new to add to your story now a month or so has gone by? I am a curious little kitten and sometimes I wonder how it is all going.

I know it is very difficult trying to deal with present life grief and past life grief (and regret and guilt and sorrow and longing.....) all at once and can be overwhelming.

I hope you are doing OK.
 
Doing OK

Hi,

I've been very busy with my job. Actually, one reason I am so busy in my career is due to the two dreams I mentioned in my first posting. Thats a long story I should detail at one point.

Let me just say that the last two years have been exciting. I have been invited to places I never imagined. Alot of the creative energy came from the two dreams.

The girl that I call Wei-Min is a very powerful force in my life. I guess that sounds strange. Seein she lived so long ago. However, its also true. There was a power and force in the relationship that still lifts this incarnation of me.

It has been interesting.

Take care,
MarkDP
 
Glad to hear you are on the road MarkDP.

No, does not sound strange to me that some 'entity' from a past life is an active ingredient in your present life, in fact I know exactly what you mean.

Best of luck with it all and keep us posted on your adventures when you have the time.
 
A Desire

I have this thing about Thomas and Wei-Min. I really want to go to the place that they met. I have a feeling that I will find something there that will liberate me.

It probably looks like hell now and I will be very disappointed. Or maybe not!

Should I do it?

I have repeated their story twice (actually 3 times sort of) now in my current life. Funny each time my professional life has bloomed, my personal life has suffered. Its really odd that these episodes have been the most creative for me.

I won't detail that last paragraph. You can figure it out for yourself.

I have a feeling that Thomas and Wei-min need their story told. Its a story of love, betrayal and a yearning that crosses 300 years, and several lives. Its both beautiful and tragic. I guess all love stories are bitter-sweet.

I don't know if they are soul-mates or just two spirits who like each other alot or if they ever really existed. But, real or imaginary, I think they both need me to do something.

I am considering making a pilgrimmage. This isn't crazy, I have the time and the money. Also, I have enough friends in Taiwan (Formosa), that will welcome me. I have never been there, but since I was young, middle school aged, I've had the very strong desire to go there.

Maybe a novel will come out of it or at least something interesting to post in the forum. What do you all think?

Ah yes, I do know Wei-Min is not waiting there for me. She died long ago, as did Thomas. I've figured that out on my own. Smart guy, huh?!!!!

We INFPs do chase after windmills and cling to clouds. I know from experience that can hurt a great deal. Ever try holding on to vapor when you're 30,000 feet in the air. Its a long way down. The ending has a.... Well, you can figure that out on your own too.

Also, It would be nice to sit down with Ed and Grace, Wei-Mei and her husband (who I've never met) and have dinner in their homeland. (The story about these 3 is fascinating, remind me to tell you sometime. They all know each other. Its strange, I met them 12 years apart. Ed and Wei-Min are friends and colleagues. Its a really small strange world.)
 
Hi Mark,
I think you should go, it sounds like this place has a powerful meaning to you! You have the time and the money, whats stopping you? I am very interested in this story, it would make an awesome novel (and its already a great post!) Good luck with your decisions, and I hope to hear more on the story!!! :thumbsup:
 
Oh yes, I would absolutely do it. I would not go with any expectation of what would happen, but only with an open heart and an open mind (and open eyes and ears). Something might happen, nothing might happen, anything might happen. That would be all to the good. Life is full of surprises. Expect the unexpected. I can imagine you sitting on the pier or whatever, in your overcoat, hat pulled down over your eyes, and some stranger comes up and asks you for a light......

I would also write the novel. Why not if you have the time and the money? If you are repeating the same story over and over and are aware of it, perhaps the exercise of writing it down could help you to see it with more objectivity, thus help you either break away from it, or alternatively, to 'get it right' (and thus break the spell)?

I agree it would make a terrific love story, probably a hit movie too if you wrote it well! (You could write two versions - a 'private' and a 'public' one if you wanted.) I can see the final chapter now - you are sitting on a pier in Taiwan, out of the fog comes a stranger, asking for a light...

Who would you ideally cast to play Thomas? Somebody handsome and brooding? :) What about Wei-Min? :rolleyes:

As far as 'soul mates' go, I personally don't like the term. I think it is overused and misunderstood. I believe that there are certain people who we are drawn to over and over again until we work out our issues. I have a couple of those, as I have said (well, yes, one main one). We have been comrades in arms, lovers, married, relatives, victims, you name it. It is like being in a travelling acting troupe and putting on various plays - comedy, tragedy, drama...Perhaps I do have my preferred 'leading man', but I have more than one person that I have known repeatedly.

Being drawn back to the same person over and again can be great, or it can be a bad habit, it depends on what you are 'up to'. This is a very individual thing and I don't like encompassing theories eg 'There is one soul mate for each of us and it is our job to find them. When we do, bells will ring and all our problems will be solved.' (Utter balderdash!)
 
The Players

I guess my first choice for Wei-Min would be Ziyi Zhang of Crouching Tiger, Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Memoirs of a Geisha (which I didn't see). An Asian beauty, untamed with more than a hint of "boyishness" to her. Yes, she could pass for a handsome boy, much as Ziyi Zhang does in Crouching Tiger.

She would be awkward in a stylish setting. Yet in any setting she could handle her own. She would be intriguing and captivating, "bright eyes flashing" and never dull.

For Thomas, I'm not sure. Not handsome. In fact, someone a little comical. Awkward in any setting. Alan Rickman? :thumbsup: :laugh:

Thomas was about 15 years older than Wei-Min. She never minded. They both were relatively young when they were seperated. She near 24. He near 40. He went back to his wife and the formal arrangements of his life and his death. She to her father's house.

Yesterday a picture came to mind. It was me / Thomas sitting alone on a beach. Not a beach that I know. The sky was gray and waves were a little rough.

Thomas was at peace.

He loved the ocean almost as much as he loved, his little Wei-Min. She was small, about 5-1, 98lbs. (I'm measuring against some of my friends.)

I wonder about him, how he couped with so much inner turmoil. He had guilt for leaving his first home. Guilt for not being honest. I guess in the end, he could not coup. (How do you spell that word, its cope right?)

Yet in her presence he found peace. I think that's what he really sought.

In some real sense he worshipped her. Hmm.... He found in her a peace "that passed all understanding." For him she was an incarnation of the Holy Spirit. (That' s the best way I can describe the feeling.)

Thomas was not only estranged from his European family, he was a man who felt seperated, deserted by God.

He found God in this beautiful young woman. She had a profound effect on his entire being.

Before and after his Wei-Min he was a man "alive in the bitter sea." He was tormented by existence itself.

Odd how in these last few days I have felt more of Thomas than before. What's going on in me?

I think my view of life is more optimistic than his.

I am glad he had Wei-Min even for a short time. No one should feel so lost and alone.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I think this is getting deep! I'm going to stop now. : )
 
It is good work Mark. It is going to make a good book. I like your casting choices.

'What is happening to you' is that you are beginning to 'integrate' the experiences from that life. It is one thing to remember events, emotions, outfits and conversations, etc. It is another to deeply understand those experiences and put "two and two together" as to how your current character and relationships have been influenced - what there is to learn from that experience and how to let it help you to make positive changes in your life and the lives of those you encounter every day.

There is no such thing as a mistake. We are all immortal and cannot be seriously or permanently harmed. The only serious mistakes are those we neglect to learn from. I think you are learning from some earlier errors in judgement. This is a good thing. It is not always painless or trouble free, but I would say you are on the right track.

Keep up the good work.
 
Odd Thing

I've been doing some research for my trip. Where I thought one place in the my story was on the map, it was not. The place, Tainan, lies on the opposite of the island from where I thought it was. Strange, my friends are in Tainan, I should have known better.

Taitung lies where I was thinking. So, I looked at Taitung tourist information. The first image is of a beach. It looks like a beach I drew depicting Thomas walking away from his ship.

Now I have to see this beach and ask some questions about its history.

Hmmm....

The beach has a unique look to it. The picture is taken from nearly the same angle from which I drew my picture.

I entitled my drawing as "Thomas as Metaphor." Its from a position higher up than the photograph. I made a very, very simple sketch

Just thought I would report into you this strange thing.

It may not be the same beach, I know.

At work I have this image as my PCs desktop background. I use it to feel more of the story.

Also found that another friend of mine, a world traveller, is planning a trip to Taiwan. So we might have some fun together.
 
How very exciting. Wouldn't it be extraordinary if you found out that, for instance, the place names had changed in the past couple of hundred years? It does happen.

It would be very interesting to go to the beach and work out where Thomas might have been standing to have his vantage point. Was he up a coconut tree, or standing on a hill? Obviously he was a little higher than the photographer. I wonder if the landscape/sand dunes have changed a little over the years. What is the significance of that beach in the story? Perhaps I will have to wait for the movie to come out to get the answers to all my questions. :laugh:

Still though these sorts of details are interesting, don't let them distract you from the importance underlying the story and its meaning, emotion and drama.
 
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