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Daughter and Sister

Mammatus

Mammatus

A Squid With a Rocketship
I debated putting this up or not, considering this is a recorded life in history (although I believe inaccurate). It is well known that famous (or infamous, in this case) past lives are a controversial subject, which is one of the main reasons I had disputed with myself posting this. So, naturally, when I began having memories of this, I refuted them saying they were just my imagination. They kept coming, and the thing that really bugged me was that "why would anyone in their right mind want to be this person?" And believe me, I was in my right mind.

I didn't want to believe that I am in fact, the reincarnation of Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, AKA Caligula; but after what happened recently, there is almost literally no denying it on my part.

I don't know much about Caligula, except the very little I have heard from others. I had promised myself I would not research anything about him, until I had definitive enough information to prove that my memories were not in fact the production of societal influence.

My interest in Rome began a long, long time ago. In sixth grade, I borrowed a book from the local library about the Emperors of Rome. I truly, did not know anything about the various emperors, other than Augustus, Constantine, and Marcus Aurelius. Going through the index at home, I passed "Caligula" and immediately intrigued, flipped to that page. I began reading the first paragraph to my mother, and although I had no reason to deny what it said, something didn't feel right. My mother, upon hearing Caligula's name, went on a tirade about how evil he was, how she never wanted to hear his name in the house again. And, for no known reason, I felt horrible. I felt as if she were "denouncing me" and that she were "insulting" me. I left the room, fearful of lashing out.

Over time since then, things have fallen into place in weird ways. When memories, information, etc, surfaced; I always searched for an emotional tie to them, which I did. I still didn't believe it. Till recently. I am going to post not only two memories very emotional memories for me, but also an amazing validation (or at least to me).

I trust that the members of the forum will read with an open-mind, and anyone viewing it as a guest should do so as well. This is an extremely hard life for me to remember, and I have only recently built up the courage to speak out about it.

The two memories I'm going to share with you aren't disturbing (like some of them are), but they are still very emotional for me. Many have stared right into the face of evil, but few have been behind the mask.

I will post them after this.
 
Here is the first memory I would like to share. This one is very detailed, which amazes me quite a bit. It's about the birth of my sister, Agrippina.

It is early morning and I can hear the screans from my mother's room. I do believe she is giving birth to my younger brother or sister. I really hope it's a sister. I do not like my older brothers, especially Nero. They are allowed the freedom to do whatever they want and rub it in my face. I shouldn't complain, as I am only three years old. They are fun to play with, but only when father is not looking. They are mean and hateful to me when he is around, and when one of them does something wrong, he whips me instead. I may be young, but I know that they aren't learning anything from it. I look over at Nero's sleeping form. I do not understand why I was forced to share a room with him. Drusus was given the freedom to sleep on his own. Sometimes I wish I was older than they were so I could tell THEM what to do! Even Uncle Tiberius likes them better than me! I always liked my uncle better than my father, even if they weren't all that different. He may not like me, but at least he doesn't whip me every chance he gets. Father curses at me and says that I'll "never be his son". Mother tries to calm his tantrums, but it's all in vain.


I curl up in a ball underneath the satin sheets, pretending I am asleep as one of father's servants comes to see if we have been awakened. Mother's screaming has gotten louder.


As much as I'd like a sister, I wonder if she'll be like some of my cousins. Whenever they visit, she always complains that she has no one to play with or braid their hair. Naturally not wanting to be in my brothers' company, I have told her I would play with her. She would give me a disgusted look and say, "Yeah Gaius, but you're a boy". She'd push me away. Apparently she doesn't like me braiding her hair. So despite my contempt for my older brothers, I was rather amused when they splashed thick mud on her.


I'm beginning to drift asleep when I am interrupted by a figure sitting on my bed. I am terrified it's my father, but upon further inspection, it is only Drusus. He bears a worried expression on his face.


"Do you think mother will be alright?" he asks. "She sounds like she's in a lot of pain."


I sit up and scoot closer, sharing his body heat. "It's okay, Dru", I say, laughing when he cringes at my pet-name for him. He hates it. But his grimace fades to a soft smile.


"Do you think it will be a girl or a boy?" he asks. Unbeknownst to us, Nero has awoken. "I'll bet it'll be a monster, just like you," he smirks playfully, hitting Drusus in the face with a pillow. I glare at him. How dare he call him a "monster" when he himself is guilty of being a jerk! Drusus just rolls his eyes.


"I hope it's a girl," I say quietly, ignoring the accusing stare from Nero.


"Traitor," he taunts quietly. I stick my tongue out in defense. Just as he makes a move to pounce on the bed, father's servant returns. She speaks no Latin. Father says she does not need to, as she understands perfectly the "language of pain". I know what he does isn't right, and I do not like to see such beatings on her. But I am no one to him, and what I say will just earn myself "disciplinary action". She beckons us down the hall to mother's room. Nero pushes past her, almost knocking her down. I grip Drusus' hand tightly, pulling myself close to him as my heart races. We are lead to our destination, where I see mother lying in her bed, breathing heavily. She is drenched in sweat. She looks like she is asleep, but I cannot tell. Father sits in a chair near the balcony doors cradling a newborn baby girl in his arms. My eyes widen in delight. A sister! I move carefully towards my father, who is watching me like a hawk, as Drusus whispers in my ear "wish granted". Nero remarks about her not being a monster, which receives a brief scold from my father. He does not deserve to be holding such a thing as the precious life that is wrapped in sheets, in his arms. He is a brutal man, and she is so calm, so innocent, sleeping as she does. I extend my hand to touch her small, fragile hand. My father jerks my hand away, twisting my wrist in the process. I rub it to make the pain go away. My newborn sister opens her eyes wide, and I stare into deep blue orbs. She smiles a toothless grin, and she doesn't seem to mind my company. I look over at mother, who is starting to look better, and walk carefully to her bed side.


"What do you think her name should be?" she asks quietly, her body still weak. I hug her the best I can, afterall, I'm short, and tell her "She should have your name". She looks at me. "You think? Why so?"


"Because she's pretty like you."


She smiles, and even father manages a grin.......
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Firstly, its really brave of you to post this. It is hard having an infamous PL. Even though I don't really have one, but I get the feeling. Especially if you read what the books said. >.>


I know a thing or two about Caligula, but I won't spoil them here. Yet. But do share, if you're comfortable.


Unfortunately, my knowledge on anything else Roman like Augustus and Caesar comes from video games and thus its not accurate. At all. (I don't think gladiators can do 3-combos.. Sorry, trying to lighten the mood a little. I can feel something sad here..)


By the PM you sent me, yes, it sounds really disturbing and I can imagine it... And your dad was a -bleep-.
 
Here is another memory I have that I wanted to share, about my daugther, Julia Drusilla (named after my favorite sister).

I sit on the floor next to her bed and lay my head on the sheets. She is sleeping peacefully. I do not understand how she can be so innocent, yet so...shall we say....rambunctious. The other kids do not like her. Everyone knows who her father is -me-, and for that, they do not like her. It has it's effects as well. She's attacked other kids, and I know, it's my fault.


She breathes in gently and shudders as she breathes out, and the evidence remains that she cried herself to sleep. I gently wipe away a stray tear, remembering several nights ago when I -like herself tonight- cried myself to sleep at my reading table. It was getting late, and I remember her disobeying her mother to come in my quarters and wake me up. She patted my arm, asking me to wake up. I had lifted my head, willing my eyes to adjust to the dark room. When everything came into focus, I noticed a small figure standing nearby smiling and a small voice whispering, "I love you".


A stray tear rolls down my cheek as I gently stroked her brown hair. I'm turning her into a monster. She is her father's daughter, but I am not a good father. I love her more than anything in the world, and I want nothing to take her away from me. But yet I am doing that all on my own.


Her mother had forbade her from visiting me alone, and I do not blame her. I have become my father- worse than my father. I hate the monster I have become. Yet it is too late. I cannot go back. I cannot undo the wrongs I have done.


My daughter is the only one who still loves me, and my paranoia keeps me from believing it. Even now I am suspicious that the Guard is up to something.......
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Yes, my father was >.> He was a respected man in Rome, but they only saw what they wanted to see. They didn't care how he treated his family. If he won conquests for Rome, that was all that mattered.


I do plan on sharing more, at least the things that aren't too hard for me to recall.
 
One of the biggest validations for me was when I proceeded to look up the order of births for myself and my siblings. I was surprised to find that yes, Nero was the oldest, followed my Drusus, then myself, Agrippina, etc.


I was also surprised to find that my daughter was indeed named after a favorite sister, which I had gotten the impression of during that memory.


The one major validation for me though, was reading about how rumour has that after I was killed and they went after my wife and daughter, her head may have been smashed against the wall while attacking her mother's attacker.


I jumped, started shaking really bad. I was fighting off screaming and crying. It made me feel sick, and believe me, I have an iron stomach. Things like that don't typically make me react that way, even if it happens to kids. But I felt like someone had just taken away something very, very important to me.


It was weird, but a major validation on my part.
 
Well, according to sources; Caligula's historiography is still in question. No one knows how accurate it is; As the only surviving sources are the works of Philo and Seneca.


Apparently, Caligula seized historical works on himself and I believe, burned it.


But since this is from Wikipedia, I'll take it with a grain of salt.
 
At least it wasn't Rome that I torched *looks accusingly at random person in crowd* :laugh:


I always question Wikipedia's validity, considering anyone and everyone can get on there and edit things. But then again, maybe that's my left over paranoia talking :cool
 
I hardly think I should make another thread for any other memories, so I'll just continue to post them in this one.


A couple nights ago, I remembered my assassination:

I was alerted prior to the Cassius' plan to assassinate me. I knew they were up to something. But at this point, I wasn't going to do anything about it. Sitting in my quarters when they entered, I just looked at him. I knew I was going to die, and contrary to my previous opinion, I was at peace. I didn't care that I was about to die. It was a fact and there was nothing I could do to change it. Sometimes I wish that my life had been like this. Run by someone else and not left in my control.


"I thought I could trust you," I say quietly, looking at my hands.


Almost instantly they were on the attack. I was stabbed multiple times, and then left alone in my quarters, bleeding to death (I won't go into detail).


I lay there, looking at the ceiling. Most people at this point would pray to their god that they wouldn't receive punishment in the fiery depths of Hell, Tartarus, Hades; wherever it is they believe evil people go. But I didn't. To me, the greatest punishment was knowing that I had brought this on myself. That it was my fault my daughter and wife were about to be killed, that it was my fault so many had died before me. I had punished myself.


I trace my finger over the marble tile, waiting patiently to drift off. My strength is leaving me like my blood is flooding the floor. Death. Who knew that the most peace one would ever experience would be at death?
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I learned Wiki is not reliable at all when ever since I start researching.


Yea, it is said that Nero torched Rome while playing his lyre (Or flute, I've forgotten) but I have a really weird imagination (And sense of humour) And what I imagine is how you say it.. Black humour. Sorry... :tongue:
 
Haha, lol :laugh:


Same here. I have a weird sense of humour >.> And a wild imagination, which tends to carry over into some rather strange and slightly disturbing dreams. Though the most recent disturbing dream I had was irrelevent to WWII, I get the feeling it was somewhat influenced by some of their *ahem* operations.


Anyway, that's a different story. Here's another memory I have recorded from this life:

I have returned to my quarters (I want to say office?). I am beyond the borders of "angry" (-I do not know why, mind you. I just remember being very angry here-). My sister Agrippina, dear Agrippina, is trying to calm me down.


"They didn't mean what they said, and besides, you're emperor, why would you care?"


I do not wish to see her right now. She does not understand, and I am not going to try to let her understand.


"Go away," I order angrily. She looks at me in defeat, but does not leave her post.


"I said, go AWAY!" I yell, throwing a valuable vase at her. She ducks in fright, as the vase smashes against the wall behind her. I believe she has got the message, as she flees from my presence.


I collapse on the floor in a heap, and begin sobbing. Why do people hate me so much? I've done my best these past two years, done my best to do what was best for them. Are they incapable of forgetting about........?


Hmph....


If they hate me, then I will give them a reason to hate me. I will make them sit and quiver in fear whenever I pass them. I will return the favor, if they hate me so much...."
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Kind of short and a little off the wall, but this is where I hit my meltdown point. If you can't tell by now, my father was a brute, and enjoyed taking out his anger on us. Because I grew up on the battlefield, I was the recipient of most of this. He did not like me acting "childish" and he would not stand for what he dubbed "weak" behavior. I liked butterflies at the time, but I only held them when he wasn't around. He once caught me chasing one, and needless to say, he crushed it in his hands before giving it back to me :(


I did not like his soldiers either. There were several that, as I got older, took enjoyment out of doing inappropriate things to me. I tried to tell my father, but he wouldn't listen saying they were "his best men" and they would "never do such a vile thing". We see how wrong he was about this.


He made me treat his servants and slaves, as well as other servants and slaves, like dirt. In my early teens, he forced me to take a chain to another slave about my age. I do not wish to go into details. I was also, in my early twenties, forced to watch Jesus' crucifixion. This was a startling and very painful memory for me, although I am not Christian (I am Pantheist). In that particular memory, I had vowed not to become like my father or my great uncle; but we see how long that lasted.
 
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I remember that my daughter in this PL had marble animal figurines that she loved to play with, the elephant being her favorite. She'd often interrupt me while I was taking a bath, wanting me to play with them with her. I typically agreed, and she'd sit at the water's edge as we played with them. She always insisted that I be the horse/donkey :laugh:


Because we had our own private bath, a wall had been set up around the terrace to keep local snoops out, but one of the walls was shorter than the rest, short enough for a one and a half year old to drop a marble elephant over. When playing our little games, she often took said elephant over to this wall because it was "going to the mountains and would be back soon". One of these incidents, she dropped the elephant over the wall, and luckily there was a bush there to catch it, but it was still where she couldn't reach it.


She started crying, and insisting that "daddy you have to get it". I told her I would get it as soon I was done taking a bath, but she insisted further.


"Daddy, you have to get it NOW!" she screamed. I was impatient and was not too tolerant of a toddler screaming at me and telling me what to do.


"Okay, fine," I snapped.


Needless to say, I wasn't the brightest crayon in the bunch during this PL, as I climbed out of the bath, across the terrace, leaned over the wall and returned her elephant to her....in the nude. Which, is not something she was particularly used to, especially at a year and a half.


All I want to say about this is that if the reincarnation of my daughter happens across this, and remembers this happening, I'm sorry I scarred you for lives : angel


I laughed about this all night last night, it was so embarassing.


On the bright side, we had a private bath and didn't have to share a public one like everyone else did :cool
 
You think that was bad? You should look at Archimedes. He actually ran to the emperor nude when he discovered something. Yes, running through the streets to the palace without clothes on. Imagine their reactions.... >.>


Interesting memory. I don't think she will be scarred though... Just saying. : angel
 
I need to make a time machine. I'd video tape it, come back to now, and post it on youtube :cool
 
So many things to do with a time machine... :cool


Actually, I believe I was there, I have a memory and it is not exactly traumatizing but still... It was quite funny. Him running through the streets, screaming 'Eureka! Eureka!' The bloke found out about density and also how to scare the hell outta folks.


Unfortunately, I can't find much on Julia. Except that according to history, she love clawing other children while playing and was very brutal. And how she died, perhaps I won't say.
 
Only in Greece do mathematicians run through the streets naked...Only in Greece LMAO


Yes, unfortunately, I already found out about how they killed her. Talk about an odd reaction when I read that.


Blame myself in that life for that one, the eye clawing >.> There's no where else she could've learned that unless it was from another kid.
 
I have a very slight and vague memory of my arrival on Capri to live with my Great Uncle Tiberius:

As I was lead around the palace my uncle spoke about why I was here. I had several questions, but I don't dare interrupt him. I feel as if my life depends on being submissive while in his presence. He tells me that I am here for my "own good". He stops and looks at me, narrowing his eyes, waiting for me to protest. I am reminded of how he dislikes me, and simply nod in acknowledgement of his statement.
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Tip number one: When in the presence of an emperor/chancellor/prime minister/etc, who is well known for well...yeah, do NOT object to anything he does. He will, regardless of relation, retaliate.


Luckily for me, the matter that I objected to was a small one, and all he did was wack me in the face really hard.
 
This is fascinating! I suppose if there's anything to learn from your story, Mammatus, its to not judge the other guy until you've walked in his shoes. Most judge others without stopping to consider their circumstances. It sounds like Caligula was merely a product of his environment. Thank you for sharing your memories. It takes courage to share any past life memories, but exceptional courage to share memories of being someone famous.
 
My family used to own a couple of video stores. One of the movies we had was called Caligula, I think it was one of the first ones to get an X rating.


My brother, who loved seeing things a bit on the macabre side, watched it and said it was something I should check out, not for the sexual parts but for the tale of who Caligula was.


I did not make it very far into the movie, his violent behavior was way too much for me to continue watching.


I am one, however, who takes each person on their merits of their current lifetime. That said, I would love to hear more of your memories.
 
Thought I'd do some updating.


Haven't been focusing on this life too much, Soviet research getting in the way, as well as looking for clues to my WWI identity and looking for my connection to the 18th Century British commander Henry Clinton.


I should probably focus on one thing at a time, but I loose interest quickly and my patience has begun to wear thin with the lack of time to perform a self-regression (Every time I have nothing to do, someone wants me to go find something do because I'm bugging them. The moment I try to self-regress, interruption after interruption, after interruption).


Anyway, I was reading on a website about my uncle Claudius and my great uncle Tiberius (the website was like, historyforkids or something like that), and decided "hey, what does this say about "me"?" So, I click on Caligula, and there was a section about his dementedness, and it said something about him "ordering the sun to rise in the middle of the night". LMAO


Really?


Seriously?


That sounds to me like misinterpretation of history. I don't ever remember doing that. The whole horse consul thing however, does sound like something I would've done, although it sounds more like something I should do rather than did do :cool


But anyway....


I have another vague memory of being on Capri. At first, I didn't say hardly anything out of turn out of fear of Tiberius. After some time, I picked up on the things that pleased him and the things that did not, and I became more comfortable with being there. There were times however where I would cry myself to sleep at night because here I was living with the man who killed both of my older brothers and my mother. I missed them a lot, even if I was standoffish a lot of the time when they were around.


I do not remember much about the palace, but I believe the hall where we ate was a large open area. The table was a very long, wooden one, and could seat a good 20-30 people, if not more. We typically ate meals alone, and often without much chatter, or at least what there was wasn't about the things that would have interested me. He would repeatedly get off on long lectures about how one day I would share the empire with x family member (nephew, son or grandson, I don't remember who it was). I could tell he didn't really want me sharing power, he had never really liked me to begin with. But then again, he seemed to have a mood problem, so I could never tell. He was getting old -no, he was old- and he was becoming sick. He was becoming increasingly paranoid, and at least on one occasion, I was woke up in the middle of the night because he was screaming in his sleep.


Macro, with bags beneath his eyes from lack of sleep, repeatedly made snark comments about wishing "the dead tree would fall over already" to which I simply nodded. Death is never a good thing to wish on anybody, regardless of how much you cannot stand them.


That's all I really recall for now. I'll definitely post back when I remember something else. The whole screaming thing though, what's funny about that is I cannot stand that shrieking, screaming, horror flick scream. I don't know. It sends shivers up my spine, and I don't think it's because I watch horror movies. I refuse to, because I have really bad nightmares. Like, unspeakable, would make most horror flicks look like a joke, save for Stephen King books.


Which, sometimes makes me an insomniac, because I won't go to sleep for fear of such a dream. I do recall maybe two other PLs where I would have really bad nightmares, and this PL being one of them.
 
I'm insomniac too. As I'm afraid of what I'll get. But lately I am busy learning to lucid dream so I can't really concentrate on PL memories.. But hopefully Caligula didn't do those things he did.. I heard before that he loved dressing up as Venus (Aphrodite)... And I'm quite curious whether that was wrongly written down or he was one of the first cross-dresser in history.
 
In Ancient Rome, Venus was a derogatory name for a male eunuch. I won't explain here, because I don't really know much about it. It is said that Cassius Chaerea (the guy that killed Caligula) was often called this by Caligula.


Don't get me wrong, it's not very nice, but I still find it (after all these years) utterly amusing.


It's funny you should say "dressing up like Venus", because I specifically recall doing something to that effect, but not necessarily a goddess. Also in regards to the cross-dressing, I do remember being punished quite a bit as a child by Germanicus for being not being "manly enough". According to him, I was taken with him on his skirmishes because if I was left at home, I'd be doing "woman's work".


Pffffttttt.....Roman generals >.>


Meh. I attempted to learn how to lucid dream for telepathic purposes. It hasn't worked yet.
 
Ah, I see.. Caligula's history is very mysterious indeed.


My New Year's Resolution; learn how to lucid dream and re-enact Inception in there alongside Di Caprio and the cast. : angel (And maybe shoot some.. People I hate there... ;) )


I'm still stuck on step 1.
 
Yes, very mysterious.


Inception and lucid dreaming go hand in hand :thumbsup:


Stuck on step 1? I'm stuck on step 0 :laugh:
 
My mother was complaining yesterday about how I am, in her words, "obsessed with a bunch of losers".


Naturally, I took this as an insult because I have a very "patriotic" Roman attitude, and second, I feel as if she were talking about me.


I try to not let it bother me, but it's really starting to annoy me how much she bags on Rome.


I am curious now if she had a bad PL experience with Rome and in particular, this PL of mine, since she reacted badly to the mere mention of his name.
 
take courage


I agree it is very brave of you to seek the truth in your experience and soul. Certainly the opinions and reactions of others are information to integrate that often reflect more upon them than you, and the knowing of what your life means for your own spiritual evolution comes from deeper inside. Famous past lives happen, hey look, I posted the next thread after you with my own. Maybe we'll start a trend, eh?


I have yet to read all the thread and am no expert myself, but I would recommend to you a major source of validation and support like the one I sought and found in Kevin Ryerson, who works with reincarnation researcher Walter Semkiw and was the channeler for Shirley MacLaine. The being Ahtun Re who works through him is a very wise Egyptian priest and a world-class gold standard for past life verification. Most important, he's a really sweet spirit who can steer you straight in what to make of the lessons to be found in a hot-potato past life like the one you're coming out about. One phone session is pricey but so worth it, can change your life, see www.kevinryerson.com


best wishes,


Carl
 
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