Ericale22
New Member
The breeze was cool as I ran back and forth in the yard. I was chasing after a clumsy zebra swallowtail. The Dogwoods had bloomed and the smell of fresh cut grass opened my soul to a beginning. Coming up the street was a beaten little red Toyota truck. His Mother's tiny arm flew out the window. With a cigarette between her lips she looked at my house smiling rather sardonically. I saw her boy in the passenger seat. He was wearing a black T-shirt that made his face appear to glow. As they slowly passed I made eye contact. His eyes were an angelic blue. As I starred into him for only a moment it was like I was gazing into an entire lifetime. Triggering a waterfall of intense emotions inside my 6 year old body.We had recently moved to what was once my Mother's childhood home. It was a familiar place to me.
Certain conveniences made for the outward appearance of a perfect life. Sounds of the train coming settled my soul like nothing else. I loved the way it vibrated my body and when the horn would blow as it approached the near crossing I experienced release of tension in my neck and shoulders. My balled fists opened as I felt a sense of familiarity and strength. A confidence of ability or feeling like I was old and wise.As a child and teen I dreamed of him often. I didn't think too much about it. I moved away from home when I was 15. Over the next 10 years up until the age of about 25 he came to me weekly in my dream states. The timing and places would vary sometimes we were children together and other times grown. Years passed on and he continued to innocently haunt my sleep and day dreams as well. I remember fantasizing about him from a very young age not usually sexually but I can acknowledge a certain level of intimacy or closeness involved. From that point in my life I had noticed him in my dreams. In concession of my over analytical ways I explained it away as an innocent childhood crush.
I married at the age of 18. In the next few years we began growing our family. The more time passed I daydreamed of him less but he still frequented my dreams at night. During my pregnancies these dreams of him became meaningful and surreal. Around 2008 I contacted him online and we exchanged a few messages catching up on past years. At one point he had written that he never forgot about me. I failed to mention I had been dreaming of him persistently since 1991. He seemed very unhappy and I wished to see him blissful in this life. I still long to be with him so much I manifest him in my subconscious mind. A few weeks ago at bedtime I had given a few moments for meditation and prayer. This night I had asked specifically for the universe to send an answer. My question was at this point unrelated to Robbie but that evening I had intense dreams of him. When I woke the next morning I remembered it so easily. I realized that for one I had dreamed of him so often throughout my life and didn't find it the least bit strange. Almost normal to me and in my heart I wanted him there. I actually enjoyed having him there and he brought comfort to my soul. Second off I realized that there is a reason I have dreamed of him so much.
More than an infatuated or obsessive love. I asked a question of the past and dreamt specifically of him. This has given me some insight to our soul connection. I don't know if I will reach out to Robbie. I have regained a sense of peace in understanding his role. I admit that I have strong feelings and attachment to him. I also know that if I contacted him he would most likely be happy to hear from me. I will continue to love him from a distance. I am working towards closure or finding it possible to let go. I am very attracted to him in this life but my love is undying like that of a mother or sibling. I'm longing to have him home with me, in a spiritual aspect he is there. I still desire a physical contact with him in the here and now. Eternal is his presence in my life eternal are our memories.
Certain conveniences made for the outward appearance of a perfect life. Sounds of the train coming settled my soul like nothing else. I loved the way it vibrated my body and when the horn would blow as it approached the near crossing I experienced release of tension in my neck and shoulders. My balled fists opened as I felt a sense of familiarity and strength. A confidence of ability or feeling like I was old and wise.As a child and teen I dreamed of him often. I didn't think too much about it. I moved away from home when I was 15. Over the next 10 years up until the age of about 25 he came to me weekly in my dream states. The timing and places would vary sometimes we were children together and other times grown. Years passed on and he continued to innocently haunt my sleep and day dreams as well. I remember fantasizing about him from a very young age not usually sexually but I can acknowledge a certain level of intimacy or closeness involved. From that point in my life I had noticed him in my dreams. In concession of my over analytical ways I explained it away as an innocent childhood crush.
I married at the age of 18. In the next few years we began growing our family. The more time passed I daydreamed of him less but he still frequented my dreams at night. During my pregnancies these dreams of him became meaningful and surreal. Around 2008 I contacted him online and we exchanged a few messages catching up on past years. At one point he had written that he never forgot about me. I failed to mention I had been dreaming of him persistently since 1991. He seemed very unhappy and I wished to see him blissful in this life. I still long to be with him so much I manifest him in my subconscious mind. A few weeks ago at bedtime I had given a few moments for meditation and prayer. This night I had asked specifically for the universe to send an answer. My question was at this point unrelated to Robbie but that evening I had intense dreams of him. When I woke the next morning I remembered it so easily. I realized that for one I had dreamed of him so often throughout my life and didn't find it the least bit strange. Almost normal to me and in my heart I wanted him there. I actually enjoyed having him there and he brought comfort to my soul. Second off I realized that there is a reason I have dreamed of him so much.
More than an infatuated or obsessive love. I asked a question of the past and dreamt specifically of him. This has given me some insight to our soul connection. I don't know if I will reach out to Robbie. I have regained a sense of peace in understanding his role. I admit that I have strong feelings and attachment to him. I also know that if I contacted him he would most likely be happy to hear from me. I will continue to love him from a distance. I am working towards closure or finding it possible to let go. I am very attracted to him in this life but my love is undying like that of a mother or sibling. I'm longing to have him home with me, in a spiritual aspect he is there. I still desire a physical contact with him in the here and now. Eternal is his presence in my life eternal are our memories.
