Glory

[Jim78]

I wrote this poem when I was 17 which would have been 19 years before I started remembering past lives. I always believed my poetry came from something deeper than I was aware of. Many of my poems from that period resonated with me recently because they reflected what I am going through now as an adult, but this poem seems to reflect my past life:

GLORY

On the hailing of a grey armoury,
to our wartorn heartbeats
we break moist bread,
where at those murky places
we wreak placid revenge.

Do we understand?

To wrap that machine gun
around cold, steeled shoulders,
to feel that barrel,
that chastened power
is a sweet haven
to a martian heaven.

That rattling and piercing
to not ballot the living,
to shatter tranquility
among gunnery pinning.

Do we understand?

A body rises and falls
to give up the living,
it's blood ripples,
a pool of unnerving sin.

Simple,
it's just a trigger.

And to a life
the final thought,
to panic in anger and warfare burning
where lips redden among deafening gurning
and an eye stares
within a tunnel.

The speed of the bullet
to speed from the living
and the soldier will lay
dead from our troubles.

Do we understand?

////

You can see with the moist bread phrase I was referring to war and Catholicism. The second two versus pretty much describe an ambush. The last section describes a soldier dying a messy death. Thats why I called the poem Glory, because soldiers killing and dying is anything but glorious.

This is my death from my immediate previous life that I remember:

I didn't post a website link because I doubt anyone would want to read a long essay on the ambush but thats basically it. I was shot in an ambush in my past life.

 

[Cassie]

I found your poem very brutal, but very true.
Though before guns killing was still barbaric, it was also an artform, a craft, and gave a lot of men a way to defend what they believe in, and to fight honestly for that belief.

Those who put a years/lifetimes worth of devotion, time and energy into channelling a weapon in the practice of swordplay, archery, spearmanship are often the most grounded, spiritual and brave people you'll ever meet.

Guns allow cowards to cut down masters, there is No Honor in the gun, nor any in the one who wields it, but that's the world we live in now. No skill required, no morals required, just aim and pull the trigger.

I'm sad that you think there's is no glory in a man who lives and dies to protect his country and his comrades especially regarding the age before guns, because the work that he puts in to becoming the man everyone needs him to be is a sacred thing.
It may not be a glorious end to die that way, but I bet it's glorious to live your life with that kind of devotion and determination.

I have respect for those that have fought for me, and those I've fought with.

 

[Jim78]

For me my poem has truth to it beyond the seventeen years I was when I wrote it. Also I have seen some ancient killing fields and I doubt many men fought completely honestly...they just fought any way they could. There was skill involved but there was also rage. In the heat of battle men do awful things to each other. I've been challenged in my current life with the idea that fighting for anything is wrong...violence breeds violence.

There is a synergy in old school combat I agree, but they are only noble in our terms. What of God's terms? I'm thinking that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross is the only righteous way to go. Just let evil happen to you, don't perpetuate it.

This whole notion of the noble art of warfare is lost in the heat of battle. I don't think God wants any man to do that to another. I just wish I'd realised it sooner. I remember the passions of men fighting on ancient battlefields, I remember these masses of life gathering momentum and clashing in great displays of warfare but what sticks with me most is the aftermath of those battles. I remember celebrating my victories at the time but that shames me now. I'm disgusted that I ever saw it as a necessary evil. Now when I remember the dead strewn across battlefields I just see the waste of men. I know they were fighting for something they believed in, whether it was my leadership or their beliefs or whatever. My problem is that I fought for love in my current life...I mean that's more eternal and divine than a countries border or an ideal of nationhood or whatever. I thought fighting for love was an epic endevour that most definately had Gods approval...then I found out I was wrong. Now I realise I was always wrong so I view those ancient battles as the folly of a misguided humanity. I'm done with leading men over a cliff.

What are masters? In spiritual terms we are all equal. Maybe a two bit assassin gunning down a General is a part of his life journey that he needs to go on? Maybe the General needed to confront his own nature? Who can say why things happen?

I'm looking beyond my country in my current life. I served my country in my own fashion in this life but because I remember past lives I'm looking to the spiritual reasons for my conflict. I had amnesia in my lives. I only remember some of it now. I see the path behind me and I wonder what lies ahead of me. I knew what I needed to be in all of my lives but now in my current life I'm wondering who I should be.

Devotion and determination put me on combat mode. How long am I going to fight and what am I going to do when all that is left to fight is my very own demons?

( Edited because I was drunk and didn't say everything I meant to say. )

 

[Cassie]

Thank you for the reply, sorry it took me so long to get back to you, a lot has been happening in my life.

I don't really believe in God, so I don't know about God's terms, or how to respond to that part.
I only believe in the Universe, and whether or not the Universe has values that refined, I can't be sure.

War has caused so many good spirited men to die. I remember reading about an invasion on an 'enemy' fortress in Japan, and there was a young flute player who happened
to be performing in the main hall. Just an innocent bystander in the wrong place at the wrong time.
As the battle commenced, he tried to make a break for it and reached the ocean, one of the soldiers chased him down, but seeing that he was just a boy of around fifteen, was reluctant to kill him.

But it was war, and the soldier knew that if he didn't kill the boy, someone else would, and they'd do it slowly.
So the soldier said to the boy, "I'm sorry that you have to die, but better it be me than another who ends your life. Because I will do it quickly, and I will say a prayer for you."
The boy knew that to be true and accepted his fate, and after killing the boy, the soldier cried.

I don't condone war, or violence, and I feel a great sense of loss when I think about those who've given their lives for leaders who've never taken up the fight themselves.
I've always fought for love and loved those who've fought for it, and if going back were possible I'd go back to fight and die for them again.
I believe there's a difference between fighting to live and living to fight.

The honour I speak of is reserved for those who genuinely want to defend their countries, families and comrades from outside forces.
True that many kill because they get a kick out of it, it's hard not to get a kick out of it to be perfectly honest, especially if you're fighting for someone/something you love
that someone else is attempting to destroy.

I see the path behind me and I wonder what lies ahead of me. I knew what I needed to be in all of my lives but now in my current life I'm wondering who I should be.
Devotion and determination put me on combat mode. How long am I going to fight and what am I going to do when all that is left to fight is my very own demons?

I feel like you just read my mind.
I'm exactly like you, I've spent so long knowing who I am and what my place/purpose is in the grand scheme, but when I look at this life, it's like I'm on a really terrible
vacation from it all. Like most of me is locked away in storage, and the only parts left of me now are frailty and memory, and a crushing lack of purpose.

I'm still fighting to the death in my heart and mind, but my body just gets up each day and goes to work, or to the grocery store.
'How long am I going to fight, and what am I going to do when all that's left is to fight my own demons.'

Well, when it comes to facing our demons, it will be about accepting them, which is probably a million times harder for us than fighting them off.
Laying down your weapons and saying 'I've done all of this, these are my reasons, now it's time to reflect upon it, accept it, and find a new path to take. To make amends for my mistakes, to ask for forgiveness from those I've hurt, and ask for guidance for the future of my existence.

Humans make other humans do terrible things, but there's more to existence than humans, and more to the Universe than Earth.
I hope that you'll go on to become something greater, after the things you've seen and done, I'm sure you will.

I think we assume God hates violence because we are ashamed of being violent.
But if God made man (even if just dropping in the whole free-will option) God is smart enough to know that we'd be this way, especially so early on.
Surely that would make God equally as violent, for allowing it to play out like it has.

We might only view it as negative because we are so fragile.
Can't make new stars and planets without sacrificing some old ones, that's pretty violent.
In some instances, violence is also passionate, and God is also passionate.

I don't know, I could be rambling.

 

[KenJ]

This is an interesting thread with some eloquently written messages, I have had romantic visions of heroic actions and daring. Fortunately I was able to have played with war-toys in a safer manner after joining the National Guard as a teenager and get it out of my system after seeing the politics and stupid stuff behind so much of what was going on.

Guns are getting a bad rap at this point in time, no one hears of the people like Ed McGivern anymore. With all the recent conversations about automatic weapons, ponder on just one of his accomplishments with a REVOLVER. "His accomplishments include firing two times from 15 feet five shots which could be covered by a silver half-dollar piece in 45/100 of a second". His shooting was so rapid, timing machines would malfunction in attempting to record his shooting speed." that's firing five shots in less than half a second while being accurate as well!

Another person I recall was Mike Fink who was paid NOT to compete in marksmanship contests because he could not be beaten.

And with regard for war heroes, three that come to mind are Robert Trimble, Louis Zamperini, and Henri Landwirth whose stories are found in the books Beyond the Call, Unbroken, and Gift of Life with Henri's life having been as a young captive in a concentration camp rather than as a soldier.

 

[Jim78]

I don't really believe in God, so I don't know about God's terms, or how to respond to that part.
I only believe in the Universe, and whether or not the Universe has values that refined, I can't be sure..

I believe in God because I had an NDE in 1998. I was an athiest back then. An entity who knew me better than I know myself appeared to my left as I was travelling down the death tunnel and said "If you don't go back now it will be too late." I survived obviously but after that I realised that there was a concious purpose to things. The lessons I've learn't in my life also point to the notion that I'm being taught by a teacher. Like the argument goes, how could I be learning a moral lesson if there is no moral lawgiver?

War has caused so many good spirited men to die. I remember reading about an invasion on an 'enemy' fortress in Japan, and there was a young flute player who happened
to be performing in the main hall. Just an innocent bystander in the wrong place at the wrong time.
As the battle commenced, he tried to make a break for it and reached the ocean, one of the soldiers chased him down, but seeing that he was just a boy of around fifteen, was reluctant to kill him.

But it was war, and the soldier knew that if he didn't kill the boy, someone else would, and they'd do it slowly.
So the soldier said to the boy, "I'm sorry that you have to die, but better it be me than another who ends your life. Because I will do it quickly, and I will say a prayer for you."
The boy knew that to be true and accepted his fate, and after killing the boy, the soldier cried..

My life lesson has taught me that in that situation one should let someone else kill the boy. Don't commit evil for any reason. It's hard to shift my instincts though after millenia of doing it the 'heroic' way. I genuinely feel like I've been misinformed by the culture. We hold up people who commit ignoble acts as being heroic and brave when in actuality they are just working through their own karma. I can't even watch an action film much anymore because where most people see the protagonist as a hero I just see someone committing evil in the name of righteousness. I see a fool such as I. I see it everywhere, it permeates the culture and has done for at least as long as records have been kept. God seems to wants us all to rise above the evils that humanity does to itself. I'm all for what God wants. I even said to God once in my life that I'm trying the best I can but that I don't know what you want from me. I didn't know what was a divine morality. My life and the choices I made illustrated it for me in no uncertain terms however. I can't ignore what I know.

I don't condone war, or violence, and I feel a great sense of loss when I think about those who've given their lives for leaders who've never taken up the fight themselves.
I've always fought for love and loved those who've fought for it, and if going back were possible I'd go back to fight and die for them again.
I believe there's a difference between fighting to live and living to fight.

I always thought that a leader should put his life on the line along with his men but now I realise that I was only inspiring other people to commit evil, so I won't be doing that again. I fought for love of country, love of comrades, love of whatever...many different kinds of love in many different incarnations, but I thought the love between a man and a woman was above any of that. I won't be fighting and dying again. God doesn't want me to fight.

The honour I speak of is reserved for those who genuinely want to defend their countries, families and comrades from outside forces.
True that many kill because they get a kick out of it, it's hard not to get a kick out of it to be perfectly honest, especially if you're fighting for someone/something you love
that someone else is attempting to destroy.

I thought there was honour in fighting for a country, family or comrades but I've learned that there is no honour in it before God. I will have to stand before him when I die and say that I did it for love. It just doesn't strike me the way it used to as being a valid reason in His eyes. My past incarnations have been honoured for their bravery, heroism, skills and talents over and over again. My current incarnation is not honoured because I made a choice not to fight a great evil. There is no honour in war, only evil. I find it ironic that I should realise that I was all these brave soldiers who were highly honoured from the past at the exact same time that I relised I was always wrong. I walk around now feeling ashamed of the men I've been. I see no honour in it anymore.

I feel like you just read my mind.
I'm exactly like you, I've spent so long knowing who I am and what my place/purpose is in the grand scheme, but when I look at this life, it's like I'm on a really terrible
vacation from it all. Like most of me is locked away in storage, and the only parts left of me now are frailty and memory, and a crushing lack of purpose.

I'm still fighting to the death in my heart and mind, but my body just gets up each day and goes to work, or to the grocery store.
'How long am I going to fight, and what am I going to do when all that's left is to fight my own demons.'

Well, when it comes to facing our demons, it will be about accepting them, which is probably a million times harder for us than fighting them off.
Laying down your weapons and saying 'I've done all of this, these are my reasons, now it's time to reflect upon it, accept it, and find a new path to take. To make amends for my mistakes, to ask for forgiveness from those I've hurt, and ask for guidance for the future of my existence.

Humans make other humans do terrible things, but there's more to existence than humans, and more to the Universe than Earth.
I hope that you'll go on to become something greater, after the things you've seen and done, I'm sure you will.

Karma has come around to me and bit me in the rear. I thought I was defined by my actions but now I wonder about my intentions. Did I fight evil out of a sense of goodness or because me ego wouldn't accept losing. Did I confront God out of a sense of wanting to evolve or because I couldn't accept not having answers? Many actions I've taken I questions nowadays. What were my true intentions and motivations? I did always think that I was doing good though, that much I do know. It was an Earth shattering shock to my system to realise that all I did was bad.

I think we assume God hates violence because we are ashamed of being violent.
But if God made man (even if just dropping in the whole free-will option) God is smart enough to know that we'd be this way, especially so early on.
Surely that would make God equally as violent, for allowing it to play out like it has.

We might only view it as negative because we are so fragile.
Can't make new stars and planets without sacrificing some old ones, that's pretty violent.
In some instances, violence is also passionate, and God is also passionate.

I don't know, I could be rambling.

God is soveriegn. He is above violence. He only intervenes when He knows we are ready for Him in my experience. He has eternal patience and leaves us to make our own mistakes and to learn in our own good time. For me God letting evil happen is a divine grace. No wonder He sends us back to Earth again and again. We are children in His eyes. We come here to learn in my opinion. God letting violence happen doesn't mean God is violent although I do agree that there is violence and pain in the universe. I tried to figure out the spiritual reasons for that myself and I thanked God for my pain...because I'd learn't from it. My morality has been challenged completely in my current life but my beliefs haven't. I don't know if that's a positive or a negative for me though. God leaves much a mystery

Humans are passionate most certainly. I always believed there was a reason for the dichotomy of good and evil within men. I believed it was so that we could arrive at a higher morality. I was faced with a huge moral choice in my current life. I choose not to fight evil this time so perhaps I hit on thinking greater, more divine than I had known? Afterwards I used a Bob Dylan quote to surrender to God. I said 'Momma, put my guns in the ground, I can't shoot them anymore. That long black cloud is coming down, I feel I'm knocking on heavens door. I surrender.' God never replied obviously so I don't know if he accepted my surrender or if he will **** me for rebelling against Him. Either way since my eyes have opened to reincarnation all my battles are now internal and your right, one can't beat them, one can only accept them.

Your not rambling. Much of what you've said resonated with me. Thanks for your post.

 

[Jim78]

This is an interesting thread with some eloquently written messages, I have had romantic visions of heroic actions and daring. Fortunately I was able to have played with war-toys in a safer manner after joining the National Guard as a teenager and get it out of my system after seeing the politics and stupid stuff behind so much of what was going on.

Guns are getting a bad rap at this point in time, no one hears of the people like Ed McGivern anymore. With all the recent conversations about automatic weapons, ponder on just one of his accomplishments with a REVOLVER. "His accomplishments include firing two times from 15 feet five shots which could be covered by a silver half-dollar piece in 45/100 of a second". His shooting was so rapid, timing machines would malfunction in attempting to record his shooting speed." that's firing five shots in less than half a second while being accurate as well!

Another person I recall was Mike Fink who was paid NOT to compete in marksmanship contests because he could not be beaten.

And with regard for war heroes, three that come to mind are Robert Trimble, Louis Zamperini, and Henri Landwirth whose stories are found in the books Beyond the Call, Unbroken, and Gift of Life with Henri's life having been as a young captive in a concentration camp rather than as a soldier.

Thanks Ken. I also had romantic visions of heroic actions and daring when I was younger but I grew up during the troubles and I saw young men join that cause because they thought it was heroic. I didn't though because the IRA targeted civilians. I didn't think that was war, I thought it was murder plain and simple. I opposed such outright villiany. After I realised who had been my last remembered incarnation I realised that must have been a lesson from that life. In that life I was also opposed to targeting civilians. I limited my actions to legitimate targets, not random killing. I still held the viewpoint that there was necessary evils however. That was my first lesson on war in my current life.

My humanist ideals made me oppose the Iraq war. I thought it was up to the Iraqi people to end that regime not an outside force to do it. I went on all of the protests and signed all of the petitions. I knew it wouldn't have made a difference but I had to take a stand for what I believed was right. That was my second lesson on war in this life.

Then I fell in love. Powerful forces were at work and I opposed them. I used guerilla warfare tactics and media manipulation to infiltrate and destroy. I found myself in a war of one against many and they had much greater resources than I had. I thought that finally I had found a justifiable fight. I thought that this was my chance at redemption. I fought and fought and just as I was on the cusp of winning I was faced with a profound moral choice. Fight evil and create a greater evil or just down guns and let evil happen. I choose to just let evil happen. I wasn't going to be responsible for such destruction. I didn't stop fighting the smaller fight for my love however and coupled with my knowledge of reincarnation once that situation played itself out I found myself staring into the mouth of hell.

It was then that I realised that there was no justifiable war. I feel very foolish and because I saw into hell the thought of dying terrifies me. It never terrified me when I was fighting others in all of my lives but now that I'm grappling with my own self it does now. Karma is upon me because I was misinformed.

I understand people have a talent for the gun but personally having skills at war is something I resent now, but it seems that those are skills that were aquired over many lifetimes. As such there are no 'geniuses', just souls with a lot of experience at something. I'm good at poetry and art too. I just wish my life lessons revolved around those instead of around war. I want to be defined by something peaceful not something destructive. But it is what it is.

 

[KenJ]

Jim, I must be "loosing it" as I see that I forgot my intent while checking the names I entered. My point was that guns are tools that have all kinds of uses rather than being evil things, and the other point was that there are things that happen in wars that produce some major life lessons that may have been hard to elicit otherwise. I personally have come to think that it is Intent that matters as much or more than the Action itself.

 

[Jim78]

Jim, I must be "loosing it" as I see that I forgot my intent while checking the names I entered. My point was that guns are tools that have all kinds of uses rather than being evil things, and the other point was that there are things that happen in wars that produce some major life lessons that may have been hard to elicit otherwise. I personally have come to think that it is Intent that matters as much or more than the Action itself.

I don't see how wielding something as destructive as a gun can be a positive thing Ken. I can see how it might be considered an art or a sport but it's primary function is to destroy. Two of my friends bought that new Call Of Duty: WW2 and I went with them the night it was released. I'm not a gamer but I said I'd go with them. There was a big queue for the game and I said to the line of people ironically "WW2 must be a very popular war." They laughed but I was dead serious. A lot of humans seem to enjoy violence for sport or fun including boxing and such. I do wonder what hope there is for humanity if we can get fun out of our dark impulses. It's not even limited to sports. I still sometimes get an adrenaline rush when I recall my various victories in spite of everything I've learned. I wonder what's the spiritual point to having both light and dark inside of us. I believed it was to help us evolve through our moral trials...maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong...I don't know.

I do doubt my intentions when I took action in the past of many lives but I doubt everything about me now. I remember bits and pieces of a handful of lives and a lot of what I remember is battling and killing. I wonder what else I've done that I don't know about and I find that deeply unsettling. I've only hit the tip of the iceberg with regards to my past lives. Remembering them for me is kind of like drinking yourself into oblivion, causing mayhem and remembering bit and pieces the next morning of what your behaviour was like. It freaks me out and shames me. I wonder if I manifested how others see me because of my ego and if I did do it because of my ego am I ultimately responsible for that since I was unaware of it at the time? I did want to fight oppression in my recent incarnations and I thought even going so far as sacrificing myself was the righteous thing to do so I know it wasn't all ego. I felt sincere ( but misguided ) at the time, I didn't feel like I was faking it to myself but I still doubt it because human beings have the capacity to lie to themselves. Trying to discern even ones own motivations is a labyrinth of dead ends and misdirection imo.

 

[Cassie]

I think my lack of belief in God, and in Karma, means that I can't share your views.
I don't really believe in 'Evil' or 'Good' either, just negativity and positive energy, and whether or not they benefit the Universe.
Each action, including killing, should be taken case by case. I can't agree that all killing is wrong, when I see a murderer or a rapist put to death I feel a great sense of relief,
as if a great weight has been lifted from my own soul.
Because we differ in belief system, our views are entirely different.

I believe that positive energies sometimes need to commit negative acts, get their hands dirty, for the sake of the greater good.
That it's our responsibility to clean up the mess people leave behind.
I committed negative acts, killed people, but I've never regretted it, I can't imagine how that must feel.
But I don't see myself as wholly 'human', so for you it is probably different in that sense too.

Of course as a Christian I assume you don't believe in races from other places outside of Earth?

In my view, everything is intertwined endlessly because the Universe is always battling itself.
Yes hate breeds hate, and death breeds even more death, but not everything can be solved with a fruitbasket, unfortunately
Humans are impossible creatures.

 

[Jim78]

That's fair enough Cassie. We all have our own views but you need to understand that up until October 2015 my views were pretty much the same as yours. It was then that I was confronted with how wrong my viewpoint was. Also because of an incident that occurred four years ago I was confronted with the reality that I don't know the motivations of those among us who seem purely evil. I was humbled, I realised that I wasn't in a position to judge them ( I can't go into detail on how I was humbled however. Some things should remain a secret ). We only differ in belief systems because my perspective has altered. My new perspective gives me a hellish viewpoint on my past and current life 'heroics' yet I'm glad to have a new perspective on this stuff because after millenia of fighting I needed to think about it.

I got my hands dirty for the greater good in every life that I can recall but all I'm saying is that my perspective has altered. I realise now that's not what a higher power wants from me. You have to understand that I organised chaos, I moved human lives around like pieces on a chess board and I saw a lot of destruction in all of my lives. I never lost a wink of sleep over it because I believed that I was fighting for a greater good. If I hadn't of thought it necessary I wouldn't have done it. I was as ruthless as they come. But now that my eyes are opened to the fact that I was helping to perpetuate evil all along now I can see the evil that I have done and I must take responsibility for it. This conscience that I never had about destroying what I thought was evil has caught up with me because I realised it wasn't evil at all, it was just a perspective different from mine. I'm bloody good at war which makes me bloody good at spreading evil. That's not something I ever wanted for myself. I wanted to be good. My ruthlessness has turned inward on myself. I wasn't what I thought I was.

I'm not a Christian. I'm not any religion. I'm just a man who had an NDE and believes in God. What that God is is beyond me however but it's such a vast universe I doubt Earth is the only inhabited planet. I believe in aliens. If life occurred on this ball of rock why not elsewhere?

I know not everything can be solved with a fruit basket. You have to understand, 3 years ago I referred to destroying other men as 'you can't make an omellette without breaking a few eggs' and 'there's necessary evils'. That was my attitude. I believed life was tough and I had to be tough with it. If someone threatens you you destroy them any way that you can. In my case I turned their power against them. I hit them in short, sharp busts. It was like a game for me. I didn't care, I was fighting evil. Now why on earth would faith throw me an attitude readjustment?

This is a quote from my immediate last remembered incarnation:

“There is no crime in detecting and destroying in wartime the spy and informer. They have destroyed without trial. I have paid them back in their own coin.”

So you see? I hadn't changed my viewpoint since my last life at all. I believed if it's heavy you be heavy with it. What I've learned is exactly what I said. In my experience the only righteous thing to do is allow yourself to die rather than kill someone yourself. That's not a choice I've been confronted with but to my mind that's a much braver act than I've done in any of my incarnations. It's really hard for me not to fight in my life though. My brains hardwired to it instinctively. I said to someone once about my last remembered incarnation ( before I was aware I was him in a past life ) "For ninety two years people have wondered why he got out of the car...If he hadn't of gotten out of the car he would have been grand. Well I know why he got out of the car. He had to fight. It was his nature...you can't fight your nature." Nowadays I think about those words that I spoke, because I'm doing nothing but fighting my nature now. It's a losing battle because I know I should accept my nature and chose not to do evil.

We are in agreement about one thing. Humans are impossible creatures.