How can one achieve selflessness?

[Syd]

Hello to all.
I am curious to see how others are able to pass day by day and not take things personal, not get mad and angry with others in these times.
I am fairly new to practice the spiritual thinking: 10 years or so. But I always had so much compassion for everyone, always put others before me, trying to help if I can. However there are situations and even persons that make my blood boil...
I was reading Osho and Thorwald Dethlefsen, which gave me a lot of info about the fact that there's more to life than coping with others and living through life meaningless.
I figure that my basic problem is that I'm selfish. I take things personal, and I'm so deep asleep that I can't help myself. The worst is that even with all that knowledge (which seems nothing compared to what I have been reading here on the forums) I feel so alone. Each time I'm talking about spirituality and different ways of living and seeing things, others are looking funny at me or changing subject.
Am I suppose to stop caring about other people's opinion and put myself first or put everyone before me and be a slave?
Maybe seeing a psychologist will help?

Please don't hesitate to give your opinion, I really appreciate any kind of advice.

Sincerely S.V.

 

[There and back again]

I've seen this come up A Lot with those who get into the new age movement only to wash out of a abusive cult. The whole ego death is just really about softening people up so they can be programmed to not feel much nor think for themselves while being brainwashed by some guru ect.

 

[Syd]

I've seen this come up A Lot with those who get into the new age movement only to wash out of a abusive cult. The whole ego death is just really about softening people up so they can be programmed to not feel much nor think for themselves while being brainwashed by some guru ect.

Then how is this supposed to work? How to practice mindfulness? How to start being a better version of yourself? Can I respond to others with what I really think or I will just unnecessarily hurt them?
In the end, I realized that it's MY point of view and I see everything through my eyes and my resonance so I AM alone...
Nobody has the ultimate truth and one's jurnee is personal and lonely. So how do I get in touch with myself?

 

[There and back again]

I'll say just be yourself and not try to be someone else otherwise you'll end up going down roads best not traveled.

 

[fireflydancing]

Hi Szidonia Vass,
Welcome to the forum. I am glad you figured out how to start a discussion.
I think @There and back again gave you the best advice: be yourself.
The problem is not the choice between yourself and others.
When you learn to know who you are (with all the natural imperfections) and you feel confident with yourself, you'll get a kind of peace over you. It will no longer matter what others think in a very friendly way.
Fortunately, this happens to most of us when we get older. That's why we love our grandmothers. They learned the lessons of life, they finally figured out who they are and that's exactly why they can devote so much time to others (I admit: sketchy image, but I hope you get my point. Some young people know who they are from the beginning and some old people never learn.).

There is a difference when you give your time and energy to others because you want them to like you, or when you give your time and energy to others because you've got so much love in your storage that you can't help sharing.

 

[Syd]

Hi Szidonia Vass,
Welcome to the forum. I am glad you figured out how to start a discussion.
I think @There and back again gave you the best advice: be yourself.
The problem is not the choice between yourself and others.
When you learn to know who you are (with all the natural imperfections) and you feel confident with yourself, you'll get a kind of peace over you. It will no longer matter what others think in a very friendly way.
Fortunately, this happens to most of us when we get older. That's why we love our grandmothers. They learned the lessons of life, they finally figured out who they are and that's exactly why they can devote so much time to others (I admit: sketchy image, but I hope you get my point. Some young people know who they are from the beginning and some old people never learn.).

There is a difference when you give your time and energy to others because you want them to like you, or when you give your time and energy to others because you've got so much love in your storage that you can't help sharing.

Make sense what you are saying. I should figure out who am I. How about being sincere with others? If they distance themselves because of my fate and convictions? I find myself hiding out of fear ending up alone, or being judged... Than again, I see others being rude, even mean and getting away with it... I was thought that if I don't have anything positive to say, better to shut up.

 

[cloud potato]

Hi! I hope this helps you, https://scottjeffrey.com/shadow-work/ the shadow self.
Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers, how often do we circle back to lessons learned then forgotten? People are so used to searching for their questions online, we've abandoned the practice of really looking at the question it self and looking within ourselves.

My friend has called this world a hall of mirrors. People reflect back to us- gratitude, intolerance. Where does it come from?

Why would people change the subject when you want to discuss your spirituality? Some are uncomfortable discussing in ways that mean being vulnerable, it's a beautiful quality and I think it means you have something to offer.

There's a difference in providing a service because you want to versus providing a service because you think you have to.

Enjoy these moments, even the feelings you are having now! As we grow older, we find appreciation for this Journey and unique personality.

 

[Syd]

Hi! I hope this helps you, https://scottjeffrey.com/shadow-work/ the shadow self.
Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers, how often do we circle back to lessons learned then forgotten? People are so used to searching for their questions online, we've abandoned the practice of really looking at the question it self and looking within ourselves.

My friend has called this world a hall of mirrors. People reflect back to us- gratitude, intolerance. Where does it come from?

Why would people change the subject when you want to discuss your spirituality? Some are uncomfortable discussing in ways that mean being vulnerable, it's a beautiful quality and I think it means you have something to offer.

There's a difference in providing a service because you want to versus providing a service because you think you have to.

Enjoy these moments, even the feelings you are having now! As we grow older, we find appreciation for this Journey and unique personality.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I already read about this a bit, but this link has so many info on so many sides. You made me so happy

 

[Ajay0]

Hello to all.
I am curious to see how others are able to pass day by day and not take things personal, not get mad and angry with others in these times.
I am fairly new to practice the spiritual thinking: 10 years or so. But I always had so much compassion for everyone, always put others before me, trying to help if I can. However there are situations and even persons that make my blood boil...
I was reading Osho and Thorwald Dethlefsen, which gave me a lot of info about the fact that there's more to life than coping with others and living through life meaningless.
I figure that my basic problem is that I'm selfish. I take things personal, and I'm so deep asleep that I can't help myself. The worst is that even with all that knowledge (which seems nothing compared to what I have been reading here on the forums) I feel so alone. Each time I'm talking about spirituality and different ways of living and seeing things, others are looking funny at me or changing subject.
Am I suppose to stop caring about other people's opinion and put myself first or put everyone before me and be a slave?
Maybe seeing a psychologist will help?

Please don't hesitate to give your opinion, I really appreciate any kind of advice.

Sincerely S.V.

There is a saying by the enlightened master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, " Do not be a football of others opinions".

The society around us is unconsciously conditioned with likes and dislikes, and the conditioned try to make sure others too conform to such patterns and won't tolerate conscious rebels.

So it takes a certain level of consciousness and inner strength to swim against the current. Of course it is practical to be flexible and agree and conform to others wishes and opinions, as one can gain a lot of superficial friends who will still be useful here and there.

But if you are intent on making a change for the better in the world, it is important to forge your own path.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~ George Bernard Shaw


However, it is also important to do your due diligence in terms of research, study and investigation, and exercise proper judgement before setting your values and ideals.


My definition of an educated man is the fellow who knows the right thing to do at the time it has to be done. You can be sincere and still be stupid. ~ Charles Kettering

 

[Syd]

There is a saying by the enlightened master Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, " Do not be a football of others opinions".

The society around us is unconsciously conditioned with likes and dislikes, and the conditioned try to make sure others too conform to such patterns and won't tolerate conscious rebels.

So it takes a certain level of consciousness and inner strength to swim against the current. Of course it is practical to be flexible and agree and conform to others wishes and opinions, as one can gain a lot of superficial friends who will still be useful here and there.

But if you are intent on making a change for the better in the world, it is important to forge your own path.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~ George Bernard Shaw


However, it is also important to do your due diligence in terms of research, study and investigation, and exercise proper judgement before setting your values and ideals.


My definition of an educated man is the fellow who knows the right thing to do at the time it has to be done. You can be sincere and still be stupid. ~ Charles Kettering

Thank you Ajayo for your thaughs. I noticed myself that the thinkers and spiritual leaders are usually not accepted through out the history. For sure I'm not going to become one. From what I have read and understand spiritual ascending is one personal and private path, and not an easy one either. My parents where seeking God in different churches all my life and I developed a resistance during the years. But I always felt that there is a higher power. Now that I have more information is alot easier to understand. Although life is not easy at all. There are events and situations that we are not in control at all, and at least now I know why.

 

[Ajay0]

Yeah, silence and solitude is a price or austerity you may have to pay for the truth and being anchored in it. It develops strength in you and provides an oasis of truth and wisdom for society around you as well, especially those seekers who are similarly attracted to truth and authentic knowledge.

Man is made for error; it enters his mind naturally, and he discovers a few truths only with the greatest effort. ~ Frederick the Great

Buddha, Socrates, Jesus, Tesla and other benefactors of humanity had similarly been lovers of solitude and silence and stayed away from the conditioned crowd.

I suppose this is how society and mankind rises up from ignorance to wisdom, barbarism to civilization and darkness to light.