I don´t get any further - need input :-(

[glia21]

Hello,
I´ve written a couple of times here already, always mentioning one thing or the other, but I haven´t introduced myself yet and I havent´t got that much feedback. I´m reaching a point where I really badly need input, just anything.. :-(
To make a start, I´m living in Austria all my life. I´m in my late 30ies, I´m a psychologist, married and have three kids. Now I live in Vienna but during my childhood I grew up in rural Austria.
What I remember are mostly glimpses and flashbacks, I remember emotional situations, since I was roughly 9 or ten years old (but I think even earlier than that). When I was 10 years old I saw a picture of JD in a book . It was a book about being a kid detective and back then I was interested in stuff like that, in gadgets and weapons in playing cowboy and Indians, cops and robbers, and very much in Billy the Kid. Even though I´m female I was never interested in girl things and even refused to accept that I´m a girl for a long time. It worked only for a while of course and I had lots of trouble with myself and my identity. It didn´t get any better by seeing that picture (it was a mug shot). Because by seeing that picture all I was thinking was "how terrible I looked like" and I couldn´t even look at it. Later I had memories of a grocery store where I was selling things, a giant box of nails I was playing with, my dad´s car I was ordered to watch so nobody might steal it (and waitin there for hours and hours..), I remembered me playing with my best friend back then feeling so very close and at home with him whereas at my then-real home I didn´t feel so much protected. I remembered dogs we owned. And I always had an uneasy feeling when we entered the local bank. ;-) Really! Feeling ashamed for no reason. It was very intense when I was a kid and teen and lasted until my mid 20ies.
Since there was no internet available for me in the early and mid 90ies I couldn´t check facts. Only when I went to college I tried to find relatives of the family. I was mostly interested in the siblings not that much in robberies or the exact timeline. I found nothing worth mentioning.
I happened to travel to Chicago July in 1998 and visited the movie theater he (I?) was supposed to be shot but didn´t feel emotional about it. I also read several books in the meantime so that will make it hard for me to validate things - quite impossible by now I guess.
So what`s my problem? I don´t get over it. It´s with me all the time. I want to get rid of these memories. Or work it out. I want to settle more in my current life. But a tiny voice in me wants to know if it is all for real.

What I already tried:
- meditate (doesn´t work for me :-( )
- try to have dreams (I do have mixed up dreams but nothing that helped)
- even a therapy session - didn´t work either

What do you do to keep things away in your daily life?
Am I the only one with that kind of problem?

Thank you very much for reading this!

 

[KenJ]

Hi glia21, it sounds as though you have tried most of the easier things, could regression be the next thing to try? Being a psychologist and having "problems" brings to light that all of us are human and experience similar things. I never finished my second year of supervised internship (I never became a licensed psychologist), but felt the pressure of others thinking that I was supposed to have answers to all of those kinds of questions, however, in looking at your previous posts, you seem to be able to ask quite easily – too bad that no answers were forthcoming.

IMHO it would probably help somewhat to forgive John for the life-script that he lived and recognize the need for all of us to have such varied experiences – at least that is what is most people believe and is comforting.

Your post is helpful to me since I have always wanted to have memories of prior lives with only a mild recognition that it would be “unwise” or painful, perhaps I should be grateful that I’ve only experienced other “validations”. However, I’d still like to experience something as I now have plenty of time to research it.

It would help me a bit if you could further explain why those memories are such a bother, do they make you anxious, ashamed, embarrassed, or what? Does it interfere in your life somehow?

Incidentally, I’m impressed with your mastery of the English language.

 

[baro-san]

I've read several books about past-life and life-between-lives regressions, then about self-hypnosis. I've also watched some youtube videos on the same subjects. Currently I'm using self-hypnosis successfully. I realized that many rituals, techniques, methods used by priests, shamans, astral travelers, and others (including advertising, self help) are actually based on hypnosis and self-hypnosis.

I recommend everybody to learn about it, and use it. It is a great tool.

 

[glia21]

Hi KenJ and baro-san!

Thank you very much for your advice! I already did a regression once - it brought back another "memory" - quite blurry - and it felt a little made-up ??? Also coz I thought I ought to come up with a story - any story - the regressionist was waiting - hahaha.
Anyway, I was in trouble there too, was male and had a romance with a woman I shouldn´t have had. Don´t know what to make of it... my name was Johann or something...??

Also I really read lots and lots of books (had some spare time during my pregnancies ;-)). Carol Bowman of course, Brian Weiss... Mostly I liked the "scientific" ones like the books from Ian Stevenson and later on Jim Tucker - I was very impressed. What really got me was the Robert Monroe books because I could relate to them. I remember the class room he describes where you get lessons about the true nature of time and such. I remember that, I experienced it in a dream in my teens. Though I never managed astral travelling like he said he did...

Hmm - KenJ you asked me why these memories bother me?
I do think back then when I was a kid I needed these memories. I was in a confused state, my grandfather had recently died, I didn´t want to be female, had troubles with the other kids at school and school itself.. and by having this input about eternity and having felt strong before and having survived a difficult time I felt I could go thru it and go on with school.
But now, it´s an up-and-down feeling. Sometimes I´m OK but then suddenly I stumble over something - like the door plate of my great aunts neighbor (D), like the Ford V8 we bought (I knew details the mechanic and my husband didn´t - like how to switch on the indoor light, turn on the radio and such) - it´s so many things .. it´s hard for me to describe what kind of feeling it is either...

... embarrassed? - yes of course.
But mostly because I feel I didn´t help and take care of my younger siblings as much as I should have after their mum died. Last year January I took a little time for research on that matter and learned my youngest sis died recently. I broke out in tears.

Most of all it`s confusion.. I do feel the need to make something with it - but what?

Hmm - I also believe I truely believe we all ought to develop our consciousness further.

Thank you for the mastery in english comment KenJ Besides the other books I also used to read american novels and short stories. I enjoyed F.Scott Fitzgerald very much and also liked the Studs Lonigan trilogy for example. That helped me with my english. By the way, I would have rather liked to remember a famous author life - that would have been something! Travelling Paris in the 20ies would have been much more fun for sure ))

 

[tanguerra]

Hi glia

Sounds to me like you already have memories, but just not sure what to make of them?

What do you do to keep things away in your daily life?

Do you mean by this that these things are bothering you day to day? Having flashbacks like you describe and feeling all funny about it is not uncommon. No, it's not your imagination. It happens a lot. Often a past life memory will start bothering us when there is something going on the present life that is triggering it. Something that feels familiar. Something that is reminding us, someone we have met that we have known before, a problem we have gone through in the past or something like that. It will probably keep bothering you until you work it out.

My advice is first - just relax. You are probably trying too hard. This is never helpful. Having regressions and doing meditation is not easy for some people because they can't just 'let go' and let it happen. They worry too much that it might be their 'imagination' (it usually isn't by the way). It often depends how you were brought up - discouraged from day dreaming, trained to be very 'rational' and so on. None of that helps. In order to see what is at the bottom of the pond, you need to sit quietly and wait for the ripples to stop moving. Patience is required.

Also, a lot of people expect it to be all neat and tidy like in the movies - all nicely edited into order in technicolour and surround sound so it all makes sense. But past life memories are often just momentary flashes, sometimes not that clear. Usually not in the proper order. Often fuzzy. Just impressions. That's ok. It's a good start.

First things first. Start a journal. Get a nice book and start writing it out - just for your eyes only. Writing by hand works best. It seems to slow the mind down and the quiet, without clicking keyboards and whirring computers helps the brainwaves somehow. Write down all the bits you have. Draw pictures, even just stick figures. Put in everything you can think of. Don't worry if it doesn't make sense at first. That doesn't matter. Nobody but you is going to read it right? So who cares. Sometimes it's a bit like doing archeology. All those broken bits of pottery might one day make a beautiful amphora, but it will take some digging, a bit of time and lots of patience brushing away the 'dirt' until you can see the patterns.

If, while you are writing, something more comes to you - more details, a word, a name, a feeling, anything, just write those down too without trying to judge whether it's your 'imagination' or not. Trust yourself. If it's bothering you, it's important. No, you are not making it up. This is how the memory works. It's all down there somewhere. It might not make sense straight away, but everything is a clue.

I happened to travel to Chicago July in 1998 and visited the movie theater he (I?) was supposed to be shot but didn´t feel emotional about it.

It's unlikely you were actually anyone famous, like Dillinger (although you never know). But you may have known him or members of his family or just have memories from that time. There were fewer people back then, and people knew each other more than now. There may be more than one life mixed up in there too that is helping cause confusion. That is not unusual.

Let us know how you get along?

 

[glia21]

Hi Tanguerra,
thank you for the journal hint. I will definitly try that. Patience is very important for sure. I think what confuses me is that once I got told I should try and get settled in this current life more but whenever I try to do so flashbacks keep coming with pressure. Sure it´s unlikely I´d been someone famous. But still I keep coming back to that track. By the way D isn´t famous around here, I don´t think many people know who he was and even I stumbled across the picture by accident. Except for the 2009 Johnnie Depp movie - which I didn´t like at all - I don´t think that name was ever mentioned in any way in my surroundings.

I´m really very grateful for your help... I can´t talk about things like that neither with my husband nor friends, like many others.
What I also have on my mind in connection with this - midwest, the 20ies and 30ies - are two words/names? I never found out what they mean.. maybe someone reading this has any association:

the first one: Briggs
second one: Boyd Humphries

Written like that. It reminds me of Citizen Kane in a way ;-) where the journalist is working hard to find out the meaning of the last words of Kane - I think it was the sled
So - could be the sled as well :-D But no, I don´t think so...
But I wonder..

 

[tanguerra]

Things can get a bit jumbled up. That's to be expected.

Journal. Start a journal. Write it for yourself alone, 'your eyes only'. In quiet times when you feel 'in the mood' pick up the pen. It will come. Your journal will not think you are making it up or question you. Just let it come. Write it down.

Your friends will often not understand. That's 'normal'. Some people remember more than others. Those that do often hide it or doubt it and feel uncomfortable talking about such things. But, that's part of the reason we are here.

I love the 1920-30s. Since I was a little kid. It took me a long time to realise it was because I was there.

The Blitz

 

[glia21]

Hi tanguerra and everyone else reading this
I read the Blitz thread a few days ago.. interesting - thanks for sharing... so many details. I think I read it before when you started the thread.

Guess what, I finally started the journal. I kept writing and writing realizing it´s really a lot coming that already came to the surface. As I was writing I also answered my own question concerning Boyd Humphries.
this is what I saw:
- an oldtimer living in the country - I believe it was Ohio (?)
- very good humor but he was quite lonely
- I happened to stay there for some time with him
- he was talking really a lot - telling me WWIR stories - wild stories about him doing time there
- I left him feeling desolate, couldn´t stand the heat anymore, it was so hot there, but feeling a little sorry to leave him behind he seemed so lost

Altogether I see and hear conversations inside - it´s coming up all of a sudden when I´m experiencing a trigger. It´s somehow in the background. I remember the words I remember the feelings.
For example: my daughter who´s never willing to clean up her room and who has a very charming way to argue about it.

I had the exact same conversations with a girlfriend back then in the 30ies. Arguing about not doing the washing up and stuff and especially other friends telling me to make her but then she´s having such good reasons not to it´s hilarious really.
My brother recently told me she was explaining for ten minutes why it wouldn´t make any sense to put the puzzle away - the same time it would have taken to just do it.


So - and what I wanted to let you know too: I feel lighter since I´m writing here! Good thing! THANKS!

 

[glia21]

Here`s an update, in case somebody is interested and for myself. To put it into words is good for me. I worked out a few things, and remembered a bit more. First of all I´m pretty sure I am JD. At least same ego in a way. I didn´t get shot in 34. It wasn´t me and that´s why I had no hard feelings there in the first place. After the guy got shot I moved to an Indian tribe and stayed there for a while to keep low profile. I changed my name to Jimmy. I got married to Helen and she already had a kid by that time, a boy, Chester - I called him Jesse. I was happy to have a kid and proud of him and at first I also had big fun with the JD resemblance I used to talk and laugh about a lot. I bought a Ford V8 in 38. Years later in the 40ies something happened - I panicked when I felt guys - feds? - were after me and I left Helen without any explanation... And this is when a situation took place that´s on my mind since I´m 17/18 - the memory of me returning to Helen years later, being in the car, watching the house from the outside and realizing they are having dinner and she´s with another man - the big turmoil inside. Not knowing if entering the house would be a good idea or not. I was full of longing to see Jess. Jess was about 17 years old at that time. And then there was also a little girl I didn´t know. This picture and the feelings along with it has settled on my mind for decades. While imagining the scene I always fell asleep.
What I believe is that I finally got killed by a car accident. Again I felt hunted and I lost control in a mountain area.
I know it sounds weird. And yes, chances are I made things up. Just why should I make this up?
It rings true to me.

 

[glia21]

It´s been quite a while but I want to add something - primarily for myself but I´d be happy about any comments.
Just details - I had some free time and did some comparison:

I happen to have the exact same height and weight like in my PL
I also compared a kid pic (me being 7 y , short hair since it was the 80ies ) with my former self - looks a lot like him even if I don´t do so much today.

Otherwise I do have the best disguise today I possibly could. Being female.

Again, am I making it all up? As a kid I always dreamed of being a movie director. I´d rather imagine being Cecil B DeMille wouldn´t I ? Or Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford, any of them…? Or as I said before, a US author travelling Europe? If it was me inventing something - a fictitious reincarnation story I would pick one of these! But problem is there´s no emotion along the way. The emotions are somewhere else right there in the mid west.