Jenla, when I desperately want something that is out of reach or even unhealthy there is a process I go through that has really helped me to release the emotional strain and become free of the attached thought pattern. I'll try to put it clearly here, since a lot of it is instinctive. Feel free to ask questions if you don't understand.
1. Try to make the idea clear. You seem to have this already in your post, above.
2. List the positives and negatives both small and extreme, for and against the idea. The rule is that you can't assume someone's response.... so if one possibility is that "they won't believe me" you also have to put beside it "they will believe me" ... otherwise you are assuming what you can't know ... Take your time until you think you have a good outline of the greatest extreme of both. The worst case scenario and the best case scenario.
3. Now, what do you actually want to receive? Now that you understand the idea and its possible repercussions, it is time to think about WHY the idea is even attractive to you. Points 1 and 2 above will give you clues to this, which is why I put it third instead of second. Do you want to know you're right? Do you want to know them? Do you want to make sure they're okay? Do you want to prove to yourself that they are real? ... Whatever it may be. And then the emotion you think you would receive ... relief, love, etc.
4. Think about it from outside your emotions. Are you only controlled by a feeling, or are there practical reasons why this is important to you? Could this benefit others? Aside from the fact that it's outside the box for you, is there some value in it that makes it worth pursuing independent of its benefit to you?
5. Now that you know why you want it and have considered any additional, practical value, is there a way to get the result without going the route you outlined above? ...Say you wanted to be sure they exist, this is easy enough to do with research and not a bother to them.... If not, then move on.
6. Is it worth it to you to face the worst case scenario? Will that harm you or them irreparably? If the worst case scenario (for everyone) might still be worth it ... then act on it. Otherwise you'll just continue to frustrate yourself.
7. If not, then recognize the damage that could be caused as a real reason not to pursue the idea. Every time you start going back and forth, remember you've already thought it through. Don't give yourself permission to review unless new information arrives. Just remind yourself of the decision you made and the positive reasons why. "Because I care about myself and them I decided this is the right and healthy choice." (reasons: love, compassion, freedom, health, joy, valuing what you have now... etc. Whatever gift you wish to give to yourself or them by not acting that would be sabotaged by acting.)
From the time you start this practice, every time you worry or feel sad, this positive choice is now your mantra. You are no longer running away, but facing these feelings and making an honest decision. Eventually the emotions will die down and you will get out of the habit of thinking about it.
