Just a little boy

[EuphoriasChild]

Sorry to enter this thread as a born german but I think I can clear some things up.

They would taunt me and tell me my mumma (not a Russian or German term)

Mumma, assumed you written it english, would be spelled Mamma in german, which is a common term here. I call my mother exact that.

Piotrowski is a very popular surname, but it's spelling is rather far from Petrovsky, even if it seems very alike.

Petrovsky might be the german way to write the name. I think I read at least Petrowsky before.

And I write dates in 19-2-2005 way I'm not sure how do they write it in Germany (shame on me, I'm a German in a small part), but possibly during the War they wrote it this way in Auschwitz/Oswiecim. Still the number Hammy remembers doesn't look like a date.

The date in germany is seperated with a point, like this:
19.2.2005 (dd.mm.yyyy)

it contains more logic since it starts with the smallest part (the day) and moves over the medium (the month) to the greatest one (the year).

And now to the shame of being partly german. Now it hit me harder, I'm all german. But please don't ever make the mistake in believing such evil only could have been done by germans or nazis. It would make your eyes blind to the posibility in your own neighbourhood and time. Fight not against germans, fight against fashism where you face it! And don't do that (or anything else) with hate. Hate is the one thing that started it all.

I often asked myself happens to victims of such crimes. I always hoped you would be "healed" from the pain in beetween lifes. Now that I know this isn't the case my heart is out there with you.

Andreas

 

[Hammy]

Hello EuphoriasChild,
thank you for posting on this thread and thank you for helping me make more sense of my name for my mother, all these little things are helping me to peice things together and put flesh on my past. With regards to my PL surname, in my mind I see it spelt Petrovski and am quite certain this is accurate. My father was Russian born and my mother was German, I don't know where they met or married but am sure that they lived in Germany long before the outbreak of world war 2.
I want to finish by assuring you that I have no animosity towards Germany or it's people not least because we share a common ancestry.
I agree with you 100% that we should all beware of the threat of facism around the world not just in one country. There is not a single nation that is without guilt of some sort and we must all allow each other the chance to move on. You may be interested to know that my current life father was a soldier who faught from 1944 until the wars end and stayed on in Germany for some time as a military policeman gaurding mis-placed persons in special camps. He also has no bad feelings towards your nation or it's peoples and wishes that the war had not been necessary.
Thank you once again for your post and if you think you can help me find out more then please, please let me know.
Warmest wishes to you,
Hammy.

 

[Ailish]

Hammy's story is heartbreaking -- but I am sure it is a familiar story to some of you, and parts of it may resonate strongly.

I'd like to bring it back to the top again -- I think the newer members would appreciate the honesty and courage it takes to post something so tragic.

Hope you don't mind, Hammy.


Ailish

 

[BessieA]

Hammy's story is heartbreaking -- but I am sure it is a familiar story to some of you, and parts of it may resonate strongly.

I'd like to bring it back to the top again -- I think the newer members would appreciate the honesty and courage it takes to post something so tragic.

Hope you don't mind, Hammy.


Ailish

Hi Ailish

I for one am glad you brought this topic back to the top.
I have been helping Hammy to research this past life of his for some time now, and it is very heartbreaking, has had me in tears many times.
I am sure he won't mind you bringing it back to the top. I hope the newer members will read it, and also appreciate the courage it took him to share it, and maybe it will encourage others to share their memories.

Best Wishes

BessieA

 

[Ailish]

Hi BessieA,

It's definitely a story worth reading -- I, too, hope the newer members read, enjoy and learn from it.

Being you're such good friends -- I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on Hammy's life as well. Whatever you are comfy sharing with us we'd love to read -- as long as it's okay with Hammy, too.


Ailish

 

[Hammy]

Wow, I didn't think I would see this thread again. I have to admit re-reading it a week or two back and it made me a bit uncomfortable. I am more than happy though for it to be brought back up :thumbsup:
I have, I think, largly come to terms with what happened in that life. I still sometimes get an urge to look things up and I reckon I will do for a long time yet. But I do not think that life causes me problems any more, thank God.

As for BessieA, what can I say? She is the most special person to me, simple as that. She is also welcome to talk about any past life of mine if she wishes. Bess knows all the ones I do and I trust her more than anyone else.

I'm not sure I can add to this thread, but hope it helps others and am more than happy to answer questions, it might jog things in me too.
Cheers all,
Hammy.

 

[Hammy]

Also since writing my memories I am surprised at the things that stay with me, things I still think about. Like the smells, the smell of my pen mate, Ruben, and how it still hurts when I think about him, the pen we were kept in (an old dog kennel I think) among other things. I am going to stop writing because it's coming back again and I do not want it to at the moment.
But you know what hurts a lot too? Not knowing if it's all in my mind or real. I believe it's real, but I have never been able to trace anything to prove it to me, that hurts, a lot.
Good luck and post soon.
Special regards,
Hammy.

 

[Ailish]

Hi Hammy,

I believe it's real, but I have never been able to trace anything to prove it to me, that hurts, a lot.

I wouldn't let the fact that you cannot find documented proof stop you from accepting these memories -- or healing from them. It's not what's on paper that matters -- it's what you feel in your heart.

So many of the vital records of the time were mixed-up, lost, or destroyed -- some accidentally and some on purpose. Often identities were switched to avoid capture -- and all traces of the original person just disappeared.

I know this because my friend's mother is a holocaust survivor. For her entire teenage existence -- she was a pampered and wealthy daughter of a well known barrister in Prague. In a few days -- all that was taken from her. She survived Auschwitz and told us her personal story of surviving four hellish years in Lodz Ghetto, and eventually told us about losing her entire family. On the holocaust memorial in Prague -- and in the holocaust newsletter -- she is listed as having died in Auschwitz -- to all the world, Hana Singer died in a concentration camp -- although in reality she is very much alive.

I hope you are finding peace in your heart -- and forgiveness and acceptance through remembering. Find it within yourself to feel compassion for the people that hurt you in that life, Hammy. Once you do that, healing will come -- I guarantee it.

((((((((Hammy)))))))))

BessieA -- What a wonderful friend you are for helping. It's not an easy topic to research. Hammy's very lucky to have you!

(((((((((BessieA))))))))



Ailish

 

[Hammy]

Thank you Ailish for your supportive reply. I agree with you about 'what I feel in my heart' mostly I can do what you say, but sometimes it is hard to accept I have no written or other proof.
Thank you too for telling us about your firen's mother, these things must never be forgotten. Why people are so evil to others I don't think I will ever understand.
As for peace in my heart, I think I am getting there. I am able to forgive those who wronged me because I believe they will be punished and because I also want them to move on.

As for BessieA, she is more than special to me, need I say more?

 

[wpnorman]

Hammy,

I just found your post. Ohhh - your story broke my heart. I am in tears as I write this to you. For all of this life I have this extreme desire to protect children who are being harmed. It keeps me awake many nights and distracts me in many ways. I have never understood why my emotions run so very very deep about this subject. It would affect anyone I'm sure but I feel I would willingly lay down my life to save just one child from the terror that can be brought about by adults. My heart goes out to you. You have remembered for a reason. Hopefully that reason will bring you a peaceful relief and healing for the most horrific acts in the history of mankind. All the best!

Patty

 

[Hammy]

Thank you Patty. I am lucky, I think, because all this came back to me conciously not that long ago and over a short space of time. Although that was something else that had me worried about the 'reality' of what I was seeing and feeling.
I used to be, not so much now, troubled by horrific nightmares and had a few personal problems with my mind (not many of my closest are aware of that) I did end up under the doctor for depression, from which I still suffer a little, in the end. The odd thing is that I am sure the nightmares I do have vague recolection of, where not about the holocaust at all, but something that happened in another life.
Whatever, it seems that I was not ready for anything concious for a long time. I just hope that my story can help others in some way, it certainly helped me to post it.
I have a feeling I am rambling so I will end here.
Hammy.