Memories of Hans Bothmann

[soulfreindly]

Laurasia


I can understand your need to talk about your memories in context of needing to come to totally believe that your former self was the one responsible . Not having the beneifit of our culture accepting past lives this forum allows for such therapy.\\


I personally feel that in such a forum it is also our repsonsibility to address any replies with questions made concerning ones original words.. I noticed that you did not reply to Angelcat's question in post number 13 .. I would be interested in hearing your reply.

 

[Sunniva]

Laurasia, would you be so good as to tell us exactly what achievements or accomplishments you and Truthseeker are referring to?

I know this question isn't directed at me, but one thing that does come to mind is how the infrastructure was expanded. The Autobahn (the German highway running through all of Germany) was built during this period, as were important roads in the occupied countries such as Denmark. In Germany as well as Denmark these roads are still in full use and everyone acknowledges that even though they were primarily built for military purposes, the economical factor was huge - and is still huge as it basically ties together all of Western Europe. Now, that doesn't mean we glorify Hitler or his regime, but we acknowlegde the importance of the infrastructure he built. That was an accomplishment on Hitler's side as well as expanding airports and harbours, because it was done in such short time and has succesfully worked ever since.


Other than that, I do want to stress that this is a thread about Laurasia's memories of Hans Bothmann and her reflections upon those memories and not a general discussion of the nazi regime and Hitler per se. :thumbsup:

 

[kmatjhwy]

Now as for myself personally, this thread has been the most interesting and illuminating. Thanks espicelly to you Laurasia for having the courage to speak out. And thanks to everyone for what they have shared. How much do our immediate past lives have such an profound impact on who we are today. How each of us bare those scars from our different past lives in our souls and are on this path of love, forgiveness, and soul growth.


Now as for myself, this thread has illuminated how much do I personally need to work on forgiveness to some others as concerning some of my own past lives and it was NOT the Nazis.


Now yes there were the atrocities that were committed by the Nazis. But how many of the other societies have committed atrocities thru out recent human history like Russia under Stalin, in Communist China under Chairman Mao, during the Pol Pot regime in Cambodia, during the Inquisition in Europe, the many massacres of Native American and Indigenous Peoples, and others. How many of us in some past life have been on one side or the other. But again each of us are on this path of learnig love, forgiveness, and growth in our true soul selves.


And do think that as really interesting the thought of the past lives of the different holocaust deniers as in those couple of above posts.


Again Thanks so much for sharing Laurasia for do think this thread has been the most interesting and illuminating. Also Thanks for what All others have shared. Peace and Love!

 

[Laurasia]

Hello Soulfriendly.


With trying to reply to what everyone had posted I inadvertently forgot to address Angelcat's question. I believe that you are referring to what I am speaking of when I mention the acheivements of the Nazi state.


The quick upturn in an absolutely dreadful economy; new, meaningful opportunities for us young men (or so we thought); the prospects of being able to properly provide & care for our own families; our renewed strength after being so weakened after the loss of WWI.


One must understand that we did not go into much of this knowing what we were going to have to do in order to truly acheive some of these ends. My most recent recollections of Hans (which I will be getting to later in the thread) have mostly been of his disillusion with the Third Reich towards the end of the war. However, at that point, one could not get out of finishing the job without forfeiting their own life. And, wretched or not, I wanted to live.


Also, to Andrew, I have not recalled any of Hans' telephone numbers. However I used to have a recurring dream as a child where I had to constantly recite a series of numbers. In recent years I was surprised to discover that those numbers were Hans' SS number.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[andrewx]

Also, to Andrew, I have not recalled any of Hans' telephone numbers. However I used to have a recurring dream as a child where I had to constantly recite a series of numbers. In recent years I was surprised to discover that those numbers were Hans' SS number.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

Thank you for answering my question. My advice is to keep trying to remember those telephone numbers.

 

[Jody]

Thank you, Laurasia, for sharing these recollections. I think all of us have a shadow part of ourselves and that recognizing this and shining a light on it is the only way we can heal it. This has been a thought-provoking thread and I think you're a brave person to come forward with these memories.

 

[Truthseeker]

The Autobahn (the German highway running through all of Germany) was built during this period, as were important roads in the occupied countries such as Denmark.

The Autobahn was build two decades before construction on the US Interstate Highway began. It was a revolutionary concept, and ahead of its time. It is an example of an accomplishment that had nothing to do with murder and destruction. I was asked the question before and I gave a generalized answer because I don't feel it's relevant to the point of this thread. I can certainly understand how "accomplishments" can taken the wrong way in this circumstance.
A point was brought up about people not knowing what was going on at that time. I think that's true. If the Nazis were controlling the information that was getting to the public, how would they know? Just because the Gestapo took your neighbor away doesn't mean you know what happened to them after they were gone.

 

[Laurasia]

A happy recollection....


Anna's Visit


This came via a somewhat difficult guided meditation initiated to see what (if any) recollection would come up .


I placed myself within a restaurant. Once I was relaxed I walked outside & across the street. There was a restaurant/club within an older looking stone building. I walked in & was led by a host down a hall lined with small, carved, dark wooden pillars. At the end it opened into the main sitting area. Directly in front was a large circular dance floor. There were 3 or 4 couples dancing there. Surrounding the dance floor were many round tables, most occupied by groups of men in various Nazi uniforms of different ranks. Many of them were watching the dancers as they smoked.


I was unable to move this scenario along at all, so I tried focusing on relaxing with my fellow guards in one of the camps. I was taken back to the night of the card game from my previous recollection. Since I realized this I stopped & once again re-focused.


Suddenly it was daytime & we were on a large yard-like section of what I assume was a camp. If it actually was a camp, this was very much seperated from the prisoner's areas. We could see a group of men working at a dig of sorts in the distance though. There was a large canopy tent over rows of tables where many other officers & other people were drinking, eating, talking, etc. This was a party of some sort. All of us men were in uniform. Myself & some of the other men were playing croquette on the lawn. I had just taken my turn & had started scanning the tables under the canopy. At the 4th one back, on the righthand side, I saw Anna. She was so beautiful & speaking with another woman who had long, dark hair. Anna was wearing a white summer dress, slightly off the shoulder, with red trim & a small red pattern to it. (I later realized that it was tiny red flowers.) She sees me looking & smiles demurely. Another of the officers, older than me, catches us looking at each other & leans over to comment to me about how beautiful she is. I agree. The man is older, perhaps in his 50s, though still in good shape. His uniform is brown & he is rather skinny. He asks when I am going to finally marry her & I say as soon as I can can get out of where I am. He laughs & says that fortunately the program is almost finished. That perhaps I will be re-assigned to another camp back west near Berlin again afterwards. I agree that is what I am hoping for. I excuse myself & go over to Anna & the other woman.


They giggle a bit as I approach. I ask Anna to come with me & offer her my hand. She lets me lead her to the grounds where I hold her to myself & dance to a slow song that is playing over the speakers. She is so much smaller than me that her arns have to be around my waist. I keep my hands on her upper arms so I can gaze into her gorgeous blue eyes. I take her over-sized white hat off of her head & let her beautiful waves of blonde hair spring softly over her shoulder. I gently caress one of her soft cashmere locks in my hand before lowering my lips to her & kissing her softly, but passionately. The guests will have to be leaving soon.


The slow song goes off & is replaced by a speedier song. Our lips still touching, I gather her small body against my own lifting her off of the ground & spinning her momentarily. She breaks our kiss to let out a happy laugh & a beaming smile. I set her down & we return to the canopied area. They serve our lunch of chicken, salsbury steaks & some other dishes. We all talk & laugh loudly while eating together.


The recollection shifts to later on & I'm with Anna at the train station. She now has a black suitcase with her, so she apparently has been in town for a few days at least. We're hugging & kissing before she boards the train to head back to Berlin. There is no audio with this part. I view it as though I were an observer instead of from my own POV as earlier. The recollection ends with her boarding the train & waving through the window while blowing kisses goodbye.

 

[W.A. HEART]

Hi Laurasia!


Thanks for sharing. It's good that you were able to find a happy recollection of Hans's life!


Blessings,


Welsh

 

[Laurasia]

A fast, strange recollection....


I was at a mental hospital that was run by a woman. The men training there, I believe, were either SS or SD. They did not have any pipets on their lapels yet - making them privates, cadets, etc.


The recollection suddenly flashed to a scene where the mental patients were doing exercises of some sort around a swimming pool in front of us. One of the male patients was very agitated because that head woman was not there yet.


I really don't know what to make of this recollection. It was very quick & what was offered was very confusing. I don't know why I would have been working within a mental hospital, unless it was part of the T4 Program.

 

[teacup]

Unfortunately, anything to do with the Nazis pushes my buttons big time. I even get physical symptoms such as shoulder pain and palpitations when I read anything about them. I should have stayed away from this thread but because the title included the words 'Nazi Commandant' and 'Death Camp' it triggered a powerful emotional response in me. Some of the content of this thread has thrown me completely off balance and I know from past experience it will take days before I regain my equilibrium and feel like my normal self again.


Angelcat

I must add something here.. When I read the previous posts of truth seeker and laurasia, and then I read your post, I couldn't breathe because I had the same emotional response you describe here. I always have when I hear or read anything to that effect of opinion. It burns my branmuffins. lol. bigtime. And when I read your response, it spoke from how I felt it seemed, and organized to address all the things that irritated me also within those posts. ( no offense to you guys! Your posts are very interesting and I love reading everything here) It is just that this topic in particular has always had a physical response in me, even as i type this. Just this past weekend I was on a mini vacation with my mother and my boyfriend, and we were driving through mountains of trees on a small road and my mom was telling us about a ww2 book she is reading of a survivor. (jewish) We are americans, my boyfriend sitting next to me in the passenger seat (european) was making these little comments not sarcastic, but just his wording of how he was commenting on certain nazi things and decisions was so IRRITATING it almost seemed like he was proud of it, but he is not german. And in this life is very compassionate and unsupportive of racism etc.. BUT for some reason when it comes to this topic, he utterly annoys me with this pride and arrogance that seems to come out of nowhere. And although I cannot verbatim repeat the exact manner and things that were said, it is always the same story. It comes up, and he makes some statement or uses some word that is just borderline wrong to me and that no person other than a nazi or supporting citizen of that time would say. I do remember one particular comment. He told my mother matter of factly that everyone should read mein kampf and that it is knowledge and worth reading. I have read parts and would hardly call it knowledge.We started going back and forth, with my mother in the back seat watching, and finally I just said, " you always do this with this subject. what is it with you??? Are you some reincarnated nazi?" my mom started laughing, because she knew i was really irritated and he wouldn't ease up, and I guess that was the last word of that conversation, as it usually is. Grr. The oddest part is when I make a comment of the pride/arrogance, he does not defend himself or feel wrongly accused? It also is the only time he is just silent during that subject being broached. Defensiveness only sets in when we talk about how utterly wrong that entire historic event and era was in every manner/way. Which has nothing to do with him in this life so I find that interesting. He once recently made me listen to some march song of Mussolini and once when i needed to borrow a t-shirt he gave me one with his profile on it and unknowingly I walked into the kitchen wearing it and his father almost fell over dead and told me to take it off. Funny too, the other day I killed an insect on me thinking it was a bee and he was very upset that I killed something and is vegetarian. heh Like I said, soft and loving man. Can't understand this subject though. I can only describe my dealings with him on this subject like a slippery fish I can't get my hands on. Weird. He always tells me good things came from that time.. One funny thing though! haha. . one man on that vacation mistook him for a German which sometimes bugs him. I made sure to get my chuckle in


I have suspected through dreams and intuitions I have ties to that time, as well as my mother- but never angelcat went deeper because I too was afraid of what it would open up/ or what I would be subjected to feeling. And I have this eery suspicion that he also was in my last life, we had an odd way of meeting in this life and there are so many signs. Although not as a German. I have very little dreams or meditations but would make an educated guess of France, although I don't know how that fits into ww2, nazis, the entire picture, who knows. Regardless, I try to read everyones posts and opinions openly and remind myself that it is hard too for them to post this, maybe harder because less people may sympathize. Takes a lot of courage, and thank you guys for sharing. We are all here to start anew, and learn to deal with our emotions as I am learning to do despite others points of view.

 

[Laurasia]

Hello Teacup.


It certainly does sound as though your boyfriend was there. And France would definately not be out of the question, as Paris was taken by the Nazis. He also wouldn't have necessarily had to be German. There were plenty of native Frenchmen, Austrians, Poles, etc that were supportive of the Nazis when they claimed territories.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[Iseke]

This is one of the first threads I had read when I was first checking out this forum. It really stuck with me and I've spent a lot of time reflecting on it.


I've had a connection to the Holocaust for as long as I can remember, and eventually found a past life related to it. I was a Russian nurse living in France, and during this time I had been helping many people escape from the Holocaust. I was caught, tortured, and killed by the nazis. The overwhelming feeling I had gotten from this lifetime was (among other things) a sense that I had had a positive effect on this event, and that was an enlightening thing to realize. I never had any fear or anger towards nazis in this lifetime. I had understood what was done (and what is being done today all over the world) and understood my part in it. I still struggle with human suffering, but I feel no anger towards particular souls. This thread was a big part of me realizing that.


What I mean to say is thank you for posting this. It has been an enriching experience to read about your memories from this life, and like you mentioned in another thread, it is very important that we remember that we are all just human and are all capable of atrocities in the right conditions. All of us have played this role, and all of us have played the role of the healer as well. Reading through this has really made the whole story come together for me, and I hope for others as well. I think it is a powerful thing for people who were affected by the Holocaust, on both sides, to finally be able to talk to and understand each other.


Again, thank you for sharing, and I wish you the best.

 

[Laurasia]

Hello Zeolocation.


I'm glad that this thread & the recollections contained within it have had a positive effect for you. I agree that it is important for all sides of this horrible time in human history to be looked at.


I've been very busy lately, so I haven't had a chance to keep adding to this thread. I do have many more recollections to add to it though.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[catseye]

another past life on the wrong side


Laurasia,


I have a question for you? The past life visit in the asylum, do you recall the building at all?


The reason I ask is because I had a life in Austria THEN, and I had several 'visits' to a couple of sanitariums because of my 'melancholy' nature (now they'd call it depression) One reason I was given several options without being chosen for T4 euthanasia is because my uncle was a member of the Nazi party, and my benefactor (i.E. sugar daddy) was a very high ranking member of the party and friend of Uncle Hermann.


Anyhow, one memory of a SS 'flush' of a sanitarium run by nuns, is that they were hiding children and transporting them to 'safe houses' in Carinthia and the Tyrol. The SS found out about the 'transports' and cleared the sanitarium of patients chasing them out of the building while searching for the children. (Some were gypsy (romani), others Jewish, and there were children who had health issues bothe physical and mental that had been culled from the euthanasia lists and transported in small groups on pig trucks through the


countryside.)


During this SS raid, I hid under an evergreen and watched while other mentally challenged patients were chased around like it was some kind of a game for the young SS men. Older men were questioning and beating several of the nuns trying to get answers, but they weren't talking so was a truck rolled up to take the nuns away, a young nun who was particularly unhelpful was stripped and shot in front of her 'sisters'.


Does this trigger any thoughts?


catseye

 

[Laurasia]

Hello Catseye.


Unfortunately that particular recollection was rather quick & disoriented. From what I can recall of the buildings' exterior it was large & stately with ivy growing up one side of it. The interior recollection that I had was of a large room that housed a concrete indoor swimming pool...like at a hotel, but without the lounge chairs & such. I did not recall any small children being there. It was a quick recollection though, so they could have been elsewhere or already removed for all I know.


I do find it interesting that you mention such a place that was run by nuns. I had always thought it odd that this particular place was run by a woman, but if such places were typically run by nuns then that would be the answer to that question.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[Laurasia]

Recollection of going home....


I remembered being 22 & having just graduated into the SS. I was immensely proud & wanted to go back home 7 show my mother before I was shipped off.


I proudly showed up with my black SS cap, uniform, & red swastika armband - all perfectly polished & such. When she opened the door I smiled widely & opened my arms to embrace her. At first she simply stared in shock at the SS officer on her doorstep. Recognition soon took over though & her face hardened. She started screaming at me angrily about being a "filthy Nazi" & such. Startled, & worried that someone may hear her anti-Nazi rhetoric, I tried to ease her into the house so that we could argue in private.


This enraged her even more. She shoved me back screaming that she would never let a "Nazi pig" into her home & that I was no longer her son. Still wanting to try, & still concerned about her being heard, I tried again - begging her to let me in so we could speak before I was deployed. She cried out angrily, slapped me across the face, & then spit on my uniform telling me that I was dead to her. That I was no longer her son. That the filthy Nazis had destroyed her son & made him a monster that would never be welcome.


I stiffened. My blood boiled for a moment, but then turned ice cold as she cursed & denounced myself & the Party. I said nothing, I simply watched her.


Finally she shoved me one last time saying to never come back again. I straightened my jacket & cap then told her flatly to never show up in one of my camps. I then gave the Nazi salute & turned to leave without looking back. The only thing that I heard was the door slamming behind me. I never saw or spoke to my mother again.

 

[msmir]

I remembered being 22 & having just graduated into the SS. I was immensely proud & wanted to go back home 7 show my mother before I was shipped off.
I proudly showed up with my black SS cap, uniform, & red swastika armband - all perfectly polished & such. When she opened the door I smiled widely & opened my arms to embrace her. At first she simply stared in shock at the SS officer on her doorstep. Recognition soon took over though & her face hardened. She started screaming at me angrily about being a "filthy Nazi" & such. Startled, & worried that someone may hear her anti-Nazi rhetoric, I tried to ease her into the house so that we could argue in private.


This enraged her even more. She shoved me back screaming that she would never let a "Nazi pig" into her home & that I was no longer her son. Still wanting to try, & still concerned about her being heard, I tried again - begging her to let me in so we could speak before I was deployed. She cried out angrily, slapped me across the face, & then spit on my uniform telling me that I was dead to her. That I was no longer her son. That the filthy Nazis had destroyed her son & made him a monster that would never be welcome.


I stiffened. My blood boiled for a moment, but then turned ice cold as she cursed & denounced myself & the Party. I said nothing, I simply watched her.


Finally she shoved me one last time saying to never come back again. I straightened my jacket & cap then told her flatly to never show up in one of my camps. I then gave the Nazi salute & turned to leave without looking back. The only thing that I heard was the door slamming behind me. I never saw or spoke to my mother again.

Laurasia, do you know what ended up happening to Hans' mother in the end?

 

[Laurasia]

Hello Msmir.


No, I do not know what happened to her after this. Hans neither saw nor spoke to her after this day. Though Anna had brought up the possibility of reconnecting with his mother on occassion, he always refused. He wasn't comfortable even discussing his mother.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[SundayAtDusk]

Laurasia, I'm curious how you feel about the reaction of Han's mother. Do you think her reaction showed she was wiser than Hans, and he should have realized he was on an ill-fated path? Or do you think the fact she obviously refused to show him love, regardless of the path he chose, made Hans use her as an excuse for all the atrocious things he did?

 

[SundayAtDusk]

And Catseye...where in the world did you go? You just got back, and now you're gone again!

 

[Laurasia]

Hello SundayAtDusk.

Laurasia, I'm curious how you feel about the reaction of Han's mother. Do you think her reaction showed she was wiser than Hans, and he should have realized he was on an ill-fated path? Or do you think the fact she obviously refused to show him love, regardless of the path he chose, made Hans use her as an excuse for all the atrocious things he did?

How do I feel about his mother's reaction? I can & can't understand it personally. I can understand her perspective of having just lived through WWI & the effects of it; that she would be disheartened that her son had chosen a path that was perilously similar to the hell that had just occured. But, at the same time, she was the one who handed him over to the organization that taught him to take up that path.


Hans' reaction was one of complete, final detachment from his mother. He had always felt that she had "sold him" when he was a child. He had eventually come to find comradeship, family & purpose within that new environment...& now she resented not only the organization but Hans himself for making the best of what she had resigned him to as a child.


Hans did not use his experiences with his mother as an "excuse" for the actions that he later took however. Quite frankly, Hans let it drop. Hans didn't talk about her, didn't think about her....he simply considered his mother to be dead.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[SundayAtDusk]

Okay...I am now totally confused here...if Han's mother was totally against him being a Nazi, how is it she was the "one who handed him over to the organization that taught him to take up that path"?


And he felt she had "sold him" as a child? Please do explain that. She "sold him" to who and why?

 

[Laurasia]

Hello SundayAtDusk.


Everything was explained in a post that I put up earlier in the thread. Here is a copy....


"This is a copy of my second recollection of Hans....


I remember that my father died while out of the country. (Perhaps he was looking for employment.) I believe that I was between the ages of 10 & 13 at the time. (Subsequent research confirmed that Hans was born in 1911, so this would be between 1921 & 1924.)


We weren't wealthy to begin with & without my father's income my mother didn't know what to do. Begrudgingly, she decided to enroll me in an academy that actually would provide for her in axchange for my enrollment - which turned out to be a Nazi organization. (I never felt that this was the Hitler Youth however & years later that feeling was confirmed when records showed that Hans had not joined the HJ until serving in it for one year in 1932 before joining the SS in 1933 - at the age of 22.)


From then on I didn't see much of my mother anymore, especially during my academic years. Mostly just during holidays. We grew apart to a great degree as I fell into the way of life & teachings of the academy.


After all of my training through this organization & the HJ I joined the SS, which my mother was against due to her disapproval of the Nazi Party."


I hope that cleared everything up for you.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[SundayAtDusk]

Okay, that clarifies what you were saying about Hans's mother. But don't you think Hans might have been a bit unfair about his view of her? If there's not enough money, there is often not enough food. Might she had quite possibly wanted what was best for her child, in regards to survival? Would it have been better if Hans and his mother had starved to death, or he had resorted to crime to feed himself and his mother? Would it had been better that he might have ended up killed or jailed?


And it appears his mother had no idea the school she sent Hans to was a Nazi one, since she so detested the Nazis. Mothers are like everyone else--fathers, children, etc.--they are not perfect, they make mistakes. Also, why did he think she did not want what was best for her child, that she was envious of his success? (Of course, not all mothers do want what is best for their child; there are some mothers who have deep emotional problems...just like there are fathers and children who have deep emotional problems.) What evidence did Hans have that his mother did not want him to be happy and successful, that her anger wasn't strictly caused by the fact he had become a happy and successful Nazi?


Moreover, Hans tells his mother she had better not turn up in one of his camps. He was 22 and had just "graduated" to the SS...why would he call them his? His statement was obviously a sign he was fantasizing doing extreme harm to his own mother...and you are sure this hatred of his mother was not his excuse for doing all kinds of atrocious things to other people? Your posts show Hans having no empathy for his victims, no remorse for what he did. Hans was anything but a "normal" person.

 

[Laurasia]

Hello SundayAtDusk.

But don't you think Hans might have been a bit unfair about his view of her? If there's not enough money, there is often not enough food. Might she had quite possibly wanted what was best for her child, in regards to survival? Would it have been better if Hans and his mother had starved to death, or he had resorted to crime to feed himself and his mother? Would it had been better that he might have ended up killed or jailed?

Yes I can now understand what you are talking about with these statements. However, to a terrified 10/11 year old child in that world environment the situation was seen quite differently. Hans had lost his father, he & his mother were struggling, & she sent him away because he was a strain on their meager resources. Would Hans had rather resorted to petty theft in order to stay with his mother & care for the two of them versus being sent away from her? Yes. To his young mind that would have been preferable.


One also needs to realize that once Hans was placed within the group great pains were taken to keep him from his mother without his knowledge. This is how such groups work. They can then educate & raise the child according to their own discretion. Hans rarely saw his mother, mostly on the major holidays. And then even that stopped without any reason given. To Hans' mind, she had chosen to stop coming.

And it appears his mother had no idea the school she sent Hans to was a Nazi one, since she so detested the Nazis.

Again, at Hans' young age he would not have known that. And the organization raising him was certainly not going to tell him that his own mother disapproved of their practices & beliefs.

(Of course, not all mothers do want what is best for their child; there are some mothers who have deep emotional problems...just like there are fathers and children who have deep emotional problems.)

I am, indeed, glad that you recognize that some parents do not want what is best for their children. My own mother in this incarnation is proof of that fact. She has Munchausen By Proxy, among other problems, & us children suffered greatly because of it while living with her.

What evidence did Hans have that his mother did not want him to be happy and successful, that her anger wasn't strictly caused by the fact he had become a happy and successful Nazi?

By the time that Hans reached the age of 22 he was completely absorbed in the Nazi Party & its beliefs. One needs to keep the times that he was living in within context as well. The SS was considered to be a very elite group at that time. They had the snappy uniforms, they garnered respect on the street, they received special perks, etc. Many young men yearned to be counted among the ranks of the SS, even though the criteria for joining was very stringent. Being counted as a member of the "true Aryan elite" was something to be quite proud of for them. And with Hans being a member of the police force, becoming a member of the SS opened a lot of doors to promotion for him.

Moreover, Hans tells his mother she had better not turn up in one of his camps. He was 22 and had just "graduated" to the SS...why would he call them his?

Because he knew that he was going to working as a guard within the concentration camp system.

His statement was obviously a sign he was fantasizing doing extreme harm to his own mother

Assumptions are wonderful aren't they? I'm sure we all know what they say about making assumptions. There were no death camps at this point in time. There were concentration/prison camps. Hans did not make that statement with the thought that he would ever be running a death camp. He was a loyal member of the Nazi Party & she was quite publically, & loudly, denouncing that party. That was considered to be treason & often landed the person in....a concentration camp. He was NOT fantasizing about doing "extreme harm" to his mother. He was simply letting her know that, should she be thrown into a camp that he was working in, she would receive no special treatment or requests for release on her behalf from him.

...and you are sure this hatred of his mother was not his excuse for doing all kinds of atrocious things to other people? Your posts show Hans having no empathy for his victims, no remorse for what he did. Hans was anything but a "normal" person.

Hans did the things that he did for many reasons. I have been posting Hans' recollections in the order that I received them. There are remorseful ones that later emerged. Unfortunately I do not know how much more of Hans' recollections I can share within this thread because it has been deemed too inappropriate for the members here to read.


Hans was trained to not have any feelings for his victims, as they were considered to be inferior to him & not even human. And you are right that Hans kept to that training (or tried to) for the vast majority of his life. However there was a part of Hans, very deep inside, that had serious trouble reconciling the actions that they were taking. This was exactly why he drank the way that he did - especially at night after the work day was done. So, yes, he did have remorse for the extreme actions that were being taken deep down.


Hans was far from being a "pillar of the community", I will grant you that. And when I say that he, & others like him, were "normal" I do not mean that they were stable. Extreme circumstances effect all people in varying ways. And, again, we must remember that these men were in no way living/training under normal conditions or circumstances. The fact of the matter is that "normal" people can, & do, still behave in such ways when they are stuck in similar circumstances.


People often make the mistake of thinking that I am trying to state that there were absolutely no truly sick, demented, or sadistic people within the Third Reich. Of course there were. There always is within such regimes. However, the vast majority of the men were normal people reacting to extreme conditions/circumstances.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[Sunniva]

Laurasia,


I would be very curious to hear the remorseful memories of Hans. I am also interested in hearing more about your healing process in this life. How has remembering this life changed you? Do you feel closer to understanding what lesson you were to learn? In other words, I would like to know more about your healing process and how sharing these memories has helped you?

 

[Laurasia]

Laurasia,
I would be very curious to hear the remorseful memories of Hans. I am also interested in hearing more about your healing process in this life. How has remembering this life changed you? Do you feel closer to understanding what lesson you were to learn? In other words, I would like to know more about your healing process and how sharing these memories has helped you?

Hello Sunniva.


I would have replied to you quicker, but the deer hunting season just started here & it is one of the busiest times of year for our area.


I had been hoping to post my recollections of Hans' life in the order that I received them, so that others could see how I became aware of his different aspects. The remorseful ones didn't start coming until later on, but I will share some of them if that would make everyone more comfortable.


As for your other questions...Remembering my lifetime as Hans has helped me to notice patterns within my own previous incarnations more clearly. I also had an issue, for quite some time, of reconciling having lived a lifetime such as Hans' with one of my other lifetimes that I connect deeply with. It was very opposing to Hans' lifetime. It still involved war on a very large scale, but I was on what would have been "the Allies' side" within that lifetime & I fought against people like Hans & the Nazis. Reconciling & understanding these two very opposed experiences has been quite a feat. That being the case, I understand fairly well what I needed to learn & experience from living life as Hans.


Sharing these memories counteracts the isolation (often self-imposed) & self-incrimination that occurs from having lived such a lifetime. To truly experience that you were not alone in awful acts that you performed, or now ill-founded beliefs, is often healing for former perpetrators. Sharing these memories also opens the door for former victims (if they are willing & able) to reconnect with their former oppressors to work through residual issues that both are often dealing with. So, you see, having the doors to such contact open & available is very important for former perpetrators & victims like.


What if your child, or another young person in your life, became aware of having being someone like Hitler, Saddam Hussein, etc? How could we help them to work through the myriad of mixed emotions that they would be faced with when confronted with such knowledge? By talking openly with them about what they are experiencing/have experienced & making sure that they know they are not alone & or "evil" for what they have done in a former incarnation. That they needn't be ashamed of things that they cannot control within this lifetime....just as we would with any other past incarnations. This goes for every instance within human history that such oppression has occured in, not just Nazi Germany.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[Laurasia]

Remorseful Recollection


This recollection came in the form of a dream that I awoke from in an extremely nauseous state. The dream is from, I believe, Hans' first time with the Einsatzgruppe.


I was in some sort of lounge or hall with the rest of my unit. We were all drinking.Some were eating & most were partying with the plentiful female dancers that were there.


I recall just sitting there drinking & watching the men around me in wonder. Toady had been bad. The women, the children...unarmed, passive. What threat had they been again? They could have been put to work somewhere, I was sure.


I couldn't understand their language, but I understood their meaning. None of that mattered though, we had been told wuite plainly what had to be done. Even if we ourselves couldn't totally understand it. I had also been very aware of my commanders taking a strong interest in me. Now is not the time to waver. It's just too easy to get left behind. Either stuck for God-knows-how-long at some out-of-the-way post or in the middle of a pit. They have their ways of persuasion. They tell us that it is "them against Germany" - which we all know & understand on a wider scale. But out here it is different...It's not "Jew or Germany". It's "Jew or you". That's th reality that us Germans not in the pleasant nest of Berlin live with. The Jew or you.


I've worked too hard to die for anyone, especially enemies of the State. It wouldn;t make a difference anyway, someone else would just step up & take your place. We all know that. So you steel yourself for what needs to be done & you do it.


Perhaps it will get easier after time. Perhaps the feeling of "me or you" will be replaced with "Germany or you". I don't know, I just hope. I don't know how they can eat & party. I just want a bottle & a dark, quiet corner for now. The next order will come soon enough I'm sure. They can keep their women, just keep sending the booze.


Sincerely,


Laurasia

 

[Laurasia]

Train Riding Recollection


This recollection was of Hans' train ride back out east for his second tour with the Einsatzgruppe units.


I'm riding on a train back out east with some of my men & some new younger men. The new me are excited about their chance to "do their duty for the Reich". I, & some of my older men, are simply gazing out of the windows while the younger men sing & carouse together in ignorance of what is to come for themselves.


I am angry. I keep my uniform jacket on even though the younger men have removed theirs. Alcohol is readily available & consumed. I smoke & stare out the window. While I'm flattered to be entrusted to lead these men, I should be retired. At least from this type of work. I NEED to be home. Most of my men do. These smart-mouthed kids have no idea of what is being asked of them. How I'd love to hit the one in the glasses that thinks my job is so great & glorious. If he doesn't shut up I just may. Someone PLEASE get him another drink or something! And do NOT ask me about "my girl"!!!


Just wait...I used to be exactly like you. Young, naive, eager. I'll be sure that your introduction is quick & brutal, then we'll see how glorious you think I am. How can i explain how much I HATE going back to field? I hate the stone-hard coldness that must come over me. Even now I feel all of the warmth leaving me. I know the further that we get from home the les that I'll feel & the longer that we stay the harder I'll become...the monster that I'll become. Oh but you'll learn little boy & you'll discover the demon within yourself as well. I only hope that Anna will be able to melt the monster again. Everytime this must be done it becomes harder to be Hans again.


These boys don't yet know all of this, I know. I'd still like to hit them though & explain that this is NOT a celebration.


Sincerely,


Laurasia