Memories

[yvettebruneau]

I'm sorry if I don't have anything interesting to say in your publication. I can only say that I enjoy reading your memoirs.

I learned things I had no idea about, really.

It's okay, I appreciate your compliment all the same!

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As most will likely know, today is the 75th anniversary of the D-Day Landings. My former self did not take part in them, nor did anyone she knew. But, it cuts pretty close to the day my former self was captured, four days later, having landed in France by parachute jump on the 8th. I've always revered D-Day anniversaries, but today was different. I'd never been aware of my past life, but watching the veterans and hearing the music today brought tears to my eyes. Tears for those men who have had to live with the memories for 75 years and those they left behind. But, tears, also, for the Resistance fighters and the SOE operatives who had given their freedoms and lives to assist in the preparations for the landings. Many had been incarcerated before the landings, while many more were caught/killed in the 43 days after. My former self was caught after only two days in France, before she could do anything drastic to assist the Resistance or the Allied forces. Harry had been locked up for three months by that time.

I thought, also, of Etienne. What he might have done. The Free French, which some of the French Foreign Legion he belonged to had joined, did apparently take part in the Normandy landings, I've just discovered in my curiosity as to what he might have done. Had he not fallen two years prior, he might have been storming one of the five beaches on that day 75 years ago. My former self might not have been preparing to drop into France. She might not have met Harry.

I'm getting a little too deep into these thoughts now. These next few days, I feel, are going to be strange...

 

[Eva1942]

Just checking in with you.. everything all right with you still?

While it would be somewhat wonderful to read Harry's words for myself, rather than rely on Perrin's references, a part of me doesn't want to have that opportunity. I kind of want to remember Harry as I knew him in that life, despite having Spirit of Resistance (which obviously continues on from the end of the war).

I was like that before I read a lot of the books written about Anthropoid. I just kept reminding myself that what I know is the truth, and all these books and ‘biographies’ will never show the type of person I knew. Because it is not the norm of history. I still remember who they were and what i read is not ever going to change that.

It's daunting to read that about someone you knew and cared about (I have come to care for Harry again, in this life).

I know how that feels. I know how it feels read about someone you loved and cared about.

Eva x

 

[yvettebruneau]

I've been away awhile again.

For the most part, it's been quiet.

But, I'm listening to one of the Daily Mixes that Spotify put together based on what I regularly listen to. It's full of the old crooner songs, including Jo Stafford's "You Belong to Me". I didn't think I knew it all that well, but I apparently do. I don't know how, because the song was released in 1952, and my WWII life ended in 1945. I got a strong sense that Harry was near once again, with Etienne also. Harry was the stronger spirit; maybe, the song is of some importance to him. He died in March 1963, so he would've likely heard the song somewhere. Whatever the explanation, I knew most of the words and had tears in my eyes for the most-part on the first listen.

And, the other night, as I settled down to sleep, I was overwhelmed with the image and sensation of being held in Etienne's arms. Maybe, that particular door - that wall - is being broken down bit-by-bit. My former self was almost destroyed by the loss of her husband, so it's understandable that it's taken this long to start coming back. Although, I'm not sure I'm in the right mind presently to deal with all of that hurt. But, the memory - the very vivid recollection - of being in his arms was... It was utterly enchanting. But, I was at a bit of a low point that night, so maybe... Maybe, he came to me, to lift my spirit. Harry keeps almost constant watch, but Etienne comes when I need him most. That's it. Etienne has entrusted me in Harry's capable watch, but he knows when only my adoring husband will suffice.

 

[yvettebruneau]

I'm in the process of drawing a portrait of Harry, my second of him in fact, and I showed my maternal grandmother [my maternal grandfather was where I got the love and talent for art from in this life]. Of course, I had to tell her who he was, but I didn't want to get into the whole reincarnation premise. So, I told a half-truth. I said that I'd discovered his history through research for one of my own. It's the other way around in actual fact; discovering Harry inspired a character in one of my fictional pieces.

To cut a somewhat lengthy story short, my grandmother asked why I've long held a passion for such things. I assume she means military history as a whole, because it runs far back into my youth. I loved, absolutely loved, Band of Brothers, and I seem to gravitate toward WWII. Now that I've opened my mind up to reincarnation, I have a strong idea of why that is. But, again, I didn't want to divulge my 'findings' with her or my mother. I don't know their beliefs, and I'm not entirely comfortable blurting it out personally. I'm content with the anonymity and acceptance of the forum, for now. I don't need to go blurting out my beliefs for... renown and character. I need to delve into why I've come back as I have, and what I have to learn from that life in this one.

But, talking about Harry's life with my grandmother, it brought up some emotions. A scratch in the throat, a melancholy in the voice. I had to tread carefully around the subject. While I don't think his feelings were reciprocated in our lifetime, there seems to be a hint of guilt at not opening myself up to the possibilities. If the end of the war had been different, if we had both survived, who can say for sure what would've been? If there hadn't been Etienne, well... let's not go down that path, because there would've likely been no Harry, if there had been no Etienne. It was his death that brought me to Harry, in a way. If there had been no Etienne, there would have been a lot of changes.

Tania, the daughter Etienne blessed my former self with, went on to write a book (two versions of it exist) and she speculates a little on the romance between Harry and my former self. There's no source for it, but there's a snippet of a conversation at the Studio Club in Kensington, where Harry outright confesses in an adoring declaration, "I love you, I really do... After this is all over, we'll sit down and talk, won't we?". Then, later in the same book, she writes that her mother's [my former self's] true feelings toward Harry are unknown to those she left behind, other than she cared very deeply for him. But, Harry certainly wasn't ashamed to confess his feelings! He wrote liberally about to whom his heart belonged, in handwritten notes now in Tania's archives [why they're in hers and not one of his children's or relative's archives, I don't know], though she never references them outright. She simply alludes to them. So, his family could've gifted her the ones where he wrote about my former self, on the promise that she doesn't publish them in any capacity. I think it's adorable, in a way. He's coming across as some lovesick puppy, in one sense, but also a despairing heartbroken man. Because at least some of these notes were written post-war. Post-passing of my former self.

I've gone on too long, so I'll leave it there.

 

[fireflydancing]

Did you seek contact with Tania?

 

[yvettebruneau]

Did you seek contact with Tania?

No, I haven't. I'm not exactly sure how to go about it, for one, and I'm still not yet 100% sure I'm right about all of this. I haven't sought a professional guided regression, for confirmation, nor have I had anything truly affirming. Just snippets and clues, often influenced by my research. It's a while since I last did a regression myself, or meditated on the matter with a clear head. I'm still somewhat sceptical about it being correct, despite the strong emotions that exist around certain faces and names (particularly Harry, making me wonder if I was one of his girlfriends and not the life I've leaned towards, but then there's the faces his girlfriends would have never seen). Then, there's Tania's own beliefs on reincarnation. She could politely decline my 'theory', although I could use the basis of research for my own project to glean further insight and build rapport... I don't know. I'm not the most confident or outgoing in this life.

Plus, Tania was very young, when her mother left on her missions in the war, and she was two-three years old, when her mother was killed. She would remember little of her mother, and her book has been written mostly on research and from sources who knew her mother. Diary entries, letters, notes, interviews, previous biographies. It would be interesting to get my hands on, if possible, the sources that Tania and other authors have used, to gauge my reaction to them. But, I'm hesitant. Once I have that affirming connection, that resounding recollection, I'll maybe try. But, Tania was an orphan from a young age, and she had to grow up without her parents. It'd be strange, for her, for someone she's never seen to approach her and claim "I was your mother in a previous life". I'm trying to see it from her viewpoint.

(As for how confident I am that I'm on the right path, I'd say about 80-90% right now.)

 

[Eva1942]

....although I could use the basis of research for my own project to glean further insight and build rapport... I don't know. I'm not the most confident or outgoing in this life.

When I have needed things from archives such as the Bundesarchiv in Germany, I have used the guise that I am writing a biography on ‘said person’ (in this case yours would be Harry) and need some access to information for research. At the time, I really was writing a biography but as my research progressed the less I wrote the book, but kept the ‘reason’.

You don’t know unless you try

Plus, Tania was very young, when her mother left on her missions in the war, and she was two-three years old, when her mother was killed. She would remember little of her mother, and her book has been written mostly on research and from sources who knew her mother.

My daughter in my WWII lifetime, only had her own very little memories of her now ‘infamous’ Papa. She had not seen him since she was three years old and prior to that when she was a baby. So very young.

If she (Tania) was orphaned from this age, then perhaps she was taught about how brave you were or how you were as a mother or a person. I taught my daughter everything about her Papa, even including telling her that he was Chief of the Sicherheitsdienst, but never anything else about what the role actually was. She had never forgotten about him (and her Papa never forgot about her either), and after 1933, didn’t see him again.

Perhaps, it is likely that she knows very little about you as her then mother. If she wrote this book from research and people who knew you, that is not to say that she did not discover her own long lost memories. Children don’t forget these things.

Diary entries, letters, notes, interviews, previous biographies. It would be interesting to get my hands on, if possible, the sources that Tania and other authors have used, to gauge my reaction to them.

Find a copy of the book my dear! then go from there with the sources. It is one thing to have a book full of sources, but it is another to own it (a copy of the original sources)

But, Tania was an orphan from a young age, and she had to grow up without her parents. It'd be strange, for her, for someone she's never seen to approach her and claim "I was your mother in a previous life". I'm trying to see it from her viewpoint.

(As for how confident I am that I'm on the right path, I'd say about 80-90% right now.)

Our daughter was an orphan from the age of 12. She lost both her Papa and me in the span of five months in the same year (1942). She was raised by my Papa, and had to grow up without us and endure the whole taunts of “your real father was a Nazi!” like his other children did. She told me that you never spoke about your father if he was in the SS. It was just something you never did she said.

Who knows, if you know her (Tania's) stance on reincarnation and past lives it might work. I’m still trying to work that one out myself for others that were not family. I’d love to re meet some of the surviving Orchestra members I played with in Auschwitz-Birkenau (particularly Anita Lasker-Walfisch - I identified her to have been a ‘friend’ of mine in the Orchestra) but I too am afraid to approach her and say “remember me? I was in the Orchestra with you in Auschwitz-Birkenau, but I’ve come back and reincarnated”.

I’ll leave it right there..
Eva x

ps. I had to come back and edit this because I left some things out that may have been of use for you.

 

[yvettebruneau]

Find a copy of the book my dear!

Well, I already have both versions of the book [one is an updated version]! How else would I be able to quote it, or know that Harry's handwritten notes (or, at least, those that reference her mother) are in Tania's personal archives without having contacted her yet?

Our national archives are searchable, and I don't think a reason is required on entry as such. I can openly search them online, which I have done today, but they don't contain much. There's the recommendation for Harry [spelt erroneously as Henry, not Henri] to receive the Distinguished Service Order, and a couple of documents [newspaper clippings] regarding my former self's execution. Also, there's an article about an objection to some of the references in another biography on my former self. Without reading the archived material, which I would need to go to the physical archival building to do [unless, like Harry's recommendation, they're available digitally for a small fee], I think I know what it's in reference to. Harry was interviewed by the biographer, but the latter had a penchant for "romanticising" stories. They diverted from historical fact right from the source and dramatized her [my PL's] time in the custody of the Sicherheitsdienst. Harry, being ever the gentleman, refused to divulge details that might have been too personal and traumatic, as I had been with him at the brief stop at Verdun en-route to the Concentration Camps. We had managed to locate one another, where we were being held outside of the train, and we managed to communicate a while. But, even after I had left him, he was longing to protect me and my former name. Must be why, when I sense him, I feel protected.

 

[yvettebruneau]

This isn't so much a memory. It's not a memory at all, actually. I just needed a place to vent, and my own thread seemed the most appropriate (all things considered).

The internationally-acclaimed popstar, Pink, has recently visited the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin, the one with the stone columns that previous tourists have been snapped lounging on and hopping from one to the other. While there, her children were photographed, for her Instagram (and, likely, also prosperity), running between these columns and posing with proud mum. Her defence to the backlash? "These kids are Jewish... The very person who constructed this believed in children being children, and to me this is a celebration of life after death".

While I am in agreement that children should be children, a Holocaust Memorial is not the place. It is not a playground; it has not been designed as a playground, but a place of reverence. It is not a social-status boost or Insta-brownie-points system. It is place of profound reflection and reverence. It would be on a par with taking children to jump-rope at Buchenwald, or play hopscotch at Ravensbruck. At least, in my viewpoint, it would.

But, as with anything of this nature, it boiled my blood and raised my ire. I have long felt something of an emotional connection with the Holocaust, though I am not Jewish or related to anyone murdered during the genocide of millions [in this life]. There are scars on my soul from that dark time, scars that will likely never fully heal. I can acknowledge them and be aware of their lessons for this life and any other to follow, but they will never leave me.

Writing this out helps to ease the prickling irritation I sense, whenever I read something like this.

 

[Jim78]

Children playing among the ashes...its a sobering reminder of lost innocence. Hopefully when Pinks children grow up they will understand too. Maybe people have learned from such horrors but I don't hold out much hope...

 

[Eva1942]

While I am in agreement that children should be children, a Holocaust Memorial is not the place. It is not a playground; it has not been designed as a playground, but a place of reverence. It is not a social-status boost or Insta-brownie-points system. It is place of profound reflection and reverence. It would be on a par with taking children to jump-rope at Buchenwald, or play hopscotch at Ravensbruck. At least, in my viewpoint, it would.

But, as with anything of this nature, it boiled my blood and raised my ire.

Oy gevolt!! Really!! Her children did this?!

As a reincarnated Holocaust victim (I am classed as a victim even though I witnessed the liberation of the camp I was in) and both parts of my soul involved deeply in it, this makes me furious. It is not a playground. It is not a place where you can smile and have ‘a good time’. They are places of somber reflection. I totally agree with your viewpoint.

I cannot express in words how frustrated and angry I am about Pinks behaviour and her children.

Eva x

 

[AlteSeele]

It's pretty clear that Pink blew a real teaching moment for her kids . What would have been so terrible about teaching her kids that playground behavior is not acceptable at a place like that and to have explained to them why in a way that the kids would understand? Kids can still be "kids" within a framework of showing reverence.

But apparently this form of disrespect is not unusual. But an artist did find a clever way of shaming these idiots in a project called "Yolocaust". https://petapixel.com/2017/01/21/ar...-holocaust-memorial-tourists-using-photoshop/

 

[Jim78]

Yup. Brought a tear to me eye AlteSeele.

 

[yvettebruneau]

@AlteSeele, I was actually using some of the original photos used for reference in Shapira's work, as my own references in my post. Lounging on the monuments and... bloody hell, I'd forgotten the woman doing yoga against one of the columns! It's less about the gravity and respect, and more about "look how 'profound' I'm being, just by being here". Some of it, I think, is also "look at these cool columns, don't we now look so totally cool amongst these monoliths (with no idea what they're standing in representation of)". Sorry, these people probably wouldn't use a word like "monoliths". It's an "art installation" to them, and nothing more.

It just goes to show why young people these days don't know or understand the Holocaust or the depth and depravity of it. According to the Washington Post, two-thirds of American Millennials don't know what Auschwitz is, while 22% haven't heard of the Holocaust (or aren't sure they've heard of it), and a third of Europeans know little or nothing about it (as of a HuffPost report from 2018). When I was... 11-13 years old, I was learning about the Holocaust in History class. Where my teacher fumbled and came out with "Schitler" instead of either "Schindler" or "Hitler". I allow myself to chuckle about that, but the subject was harrowing and sobering. I've been affected ever since my first viewing of Schindler's List, as it was basically my introduction (my soul's reintroduction) to the atrocities. We visited a Holocaust museum not too far from our school, I think that was for R.E., and I don't remember anything of it now. Other than I seemed to walk around in a complete daze. It wasn't boredom; it was more a sense of being overwhelmed.

 

[AlteSeele]

While the artwork aspect is pretty cool at these places, there's a way of taking a photo that shows the beauty of the art itself rather than a tacky portrait or a selfie.

It just goes to show why young people these days don't know or understand the Holocaust or the depth and depravity of it. According to the Washington Post, two-thirds of American Millennials don't know what Auschwitz is, while 22% haven't heard of the Holocaust (or aren't sure they've heard of it), and a third of Europeans know little or nothing about it (as of a HuffPost report from 2018).

You are correct in that folks these days just are not aware of the Holocaust and their lack of education on the subject is allowing them to fall for the utter BS propagated by the Holocaust deniers. It's a worldwide problem and not one that's specific to just one country. We are not educating our youth on it. So much for "never again" .

 

[yvettebruneau]

So much for we shall remember them. I know that’s generally reserved for the soldiers, but even they are being forgotten. Those who were behind the lines, invisible as it were. Those who worked in the shadows and not on the front lines. But, even those who fought in the trenches and foxholes, on the beaches and in the fields, they’re being forgotten. Slowly, but surely. In a generation or two, there’ll be nobody left who remembers it, who lived it. It’s unfortunate that society is going that way. It’s only a few generations ago that we were being taught about these topics, and ancient wars. How many know what Thermopylae was? Or... Bannockburn?

 

[Jim78]

I can't speak for the fights you fought Yvette but I think about the dead at the Battle Of Clontarf a lot. They are all dust but not to me. I think about many battles going back millenia. Those people are still fresh in my memory...but they are ALL dust. They are myth. Such is life unfortunately.

 

[KenJ]

I think about the people now days that don't believe that the Holocaust actually happened, the younger generation that no longer get "History" classes in school because of Progressive factions here in the USA. They have no understanding of the need for history and protest flags and monuments including Biblical and Historical. My thoughts are that they are constructing their own downfall! Pink was born in 1979 and is probably a result of that nonsense.

 

[AlteSeele]

I think about the people now days that don't believe that the Holocaust actually happened, the younger generation that no longer get "History" classes in school because of Progressive factions here in the USA. They have no understanding of the need for history and protest flags and monuments including Biblical and Historical. My thoughts are that they are constructing their own downfall! Pink was born in 1979 and is probably a result of that nonsense.

You said it a lot better and more tactfully than I would have.

 

[Eva1942]

I think about the people now days that don't believe that the Holocaust actually happened, the younger generation that no longer get "History" classes in school because of Progressive factions here in the USA. They have no understanding of the need for history and protest flags and monuments including Biblical and Historical. My thoughts are that they are constructing their own downfall! Pink was born in 1979 and is probably a result of that nonsense.

Don’t worry.. People here in Australia don’t even know who Hitler, Himmler or Göring are — apart from a guy in a second hand bookstore in my local town who gave me a absolute dressing down because I had brought a book about my WWII love (the other half of my soul. I work on the theory that our soul mate’s lives are ours as a collective one soul)

I decided to get one up on the guy and told him that he shouldn’t be so disrespectful to persons living and passed on because you don’t know what made do what they did. He went red and quiet. If I hadn’t had already brought the books I would have left them there and walked out..

Eva x

 

[yvettebruneau]

I decided to get one up on the guy and told him that he shouldn’t be so disrespectful to persons living and passed on because you don’t know what made do what they did. He went red and quiet. If I hadn’t had already brought the books I would have left them there and walked out..

Unfortunately, there is that automatic stigma with those in the same faction as your WWII love. On the opposing side = inherently evil. On the allied side = instant sainthood. I feel, if more people knew the reasoning behind some of the men who opposed the Allied forces, we'd be more accepting and understanding. It would not immediately pardon them from their actions, as such, but it would give humanity a deeper understanding of why those men chose the sides they did. On both sides, there were those going to defend their lands and rulers, and there were those going just to kill. Patriotism is a mighty powerful tool, to get a man to do what he thinks is impossible.

To be honest, though, I don't really enjoy seeing 'kill counts' on the records of soldiers, such as Audie Murphy (I keep mentioning him, I know, but he's something of an inspiration to me) having killed/captured/wounded 240+. War was and is more than just the bodies you leave in your wake. Murphy returned home with a chest full of medals, but a head full of nightmares. Harry, who I also keep mentioning, led a unit of Resistance fighters that was credited with killing 50 enemies in one attack, but Harry later also returned home with nightmares of his efforts. My former self; her capture by the Nazis has been turned into something of a dramatic gunfight by some biographers. Because there is that requirement for 'action' and 'tension', a bloodlust that drives some folks' fascination with military history. There is little interest, it seems, in the more logical side of war. The Imitation Game - I see Turing is the new £50 face - garnered 233.6 million USD at the box office, while Dunkirk garnered 526.9 million USD. Few people want to know the inner workings of the Secret services that operated during the war, often deep within enemy territory. They want to see Tom Hardy and Brad Pitt gunning down Nazis and taking prisoners by force, with not a trace of logic or espionage in sight. Though, Hollywood does like to glamorise the Sabotage and Espionage factions, when it does focus on them. But, it wasn't all designer dresses, sharp suits, or prim hair!

Still, we cannot deny that our primitive instinct of fight [or flight] still has a powerful sway over us. We are baying for blood, centuries on from our days as cave-dwelling Neanderthals, even when we want to see our most reviled villain take an almighty beating. However, I will be one of the first to admit that I get excited watching the aforementioned Murphy in a cavalry uniform, giving orders in The Guns of Fort Petticoat. Beating a man near-senseless in 40 Guns to Apache Pass... Ahem, I seem to be losing myself...

 

[AlteSeele]

Eva, in case Yvette's post got your curiosity, below is a photo of Audie Murphy with all his medals. He had his height going against him in that he was only 5'5" but in spite of that he apparently kicked some serious butt in battle. He was like a scrappy little terrier who didn't care about his size. When he returned home from the war, he also starred in a few movies.

 

[KenJ]

Whenever Audie is spoken of, I think of Alvin York and his conflict with war and his deep religious beliefs. It was from a previous war, but still relevant.

 

[There and back again]

I think about the people now days that don't believe that the Holocaust actually happened, the younger generation that no longer get "History" classes in school because of Progressive factions here in the USA. They have no understanding of the need for history and protest flags and monuments including Biblical and Historical. My thoughts are that they are constructing their own downfall! Pink was born in 1979 and is probably a result of that nonsense.

The dumbing down started in 1898 and it wrecked the system over the generations since, now the universities and colleges are openly promoting communism along with everything else.

 

[yvettebruneau]

So, it's been a while since I've been around here. Not much has been happening, again. Harry seems to have gone quiet on me; maybe, I've not done enough to connect with him lately...

But, I keep getting plagued by thoughts of the 1970s. A decade that does not connect with the current life (born '89) or the WWII life (died early '45). Could this be an 'intermediate' life, perhaps?

I keep thinking of New York, as well, when I think of the '70s. I've had nothing 'visual', yet, just mere thoughts. 1970s, New York, artistic, young, affair, female. I seem to have, at least in recent incarnations, favoured the female form. I do have a couple of masculine incarnations, from ancient days, but this life and that in WWII were both female.

And, I also have that familiar yearning to go back. Back to what, who, and where exactly? New York, yes, but where? Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, outside of NYC but in NY state? I don't know that I'm ready to move on from Harry and the life tied to him. I've not explored it enough, yet, or dived deep enough into it. But, I can feel myself pulled to New York again. Always New York or Paris... such strong ties to one city I've never visited and another I passed through fleetingly in my [current] youth.

 

[Eva1942]

But, I keep getting plagued by thoughts of the 1970s. A decade that does not connect with the current life (born '89) or the WWII life (died early '45). Could this be an 'intermediate' life, perhaps?

Had you thought that perhaps you were a Spirit guide to someone who lived in NY during that time?

From about 1951 to the mid 1980’s I was a Spirit Guide for my twin soul who reincarnated to New Jersey, US. Parts of that state are familiar yet, I have not visited it in this current lifetime. Same too with other states of the US such as NC, MD and PA but those stem from my Civil War lifetime.

Eva x

 

[yvettebruneau]

Almost three months, I've been gone. But, this forum has not been too far from my mind quite a bit lately.

I'm convinced that I've been in the midst of discovering another past life, one that's a little harder to verify with historical records as it's quite a way back. 6th Century, to be exact. I don't think it's the oldest incarnation, as I'm still convinced I had a life in Ancient Greece, but this one is proving quite the bug-bear at the minute.

It all centres around the Three Kingdoms of Korea (Silla, Baekje, Gorguryeo) and the Gaya Confederacy to the south, if anyone know their history. I'm starting to wonder if what I've been writing as a fictional story is actually a recollection of memories from a past life. A young woman torn between two men; the 'true love', as it were, and the chosen husband. The reason I can't shake the notion that I'm essentially writing a biography is the former, the 'true love'. He won't leave me alone. I keep envisioning him. Which, for a "fictional" character of my "creation", is a little odd. They aren't usually this... well, persistent, for want of a better word! The latter does not seem to bug me so much, but the former love interest just keeps lingering in my mind's eye. Even with my eyes open, I can sometimes picture him as clear as day.