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Nagasaki, 1945

silvergenji

Senior Member
So I'm new around here but I feel like it's important to get this down somewhere and just be witnessed so I know I'm not crazy or completely alone.

What I know about this past life as of 19 Jan 2023:

-Died August 9, 1945, 11:02 AM in the atomic bombing of Nagasaki
-Male, or male-presenting (possibly closeted queer)
-Worked in a school (Yamazato Elementary (then-National) School)
-Probably Hanare Kirishitan (syncretic unorthodox regional faith descended from Catholicism)
-No way this is a genetic past life – I have no Japanese DNA

I don’t know how long ago I had The Dream. Years now, at least a decade. But it’s still very clear in my mind, clearer than some of my memories from this life.

I’m at a school. I know it’s almost lunchtime because I’ve just been talking to a fellow school staff member about it. One of my coworkers mentions that they haven’t seen a student in a while. I don’t know how I know where they might be, but I head for the roof.

I exit from a door onto a fire escape or walkway of some sort. The sun is high in the sky with traces of morning clouds clearing out, there are beautiful mountains all around me, and water in front of me that stretches to my left toward the sea. It feels like summer, but with that quality to the light that says we’ve passed solstice and are headed toward equinox.

I look down and see a little utility area full of equipment, and beyond that, there’s a dirt schoolyard with trees beyond it. There are some power lines on the other side of the yard, with one running into the utility area between wooden poles.

I look away, to the other side/wing of the school, because I know I need to find who/what I’m looking for. To my left and slightly behind me at the angle I’m standing, there’s a flash of light brighter than the sun, a sense of something rushing at me too fast to think about, and then suddenly there is Nothing.

I have other vague-but-clear dream-memories. Another, much older dream of flying, following a manmade river or canal with sloped sides, and power lines crossing it at intervals. I remember waking from that dream and feeling like it must have been in Japan, but I attributed that to my love of all things Japan since I was a teenager (affinity for another culture that I didn’t yet recognize). An aware, waking memory from this past summer (2022) of playing in a wild river instead of one lined by concrete/stone, and the sound of children’s laughter, and another, briefer waking memory of the taste of fresh summer strawberries.

I did not remember The Dream until I was doing a “heal yourself by releasing past/childhood trauma” session in 2018. In the meditation/hypnosis, I could not go back far enough to access the memory/trauma that has triggered my constant, chronic physical conditions and emotional blocks. I was able to reach a warm, dark, close place like the womb, and beyond that, there was… this thick wall of black fog made from pain and heat in every nerve at once and a sense of something far more massive than just my death.

I did not proceed further at that time because it was a small-group introduction to this technique. Instead, I went and ran cold water over my skin for half an hour to soothe the sensation of a full-body, inside and out, sunburn. I also needed the running water to carry away what felt like a massive, overpowering disruption of my chi/energy that caused me to feel overloaded and needing to discharge so I didn’t melt down. I later took a cold shower to repeat that cleansing, and it was then that I remembered The Dream and started putting pieces together.

I have had other similar energetic experiences related to this past life, most frequently occurring in late July and early August between the anniversaries of Trinity/Los Alamos (Jul 17) and Hiroshima (Aug 6) and Nagasaki (Aug 9).

Google Earth has proved immensely useful in identifying locations, and as I have learned more and more about Nagasaki and its history, I have occasionally been gifted with brief glimpses into this past life. As I have searched out details to either corroborate or disprove my memories, I have yet to run into an inaccuracy. The past two years I have been able to watch both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki memorial peace ceremonies from the US thanks to the miracle of technology, and it has helped me understand some of what I need to do moving forward in my life, how I need to use my voice for the future. And this past summer, I felt I had learned enough to feel comfortable doing a small, private memorial ceremony on August 9 for that life lost to unthinkable horror.

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I feel like since that memorial I am ready to face whatever this past life may bring to me in terms of regression therapy. I have always had inexplicable pyrophobia to the point where just touching something too hot is anxiety-inducing. I also have fibromyalgia (diagnosed since 2011, symptomatic since 2004) and more recent neurological symptoms which MRI/CT scans and bloodwork have not been able to explain. I also deal with some mental health issues. My conditions are all managed well, but...

I feel as if there is still something holding me back. I don’t think I can truly move forward in my present life until some lingering issues from the last years and death of this past life are resolved. I can't resolve my trust issues, my worthy of love and good things issues, my nihilism, and my body keeping score the way it has, without resolving the trauma of living in war as well as the fear and pain and violence of being abandoned by an entire world to a horrific death while loved ones survived to suffer. There is some urgency in this for me, as the youngest of the survivors turn 78 this year, and I KNOW I've been made aware of this life in particular because some terrifying tragedies cannot be allowed to be forgotten.

But I do need to do it “properly”. Yes, I am smart, clever, adept, open to the universe, and love figuring things out on my own. Yes, there are guided regression videos from reputable hypnotherapists on YouTube. NO, it is not at all wise to undertake the journey of regression into literal ground zero without an experienced guide who can bring me back if it gets to be too much. This is a global society-level trauma, not just a personal one, and it should not be a solitary effort. I'm planning to start RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) soon with a trusted friend and mentor who has experience incorporating past life regression into the sessions as necessary. I do hope by healing my small part I will add to the whole.

I will update this thread as new information comes into my life. If you've read this far, thank you for being witness to something I've held inside too long.
 
I feel as if there is still something holding me back.
Hi Silvergenji and welcome to the forum.
Different story but I really feel the same.
I hope you will find what you are looking for. I'm still working on it but I am on my way. Writing helps me a lot and now with the help of a reincarnation specialist I think I will find the answers...
Emma
 
Hi @silvergenji , welcome to the forum!

Your story reminds me of something related, although I have not more information than solely my experience.

A few months ago, I spontaneously and consciously left my body after I had put myself to rest on my bed. I was very excited when it happened but at first, I didn't know what to do or where to go to. So I went to a certain place nearby my house and while I was there I remembered the two persons who had given me unlimited permission to visit whenever I managed to astral traveling.
So I did, I choose one of my friends and decided to pay a visit.
Weirdly enough, I just popped up in the room of a medical investigator/doctor in a hospital. He was sitting at a desk with his back on me and didn't notice me. I left the room, moved through a greyish long corridor, and somehow I knew I was in Japan, in a hospital or a kind of sanatorium, or children's hospital. Then I entered a room full of light. There were young (Japanese) pre-schoolers (around 4 or 5 years old), playing, and building with wooden blocks. I was only noticed by one little boy and the others were not impressed by my presence. I also clumsy knocked over a tower of blocks (so I must have been in an astral realm and not a physical one). There were also female teachers with the children, teachers/nurses (I couldn't tell).

It was only afterward that I realized that my friend had told me in the past that in his latest former life, he had been a four-year-old boy that had died in kindergarten because of the bomb in Hiroshima. During my astral experience, I didn't think at all, I was just absorbed by what was happening and actively trying to make the experience last as long as possible.
Now, I think I did visit my friend, but I visited a part of his soul that was left behind. It was just like I had visited a peaceful healing place for the young children that had died so abruptly.
It's not easy to imagine how this all works. We live and die, but sometimes trauma causes a kind of splitting among our souls. Parts of us don't go back to our Higher Selves but remain in astral realms. The mending of the fragmented Self is called 'Soul Retrieval' by shamanic practitioners.

I am just wondering if maybe a fragment of your Soul is still being a teacher watching over young children in an astral realm. Only you can tell.
 
It's not easy to imagine how this all works. We live and die, but sometimes trauma causes a kind of splitting among our souls. Parts of us don't go back to our Higher Selves but remain in astral realms. The mending of the fragmented Self is called 'Soul Retrieval' by shamanic practitioners.

I also have a theory that there is something about a nuclear weapon that can mess with a soul's ability to regain its full structural integrity. I don't know if it's just the intensity of the trauma or if there's something going on on a quantum physics level, or both, likely depending on proximity to the hypocenter. It also makes me wonder if somehow some of these soul fragments end up with other souls in a custodial or adopted way, because the original soul maybe couldn't reform itself enough to be a separate entity again.

I have no idea how this theory of mine actually works and probably never will. There's no way this idea can ever be based on anything except intuition, self-experience, and anecdote, because the only way to collect evidence to study is to repeat the unthinkable. But I can keep looking for my other blast victim kin and compare accounts.

I'm still too new to all of this to know if my own soul is fragmented or not, but that's one of the things I hope to figure out when I start working with my person.
 
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